Finally Told My Husband- Not What I Expected...

[sparkyone]

I was surprised to hear that your husband doesn't go to church, because it would seem like he is further along than you think in his thought processes if this is the case. It was several months ago that my husband and I had a discussion about my doubts in the Bible being God's infallible word, and he wondered if that meant I didn't believe in heaven or God anymore. It didn't take him long to conclude how important believing the Bible is to other aspects of belief. I haven't reached any conclusions in that area yet, but he is willing to let me stop attending church if I want to and is pretty accepting of it. He realizes that we can still have a loving marriage and it has actually gotten better over the last few months.

 

sparkyone

[08 hawk]

"He told me that if there is no God, no afterlife, then what IS the point of life?"

 

What is the meaning of life? To live your life to the fullest (especially if you are an Agnostic or Atheist).

[Guest Noogatiger]

As a former fundamentalist for 39 years I struggled with this question even when I was a Christian.

Why would God even bother to create us, and put us through hell on earth at times, and things like wars, disease, famines, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, and having to work like dogs to make a living, just to see if we loved him, when we could not see him, hear him, or even understand his written words.

 

I tell you what I have found since I left Christianity. I don't have any fear that if I believe the wrong thing, or do the wrong things, that I will go to hell. I have no dread that any of my relatives or friends who believed differently are in hell. I don't have to feel quilty just for being human. I can have a drink once in awhile without guilt. I don't have to give my money to the Church and God isn't going to get even with me for it. I don't even have to attend church anymore and God isn't going to get me for it. I can buy a lottery ticket, and not feel condemned. Yet, I can still be a moral, kind, loving and generous person, without this strange book telling me how to live, when this book is really none of those things.

 

So what is the point in life? I love the quote above, "it is to live it."

To live it with as much fun as you can find, to love as much as you can, to help as much as you can, to have friends, to love family, to be free of superstitions, and to live your life in such a way that at least a few people miss you when you are gone, and when bad things come into your life to realize that God isn't doing this crap to you.

[Guest Freethinka]

It's been a couple of weeks since my "coming out" to my hubby. The day after, he acted like the whole thing never happened. Last night ( which was oddly 2 weeks exactly to the day it happened ) the subject came up. I admittedly had a couple of drinks at dinner, and was kind of bold. He informed me that he didn't want to talk about it. He told me that my arguments were "canned" and he felt that I was trying to convince him. Later, he apologized and I apologized and everything was fine, but it's really not fine. He is clearly very unhappy with my beliefs- or lack there of as I think of it. I clearly don't know how to talk about my non-beliefs without sounding canned and like I'm trying to convince him. I just don't see how we can go on with our life and NEVER talk about this- it's going to come up again and I don't want to fight with him! I honestly just don't know how to handle this and now almost regret even telling him in the first place.

[sparkyone]

It's been a couple of weeks since my "coming out" to my hubby. The day after, he acted like the whole thing never happened. Last night ( which was oddly 2 weeks exactly to the day it happened ) the subject came up. I admittedly had a couple of drinks at dinner, and was kind of bold. He informed me that he didn't want to talk about it. He told me that my arguments were "canned" and he felt that I was trying to convince him. Later, he apologized and I apologized and everything was fine, but it's really not fine. He is clearly very unhappy with my beliefs- or lack there of as I think of it. I clearly don't know how to talk about my non-beliefs without sounding canned and like I'm trying to convince him. I just don't see how we can go on with our life and NEVER talk about this- it's going to come up again and I don't want to fight with him! I honestly just don't know how to handle this and now almost regret even telling him in the first place.

 

Hi, Freethinka,

I can sympathize with you since I also am the one "going away" from long-held beliefs. It's been hard at times to try to explain where I'm coming from and I sometimes have felt that I need to prove to my husband that I'm just normal. That should be obvious to him anyway (although normal is such an ambiguous term and he thinks I'm nutty in a good way) so I don't have to explain that and we get along quite well. We've gotten to the point where he is quite willing for me to believe the way I want to, and not go to church if I don't want to, but we don't discuss doctrinal issues very often. Usually I will just get no response if I try to bring up something from a sermon that I want to critique, so I just drop it. It's only been two weeks since you "came out" and in my case it's been several months. It takes time for him to get used to the idea. Just imagine how shocked you would have been if the tables were turned or at least sad and disappointed, worried about your spouse's eternal life, wondering how it would affect your relationship, etc. It has really helped me to put myself in his shoes. He needs to know that his world is not being turned upside down, but you are rethinking and examining your beliefs. I'm remembering how I felt the first time I told my husband I didn't want to go to church anymore, although it was more an attempt to "test the waters", I suppose. It was me reaching a toe out to see just how it might feel to take the plunge. I was practically hysterical about it soon after I told him and begging him not to think I was an awful person and so on. Over time I've learned to handle arguments better and stand my ground if needed. I really think this will get easier for you if you just keep a cool head, calm demeanor (as much as possible!) and continue to be the loving spouse you probably have been all along.

 

Sparkyone

[Guest Noogatiger]

Freethinka,

 

Print out my Bible quiz, and just leave it for him to read sometime. YOu may have to copy to a word processing program and then print.

 

Ultimate Bible Quiz

If the Bible is trully the word of God, all of these questions should have easy answers, right?