Wow Is My Ex A Bitch (and What Else Is New?)

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Just have to rant over this to anyone with "ears to hear" or eyes to read in this case.

 

As some of you know, my ex-wife won in our recent court hearing in which I tried to get more time with my children during summer visitation (among other changes). I only got it written into the agreement that I get every Spring Break (which was a concession she had been giving me already). Since the court gave me nothing more than I already had, I made the decision to be sure I took every possible opportunity for visitation with them despite the cost. I'll worry about that later.

 

So since I now have a week after Christmas with them, I had to scramble to make arrangements before prices got astronomical (as they were already heading that direction). I made plans for my fiance and I to fly into Atlanta on the evening of December 26th. We get in late, around 10:15 or so. We're going to go to Florida to visit my mother, my fiance's mother, and maybe a few furry friends along the way. Our flight out in the morning is at 9:00 a.m. because it was the cheapest available flight when I made the arrangements.

 

I emailed my ex to ask if she would bring the kids to me on December 26th when we got in to Atlanta (admittedly late and I didn't expect that she would, but thought I'd ask) and pick them up on our return (which happens to be a more reasonable hour). I asked her to get back to me as soon as possible so I could make other arrangements if she couldn't. She emailed back and agreed to the pick-up but said she couldn't bring them. I then asked my cousin (who lives in the same area as they do and with whom the children and I stay every time I visit them in Alabama) if he would be able to bring them. He gladly agreed.

 

I emailed my ex again and asked her to please allow my cousin to pick them up on the evening of the 26th to bring them to us in Atlanta so that the kids would have a good night's sleep and not have to be awakened at 4:00 a.m. for a three hour drive to the airport. For some reason ( I think it was how pleasant she was being after she won the overall court hearing ) I thought this would be a no-brainer and she'd happily comply.

 

Wow, is my ex a bitch. Well I get back a scathing email about it not being my cousin's responsibility to bring the children to me, it's mine and that she will NOT release the children to him under any circumstances. Not only that, but she tells me that I have to change my flight on the 27th to a later one. She then tells me how she looked up flights and there is available seating on later flights so I have no excuse not to.

 

WOW, is my ex a bitch. So she assumes to know exactly how much I paid for the flights, that I have a limitless supply of cash on hand and can afford to pay not only the change fees for each ticket, but the differences in fares that there will inevitably be. I told her no, my cousin would be picking them up and if it had to be on the 27th at 4:00 a.m. because she chooses to be unreasonable, then so be it. I have no other alternative. My plans are made and I cannot afford to change them.

 

WOW, is MY ex a bitch. She sends me an email citing our visitation order, which states that "The visiting parent shall provide all transportation necessary for visitation..." and tries to tell me that this means I and I alone MUST pick them up every time they have visitation. I rebutted, saying that I AM providing transportation by having my cousin come to pick them up. She responds with "You have to PROVIDE transportation, not ARRANGE for it." And this woman is in a position of prominence in her area's educational institutions.

 

WOW, is MY ex a BITCH!!! So I do the only thing I can do. I reply with a thinly veiled "eat shit" email telling her that she essentially knows nothing about what she's talking about and that my cousin will be there to pick them up so be ready.

 

I'm completely dissatisfied with my attorney. He takes days to return my calls and has lost THREE TIMES for me. That merits his dismissal, wouldn't you think? So I've been looking for other attorneys along with my fiance. They are giving me very little hope and reassurance. Apparently, this type of matter is entirely judge's discretion. Although there are standards for out of state visitation in place, they are not legal requirements. If the judge has got bad gas on the day of the hearing and is cranky because of it, he can decided that the visiting parent gets NO visitation despite being an upstanding parent and making every attempt possible to see his or her children. What kind of justice is that? Ok, that's extreme and probably wouldn't happen, but look at me! I am doing EVERYTHING possible to maintain contact with my kids including monthly visits and bringing them to my home whenever possible. I call at least twice a week and never miss a birthday or important holiday. As a matter of fact, I make certain that my monthly visits during their birth months fall as close to their birthdays as possible so we can have our own little party.

