Guest Apostate Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Hey everybody, I'm getting ready to break the news to my family very soon (because I'm tired of pretending and I don't think I can get through another round of holidays if I don't get the cards out on the table). One thing I want to tell them is that I don't want to be prayed for. Not because I believe that prayer is anything other than a form of mild self-comfort, but because I don't want anybody to (mistakenly) attempt to manipulate supernatural forces against my will. My analogy is that I don't want anybody petitioning the false Xtian god on my behalf any more than I want to have voodoo rituals performed on my behalf. Additionally, I know that such prayers will not be just for my general well-being, but will inevitably include petitions for my return to the faith. This strikes me as being particularly under-handed and manipulative. I know that I can't control what my family does, especially what they do in prayer, but I will view attempts to pray "for me" as a profound disrespect. Has anybody else dealt with similar issues or felt that same way? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 I know that I can't control what my family does, especially what they do in prayer, but I will view attempts to pray "for me" as a profound disrespect. I never had the problem because I was the only fundy Christian nut in the family. But I can say this, you are setting yourself up for more trouble than you need to. As you know you can't control your family's actions so if you think about it half a tick further you'll see that you intend to draw unnecessary lines in the sand. Unless your family already disrespects you, more prayer from them will be done out of concern. You don't want the concern, but to title this disrespect is disrespect. I suppose you hope that they accept you as you are after you come out, so the moral high ground is accept them as they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 If I may offer advice, don't worry too much about their praying for you. Even if they pray for your return to the deathcult, they still mean well. And you know you can't stop them praying for you anyway, so just go with the flow. It's better they pray for you than try to evangelize you everytime they see you. It's not like their prayers can change anything But I can sympathize. I feel awkward when my Xian friends say they'll pray for me, even though I know it won't affect my life and that they only mean to help. However, it wouldn't be out of line for you to ask them to not tell you that they are praying for you; after all, you are not a Xian anymore and don't want anything to do with it, so that much they should be able to respect. Even though they mean well, and even though their prayers can't change a damned thing, no one wants to hear that Xians are trying to subtly manipulate them back into the fold. When my Xian friends say they'll pray for me for whatever reason, they haven't been pushy about it (yet), so I just roll with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 ....I know that I can't control what my family does, especially what they do in prayer, but I will view attempts to pray "for me" as a profound disrespect. Has anybody else dealt with similar issues or felt that same way? Yes. I told them in no uncertain terms that what they said about praying for me was extremely disrespectful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Whether you decide to ask them not to pray for you or not, they probably WILL do so anyway. It's not something you can usually control or change. So I would say that whatever you say to them, and whatever their reaction is, put it into perspective knowing that their prayers will have zero impact, and then don't lose any sleep over it. Sure it mildly annoys me to know people are praying for me, but mostly I just ignore it and don't sweat it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 One thing I want to tell them is that I don't want to be prayed for. Not because I believe that prayer is anything other than a form of mild self-comfort, but because I don't want anybody to (mistakenly) attempt to manipulate supernatural forces against my will. Okaaaay, that was one of the strangest sentances I've ever read. Honestly, I think you're far better off learning to accept it with grace and hearing the implicit good will it usually represents instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MothandRust Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 One thing I want to tell them is that I don't want to be prayed for. Not because I believe that prayer is anything other than a form of mild self-comfort, but because I don't want anybody to (mistakenly) attempt to manipulate supernatural forces against my will. Okaaaay, that was one of the strangest sentances I've ever read. Honestly, I think you're far better off learning to accept it with grace and hearing the implicit good will it usually represents instead. Ya know... I wonder if Christians actually follow through with these claims that they're going to pray for others. When I was a christian (17 years Catholic then 17 years fundy) I would often go doe-eyed and tell people I'd pray for them. But how many times did I actually do it? hardly ever... maybe a passing thought as I mindless rambled on in tongues. Perhaps a quick mention when doing the bedtime prayer with the kids. Granted, I wasn't a disciplined prayerman but I was dedicated and sincere. We used to try and get a lot of people praying for somoene with a problem, as if more people praying will get God's attention. Hopefully the more you get in on it, the more likely one will have a 'special' gift of 'healing'. Uh-huh...? Lately, when people ask to pray for me I ask them instead to keep me in their thoughts. I've found the prayer does nothing to stop the infliction I have, but it's nice to be in someone's thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Lately, when people ask to pray for me I ask them instead to keep me in their thoughts. I've found the prayer does nothing to stop the infliction I have, but it's nice to be in someone's thoughts. Indeed. It doesn't actually help, but usually if somebody tells me "I'll pray for you" I mentally translate it as "I'm thinking about you and I want you to be happy." I usually just ignore the "I'll pray for yous" if it's for my reconversion to the faith, which I very rarely