The Rumours That Circulate When You Disappear

[Amelia]

Hi Guys,

 

Just thought this would be an interesting topic.

 

I can only imagine the bullshit that is being spoken about me since I cut all ties with my parents. I mean, the old yella (i.e. my fundie pastor father who always was in rages with me) still preaches on a Sunday, so he won't take any responsibility for his abusive actions towards me. So of course they would make up all matter of bullshit about me to save face.

 

I don't know exactly what has been said, because I live far away from them now in another state altogether.

 

So what about you guys? Did you ever find out about what was said about you after you disappeared?

 

I guess I'm like the fundie kid who just disappeared from her family. They're dead to me now.

 

Cheers,

Amelia

[riverbank]

Nothing too exciting to say, I was quite fortunate that both my parents are liberal christians and they had no problem whatsoever with me leaving the faith.

 

The big surprise for me was that my church didn't seem to bat an eyelid when I left the faith. I had been the longest serving member at that church (apart from pastors and their family) so I would have thought it would have come as a bit of a shock to them.

 

Maybe here in the UK people don't make as much of an issue with people leaving the faith as they do in the US, I don't know.

[fallenleaf]

I've had some things said about me... various things. Almost all of them get back to me sooner or later and several times it's backfired on the people spreading such things. One was a youth pastor who started telling people I told him that I smoked weed. Well, eventually my friend heard this from his parents and got pissed. He called the pastor on the carpet about it immediately in front of his parents and a bunch of people. He basically told the guy what a pathetic loser I am (how I have no life and am either at school, work, or hanging out with him) and that it would be impossible for me to smoke and have him not know about it. On top of that, he knew for a fact that I had spoken to this pastor all of one time, ever, and it wasn't a long conversation.

 

So the youth pastor was put on the spot about it. I don't think he expected such a strong reaction nor one which was so public (as rumors love the darkness). He admitted that I had never said anything about drugs, not even alluded to them, but that I "looked like someone who smoked weed." Probably because my hair was long back then. The whole thing blew over pretty quickly. And later he got himself arrested for molesting some of the girls in his care so I guess he got what he deserved.

 

But things like that happen around here and I don't worry too much about them. Sometimes I'll hear something and specifically not argue it because I think it's amusing... like the fact that I am "New Age" and worship the devil. And those sort of rumors keep me from getting invited to too many church events so it can't be all bad.

[Everglaze]

In all honesty, I don't know and I don't care. If people have tons of shit to say about me behind my back, that's their problem, not mine. Seems to me that all Christians that I've met secretly held a grudge towards me before I became a Christian, after I became a Christian and after I left Christianity. It's all the same to me.

 

I guess these are possibilities:

 

"What a hypocrite."

"What a traitor."

"He'll be back."

"He's evil."

"He's making a mistake."

"His loss."

[brad_religion]

Hi Guys,

 

Just thought this would be an interesting topic.

 

I can only imagine the bullshit that is being spoken about me since I cut all ties with my parents. I mean, the old yella (i.e. my fundie pastor father who always was in rages with me) still preaches on a Sunday, so he won't take any responsibility for his abusive actions towards me. So of course they would make up all matter of bullshit about me to save face.

 

I don't know exactly what has been said, because I live far away from them now in another state altogether.

 

So what about you guys? Did you ever find out about what was said about you after you disappeared?

 

I guess I'm like the fundie kid who just disappeared from her family. They're dead to me now.

 

Cheers,

Amelia

 

Hi Amelia, I just wanted to say I read your testimony about your scumbag dad. I wish I could find out where he lives and give him some of the same treatment. Perhaps I'll put a wig on him and punch him in the face so he can feel like an abused woman. Just kidding.

 

I wouldn't really worry what they think. If they think snakes can talk and murdering children is okay if God says it is, they aren't the best judges of character anyway. Fuck them and their goddamned church. We can always hope for a nice church burning.

 

I would call all of your dad's church congregation and start a rumour about him. Like he is a flaming faggot like Ted Haggard. Get some rumours started and make him suffer and hopefully they will kick him out of that church and he can know how it feels.