 

I do ALL of this, yet the judge gave me NO more visitation than I already had. I spent over $1000 only to get it actually written into the schedule that I get every Spring Break. They even took a day AWAY from me on the Christmas vacation I was supposed to get but was not taking due to a verbal agreement with my ex over Thanksgiving and Christmas while the children are young. What in the HELL is that? It is most definitely NOT justice!!!

 

WOW IS MY EX A BITCH!!!

 

AND THE ETOWAH COUNTY ALABAMA COURT SYSTEM IS A CLOSE SECOND!!!

[Llwellyn]

Sorry!

 

I had a friend who would spend hours complaining to me about the Harris County (Houston, Texas) family courts.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Sorry!

 

I had a friend who would spend hours complaining to me about the Harris County (Houston, Texas) family courts.

 

It's amazing how few rights father's still have in this country despite the supposed "Father's Rights Movement." Visitation should be mandated by the state and not left up to the discretion of a judge who can make his decision based on the alkaline content of his farts if he wants to. Of course there should be room left for judges to make amendments when the standard visitation is not in the children's best interests, but when a father shows exceptional effort to be present in the lives of his children, there should be guidelines to force the judge to apply the standard visitation order.

[godlessgrrl]

Wow. Your ex is a bitch.

 

I can't even imagine not cooperating with an ex about any children we might have together - it just ain't right. (Unless he's, say, a child molester or something...) Even if I hated them, it's just... man. Selfish and manipulative and petty to be such a hardass bitch about it.

 

A new lawyer might be a good idea. There are good ones out there, sometimes you have to look around though.

 

Man. Keep fighting. And good luck.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

So NOW...the JUDGE ORDERS my ex to let my cousin bring them on the night BEFORE we leave so the kids don't have to get up at 4:00 AM to drive three hours to the airport and what does SHE do?

 

She tells me SHE will bring them THAT MORNING. So she's MAKING my kids get up out of their warm beds at 4:00 AM the morning they leave to go to FL, have a 3 hour drive to Atlanta, then a 2 hour flight to Florida!!

 

Number ONE, WHO in their RIGHT MIND does this when they have a FEASIBLE ALTERNATIVE???

 

Number TWO, SHE claims to have the KIDS best interests in mind yet she's doing THIS???

 

Number THREE, the kids are going to be MISERABLY TIRED ALL DAY because of HER BULLSHIT!!!

 

WOW IS MY EX-WIFE A BITCH!!!

 

[Legion]

Wow AgnosticBob. From your account she does seem spiteful. I think that acting out of spite is among the worst motives a person can harbor.

 

I'm sorry that you and your children have to live with that kind of thing.

[Unknowing1]

So NOW...the JUDGE ORDERS my ex to let my cousin bring them on the night BEFORE we leave so the kids don't have to get up at 4:00 AM to drive three hours to the airport and what does SHE do?

 

 

So the judge orders that the cousin bring them and she is now going against the order? Sounds to me that it would be contempt of court if she doesn't follow that order.

 

Using innocent children as pawns to get at you. Doesn't say much for her character.

 

I would find another lawyer pronto, try to go back to court and use this situation as an example of what type of parent she really is. She doesn't have the kids best interests at heart!

 

Good luck to you Agnostic Bob.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Thanks for the messages of support.

 

Of course I can't get in touch with my attorney...AGAIN...so I can't ask about her deciding to bring them in the morning instead of doing as the judge ordered. I think as long as she's not denying me them, she can get them to the airport any way she sees fit.

 

You can bet I'm going back to court (hopefully with a new attorney) and using these actions against her. There is absolutely no reason for her to behave the way she is. She doesn't even attempt to give me ANY type of reason for her refusal to let my cousin drive them. She doesn't tell me they had plans the night of the 26th or ANYTHING. She's just a spiteful, petty bitch. I wish she was in a more liberal state and I had a shot at getting custody. I thought it would be best for them to be with their mother, but now I really think it's not.