get because I keep my religious thoughts very private in public. I know it's not going to work and if it makes them happy little deluded monkeys, then it's fine by me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astreja Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I abhore the "I'll pray for you" crowd. I consider such offers to be attacks on my person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amelia Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Hi Guys, I hate it when they offer to pray (better off spelt 'prey' considering WHAT they are). Thank goodness I'm out of contact with all of my family now, who are all under the hypnotic spell of my fundie pastor father. I think the "I'll pray for you" bullshit is just arrogance. It's like, "Oh, I know you're hellbound, and you're in the wrong, so I have to try and ask god to make you right." Fuck off - I want to be me goddammit! Christians like that....they just make you feel like shit! Cheers, Amelia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 [quote name='chefranden' date='Nov 12 Prayer is talking to yourself anyway you look at it. Smile, take it, and say to yourself "shove your godfuckindam prayers up you ass" and you'll feel better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I'm with Dave on this one. I made it quite clear that "praying for me" was disrespectful. I said that I could not control their actions and they could pray if they liked, of course, but they now knew my position and should leave me out of any prayers (but I made it clear no special get me back because I was "screwed up" prayers should be made as how would they like it if I made some pleas to Satan on their behalf to get them in his fold since they were all confused...they hated that). mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostOrFound Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Hey everybody, I'm getting ready to break the news to my family very soon (because I'm tired of pretending and I don't think I can get through another round of holidays if I don't get the cards out on the table). One thing I want to tell them is that I don't want to be prayed for. Not because I believe that prayer is anything other than a form of mild self-comfort, but because I don't want anybody to (mistakenly) attempt to manipulate supernatural forces against my will. My analogy is that I don't want anybody petitioning the false Xtian god on my behalf any more than I want to have voodoo rituals performed on my behalf. Additionally, I know that such prayers will not be just for my general well-being, but will inevitably include petitions for my return to the faith. This strikes me as being particularly under-handed and manipulative. I know that I can't control what my family does, especially what they do in prayer, but I will view attempts to pray "for me" as a profound disrespect. Has anybody else dealt with similar issues or felt that same way? Take a deep breath and think about the long term ramifications of what you are considering here. "Breaking the news" to your family certainly has to be done sooner or later. Chances are they know already but you still need to verbalize it. And I empathize with the feeling of going through another round of the holidays trying to fake it, so to speak. Been there; done that; ain't fun! HOWEVER, (LOL) this is one of those situations in life where you would be well advised to really think looooonnnnnngggggterm before acting out your feelings. As I mentioned, "been there; done that". I broke the news to my family just prior to the holidays last year and have regretted doing it "at that time" ever since. My "announcement" came out of frustration (I won't bore you with the details) when my 74 year old mom (who was upset with me over an issue with my 18 year old daughter that my mom didn't like how I handled) began crying and said "I will pray for you. God knows you need our prayers". Well, I was more than a bit angry that she was even butting into an issue that was none of her business to begin with so I angrily said, "Don't bother praying for me. Your god doesn't exist so you're just wasting your time and energy." Well, all hell broke loose and now, what had been a very good, loving relationship with my family (mom, dad, one sister) has been horribly strained. I've not spoken with my sister or her daughter since then but have "mended" the fence with mom and dad as well as could be hoped for - I had to make the move toward them... had a long heart to heart talk, put everything on the table and they assurred me of their love (and, of course, prayers). I guess all I'm saying is, "Pick your battles carefully and pick your battleground too". You have control over this one and should plan before stepping into the fray. In my opinion; wait till after Easter. Christians are on edge, emotionally during the holidays and are far more "defensive" during that time than other times. By the way, a couple of days after my announcement that there is no god I called my parents and said that I thought that we should sit down as a family and discuss the whole matter. I said that I thought is would be a good idea to ask their pastor to join us as a mediator. (I've never met him but thought it would help ease the tension - they won't show their ugly side in front of him.) They refused! I know why too. They know that I am far more knowledgeable of the scriptures than he is and they feared what might transpire. (Oh, they are very conservative Southern Baptists - Biblical literalists - almost fundies but not legalistic) I've made the overture to meet with them and the pastor 3 more times since and they refuse every time. Hmmmm. It's odd that they think I am hellbound but make no attempts to bring me back into the fold. It's like, "oh well, Tim's going to hell but at least we're not... what a shame for him". As to people praying for me; who cares? Pray all you want. And when you're done praying come on over and let's talk about the Bible and your beliefs. NONE OF THEM is willing to talk to me. I run into old friends (Christian) and offer to talk but they always find an excuse why they don't have the time. Chicken-shits! LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Apostate Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 One thing I want to tell them is that I don't want to be prayed for. Not because I believe that prayer is anything other than a form of mild self-comfort, but because I don't want anybody to (mistakenly) attempt to manipulate supernatural forces against my will. Okaaaay, that was one of the strangest sentances I've ever read. Honestly, I think you're far better off learning to accept it with grace and hearing the implicit good will it usually represents instead. Reading that sentence a day later, I have to agree that I didn't express myself very clearly. What I want to communicate is that it creeps me out that people are attempting to get supernatural forces to do something to me, even though I don't believe in those supernatural forces. Does that make more sense? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KenneyVTX Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Reading that sentence a day later, I have to agree that I didn't express myself very clearly. What I want to communicate is that it creeps me out that people are attempting to get supernatural forces to do something to me, even though I don't believe in those supernatural forces. Does that make more sense? I totally agree with that. Eventhough I think it's more of a social pleasantry among southern baptists to say "I'll pray for you" or "You'll be in our prayers", it still makes me uncomfortable. Rather like if your parents told you details of their sex life. I don't know, I don't want to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I'm with Dave on this one. I made it quite clear that "praying for me" was disrespectful. I said that I could not control their actions and they could pray if they liked, of course, but they now knew my position and should leave me out of any prayers (but I made it clear no special get me back because I was "screwed up" prayers should be made as how would they like it if I made some pleas to Satan on their behalf to get them in his fold since they were all confused...they hated that.True story; this idiotic "satanist" was arguing with me and getting pissed off that I wasn't scared of his satan. He said he was going to send satan to me in my dreams that night. I asked him if he needed any hair or fingernails so he could find me. He told me that satan was all powerful and didn't need anything to find me. Then I told him that I was going to find a christian so that they could send a representative to this meething too. He said F U and stormed off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 One thing I want to tell them is that I don't want to be prayed for. Not because I believe that prayer is anything other than a form of mild self-comfort, but because I don't want anybody to (mistakenly) attempt to manipulate supernatural forces against my will. Okaaaay, that was one of the strangest sentances I've ever read. Honestly, I think you're far better off learning to accept it with grace and hearing the implicit good will it usually represents instead. Reading that sentence a day later, I have to agree that I didn't express myself very clearly. What I want to communicate is that it creeps me out that people are attempting to get supernatural forces to do something to me, even though I don't believe in those supernatural forces. Does that make more sense? I'd been wondering about that too. Glad you clarified. At the same time, you can't control what people do, and telling people (christians especially) not to pray for you, is a lot like waving a red cape in front of a bull. Not to mention the request, no matter how respectfully you make it, will sound to them like the "demonic influence" inside you trying to save it's unholy self from holy actions. That their prayers are a "threat" to your blasphemous ex-christianity...so guess what they are going to do? When they say they are going to pray for you, just shrug and say "whatever turns on ya". If they start praying in your presence, or want to do that "laying on of hands" ritualistic crap, leave the room and tell them to keep their creepy clammy hands to themselves. Especially effective if they are of the opposite sex....look at them like they are crazy and tell them to quit "copping a feel". Pretty effective in the age where priest and evangelists are turning out to be sexually "immoral". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D Laurier Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 Praying for someone is a lazy and cheap way to pretend to be helping them, "Oh look, a storm devastated a city, Lets pray for the survivors" It saves the trouble of actualy getting up off ones lazy ass and actualy doing something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 The main problem I have with "I'll pray for you's" is that it's far easier for them to say they're going to pray for someone, and possibly even actually pray, then to do something concrete to help that person out, or even just to spend a couple of dollars on a card and write them a note. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mike1945 Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 Reading that sentence a day later, I have to agree that I didn't express myself very clearly. What I want to communicate is that it creeps me out that people are attempting to get supernatural forces to do something to me, even though I don't believe in those supernatural forces. Does that make more sense? Oh, yeah, much better, Apostate. Since you know that there are no supernatural forces, you know their prayers can't affect you. I side with the writers in this thread who advise you to pick and choose your battles. LostorFound gave you some great advice, I think. After all, this is your family you're talking about. Learning that you are an atheist or agnostic will be sufficiently shocking. However, if your friends or ex-pastor or priest says they'll pray for you: Blast away. Best of luck on your "coming out." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panther Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I completely understand your point, but at the same time, I think it best to pick your battles wisely. (there are plenty of other issues to argue about with christians when they don't respect your "space"!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 I suppose if an Xtian tells you "I'll pray for you" you can always say "Well I will think for both of us." I think saying "I'll pray for you" is an Xtian basically saying that they know better than you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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