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Is This Normal For A Pastor?


ThinkingForMyself
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Hi there!

 

I'm new to this site. Well, actually I've been reading other people's posts. I like knowing that I'm not the only one who has decided to return to reality and make my own decisions in life.

 

I don't want to bore everyone so I'll make this as short as possible.

 

I'm a single 29 year old female. I left christianity and started my deconversion process about 6 months ago. I spent about 9 years in church. Actively involved in different groups and even volunteered a few times. I went in search of answers to life and a place to belong. What I found were groups of people who were very judgemental, stuck-up, and thought they were God's gift to the world. When I was diagnosed with depression my family doctor put me on medications and I saw a regular therapist. That's where I was challenged to see reality. I tried prayer, but like others on this site, I never heard God and realized that it was all in my head. Since I stopped going to church I've been so much happier. It's a weight off of my shoulders. No pretending or trying to live up to anyone else's expectations, just be me and do what I want with my life.

 

So getting to the pastor who I just don't understand. He's a pastor at a Baptist church (senior pastor). I think this guy is old enough to be my Dad. This is a married man. Before I was diagnosed with depression I talked to him on occasion. So he's gotten to know me a fair bit over the years. I think he's a nice guy but I just find him to be a little different. For some reason a few months after I stopped going to church he decided to start e-mailing me. He seemed really keen on meeting with me. One night he just showed up at my home. He still wants to meet with me again.

 

I don't know if any of you guys have experienced this or know someone who has. It just has me wondering what does he want? Is he trying to get me to go back to the brainwashing machine? Does he have immoral intentions? I've been wondering about this for a while now.

 

Any of you guys have any ideas?

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For some reason a few months after I stopped going to church he decided to start e-mailing me. He seemed really keen on meeting with me. One night he just showed up at my home. He still wants to meet with me again.

 

I don't know if any of you guys have experienced this or know someone who has. It just has me wondering what does he want? Is he trying to get me to go back to the brainwashing machine? Does he have immoral intentions? I've been wondering about this for a while now.

 

Any of you guys have any ideas?

 

I'd bet dollars to doughnuts he has immoral intentions. Mark Foley only aggressively pursued the young pages who left the page program, those who he thought were out of the loop who couldn't get him in trouble.

 

The fact he showed up at your home unannounced and uninvited is a big red alert. I would communicate with this man through writing, saving all copies for yourself, that his behavior is inappropriate and you're not interested in what he has to offer. Bottom line he has NO business coming to your home like that and if you feel uncomfortable, let him know, and let him know strongly, nicely at first and all that, but firmly.

 

I think if he wanted to bring you back into the fold or save your soul or whatever, he would have brought you into his realm... the church... and not come into your territory unannounced. It sounds very shady.

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He may very well at least feel some emotional connection and justify it with the thought that the good shepherd will leave the ninety and nine and go in search of the lost sheep or something like that. I would not go down whatever road it is that he hopes for.

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He may very well at least feel some emotional connection and justify it with the thought that the good shepherd will leave the ninety and nine and go in search of the lost sheep or something like that. I would not go down whatever road it is that he hopes for.
Not to gainsay Ficino, but no. He's after you hon. Trust me, I know.
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None of his behaviours are up front.

 

Showing up unannounced is the kicker (unbiblical too). He will most certainly present the best intentions and would love to pray with you and as soon as he can, prey upon you.

 

He's a guy, you make him hot. That happens to guys, even old ones.

 

He needs a clear "I'm not interested in you. Please stop contacting me." I've read that namby pamby turn downs leaves men who like to pursue thinking that the possibility exists when in reality the woman thinks he'll get the hint.

 

Mongo

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I agree with the others. He wants something, and whatever he wants probably isn't something you want to give. Tell him politely but clearly to leave you alone.

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http://www.ex-christian.net/index.php?showtopic=13265

 

This threat seemed pertinant...unfortunately the thread on CF forums referred to mysteriously went *poof!* when we started discussing it here..... :scratch:

 

But to the point.....authoritative christians see non-christians as potential USEABLES. Ever notice those evangelicals might condemn something like....prostitution from the pulpit, but they don't persue the abolition of prostitution the way they do something like abortion? Isn't that interesting? Wonder why? Maybe a look at the news the past few months has an answer......just how many ministers and evangelists have gotten "caught" lately?

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Hey, welcome to the site, You are about the same age as me :woohoo:

 

Yeah, that guy sounds like he is after something, you should definitely tell him to take a hike.

