Jump to content

I Need Some Atheist Email To Forward To Christians


disEnchanted
 Share

Recommended Posts

Several times a month I get e-mails from well-meaning christian friends relating some urban myth about christianity then get asked to send the e-mail on to others if I am not ashamed of jesus. Now up to this point, i've just been deleting this crap but i'm about sick of getting this junk from friends. As the holiday season approaches, i'm sure i'll get even more along with christian e-cards and other revolting material. What can i send back to them that will offend them just as much as their heart-warming christian stupid stories offend me? Any suggestions? Any web sites?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How about some Bible stories -- you know, the really good ones, where God orders mass murder, or makes some odd comment? Refer to these two links for ammuniton:

 

http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/atrocities.html

http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/pillows.html

 

One of them is about Biblical horrors, the other about absurdities. Be forewarned, though; the "Behold, I am against your pillows" is taken out of context, so if any of your Christian friends actually thinks long and hard about it, it won't be effective. But Christian who send those damned inspirational chainmails aren't the type who indulge in the practice of thinking too often.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Send them stuff from the Brick Testament

 

Send them stuff from Landover Baptist Church.

 

Send them stuff from Betty Bowers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I did it today!!! A friend sent me an "enlightening" message about god and his blessings. I e-mailed her back with an article entitled "Teachers Punish Stupidest Students by Making Them Play Injuns in Thanksgiving Play".

 

She e-mailed me right back and wanted to know how I found that website and what in the world was that all about.

 

I plan to do this each time someone sends me some christian junk mail that I find offensive. Let's see how they like getting stupid stuff that is just plain crazy!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If offending them is not a concern...

 

Then I ABSOLUTELY recommend you send them the article "Kissing Hank's Ass".

http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php

 

This is truly the most freakin' hilarious story but I'm pretty sure it will offend.

 

What I would do to dress it up a bit is start the email like a chain message with...

 

****************

 

Title of message: Saving the World from Destruction

 

After you have read this email, look up to the sky and blow a kiss.

 

You must send this email to 5 Christians or the world will self destruct in 50 years.

 

<<Then put the story here>>

 

Mongo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If offending them is not a concern...

 

Then I ABSOLUTELY recommend you send them the article "Kissing Hank's Ass".

http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php

 

This is truly the most freakin' hilarious story but I'm pretty sure it will offend.

 

What I would do to dress it up a bit is start the email like a chain message with...

 

****************

 

Title of message: Saving the World from Destruction

 

After you have read this email, look up to the sky and blow a kiss.

 

You must send this email to 5 Christians or the world will self destruct in 50 years.

 

<<Then put the story here>>

 

Mongo

 

:lmao:

 

That's nice! You mind if I use that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

:lmao:

 

That's nice! You mind if I use that?

 

It is not mine to give away but I would't hessitate to put it in an email.

 

All J. Huger wants is credit such as the link I included.

 

His copyright info:

 

Unless otherwise noted, all contents are Copyright © 1996 - 2005 by James Huber, all rights reserved. Permission is hereby granted to copy, in whole or in part, for personal use. Permission is hereby granted to redistribute provided all notices are included, and no fee of any kind is charged. Fees specifically include reproduction, distribution, and media costs, and donations. Commercial use prohibited without written permission from the author.

 

Basically, I want credit, and if someone makes a lot of money from this stuff, I want a cut. I'm including the part about costs and donations because I've seen those used as loop-holes to get around not-for-profit distribution notices.

 

I'm not going to get my knickers in twist if you stick a copy of The Watchmaker in your local atheists newsletter, though I would like a copy. Nor will I have a fit if you use Kissing Hank's Ass as the basis for your student film project. You will be hearing from me if Kissing Hank's Ass - the movie shows up on Comedy Central.

 

 

 

Send them stuff from the Brick Testament

 

Ah yes the Brick Testament. I love the Lego people stories.

 

Every exchristian should read that too.

 

Mongo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If offending them is not a concern...

 

Then I ABSOLUTELY recommend you send them the article "Kissing Hank's Ass".

http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php

 

This is truly the most freakin' hilarious story but I'm pretty sure it will offend.

 

What I would do to dress it up a bit is start the email like a chain message with...

 

****************

 

Title of message: Saving the World from Destruction

 

After you have read this email, look up to the sky and blow a kiss.

 

You must send this email to 5 Christians or the world will self destruct in 50 years.

 

<<Then put the story here>>

 

Mongo

 

I love you mongo. And I want to have your babies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I love you mongo. And I want to have your babies.

 

Now YOU know how to compliment a man!

 

Thanks!

 

Mongo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's one of my all-time favorites. :HaHa:

 

The Christian and the Bear

 

One fair spring morning, a devout Christian decided to take a walk through a nearby wood. Upon entering, he began walking along a narrow dirt path through the lush, green forest admiring all of the things that God had created.

 

"Wow", he thought to himself while taking in the beauty that surrounded him. "What majestic trees!” Then, a faint rustling sound came from somewhere close by. The Christian turned to look but could see nothing and continued walking. His eyes followed a small stream that flowed beside the path. “What a lovely little stream!”, he thought and off to the left, the rustling sound grew louder. The Christian walked a bit faster down the path. Looking up, the Christian said out loud, “What a beautiful sky. God is indeed a very wonderful creator!" Suddenly, a huge grizzly bear emerged from the dense shrubbery and upon seeing the man, started to chase him. The Christian ran along the path for all he was worth, but the bear was almost upon him. The Christian looked back over his shoulder and saw that the bear was only a few yards behind him. The man then tripped over a large rock and fell to the ground beside a small wooden sign attached to a post. The bear, having slowed its pace, lumbered up to the Christian and began to sniff his clothing. The man, laying face down, closed his eyes and prayed in desperation "Heavenly Father, I ask you to please save me from this bear!"

 

As the Christian continued to beseech God, the grizzly let out a ferocious roar and ripped four deep gashes across the man’s back. The Christian screamed in agony while the bear continued tearing and ripping him into bloody shreds of warm flesh. The man, while still being mauled, reached out a feeble hand and touched the signpost just before losing consciousness.

 

When the bear had eaten all it could, it lumbered off in the direction from which it came, leaving the Christian's remains to decompose and rot.

 

Inscribed upon the sign were these words:

 

Matthew 21:22 - "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."

 

The End

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it's obvious ain't it? The bear prayed for supper before the guy prayed to be saved. First come first served.

 

Hallelujah, God always answers prayer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it's obvious ain't it? The bear prayed for supper before the guy prayed to be saved. First come first served.

 

Hallelujah, God always answers prayer.

Yeah, but since the bear can't read, he wasn't aware that whatever he asked for in prayer would be given to him.

 

Isn't there something in the bible that says it doesn't apply to you unless you know about it? :shrug:

 

 

:HaHa:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's one of my all-time favorites. :HaHa:

 

The Christian and the Bear

 

One fair spring morning, a devout Christian decided to take a walk through a nearby wood. Upon entering, he began walking along a narrow dirt path through the lush, green forest admiring all of the things that God had created.

 

"Wow", he thought to himself while taking in the beauty that surrounded him. "What majestic trees!” Then, a faint rustling sound came from somewhere close by. The Christian turned to look but could see nothing and continued walking. His eyes followed a small stream that flowed beside the path. “What a lovely little stream!”, he thought and off to the left, the rustling sound grew louder. The Christian walked a bit faster down the path. Looking up, the Christian said out loud, “What a beautiful sky. God is indeed a very wonderful creator!" Suddenly, a huge grizzly bear emerged from the dense shrubbery and upon seeing the man, started to chase him. The Christian ran along the path for all he was worth, but the bear was almost upon him. The Christian looked back over his shoulder and saw that the bear was only a few yards behind him. The man then tripped over a large rock and fell to the ground beside a small wooden sign attached to a post. The bear, having slowed its pace, lumbered up to the Christian and began to sniff his clothing. The man, laying face down, closed his eyes and prayed in desperation "Heavenly Father, I ask you to please save me from this bear!"

 

As the Christian continued to beseech God, the grizzly let out a ferocious roar and ripped four deep gashes across the man’s back. The Christian screamed in agony while the bear continued tearing and ripping him into bloody shreds of warm flesh. The man, while still being mauled, reached out a feeble hand and touched the signpost just before losing consciousness.

 

When the bear had eaten all it could, it lumbered off in the direction from which it came, leaving the Christian's remains to decompose and rot.

 

Inscribed upon the sign were these words:

 

Matthew 21:22 - "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."

 

The End

 

:lol:

 

My grandmother emailed me the Christian version of that where the Atheist prays to God as he's being shredded by the bear.

 

I like yours better! :Duivel7:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well it's obvious ain't it? The bear prayed for supper before the guy prayed to be saved. First come first served.

 

Hallelujah, God always answers prayer.

Yeah, but since the bear can't read, he wasn't aware that whatever he asked for in prayer would be given to him.

 

Isn't there something in the bible that says it doesn't apply to you unless you know about it? :shrug:

 

 

:HaHa:

 

Well, among the animals the scripture is more of an oral tradition. Has to be, because God didn't give them pencil holding paws. (cf. A Language Older than Words by Derrick Jensen )

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just paste this into their e-mail at the bottom and hit reply. I promise you will never get those types of e-mails again. Yes I did it! :lmao::lmao::lmao:

JESUSpig666.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This link may be a good addition.

 

 

snopes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.