 

Or better yet, I heard something on Youtube which was a great idea. Kidnap him for a month, and chain him to your basement. Put a tv in front of him and make him watch atheist videos from people like Richard Dawkins and Penn and Teller and Carl Sagan. Make him read their books and other books like the age of Reason, etc. He'll thank you for it in the end, because you will have made him think for himself. I don't think it is too late for any fundie, but it might take a lot. It is just like deprogramming children who join a cult.

 

Okay, toodles, Matt

[fallenleaf]

Or better yet, I heard something on Youtube which was a great idea. Kidnap him for a month, and chain him to your basement. Put a tv in front of him and make him watch atheist videos from people like Richard Dawkins and Penn and Teller and Carl Sagan. Make him read their books and other books like the age of Reason, etc. He'll thank you for it in the end, because you will have made him think for himself. I don't think it is too late for any fundie, but it might take a lot. It is just like deprogramming children who join a cult.

 

Ugh, the morality of deprogramming sickens me... even when I know someone is mentally trapped in a lie. I know it's appealing to think that they'll come round and be happier. And comments like this are usually made tongue-in-cheek anyway. But deprogramming is rape... rape as deep and violent as any physical assault. Having seen the one side of it, and heard the same reasoning, I could never advocate it for the other side.

[Amelia]

Hi Amelia, I just wanted to say I read your testimony about your scumbag dad. I wish I could find out where he lives and give him some of the same treatment. Perhaps I'll put a wig on him and punch him in the face so he can feel like an abused woman. Just kidding.

 

I wouldn't really worry what they think. If they think snakes can talk and murdering children is okay if God says it is, they aren't the best judges of character anyway. Fuck them and their goddamned church. We can always hope for a nice church burning.

 

I would call all of your dad's church congregation and start a rumour about him. Like he is a flaming faggot like Ted Haggard. Get some rumours started and make him suffer and hopefully they will kick him out of that church and he can know how it feels.

 

Or better yet, I heard something on Youtube which was a great idea. Kidnap him for a month, and chain him to your basement. Put a tv in front of him and make him watch atheist videos from people like Richard Dawkins and Penn and Teller and Carl Sagan. Make him read their books and other books like the age of Reason, etc. He'll thank you for it in the end, because you will have made him think for himself. I don't think it is too late for any fundie, but it might take a lot. It is just like deprogramming children who join a cult.

 

Okay, toodles, Matt

 

Hi Matt,

 

Thanks for your supportive and encouraging words! I definitely got a laugh as well, so thanks.

 

No, I'd never do anything like that. I'm just not after revenge or getting back at these people. Let them be. I mean, I just couldn't be bothered.

 

Talk to you soon!

Amelia

 

Ugh, the morality of deprogramming sickens me... even when I know someone is mentally trapped in a lie. I know it's appealing to think that they'll come round and be happier. And comments like this are usually made tongue-in-cheek anyway. But deprogramming is rape... rape as deep and violent as any physical assault. Having seen the one side of it, and heard the same reasoning, I could never advocate it for the other side.

 

Hi FallenLeaf,

 

I agree that deprogramming somebody is rape as well. I'd never do that to anybody, because I think it's wrong. Nobody has a right to do it, regardless of whether something somebody believes is blatantly a lie. Whether we like it or not, everybody has a right to believe whatever they want to believe. We have a right to believe whatever we want, and nobody has the right to impose what they believe on us or deprogram us in any way.

 

Chat soon!

Amelia

[AKR]

some people have said i eat babies. i really don't.

 

nah, i don't know what or if anything has been said, and i really don't care. they can all suck my balls.

[Stratovarius]

Lol @ above post

 

Anyway people always ask me why I don't go to church anymore and I just respond, "Because I don't believe in God."

 

An astonished and disgusted look enters the face of my questioner shortly afterwards.

[Everglaze]

Oh yeah, additionally, they say that I just need to sort issues out with "God" and that I'll be back sooner or later.

 

ExChristians don't exist to them. So, what did I say? I just said that I probably wasn't a "True" Christian then, seeing how there is no such thing as a "True" Christian. It's whether you believe or not.

[AKR]

Lol @ above post

 

Anyway people always ask me why I don't go to church anymore and I just respond, "Because I don't believe in God."

 

An astonished and disgusted look enters the face of my questioner shortly afterwards.

 

 

don't you just love that "WHAT THE F*CK!?" look they give you?

[Guest RIBS]

When I left religion I was open and honest with my friends and acquaintances about my decision, and most of them respected me for it.

