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Fun For Spite


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Currently residing with fundy relatives who more or less make me go to their church as I do, I alleviate my boredom and anger by changing the lyrics of the songs in worship service so that they make fun of church and such. I get away with this because the music is so loud that no one can hear me, sitting where I do. I get a kick out of doing this, although in a way I've been doing it for years; I've always changed the lyrics of a song when need be to correct the grammar, and when I got older I started singing the songs in exaggerated accents for my own amusement. I thought of posting about this when I read the lyrics of a song yesterday, called "What a Fiend We Have in Jesus" -- a play on "What a Friend We Have in Jesus".


Anyone else do this for fun, even if you don't have to attend services?

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On the very very rare occasions when I have to go to church for some reason, most of the time I'll just politely stand when others stand and sit when they sit, and not sing or pray when others sing and pray...


But every once in awhile, when I'm in a feisty mood, I'll mangle the Lord's Prayer in particular:


"Darth Vader, who aren't in Heaven,

What was thy name again?

Whether 'tis nobler for the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

With liberty and jugs of wine for owls...etc."


I've debated taking in a clipboard and taking notes, and if anybody asks, telling them, "I'm a field observer for the Moral Majority." Or the EAC, or something like that.


But it really depends on how stroppy I'm feeling. :wicked:

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Not in general, but I DO enjoy plays on words, and I did once amuse myself with how easily


Jesus I adore you

I lay my life before you

How I love you




Jesus I abhor you

I laid my life before you

How I loathe you


Going onto a slight tangent off of this theme:


There was a man who had a dog named Grace. He didn't have a lot of money, but managed to maintain himself and his dog on a meager income he brought in doing odd jobs, and he relied on the one good plumbing wrench that he had for most of his income. Once he nearly lost his prize wrench when it fell out of his tattered tool belt that he couldn't afford to replace. Grace was right by his side when he desperately searched for it and saw his immense relief when he recovered it. Tragically, a short time later, he lost his wrench again before he could afford to replace his toolbelt. This time, his efforts to find it were to no avail. He was devastated now that his best means to support himself and his beloved dog was gone. The next morning, Grace showed up at his bed, wrench in mouth, having found it for her for the master she loved so much. Tears of joy welled up in his eyes knowing that he could continue to provide sustenance for him and Grace. Then, he softly started to sing:


"Amazing Grace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench, like me..."

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I used to amuse myself in church services by daydreaming about fictional characters. I'd go home with tons of ideas for fanfiction, heh.

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I usually think about sex in church. I don't really sing hymns because I never learned them in the first place.


I'm going to a "dessert theater" this month at a church with friends. They put on some sappy play about God and Jesus having an effect on people this time of year, and then they offer a banquet afterwards of chocolate and sugar for free.


Yes, I sold my soul for cheesecake.

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funny enough I posted a separate thread in the Totally Off Topic section with this exact topic. How bizarre :eek:


great minds obviously think alike eh?


Edit: your post started before mine so I stole your thunder :P

I didn't notice this thread earlier obviously. Oops!


Here are my blasphemous offerings:


From the song You Are the King of Glory

Two of the lines go:

You have the words of eternal life

You are Jesus Christ the Lord

I change it to:

You have the words of eternal lies

You are Jesus Christ the fraud


From another song originally from Ulf Ekman's church in Sweden

the first verse goes:

Land after land

Joins in the song

Praising the name of Jesus

Now they're worshipping God's Son

I change it to:

Land after land

Joins in the song

Cursing the name of Jesus

Now they're blaspheming God's Son



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These are great...cheers for "therapeutic" blasphemy! :wicked:


“Blasphemy? No, it is not blasphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy; if He is as little as that, He is beneath it.” (Mark Twain)

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Meh. The most fun I ever had with hymnals was singing "Whosoever Meaneth" like one of the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz.


"Whosoever surely meaneth me!

Surely meaneth me!

Oh, surely meaneth me!"


I'd cock my arms to the side and sway back and forth like the munchinks from the Lollypop Guild. :lol:

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