[Alice]

Hi there,

 

I'd like to offer a slightly different perspective. I work within the UK Family Court system (boo hiss I know!!) Although the bulk of my work is in public law (adoption, child protection, care proceedings and so on) I also work with some private law situations (contact and residence).

 

I agree that your ex is not behaving at all well but in my experience the key to improving life for children post relationship breakdowns, is for there to be a reduction in conflict and although it is the court system that pays my wages I always advise parents to stay out of court where ever possible and only ever resort to the use of lawyers when all other options have been ruled out. Eventhough the Courts are supposed to be non adversarial in family matters - they still often escalate tension and hostility. I'm assuming that the UK and the US are similar in this.

 

If you and your ex are able to communicate by e-mail about arrangements, I'd question whether you need a solicitor at all! Save yourself the money (and spend it on having fun with your children!)

 

It's the context that creates a situation. One of the best things about my family holidays as a child was getting up at 3am (my Father was obsessed with avoiding traffic jams!) It seemed special and exciting. Getting up at 3am or 4am is only a problem if its approached with tension, anxiety and irritation. (I'm not saying that your ex isn't being crazy opting for this option without explanation! ... Just that you can set the context for your children)

 

In your situation I would send an e-mail to my ex something along these lines.

 

First I'd try to take the wind out of the ex's sails and help her step down off the treadmill of perpetual conflict. Something like ...

 

I just wanted to thank you for saying that you would bring the children over on the 26th. I really had not intended for you to have to do this and it does seem that we had both arrived at a different understanding of what was meant by____ (however the judge worded the arrangements). The children get on so well with ___ (name of cousin) that I had genuinely thought this would be a good idea. But in the circumstances I'm truly grateful for your help.

 

Then something to get alongside her ...

 

Sometimes I find it hard to work out how we ever ended up in conflict over the children. With hindsight I know there have been situations in the past I should have handled differently. I miss them so much and I guess this adds to the anxiety I experience around contact arrangements. I know how I feel when I say goodbye to them. But I do want for us to be able to manage this well together for the children.

 

I don't know the basis or duration of your relationship but if you have good times to appeal to - I'd do that next - something about remembering all the hopes and dreams you had together for your children, how special their arrival was to both of you ...

 

Everynow and then when I'm working with estranged parents they get to a point when they can both put their anger at the break-up of their relationship aside - and say to each other, the one thing we would never change is the fact that we had our children, because they are the best children in the world.

 

Days like that I love my job!

 

Hope you have a wonderful time - and if they are little enough to be tired out on their flight just turn it into an opportunity to snuggle them more!

 

You mentioned that you previously thought it was good for your children to be with your ex. I would doubt that your judgement was necessarily that badly off first time - conflict clouds things. Even though she doesn't deserve to have you behave this reasonable - your children do. Maybe look for things in your children that show she is being a good parent at other times and after the visit, write to her again and comment positively.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Thanks for the tips Alice.

 

Believe me, court was NOT where I wanted to end up over this, but my ex-wife is a control FREAK. This last response from her has just proven it to me beyond a shadow of a doubt. I left our marriage not hating this woman. I still cared for her as she IS the mother of my children. Her behavior over the last two years has ripped the last bit of fondness I may have still had for her from my heart and shredded it into a bazillion pieces. I hate her with ever fiber of my being and playing "nice" now may be entirely impossible for me.

 

I tried in the beginning to work with her on the visitations. I was prepared to take only two weeks in the summer of the first year as my daughter was still very young (she was three) and it would be her first time away from her mother for that long. That year, she fought me over the dates when I was going to take the children for visitation. (control freak) She had asked me to take a specific two week period and I told her that if I could, I would. It turned out that I could not because of work. I did not want to have the children here for two weeks and have to work all of it. So I explained my situation to her VERY nicely and she REFUSED to let me have them for the dates I had requested. I BEGGED her and she still told me no (control freak). She even had the gall to use this opportunity to tell me she was pregnant AND that if she had any complications with the birth, she and I were going to “go around.” Now let me clarify that she and I had two children and during BOTH pregnancies, she had serious complications due to preeclampsia. My son was born two months and my daughter six weeks premature due to it. She then tries to blame stress brought on by our arguments as the reason she has complications with her third child? I don’t think so. (control freak)