 

I think I even "liberalized" some of them in the process. My ex used to be a fundy young-earther, and after my deconversion she started questioning her own beliefs. Before I left, she had become pretty liberal, and even said that conservative religion made her very uncomfortable.

 

So, even though some christians may react poorly to deconversion, it may actually cause others to start questioning themselves.

 

This isn't exactly what the OP was about, but I thought it relevant.

[R. S. Martin]

I don't think there is much ugly stuff that has not been said about me. When I left the Old Order Mennonite church the boat rocked so violently, as though my leaving endangered their very existence. (I don't understand it. They should have been relieved to be rid of me, given how much they hated me.) One of the nicer things they said to me was: We are disappointed that you have chosen to forsake Godly teachings for fleshly lusts and desires.

 

Those "fleshly lust and desires" were higher education and a meaningful life. Several years later, when I moved to the city (where godlessness apparently ruled) and continued to wear traditional Mennonite garb, some of them said I had more faith than they did. I was still a christian of sorts at the time. I responded: Some days I wear a blue dress and some days I wear a green dress, same as everyone else.

 

No response to that one.

 

When news leaked out that I had deconverted (don't believe in God/Bible) their darker natures knew no bounds. Some of the charges brought against me struck me dumb. Such as "You meant something more.....I'm right am I not? You really meant something more. Didn't you?"

 

It sounded so ominous. I was dumb-struck. I literally could not think of a single thing to say. Long after the call ended it occurred to me that she was charging me with trying to deconvert others or impose my beliefs on them. If people could die from character assasination, I'd have been dead long ago. I suspect that is what they find so maddening--that their vicious gossip along with more blatant charges fails to make me doubt my sanity or even disturb my peace.

 

As some of you know, this past fall they ganged up on me. I can only imagine the intense and suspicious communication that must have gone on before that confrontation ever happened. I was cheerfully living my own life, struggling to find my equilibrium after deconverting, and hadn't a clue in the world about the menace taking shape behind my back. Thus, I was spared worrying about it.

 

If you happened to read the post about the 10 myths about atheism...it seems they assumed every single one of those myths to be accurate information. That leaves little ugliness unsaid.

[ThinkingForMyself]

I don't think anything has been said about me since I left. I was attending a church of about 1,500 brainwashees when I decided to call it quits. There were a few pastors on staff. What bothered me the most was how judgemental they were.

 

This one pastor and his wife judged me harshly for my past and were quite rude to me. But don't worry, they put on their Sunday morning smiles and acted like they were God's gift to the world every for 2 hours every sunday morning. That's the way everybody was to me at every church I attended.

 

When I began my deconversion process I started with not attending any events and participating in any church groups. I was getting more involved with people outside of the church, non-religious organizations. So eventually I wasn't speaking to any church people and they weren't speaking to me. I find the non-religious people more interesting to talk to. They have intelligent things to say.

 

I don't care about what the brainwashees have to say. They can bad mouth me all they want. I'm busy working towards a better future for myself. I study the material in my school books on a weekly basis, not the fables in the Bible.

[Scarlett]

I’d love to be a fly on the wall and know what other people say about me, but I don’t think I’ll ever truly know for sure what has been said about me behind closed doors. And from what I do actually know, I’m not sure if I would. From what I have heard, and what’s actually been said to my face is something along this line..

 

“You’re a joke” Thus spoke my nephew in response to finding out I’m an Atheist

“You know you are going to hell.” I don’t believe in any afterlife

“You’re living a life of sin!” So?

“I wish you’d repent from your wicked ways” Sorry, no can do!

“You’ll come back to Christ one day” Oh, no I won’t!

“I can’t believe you don’t believe in Jesus anymore!” Why not? You don’t believe in Santa Claus?

“You’re just angry at god” How can I be angry at something that doesn’t exist?

“You’re making the greatest mistake of your life by rejecting Jesus” Actually it was the best thing I ever did.

“You’ve committed the unforgivable sin”. Like I give a damn.

“I pray for you every night to turn back to the Lord” You’re only wasting your time

“You’re an infidel” This one only made me laugh

 

Basically, they all think I’m a godless heathen, who is selfish, irreverent, unnatural, and an abomination to the natural order of things....yet they turn around and say they love me?

