truth Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 I just spent roughly over a day, minus several hrs this morning over at a very xian friends house. I am having a really diffiuclt time being around her for various reason but the tip of the iceburg as of late is that she has become very religious again as I am no longer believing in the xian faith anymore. As her faith is growing more devout mine has diminsisioned to knowlege and reason. It is hard to see her brainwashing her children into beliving in god.It is hard to take part in the rituals that she is establishing as a parent. I can barely choke out the words to jesus loves me, and sitting in on prayer time was kind of awkward, I did utter an Amen though just to be respectful last night but did not bow my head or close my eyes for the first time. Tonight I put my friends kids to bed by myself. I skipped reading the jesus book we just read two stories anyhow, I did get her to say her prayers however, and was amazed how she has become such a spongue at knowing what to say out of repetition from her mom. Yikes, I had always assumed that I would raise my kids in xianity as well, and now that I no longer have belief it is becoming incredibly difficult to see my godchildren being indocteranated at infancy and toddlerhood. Last night after a few drinks I told my friend that I had gone from being a xian with a small c to an ex- she was shocked... what I thought you were reading your bible was her response. I said I am reading the bible but am still an ex- xian. I am sure she was thinking it is just a phase that I will be convicted and come back to the faith. Geesh. I think I will have to print up some kissing hanks ass stuff or something to show her how I really feel about this religion crap. Hearing her talk about how different xians and how ridiculous they are acting is just driving me nuts if people just realized that they don't have to torture themselves and others because of some dumb and archaic laws that aren't divinly inspired REALLY people stop making others lives misreable because you belive in something that even others who belive don't believe it is just so silly. Yikes, anyhow this past day has made me be so glad for my life, even if it is kind of crazy and I am not sure where it is going...nut I just realized i no longer have to worry of god convicting me on something or finding out what gods will for my life is and if I am in gods will or will god punish me for not following him enough... I just have to answer for myself and my own humanistic morals. I useto leave her house feeling like crap, now I really just feel FREE and glad to go home and live my happy unchartered non-predestined life. And yes I do kind of miss the security of knowing without a doubt that there is a god in control of everything. But honestly I find the idea of a god controlling everthing a bit more scary than not believing. I have been away from the xian lifestyle for so long, that it is a little overwhelming to around it again. I don't really see to many xians for long periods of time anymoe it is a bit of a shock to the brain to remember what I was once like as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 I know what you're talking about. I don't think I could do what you are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truth Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Well yes, I wonder to myself how long I will be able to remain friends with her, we are growing more distant and more distant. I no longer take much stock in her friendly wisdom, I don't really have any other close girlfriends at the moment so it is fun sometimes just to hang out or if I really need to call someone and have a cry... even then I get a bit of a lecture at times on god... We have been friends for a very long time, and I am the unoffical godmother/auntie to her kids. But yeah it is hard, it is amazing the things that comes out of kids immagination too. I have realized that where I am no longer a part of the xian world, I am still in the xian world because I have been it for so long, and just recently began exploring other passions that have lead me to meet new people outside of the church community and world. For years I even worked for a xian company..geesh am so glad that I am not there now. It is funny looking back I can see how slowly getting out of the xian world gradually over the years has eventually brought me to this place.If I was really bored i could make a timeline of my beliefs. And yes I am more happy than I have ever been with religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lapdog Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Isn't it funny, even in a 95% non-churchgoing country like mine, I used to think there were hardly any Christians, but the fact is that my own social circle was full of them and that's the kicker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mongo Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 Isn't it funny, even in a 95% non-churchgoing country like mine, I used to think there were hardly any Christians, but the fact is that my own social circle was full of them and that's the kicker. Um... Ant-artica? Oops, not a country. Um... I know they have churches in Greenland. Um... Monaco? Sure, their either betting or working at the casinos. Um... Palau? Everybody plays Survivor on sundays? Where do you live that has such wonderful statistics? Are the people innumerate or honest? Um... can I move there? Mongo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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