 

The only way I was able to get any relief was to contact my attorney who then contacted HER attorney who then told her she’d better shape her ass up and give me the dates I asked for or she would be in trouble with the courts. So do I get ANY kind of an apology for any of it? No. She calls and says she was able to rearrange HER plans, so now I can have the dates I requested. (control freak) It always has to be her way. If it is NOT her way, she’ll find a way to spin it and MAKE it her way. (control freak)

 

This year, I asked her very nicely to allow me to take my 3 weeks of visitation consecutively rather than have them split into a two and one situation which would cost me a lot more. She solidly refused. (control freak) I tried to talk to her about it but she was unyielding and would give me no explanation other than ridiculous things like "I'm not letting my pool go to waste." (control freak) Her FUCKING SWIMMING POOL!!! I was dumbfounded.

 

I then contacted my attorney in order to get my visitation schedule modified to suit being out of state. I was entirely sick of having to fight with my ex over SOME aspect of visitation each year. I assumed that the courts would be compassionate to my situation and work for me. I had to get an emergency hearing to try to get my 3 weeks consecutively for this past summer. If my ex had not stalled it by saying she wanted to be heard by the judge and therefore requiring an actual court hearing, I would have gotten it. Unfortunately, the next open date for a hearing was TWO DAYS before the children were coming out for their visit. If they stayed for three weeks, they would have been back to their mother with only about three or four days before school started. The judge didn’t want them cutting it that close, so he compromised and gave me an extra three days. Of course, giving me three days extra put me in a huge bind if I took it. I would have to change all our return trip airline tickets (change fee plus fare difference…two weeks from departure prices would be high) and I’d have to take days off of work to take them back in the middle of the week and not get to take the days off to spend with them while they were here. If I had known this was going to be the only reason I wasn’t getting my third week consecutively, I would have scheduled the visit earlier. As it was, I was trying to be nice to MY EX and take them during a time when she would be WORKING. Is she ever grateful for this type of thing? HELL NO. (control freak)

 

So the judge tells the attorneys, hers specifically, if this comes back to court, I WOULD GET MORE TIME. I was elated. Finally, someone was going to work things out in my favor instead of hers. As we’ve seen, such wasn’t the case. The judge was voted out of office between the summer and the time of the hearing for the modification. He took the easiest way out (change nothing, leave it for the succeeding judge) and I got screwed. AGAIN. The judge was rushed because my ex was AN HOUR LATE for the hearing. She apparently thought it was at 4:00 PM when it was at 10:00 AM. So he wasn’t in the mood for the usual ask for the moon and get something halfway deals. Maybe had I said precisely what I wanted, I might have gotten it.

 

Anyway, my point is this. This woman is only going to fight me. As long as I disagree with her decisions, she will not stop fighting me. (control freak) I have spent far too much time trying to massage her ego and I refuse to do so anymore. Once it is written into a legally binding agreement that I have adequate visitation with my children, maybe things can go back to being nice. However, as long as I’m asking for more, she will be going for my jugular. The thing that shows me UNDENIABLY that she is just trying to control me and the children is that if I were still living in that little shit hole of a town, I could have them as often as I liked. She has said precisely this to me. When I come into town to visit them (which I do monthly) she is more than glad to give them to me. If I were to go stay in Boaz, Alabama for the entire summer, she would no doubt be GLAD to let me have them for four or five weeks solid. NO ARGUMENTS. But because I want to bring them to my new home, she will not have it. It is nothing more than the fact that she has lost a sense of control while they are away from her. She is an absolute control freak.

 

If I can suppress my ire, I may try your suggestion about the "pleasant" email. However, it will just enforce to her that she's in control (she's not having to apologize for her inappropriate behavior and I am) and I've spent long enough under this woman's thumb. Guess we'll see.

