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I Heard From Her!


ShackledNoMore
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Well this was unexpected. The last time I actually heard anything from my mother was four years ago when I received a six page missive: a rant from end to end on how evil and hurtful a person I am who hates her and hates god.

 

Then, must not be even quite a year ago, half a dozen boxes unexpectedly got delivered to our door containing everything she had connected with me: all my childhood pictures, my high school yearbooks, etc. ...And every last memento she had of her granddaughter as well. The only thing she wrote was "I forgive you" and "Lord, you take care of it, this is your problem now, not mine" (or something like that). It was really easy for me to conclude that that was just a closure thing and I'd never hear from her again.

 

But now, a few days ago, a package came in through the mail in a plain envelope with no return address from her town with the address in her handwriting. It contained only a book entitled "23 Minutes in Hell." Looks like it's a book about some guy's perceived experience in hell during a near death experience intended to scare the vulnerable into the evangelical cult. The envelope contained nothing else, no note of any sort.

 

It was the first thing that's actually surprised me out of her in many years. It was totally inconsistent with her pattern of hiding herself from all the other evil people in her life such as her ex-husbands, her brother, and her ex-friends. Seems like unlike the others, she still has a relationship with me after all. Lucky me.

 

I know this seems paranoid, but my biggest concern about her is for my kids. I thought she didn't know about her grandson. I still don't know, but I think it's more likely now that she's taken the investigative effort to know. My wife was pregnant with him, things were going wrong and he had a less than even chance of survival when my mother sent her last missive. It was in response to me leaving a message on her answering machine trying to leave the latest news of the pregnancy. Wonderful Christian mother and grandmother, huh?

 

I've always had this remote fear that given the opportunity, and if the social/political climate degraded far enough so this became possible, that she'd try to wrangle custody of my kids away from me to get them into a Good Christian Family ™. About five years ago she did find a Harry Potter book in our house, fueling evidence in her mind that we were raising our daughter as a satanist. Still remote, but maybe a little less so, given that I'm clearly higher on her radar than I thought. In practice, given the opportunity, she'd be more likely to try to poison my kids' minds the way she did mine, especially if she had chances outside of the direct presence of me or my wife. Of course we wouldn't let that happen, but I still wouldn't want my kids to see her popping up out of nowhere and getting that sort of introduction to what's actually going on.

 

I've been free from the fundy cult for so long now, and I've worked through my issues and hang ups. Is it so much to just want to be left alone about this?

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Wow, your post struck a chord in me.....

 

Several months ago, my mother excommunicated me and my daughter (who is only 11 years old) from herself. For reasons that made NO sense to me...(religion and a few other things she has CLEARLY fabricated) she told us in no uncertain terms that we were both DEAD to her and she wished no more contact with us for the rest of our lives.

 

Now...if it didn't shock me enough to have that happen to me, it really threw me for a loop when she also included MY CHILD!!! We're talking about an extremely loving child who has always shown affection and attention for her.

 

After the initial shock passed (which took some time) I went into a state of sadness and more disbelief. Me and my daughters birthday (which is on the same day) came to pass and sure enough, she really meant it as we heard nothing from her. There has not been a peep since that day from her and I know this is not some stupid argument thing, she MEANS this and I have been forced to look upon the issue as if she has died. I have been going through the grieving process, etc. because it IS real.

 

It's so hard to try to explain to a eleven year old child why grandma doesn't want anything to do with either of us anymore. Talk about abandonment at it's finest. :twitch:

 

It's sick, sick sick. And when I read your story it reminded me of my hideous situation.

 

I know what you mean about "thinking outside the box" as to not knowing what your mother may do. Some people display such insanity that it does not seem paranoid at all to begin to wonder other things about them too.

 

With my mom, this recent behavior and her reasons have been so crazy that now I have to accept that I can put nothing past her. It truly hurts to see the true nature of someone that is supposed to be a rock in your life. Nothing is worse than having a parent turn on you like that. I'm certainly not perfect, but I can honestly say I have always been a very good daughter to her. I have done everything for her that good children do for their parents... :shrug:

 

I don't blame you for wanting to be careful, even if it can sound far out to some. Even though she CAN'T take your children, I understand you thinking that way. What worries me is what you said about her trying to corner the children and say weird things or something. That is stress that you and your family definitely DON'T need under any circumstances.

 

Yep, I would do everything in my power to make sure that did not happen. As far as I am concerned with my situation, my mother drew a line in the sand. At this point, the pain and hurt has been SO deep that I know that an "im sorry" from her would not be enough for me. NOTHING can justify her actions to me.

 

I have thought about the fact that she MUST have some kind of mental illness (that has worsened or something to the point that it has effected her reasoning.) Maybe this is just another effort for me to try to humanly understand this and I could be off...but in my mind, ANY parent that displays this type of behavior is CRAZY.

 

What she has done is made me positive that no matter what, she WON'T be around me or my child now, even if she should "change her mind."

She is unhealthy, sick and will not damage me or my daughter emotionally ANYMORE. Enough is enough....

 

 

Sorry for going off on a tangent here...like I said, your situation hit close to home for me and I truly understand.

