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Feeling Kind Of Embarrassed


mick
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I'm going through a little bit of a faze (hopefully brief) in which I am feeling embarrassed that I believed this Bible for so long. My only saving grace is that I think I always didn't beleive the most absurd things, and I definately buried my feelings about the behaviour of Yahweh through the Old Test. I I definatley ignored much and pretended much of what I heard was not real. What a long, mind fuck and continuous state of denial.

 

I believe I am reasonably intelligent, yet I chose this for my life? I am just thankful that I have been set free. I have spent at least 15 years lieing to myself I think, as I reflect on it.

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Don't feel too bad. I feel a little dumb for having believe all that tripe as well, but I was young, naive, and had little objective knowledge of the alternatives to Xianity or of Xianity's real nature. And that went on for 27-ish years.

 

It'll pass :)

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I try to stop myself in that sort of thinking by stopping and saying to myself, "Things were different then, and they are different now. I'm not going to beat myself up for stuff I didn't understand before. I don't deserve it."

 

You really don't. Culture is a really powerful thing. The fact that you don't submit to it anymore is really remarkable. Try to feel proud of yourself for that.

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....I believe I am reasonably intelligent, yet I chose this for my life? I am just thankful that I have been set free. I have spent at least 15 years lieing to myself I think, as I reflect on it.
Hey, you're a perfectly fallible human being like the rest of us. Making mistakes is part of the definition of 'human.'

 

It's hard to overcome the years of brainwashing. Give yourself credit for that.

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We were all part of a death cult, mick baby. I just roll my eyes thinking about the stupid crap I used to say during bible studies or to introduce a song that I was to sing.

 

The others are right, it'll pass, but the scars will always be there to remind you never to be fooled again. Hey, lesson learned. Thank god you got out!

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Just think about how much it traps you into believing using fear and other tactics. I would say that you're pretty damn intelligent just having been able to escape, that's more than most can say. You're just living and learning like the rest of us.

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I can relate. I felt that way for a while. I felt like an idiot for believing such stupid things, but then I thought about the fact that I was born into it and told stuff like that since birth. If it's all you know....know what I mean?

 

Guilt, anger, etc. passes and THEN you can feel the greatest thing, the FREEDOM.

 

Believe me, this is a normal process and it just takes some time to get through it.

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