[Alice]

Let me say first off - after reading your e-mail I have no doubt whatsoever that playing nice is well within your capabilities, eventhough you feel as though she's pushed you right to thte edge.

 

You have already done an amazing job trying to make sure that visits are helpful to everyone and right for the children.

 

I would agree with your assessment that your ex is acting like a control freak and that this seems to be focused on visits involving the children seeing you in your new home.

 

Have you any theories as to why she behaves this way? Control freaks are usually really insecure about the aspect of their life they are trying to control. Working out why she behaves this way may help to find a way forward.

 

I like the way you contain much of your frustration with your ex in brackets. Your children are lucky to have you.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

Let me say first off - after reading your e-mail I have no doubt whatsoever that playing nice is well within your capabilities, eventhough you feel as though she's pushed you right to thte edge.

 

You have already done an amazing job trying to make sure that visits are helpful to everyone and right for the children.

 

I would agree with your assessment that your ex is acting like a control freak and that this seems to be focused on visits involving the children seeing you in your new home.

 

Have you any theories as to why she behaves this way? Control freaks are usually really insecure about the aspect of their life they are trying to control. Working out why she behaves this way may help to find a way forward.

 

I like the way you contain much of your frustration with your ex in brackets. Your children are lucky to have you.

 

About why she is a control freak, no. But yeah, I have other theories. She hated her stepmother and hated going to her Dad's house when she was young. Her stepmother was a bitch to my ex and her brother because she wanted her husband all to herself and her own family. I'm sure she's trying to "protect" her kids from going through what she did, but she's completely wrong. I've told her time and time again that my girlfriend loves my children as if they were her own. My kids love her too. Our situations are entirely different. But she doesn't care. I'm not her shrink. She needs one, but I'm not it.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

I'm so close to be ready to give up. I just got my copy of the modified visitation order in the mail yesterday. Now remember that I went to court over this to get more time with my kids. Well, I knew I wasn't getting anything more because of what my attorney told me the judge had said. I didn't expect what came to me yesterday.

 

I originally had three weeks of visitation in the summer, separated into a one week and a two week period, non-consecutive. It said nothing about WHERE I had to take my visitation. I could take them to Timbuktu so long as I informed my ex.

 

NOW, the order reads that I take them for two weeks IN CALIFORNIA and one week IN ALABAMA!!! I fucking swear, everyone in the state of FUCKING ALABAMA must be brain-damaged. I went to court for this!!! I paid money to hire an attorney to get more time with my kids and I come out MORE restricted in the end than I was in the beginning!!! FUCKING HELL!!!! I just want to vomit, scream, ram my head into the wall, punch something, kick something, scream some more, and then collapse and sleep for a week. I cannot believe this shit. What in the HELL has happened to justice in the USA? Where does someone have to go in order to be undeniably given their rights? All I want is time with my kids. Why is it so damned difficult to get my parental rights enforced?

[Leaf]

Sad sorry guy...that sucks

America is a lost cause..I use to be a US Soldier 10 years...I plan to give up my citizenship.I have no respect for the America today..its a total garbage can land.

I am sooo happy I never married an American WOMEN!!!!

I feel for you man. I am in 3 relationships myself now "I am a advocate of polygamny..non-religious or pagen. I feel one man-one women is not the ideal and most will cheat after a few years together..EVEN CHRISTIANS>..When I was still in church pretending to be a Chritians I had affairs with married Chritians women all the time.

[Unknowing1]

I'm so close to be ready to give up. I just got my copy of the modified visitation order in the mail yesterday. Now remember that I went to court over this to get more time with my kids. Well, I knew I wasn't getting anything more because of what my attorney told me the judge had said. I didn't expect what came to me yesterday.

 

I originally had three weeks of visitation in the summer, separated into a one week and a two week period, non-consecutive. It said nothing about WHERE I had to take my visitation. I could take them to Timbuktu so long as I informed my ex.