 

Now what I find hilarious is that on the rare occasion I do get to have an actual civil conversation with my family and former friends, they always comment on how well I look now and how happy I seem and ask why. I tell them it’s because I’ve given up Christianity and become an Atheist who has decided to life her life with no regrets because she believes this it is. This of course dumbfounds them and pisses them off for some reason. *smiles*

[Reach]

I have no idea what has been said about me since I left (and I've never made any attempt to find out) because I really don't want to know.

 

I'm sure of one thing, however. They are all praying for me.

[RedFox]

I don't think anyone at the Catholic church I used to go to weeky said anything about me. My mom used to be a sign language interpreter there and she left that position by saying that I went to college. There was no other frequent visitor who needed the interpreting, so she didn't need to continue. The interpreting at the church had been in the local news with a picture of me, so I guess that's how they remember me. I deconverted a few weeks before going back to university for my second year and just put up with the last few masses before not going there anymore.

 

I continue to go to Christian meetings at my school to see what they talk about sometimes. Some of those meetings are at my apartment with my roommates taking part in them. I had a roommate who told me that he prayed for me with others at a men's Flight Club prayer group. Now my Facebook page clearly shows that I'm an atheist, so they could see it. My roommates know and one of them thinks I had like 1% belief in their god, whatever that could be like. The other one sometimes thanks me for being nice enough to check up on him with instant messages when nobody else did, like when he had some warts removed during the holiday break. The way I'll disappear from those Christian gatherings would be when I gradulate this spring or get too busy to bother.

[Shawn]

All kinds of garbage I'm sure. I know they said I was evil, BOTH sides of my family said this.

 

 

I feel like doing a semi-real A & A (accusations & answers) between my family and me. Here goes:

 

1. "He practices sorcery, and eastern mysticism!"

 

And you take psych meds, and other weird shit that Dr. Smith hands out like candy. At least what I do WORKS and doesn't require some concoction created by the Nutty Professor at some British Lab that gives 20 side effects. YOU are the real sorceror. Drug addict!

 

2. "He was never loyal to the family."

 

No, I didn't want to be a robot like everyone else in the family. I also had enough balls to move out east and get my own life. I didn't need your goddamn help. Oh, and I was tired of 18 years of being shit on.

 

3. "He could have helped us, with the money he made overseas!"

 

My money. My life. And you did what for me...? My stinking cousin gets thousands of dollars every year for bullshit, and college, and I get a broke dick 1981 Volvo that I had to junk a year later? Next!

 

4. "He's not so great as an engineer. Jesus could teach me what he knows in 5 minutes."

 

Ok, 'cuz'! Jesus can do anything, including giving you a bigger dick so your wife won't bother me.

 

5. "He had 10k he could have given us to help with our court case."

 

I don't exist to please you. NOW FUCK OFF AND MAY YOU LOSE YOUR CHILDREN TO SISTER WHATS-HER-FACE!

 

6. "He spent 11K on reconstructive surgery. How vain!"

 

Your only claim to fame is being a selfish, ignorant and mean fucking loser. At least I admit I didn't enjoy some aspect of my FLESH (evil! evil!); I never danced around and said "I'm so glad Jaysus made me ugly! Now I can serve Him better that I can't get laid!" and you cocksuckers even used to make fun of me for my looks! Goddamn hypocritical anal fuck faces! Well now I'm attractive, and I get '10's if I want. I have 2 hot fucking chicks at Chili's who want to date me, but I'm somewhat embarrassed that I lack a job even though I'm more qualified than 90% of the clowns who do what I do (in America, it's cool to be ignorant. Knowing the latest ghetto slang and dressing like a pimp are "mo' po'tant, nigga!"). Anyway, Ha ha ha, fuck you all! Which leads to...

 

7. "He's so immature!"

 

I have to be. With 'role models' like you all growing up, I don't want to be an 'adult', especially a 'Christian adult'. It's also fun to act naieve with cheap shots and cruel remarks, then respond with powerful statements that crush your so-called maturity. I enjoy playing foolish and leave myself open in order to kill my enemies. Oh, I also look 20 with the nice work in Beverly Hills, along with my 'sorcery', so my personality is more appropriate I imagine.

 

8. "He was never really saved. He wasn't hard core for Christ!"

