Tyson Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I come from the Caribbean and grew up some rather emotionally charged churches (I've always said that black folks can act church better than any other race). At the drop of a drum beat, folks would "catch the spirit." This would be a time when folks would pass out in the spirt and might land on your lap, or they might do the "holy spin" in the name of Jesus and pop you in the eye, hurl a tamborine, spit all over you, start hopping around and spike you with some heels or you might get a drop kick. These my friend are the "fire baptized" crew and they are dangerous in the spirit. Any of you have any battle scars you're willing to report. I figure most of you grew up in those stained glass window churches where half the congregation could be found sleeping, but me, I grew up amidst excitement. I saw sister Betty's size 23 bloomers when she fell to the ground slain in the spirit and I'm still traumatized. Church! Ya gotta love it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onyx Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Never injured. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyson Posted June 3, 2005 Author Share Posted June 3, 2005 Never injured. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The lord was merciful unto thee. He spared thee from some of his followers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Oh, I have a terrible confession about this. My wife bought an antique ceiling lamp and I was in the "holy" modes, where I prayed early every morning in the living room. One morning I stretched up my arm (and the ceiling was rather low), and hit the lamp, and it came down with a crash, and broke. I'm lucky that my wife didn't kill me, and personally I'm still pissed the God didn't give me a new lamp. It should have been covered by the holy insurance, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
been borg again Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 funny story, when I was in high school and my christian friends were in our"youthful idealistic" stage of christianity ( meaning we beleived everything we were taught to be absolute truth without critical thought) 2 firends of mine for a short period of time convinced themselves that god/holyspirit was telling them to close their eyes while driving down the freeway at 70 mph to test the sincerity of their faith in God. ( hey you got to give them credit for coming up with a good logical test) Every time they closed their eyes, they could only do it for a few seconds before panic set in and they would grab the steering wheel and open their eyes. I rememeber one episode where my friend was acually in tears because he felt like such a failer in not having enough faith in GOd. This lasted a few weeks, no body passed the test and nobody got killed. yea, Im just glad we wernt born in the middleeast, or we would of all been teenage suicide bombers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
been borg again Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 one time in church a fat lady was sitting in front of me, everytime we stood up for the hymns, her dress was all stuck inside her buttcrack. I am sure she would have been embarassed to know that the back of her dress was all stuck up in her buttcrack... so I did my christian duty and pulled it out. Then she quickly turned around and hit me across the head with her hardcover large print bible, which left a golden " Holy Bible" impression on the side of my face. haha im kidding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nirrti Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I've never gotten injured due to never having gotten "in the spirit." But my grandmother sure did. It happened about 10 years ago when she was giving the church announcements and for some reason, I don't remember, she started shouting, jumping up and down. Keep in mind she was wearing high heels which are hazardous to your health if you're shouting "thank ya, Lord" and running every which way with your eyes closed. Well, my grandmother made her way out the door directly behind her and tripped, head first, down those steps on the other side. Some ushers helped her get up and the fall apparently caused an ankle injury. Although it wasn't sprained, it sure hurt her enough she had to use a cane for awhile. That was the first and only time I've ever witnessed someone getting injured while getting the "holy ghost" and ironically, I've seen other people do flips, hop around on one foot, running track down the asles and leaping over pews who didn't get hurt like my grandmother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I figure most of you grew up in those stained glass window churches where half the congregation could be found sleeping, but me, I grew up amidst excitement. I saw sister Betty's size 23 bloomers when she fell to the ground slain in the spirit and I'm still traumatized. Church! Ya gotta love it. Too funny. In my search for the "right" church I did stumble into one service like you described. I was left after all was said and done in bewilderment. One lady had the "gift" of dance and would get up in the middle of the sermon and twirl like a ballerina around the back of the pews. Another woman stood up and spoke in tongues and then a man stood up and interpreted as if he were channeling holy god himself. I recall wondering in amusement that god spoke in 13th century English since the man channeled god in Shakespearean/King James form. My faith may have been injured a little that day, but I found I can live happily without that anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I sprained my knee at a church camp soft ball game. Does that count? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ TexasFreethinker ☆ Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Church-related injuries of mine: 1. Panicked when being baptized (at age 9), swallowed a bunch of water and doused the choir as I kicked my legs trying to stand up. 2. Bruised my knee jumping from one canoe to another on a youth group float trip when a snake fell into my canoe from a tree branch. 3. Farted on by a donkey during the christmas pageant. That's about it (aside from the mental injuries!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Church-related injuries of mine: 1. Panicked when being baptized (at age 9), swallowed a bunch of water and doused the choir as I kicked my legs trying to stand up. 2. Bruised my knee jumping from one canoe to another on a youth group float trip when a snake fell into my canoe from a tree branch. 3. Farted on by a donkey during the christmas pageant. That's about it (aside from the mental injuries!) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> LOL at number three!! I wonder if churches ever consider that safety issue when they baptize young people by immersion... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Nothing too alarming I was shot with a 22 caliber rifle. Mormon boys are required to join the Boy Scouts. Each ward of the Mormon Church sponsors a Boy Scout Troop made up of young male church members. It was during one of these Church/Scout trips that the “accident” occurred. Our troop decided that an overnight stay in the Mojave Desert would make a good trip. We planned on doing some motorcycle riding and some target practice. I spent half my childhood doing just that with my family, so I was the one who made the decision on where in the desert we should make camp. My father (non-member of the church) was anxious about me going with a group of boys who did not have training in gun safety. I grew up with guns and even had a formal certificate from a gun safety school. After we arrived at camp the boys started bringing out their 22-caliber rifles. It was apparent from the second we arrived that the troop leader was not taking safety seriously. The boys were pointing guns at each other and treating the guns like toys. I tried to stay clear of the worst offenders. At one point I was taking a break and sitting in a lawn chair in camp. One of the boys came over with his gun and deliberately rested the end of the barrel on my shoe. I looked up angrily at the offender. He looked at me and said, “Don’t worry Dennis, its not loaded. See—click—BOOM!!” I was in the worst pain of my life for a week. I never knew anything could hurt so much. My parents were beside themselves in anger. Nearly thirty years later and I still have pain in my right-big-toe. The bullet went right through the base of the nail and through the joint. I am lucky to still have it at all. There is no movement in the joint, the bones just fused together. I have never seen my father so furious in my life. Without telling me he hired a lawyer and sued the Mormon Church, The Boy Scouts, The troop leader, and the parents of the boy who shot me. I learned of the lawsuit at church through my Bishop. He wanted me to tell my father to drop the case, as it was unseemly for members of the church to sue each other. It was only after I spoke to my father that it finally clicked. He asked me if they in their carrying way ever offered any kind of restitution for me. He reminded me of how much pain I had gone through. Being 17 years old, I did not know how serious this really was for everyone involved. But I did learn that behind the scenes everyone was trying to cover their own ass. They were so busy looking out for themselves that they forgot the victim! It was not a big settlement, but it was enough for me to buy a used car. It was also one more thing on the chain of events to led me away from the church forever. Oh yea, no one at Church ever bothered to come to my house to see how I was doing. No one even said they were sorry, not even the boy who shot me or his parents. I never even got a get well card. I suppose they were afraid it might imply they were responsible somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 Church-related injuries of mine: 3. Farted on by a donkey during the christmas pageant. That's about it (aside from the mental injuries!) #3 You didn't have the spiritual gift of translation then. God probably spoke through the ass again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyson Posted June 4, 2005 Author Share Posted June 4, 2005 Donkey fart! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necrosmith Posted June 4, 2005 Share Posted June 4, 2005 You mean other than destroying my self image and wrecking my self-esteem? Naw.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 Other than being spiritually raped by a fundy nutwacker... ...no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bad_one Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 That donkey fart was too funny I grew up in a pentecostal church who believed in getting "slain by the spirit" which is suppose to be where you get a direct hit of god and you fall down. Well my sister went up to the altar and the preacher put his hand on her forehead and gave her a little push to help with the falling down part. She landed right on her butt. She bruised her tailbone and was walking funny for a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyson Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 LOL!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
