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Do You Sometimes Still View The World As A Christian?


AKR
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what i mean is, when i'm debating with people online, sometimes someone else will come in and point out an obviously flaw in a person's argument, and i will have missed it. most of the time, i ignore the simple flaws, as i'm trying to argue within their belief system (for instance, i'll basically say, '"let's assume the biblical god is real'), but sometimes, i think it's because christianity is so engrained in me, that i let things slip through the critical filter. those of you who were surrounded by christianity throughout your childhood may know this feeling. it's like, some of that brainwashing is still subconciously in your head, and sometimes, it will turn itself on. but if you conciously think about it, you realize it's wrong.

 

.........or is that just me. :shrug:

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Well for me, I am an outgoing person and it's much easier for me to debate in person than online.

When it comes down to it though, the burden of proof is on the xtian.

But yeah, sometimes it gets to be such a mind binder I get tired of the argument. (and bored)

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Sometimes I'll assume they were taught the same things I was, even if those beliefs are unsubstanitated by the Bible or facts.

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I sometimes still view the world as a Christian, but only in my nightmares.

 

Mostly I just feel empathy for how blinded they usually are.

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Even after all these years of no longer believing, I still on occassion catch myself praying. I suppose that some habits are hard to break.

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I still catch myself still being self conscious about being preached at about something at times. In art class a few weeks ago I had drawn a dragon in art class, and as an assignment I had to take two of the same design and merge them together in a symetrical pattern. I had copied my dragons onto a transperancy and merged them together into something that looked like a Hindu deity. Looking at it I started to think it looked like satan but I still showed it to my teacher. I asked "Does it look too freaky?" and he laughed and said "That's a great design! Reminds me of some creature out of Yellow Submarine." My problem wasn't that I thought my design looked "evil" it was my concern about what other people, especially xtian students who might be walking the art department's halls, might think of this strange mutated creature I created.

 

A few years ago one of my fundy cousins had once whispered into my uncle's ear "Oh my word! A brown cat person guy is hugging a white cat person girl!" when my mother proudly showed them the anime drawings I had in my portfolio. They just looked at me and said "Well you're a good artist. Hope gawd leads you down the right path in your artwork. We will all pray for your success" which I know really meant "Oh my gosh you're drawing some evil shit! We will pray to gawd that he gets those evil Japanese cartoon images out of your imagination!" Since then I seem to get concerned about xtian persecution for having a wacky imagination at times, but heck being an artist is all about being a rebel. :HaHa:

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Ahh yes..... since I am just really getting out of the christian world it is hard..

Yesterday I had thought I lost an important item, and was so glad that when I found it I said.."oh thank the lawrd." and was rather apolled at myself for saying that out loud.

 

I have caught myself praying a couple of times, and then wondered to myself to what god if there is a god am I talking to.

 

Have also had thease moments of what if I am wrong, and there really is a hell and I have just majourly pissed this angry god off and I will have to spend the rest of eternity in hell. It is really hard to change thought after you have been brainwashed for 30 yrs.

 

I use to worry about leaving christian books around what non-believers would think..now I am wondering what people will think if they see the Carl Sagan book lying around. I don't really care now and no longer have the parinoia of being persecuted for ones beliefs.

 

That being said however, I find that when I am actually talking with christians now that I DO NOT hold the same views and do definilty not think the same way anymore.

 

I hate to be thought bad of, but have learned you can't please everyone. It makes me mad that people are going to think things that aren't true just to validate their own beliefs and make themselves feel better. I do at times wonder what people will think..but that is as far as I will let that sort of thinking go.

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It did take me a while to break the prayer habit, but otherwise, I'd say I don't view the world that way. In fact, I've learned to use that knowledge to my advantage. I know where to bring in a reference to gawd or something else holy just because I know what impression it will make on others - without feeling anything at all myself.

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Guest Aidans Pop

Yes, I do sometimes view the world as a xtian still. As a computer tech, one analogy helps me greatly to realize why this is.

 

I'm sure most reading this are familiar with the concept of memes, so I will write on that assumption. If not, a simple google search will tell you everything you need to know.

 

I do not believe that xtianity is a literal virus, i.e. a physical organism running around my brain reaking havoc. But its symptoms are the same. For those familiar with computers, and who have ever been hit with a virus, you know that its primary goal is to embed itself deep within the operating system of your computer. It seeks out the most fundamental basic processes that are necessary for your computer to run properly and changes them to do its bidding. Without a good virus removal program, it is pretty much impossible to get rid of it without having to wipe your whole system and start from scratch. The system may still operate, but it will do what the virus tells it to do and leave you with minimal to no control.

 

Xtianity is that way. As I continue to work on my deconversion (or virus extraction to stick with the analogy), I continue to discover ways that the virus effects me of which I am not even aware. This process can take a very long time and can be painstakingly difficult, but my continuing sense of growing freedom, peace and happiness testify to the worthiness of the cause. For those struggling with the same problem, here is my primary suggestion: question the validity of all your fundamental assumptions. Just as a computer needs its most basic files restored in order to set itself right, you must start at ground zero when deciding what is and is not true about life. The litmus test to always go by is reason. Reason deals in fact, and in factual associations between what can be shown objectively and consistently to be true. Do not assume anything to be true without having evaluated the proof for it first.

 

One conclusion that you will come to is that there is much that cannot be known with any level of certainty. While this may appear to leave you at a disadvantage, remember that it is better to know with certainty that you do not know something than to believe without proof that you do. There is a sort of peace in admitting that some things are simply unknowable. It is also OK to believe with a relative degree of certainty theories that cannot be proven objectively, as long as there is strong evidence to support them. Evolution would fall into that category. Sure, no one was physically present to record the events of natural selection, but it holds true to all the facts divulged by the scientific method. And when you begin to be afraid that you're just ascribing to one more system of belief, keep this in mind: people are not running around raping and murdering each other because they disagree in which prehistoric age the first primordial slime came about. It is simply scientific inquiry. There is something to be said for the fact that people who claim to know that their beliefs are true find it necessary to use deceit, indoctrination and violence to convince others of the validity of their faith.

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I have a nearly opposite view now on many things. As an xian, I was mostly the fundy, kind of right wing opinion on things.

 

I take things very casually. If I say, "Thank the lawd!" or "Hallelujah!", I consider it just a familiar expression, such as "Cool!" I know I'm not going to be led back into religion, so I don't worry if there are still some things stuck in there. The exception would be something harmful, something that could cause obsession, infringe on others, etc. Things like that I would definitely want to purge.

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