 

NOW, the order reads that I take them for two weeks IN CALIFORNIA and one week IN ALABAMA!!! I fucking swear, everyone in the state of FUCKING ALABAMA must be brain-damaged. I went to court for this!!! I paid money to hire an attorney to get more time with my kids and I come out MORE restricted in the end than I was in the beginning!!! FUCKING HELL!!!! I just want to vomit, scream, ram my head into the wall, punch something, kick something, scream some more, and then collapse and sleep for a week. I cannot believe this shit. What in the HELL has happened to justice in the USA? Where does someone have to go in order to be undeniably given their rights? All I want is time with my kids. Why is it so damned difficult to get my parental rights enforced?

 

Oh my, wtf! AgnosticBob I have no advice to give. I am so sorry this happened, I just can't believe this! What in the heck is the Judge thinking?

[Alice]

About why she is a control freak, no. But yeah, I have other theories. She hated her stepmother and hated going to her Dad's house when she was young. Her stepmother was a bitch to my ex and her brother because she wanted her husband all to herself and her own family. I'm sure she's trying to "protect" her kids from going through what she did, but she's completely wrong. I've told her time and time again that my girlfriend loves my children as if they were her own. My kids love her too. Our situations are entirely different. But she doesn't care. I'm not her shrink. She needs one, but I'm not it.

 

Wow - the power the past has over some people. Although I see this often in my work (people superimposing their own past experiences onto current situations ... ) the way in which people repeat patterns or seem to engineer situations where the past can be repeated .. is still disturbing.

 

Please be careful.

 

 

I'm so close to be ready to give up. I just got my copy of the modified visitation order in the mail yesterday. Now remember that I went to court over this to get more time with my kids. Well, I knew I wasn't getting anything more because of what my attorney told me the judge had said. I didn't expect what came to me yesterday.

 

I originally had three weeks of visitation in the summer, separated into a one week and a two week period, non-consecutive. It said nothing about WHERE I had to take my visitation. I could take them to Timbuktu so long as I informed my ex.

 

NOW, the order reads that I take them for two weeks IN CALIFORNIA and one week IN ALABAMA!!! I fucking swear, everyone in the state of FUCKING ALABAMA must be brain-damaged. I went to court for this!!! I paid money to hire an attorney to get more time with my kids and I come out MORE restricted in the end than I was in the beginning!!! FUCKING HELL!!!! I just want to vomit, scream, ram my head into the wall, punch something, kick something, scream some more, and then collapse and sleep for a week. I cannot believe this shit. What in the HELL has happened to justice in the USA? Where does someone have to go in order to be undeniably given their rights? All I want is time with my kids. Why is it so damned difficult to get my parental rights enforced?

 

I don't understand your court system - it sounds like you and your ex left the court hearing in the hands of your attorneys and didn't then participate in the hearing? I guess this might be to do with the distances. In the UK, parents would generally attend and there is generally a worker involved whose role is to put the best interests of the children before the court (who has no allegience to either parent)

 

The system here is not without its faults but I would hope that we offer a better service than you have received (not that this is any comfort to you!)

 

Please don't give up.

 

You do need to proceed with caution where your frustration is concerned. Too easily could this now become a 'self fulfilling prophecy' where either giving up or letting your frustration get the better of you - will confirm to your ex that she was right to 'try and protect' the children from the situation she found so difficult as a child.

 

A positive relationship with both their parents is such a precious and irreplaceable gift for children.

[R. S. Martin]

I am not familiar with court systems and attorneys and judges and the whole caboodle. It does seem that something really funny is going on. It seems like someone somewhere is lying about something or someone. People just don't behave this way unless they have a really major agenda of some kind.

 

I don't know if this is possible or legal, but my suggestion would be to find someone who is totally new to the situation and get their perspective on how to handle things. Someone who has never heard a thing about this via word of mouth or gossip or been formally/legally involved. Talk to this person before he or she has access to the record. Maybe catch them over their coffee break or whatever.