par4dcourse Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 OK, its a human condition. Farts are funny and the thought of an ass ripping one is too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Genesis Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 You mean other than destroying my self image and wrecking my self-esteem? Naw.. Does that time where one of the church psychiatrists at my church tried to get me to go through conversion therapy so I could be "saved" from my "lusts" count here, too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upstarter Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 I'm showing my age when I tell this story about my mom at a Jesus Festival in the 70's. I don't know if many people are familiar with Jesus Festivals but they were sort of like Woodstock for Christians. Lots of music and preaching and people living in tents and wearing tie dyed t-shirts with pithy 70's Jesus sayings on them... anyway I digress. My mom was in the audience for some wild preacher and got "slain in the spirit". She fell backwards right onto a metal lawnchair. I remember asking her later if it hurt and she said, of course not, when you are slain in the spirit, Jesus cushions your fall. OMG the stuff we believed. Heather Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cm_christ Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 i was on a christian school field trip to a cave once and my friend accidently hit me in the head with a rock..does that count?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentalhh Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 Nothing too alarming I was shot with a 22 caliber rifle. Mormon boys are required to join the Boy Scouts. Each ward of the Mormon Church sponsors a Boy Scout Troop made up of young male church members. It was during one of these Church/Scout trips that the ?accident? occurred. Our troop decided that an overnight stay in the Mojave Desert would make a good trip. We planned on doing some motorcycle riding and some target practice. I spent half my childhood doing just that with my family, so I was the one who made the decision on where in the desert we should make camp. My father (non-member of the church) was anxious about me going with a group of boys who did not have training in gun safety. I grew up with guns and even had a formal certificate from a gun safety school. After we arrived at camp the boys started bringing out their 22-caliber rifles. It was apparent from the second we arrived that the troop leader was not taking safety seriously. The boys were pointing guns at each other and treating the guns like toys. I tried to stay clear of the worst offenders. At one point I was taking a break and sitting in a lawn chair in camp. One of the boys came over with his gun and deliberately rested the end of the barrel on my shoe. I looked up angrily at the offender. He looked at me and said, ?Don?t worry Dennis, its not loaded. See?click?BOOM!!? I was in the worst pain of my life for a week. I never knew anything could hurt so much. My parents were beside themselves in anger. Nearly thirty years later and I still have pain in my right-big-toe. The bullet went right through the base of the nail and through the joint. I am lucky to still have it at all. There is no movement in the joint, the bones just fused together. I have never seen my father so furious in my life. Without telling me he hired a lawyer and sued the Mormon Church, The Boy Scouts, The troop leader, and the parents of the boy who shot me. I learned of the lawsuit at church through my Bishop. He wanted me to tell my father to drop the case, as it was unseemly for members of the church to sue each other. It was only after I spoke to my father that it finally clicked. He asked me if they in their carrying way ever offered any kind of restitution for me. He reminded me of how much pain I had gone through. Being 17 years old, I did not know how serious this really was for everyone involved. But I did learn that behind the scenes everyone was trying to cover their own ass. They were so busy looking out for themselves that they forgot the victim! It was not a big settlement, but it was enough for me to buy a used car. It was also one more thing on the chain of events to led me away from the church forever. Oh yea, no one at Church ever bothered to come to my house to see how I was doing. No one even said they were sorry, not even the boy who shot me or his parents. I never even got a get well card. I suppose they were afraid it might imply they were responsible somehow. Holy shit IBF! They didn't even say they were sorry?! Yeesh, what a load. Sadly, it seems that people covering their own asses in churches and forgetting the victim like you said seems to happen alot... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts