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The Lord Works In Mysterious Ways


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There’s a saying amongst Christians that goes something like this: “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Another, similar saying goes like this: “God’s ways are higher than our ways; his thoughts above ours.” Sayings like these, some of which come straight from the bible, are supposed to indicate how great God is on account of his infiniteness. I mean, how much can a limited, fallible, sinful human being on one little planet in this vast universe know about this infinite, infallible and sinless deity who transcends this entire universe that he is supposed to have, in fact, created. When God does something to us or for us or against us, if our feeble little minds can’t work out why he is doing this thing, we can just trust that because he apparently knows a hell of a lot more than we do, and can see things from a different, heavenly, perspective, he knows what he is doing and everything will be all right in the end.


I used to believe this. I used to believe that God wanted to have a personal relationship with me and wanted to love me and care for me the way my human father never could. I used to wonder why God would inflict intolerable pain on my through my back, or through emotional or psychological pain, or just completely fuck me up. “The Lord works in mysterious ways” was the answer. I used to wonder why God would answer my prayers with, “NO”, “NO, and here’s a shit load of pain and misery for asking”, or he would simply lead me up a garden path, usually resulting in a shit load of pain and misery. The answer to my dilemma, from my loving Christian brothers and sisters was always something like, “Well, you know, The Lord works in mysterious ways.”


Eventually, I got tired of these inadequate and condescending answers from people on whom God had bestowed much blessing, and made the sun shine from their holy arses, and I decided to try to figure it out myself. I began to consider the events that had happened over my life and how God had orchestrated them, and I wondered how God could possibly be glorified by such things as unmitigated pain, having my human father beat the shit out of me so many times, and making me socially and sexually illiterate, and ensuring I have no self confidence and therefore no way of engaging with and succeeding in modern society.


After much such reflection, and reading the bible free from the confusing obfuscation of fashionable Christian dogma, I began to see more clearly the real character of God, and I began to recognise patterns in the things that happened to and around me, and thus, patterns in God’s behaviour. And His behaviour became recognisable to the point where it was and is predictable. God’s ways are not so mysterious after all.


Given my newfound awareness of the predictability of God, I’m now teaching myself to prepare for God’s inevitable actions in any given situation. I can now set myself up in ways that make it almost impossible for God to destroy my plans. I can arrange “win-win” situations. I still have a long way to go, and many issues still need to be sorted. I’m just looking for the “little victories” at the moment. I suppose there’s a lot of atheist folk for whom these issues are somewhat irrelevant, and in a way I envy them for that. But, with the positive events that have already begun in my life, I can now look to the future with optimism.


Remember kids: God is predictable. Once you work out how he works, you can defeat him.

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