 

Get their full attention. Ask an attention-grabbing question or make an attention-grabbing statement regarding your case. Present it as a simple but desperate plea for a word of advice. The desperation is necessary because otherwise you will be shunted off to the secretary, made to book an appointment long in advance, allowing for lots of time to review the entire case and develop biases based on who-knows-what.

 

If the person is happy to listen forge ahead. If not, find someone who is. I've heard the two sides of so many stories that I can almost hear what your ex is telling the legal system. And it's not pleasant. Huge blown-up accounts of your negligence with no regard to the truthfulness of the accounts. Equally exagerated accounts of her own care for the children, again with no regard for truthfulness.

 

I don't know if she does this but I have read stories of children whose abusive parent put them in a situation that forced them to profess to social workers that they were being adequately cared for by the abusive parent when they were not. She is probably not being abusive but she is being very uncooperative and seems capable of scheming/lying to get her way.

 

This is why I suggest you talk with someone before they get a chance to review the record. If you were able to win their heart upfront, it would probably have an influence on how the record is reviewed. Be absolutely honest and upfront about things that concern the courts.

 

Don't tell the person your name before he or she has first listened to and demonstrated a sincere interest in your case--not just your case, but in you as a person in need of help. A person who needs your name and an appointment before listening to your distress is probably not the right person at this point in the game. Test the situation with some insignificant but sensitive question regarding father's visitation rights. You need to know that this person believes you completely--without money or even the prospect of getting you as a client.

 

Hold back on your opinion on your ex. Present the facts and the injustice of the situation. Ask what you can do about it. Simple, straighforward, to the point, appropriately desperate but not so desperate as to arrouse suspicion of wrong motives.

 

I don't know if this will work but it looks as though you have to go outside the formality of the system to get justice. Be prepared for ANYTHING so far as your ex's reports are concerned. That is all I know to suggest. I've gotten places in life because I impressed a person outside of regular work hours or the office. I go via the system except when I am feeling especially vulnerable or unsure. Some people in a position to help seem to like being sought out as confidantes in such situations.

 

All the best and let us know how it comes off.

[AgnosticBob AtheistPants]

I don't understand your court system - it sounds like you and your ex left the court hearing in the hands of your attorneys and didn't then participate in the hearing? I guess this might be to do with the distances. In the UK, parents would generally attend and there is generally a worker involved whose role is to put the best interests of the children before the court (who has no allegience to either parent)

 

Alice,

No, we were both present for the hearing. The judge heard both sides and then had us leave the room. He then told the attornies what he was going to say in the modified order. I've been told by another attorney that this was improper procedure on the part of the judge. He shouldn't have told the attornies anything and should have written the order, then signed it and sent it down. As it is, this damned order apparently made the rounds among the attornies before it was even signed. My attorney told me that my ex-wife's attorney had it and MADE MODIFICATIONS to it, then resubmitted it to the judge. Not sure what kind of HORSESHIT that was, but I intend to find out. My attorney wrote me a letter letting me know he was closing his file on this case, so good damned riddance. I'll not be using him again.

 

I'm definitely pursuing this with another attorney, preferably a specialist in Alabama Family Law. Unfortunately, a town as small as this one doesn't have an attorney that can afford to specialize in one field. It's absolutely hilarious that my girlfriend and I have searched for attornies from neighboring large cities and the majority of them refused to even set foot in this county. Tells me A LOT about what I'm up against.

 

Anyway, from the things I've been told, there's a good chance that we can get this thrown out. I certainly hope so. Got to try soon though. Don't have much time left before it can't be appealed. I wish it hadn't have had to take place so near the holidays. Makes it difficult to get a hold of anyone.

 

 

Ruby,

 

Thanks for the advice. I'll certainly take it to heart while I'm searching for another attorney.

[webmdave]

Alabama sucks.

 

I lived there for six years. Great weather. Stupid people. Ex-wife.

 

I feel your pain. And I've lived some of what you are going through.

 

If you want to talk to someone who has walked a bit in your shoes, contact me off board.