 

Probably not like you, anyway. "You goddamn Muzlim, Jesus loves you!!! Stop worshipping that fucking moon god that Jack Chick told me about!" No, I never evangelized that way, shoving tracts in people's mailboxes and rocking out to Jesus at 150 decibles. Anyway, I'd rather have a wonderful GF who loves me and isin't a neurotic Christian.

 

9. "He's evil! Hell bound, and reprobate with no chance of forgivness! I say to hell with him!"

 

I wish you good fortune!

[sparkyone]

Well, it's hard to beat Shawn's post, but I've heard a few rumors about things said about me. One person told me that if I talk bad about the pastor and people at church then she doesn't want to be around me. (that was in the middle of a long, concerned tirade about how she's scared I'll be a bad influence on her and how much I've changed) I don't know where she heard bad comments, but maybe my kids have repeated things at church school that I've said about my doubts about the Bible and so on. Also, someone who no longer attends there told me that he had heard talk that I might be demon-possessed and I've heard that I must not been saved since I have doubts now. That's the same thing I've heard on this board about not ever being a "true Christian" because then you wouldn't have left, blah, blah, blah. For the most part, I don't care what people say about me, but it does bother me that some people seem to think you shouldn't ever ask a favor of them if you've decided to leave the church. The reason it's a concern for me is that the only people I could ask to babysit in a bind are at the church. I rarely ask anyone for favors, but it's nice to know you might get some help if needed. If I totally leave the church I'm worried that I won't have any support system. I've always felt like I shouldn't ask for favors anyway. Someone posted that they felt like the people in the church held a grudge against them. Maybe that's how I feel; but more like I've never really measured up enough for most of the folks, or they weren't interested enough to try to see why I had trouble socializing (depression for awhile and shyness when I first started attending) with them. Everyone is too busy. I do have one friend who still wants to do stuff with me, though.

 

Sparkyone

[Ex-COG]

The way I look at it, what my former church "brothers and sisters" think/say about me is none of my business.

[Llwellyn]

Lots of people know of my deconversion, and none of them speak ill of me. Most people are afraid of speaking to me about it because they know I would tell them my reasons -- reasons that they would be compelled by.

[Kelli]

I've sat under many pastors that badmouthed people who left. That always bothered me.

 

The church we went to in Virginia badmouthed some women who worked as interpreters in the "deaf ministry" that my wife worked with, and had left for another church across town. We sat in a meeting with the pastor about the whole thing and he proceeded to tell us that "those women weren't faithful to the church. I pulled their tithe records..."

 

That was enough for me. I believe that may have been the last Sunday I ever attended there.

 

Then there were the comments made by another guy in that church who worked in the sound ministry with me. When I was sick and in and out of the hospital I didn't go to church for months, but when my family went to the church picnic, I went with them because I wanted to spend time with them doing something fun. His comment? "I see he can go to the church picnic but he can't make it to church."

[sparkyone]

I've been afraid at times that people would think bad of me for not going, or for only going to a non-sermon church gathering, but I've decided that I can make the decision and not worry what someone else thinks about it. I have heard comments about other people who have left, but mostly I suppose I'm not in the inner circle (never have been here) so miss out on most of the gossip. How sad.

 

sparkyone

[weary traveler]

I've sat under many pastors that badmouthed people who left. That always bothered me.

 

Yeah I know what you mean. I get called "apostate" apparently. You see, in the fundamentalist scheme of things, there is no such thing as an "ex-christian" and when you leave the faith, they must assume that you were never saved to begin with. I was about as fundie "saved" as you could get so for me to leave the faith like that throws a real monkey wrench into the doctrine. I am currently debating someone who is still in it and is just so amazingly willing to accept the actrocities in the OT because she says "God had to do what he had to do"...including ordering the murder of the innocents. So, see when you start to give logical reasons for leaving, it is very very uncomfortable for the fundamentalist because you are inadvertantly showing them that their foundations upon which they base all of thier understanding of life and reality may not be completly truthful. It can evoke defensiveness. I'll point out clear cut contradictions from the bible itself only, and I was told that I am being decieved by satan! It's sad but sometimes it's like thier logic just goes out the window at times, and yet it works just fine when looking at other things. But we have all been there to some extent or another with this. So that's why we're here to help each other.

 

Make peace with the past so you can move on towards a future of your own design!

 

 

http://www.myspace.com/jedi_stardancer