I want loving, unconditional people in me and my child's life. Even though she is my mom, I will not accept the unacceptable behavior from her. Hurts, but we are better off in the long run. :shrug:

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Wow. I feel for you. What part of the country did you grow up in? It does seem to me that there are widely varying degrees of the horror of fundyism. You story is a great example of just how horrible this religion can be. If it is false, (which it is) then it has completely destroyed the human relationships in your family. Those are the real realtionships, not the invisible kind!

 

As to that book. My blood boils when I hear the about that book. I saw a show on Daystar my wife was watching where they interviewed the author. The guy is a total nut case. (He basically had a horrible nightmare/night terror experience, and of course elaborated a whole story, and of course convinced himself the delusion was true.

 

The stuff he described about Hell is so ghastly, so heinous, that it is laughable. It is no longer even scary when you hear it described like that. Most of all, it makes you think how sick the all powerful being that creates and imprisons his critters in such a place must be.

 

Listening to that guy one night helped me through the door of getting out. I already knew it was rediculous, and I was already almost gone. The interview with that author helped me realize that I'm not casting my lot with the likes of these idiots anymore.

 

Good luck,

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I feel for you as well. I'm also estranged from my family, though I'm starting to see how much luckier I am it isn't because of religion but just the fact they are a bunch of douchebags.

 

It's really hard to have to declare someone you love "dead" to you because they can't act like rational human beings or be respectful. No, it's not too much to ask. Throw the book away and cuddle close the people in your life that DO honor and respect you.

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Several months ago, my mother excommunicated me and my daughter (who is only 11 years old) from herself.

 

That's really horrible. When my wife and I were dealing with the initial episode in its aftermath, we considered it a consolation to us that at least our daughter was only 2 years old at the time and wouldn't remember her grandmother.

 

Our situations do seem to have a lot of parallels. I hope your mother does follow through with her call for no further contact. Were it not for the sick story behind it, it would seem crazy to say something like that, but we can raise our children with love and supportiveness, and in our particular cases it looks like we can best do that without our mothers in the picture.

 

I know what you mean about if there was an apology. I'd find it pretty impossible to trust my mother no matter what.

 

What part of the country did you grow up in?

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.

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As to that book.

 

Florida, where down South bible belt fundyism survives within a melting pot of transplants from other regions. My mother had Midwestern roots.

 

Ordinarily, I'd just ignore the, but I might read through it just to see how crazy this guy is. Remember the urban legend about the hole they drilled in Scandinavia and heard human screams from hell? There was a story about in years ago in the "Weekly World News." Once my mother used that one on me, too. She said, "SCIentists, drilled a hole and heard HUMAN SCREAMS!" with her special emphasis on SCIentists to appeal to my sense or reason. I think she really expects that I'd revere anything alleged to come from a scientist without checking further just because she uses the word "scientist." She also expects me to take this guy's account as proof. Very, very sad. I feel sorry for her. I agree with Panther calling this mental illness. I regret that there was nothing I could do to help her and it had to end up this way, but I did save myself and my wife and I are committed to protecting our children from her if she does try to muscle into the picture.

 

Throw the book away and cuddle close the people in your life that DO honor and respect you.

 

Here, here!

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There is a new book out called the "God Delusion". Forget the author (think its Dawkins?) , anyway he does a nice job at characterizing the whole the phenomena as a mental illness type of thing. (At least fundamentalist crazy religion)

 

 

 

Several months ago, my mother excommunicated me and my daughter (who is only 11 years old) from herself.

 

That's really horrible. When my wife and I were dealing with the initial episode in its aftermath, we considered it a consolation to us that at least our daughter was only 2 years old at the time and wouldn't remember her grandmother.

 

Our situations do seem to have a lot of parallels. I hope your mother does follow through with her call for no further contact. Were it not for the sick story behind it, it would seem crazy to say something like that, but we can raise our children with love and supportiveness, and in our particular cases it looks like we can best do that without our mothers in the picture.

 

I know what you mean about if there was an apology. I'd find it pretty impossible to trust my mother no matter what.

 

What part of the country did you grow up in?

.

.

.

As to that book.

 

Florida, where down South bible belt fundyism survives within a melting pot of transplants from other regions. My mother had Midwestern roots.

 

Ordinarily, I'd just ignore the, but I might read through it just to see how crazy this guy is. Remember the urban legend about the hole they drilled in Scandinavia and heard human screams from hell? There was a story about in years ago in the "Weekly World News." Once my mother used that one on me, too. She said, "SCIentists, drilled a hole and heard HUMAN SCREAMS!" with her special emphasis on SCIentists to appeal to my sense or reason. I think she really expects that I'd revere anything alleged to come from a scientist without checking further just because she uses the word "scientist." She also expects me to take this guy's account as proof. Very, very sad. I feel sorry for her. I agree with Panther calling this mental illness. I regret that there was nothing I could do to help her and it had to end up this way, but I did save myself and my wife and I are committed to protecting our children from her if she does try to muscle into the picture.

 

Throw the book away and cuddle close the people in your life that DO honor and respect you.

 

Here, here!

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