 

Either, a misguided and unwelcome attempt to "reconvert" you, or something more, either way, you probably have better things to do with your time.

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I agree with the others; he's mainly out for what's between your legs.

 

Tell him to leave you alone or else you'll get the law on his ass - and follow through if that threat alone doesn't scare him off.

 

Welcome to the site, btw :wave:

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Unwanted emails are called "harassment" where I come from, and an unwanted someone showing up unannounced at your door is called "stalking". Both are illegal.

 

The answer to the insistent pressure to meet up that you're getting from this guy is a firm, direct, clear, "NO." You need to tell him, if you haven't already, that you're NOT interested in meeting him, and tell him directly to leave you alone. Email is okay for this - make sure you BCC your communications to a third party, and keep multiple copies of all communications with this guy in multiple places (i.e., a hard copy of every email, plus a copy on your mail server, and a copy on your own computer somewhere). Start keeping a log of his attempts to contact you, recording when and where, what the medium was (did he email? phone? drop by?) and what happened.

 

If you do not want to see him, simply state to him: "I am not interested in getting together. Please do not contact me again in any way."

 

If he persists, tell him again: "I do not want to see you. Do not phone, drop by, email, or otherwise contact me. If you do so, I will consider it an act of harassment and will contact the appropriate authorities." Then follow through. Contact an attorney, enlist the support and awareness of friends, family members, and coworkers (if necessary on the latter). The more people are aware that this nut is after you, the better.

 

Do not take any excuses from him as to why he's contacted you. If he protests or whines about "I only wanted to X," do not listen. The only acceptable response from him is something along the lines of "I apologize and will not disturb you further", or no contact at all.

 

My guess is that he wants to strongarm you back into the church, though I agree with other posters here that there's probably something sexual going on with him. In any case, it would probably be just fine to be paranoid and assume that his intentions, whatever they are, are NOT honorable, and NOT in your best interests.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted.

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I would say listen to your instincts. Get an answering machine with caller id if you do not have one already, and ban him from sending mail to your e-mail account (most e-mail services have a block user option). If you don't do this already, make sure your doors and windows are locked and don't answer the door if he comes by. If he persists in harassing you, contact the authorities.

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Thanks guys,

 

It's nice to know that I'm not crazy when I think that this man has an agenda of his hown.

 

It makes sense now why he would target me. I no longer attend church. I don't partitipate in any of their activities. Nor do I communicate with anyone there. He probably figures that he can get away with anything he wants.

 

This is just one more case of delusional thinking by a 'christian'. Its so sad that they are so out of touch with reality. He probably hasn't considered the fact that he can lose his job and what ever credentials/licenses he holds at this point. What a misuse of trust and position.

 

I'll keep you all posted on how things go.

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yeah that IS a bit odd turning up at your house like that. I agree with the others, a pretty obvious conclusion to come to.

 

Hope things are okay for you whatever happens.

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At risk of making this thread sound like a broken record, I have to agree with the others: most likely he has carnal motives. Even if he didn't, the only other explanation (less likely than the first) would be that he wants to reconvert you. But either way, the guy's bad news.

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I hate to be the voice of dissension but at my old church the parishioners were a bit older for the most part and so the pastor did drop by unannounced. They tended to appreciate it. If that's your old church then perhaps it's just habit on his part?

 

That being said, he is a guy...so I have to also agree with everyone else too. Don't let your guard down.

 

mwc

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Keep in mind I wholeheartedly agree with what others have said. Best to just shut yourself off to him and make it impossible for him to contact you again, after telling him sternly to leave you alone.

 

One of these days he'll get his. One of these days someone will catch him on a hidden camera and show it to his parish or do something similar and he'll be done for as far as preaching or anything else. There's a lot of these types being 'exposed' (no pun intended) so it's just a matter of time.

 

Don't let it be you that gets tangled up in his mess.

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I've actually had a preacher or two show up at my house without any invite. It really irked and creeped me out and back then I was still (sort of) an Christian at the time. Particularly when one of them stuck their foot in my door so I couldn't shut it. It's my belief from my personal experience that many of these preachers will take advantage of of a young woman if they see a chance because they think they can get away with it. It sounds like to me, that that is what this one pastor may be doing.

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I hate to be the voice of dissension but at my old church the parishioners were a bit older for the most part and so the pastor did drop by unannounced. They tended to appreciate it. If that's your old church then perhaps it's just habit on his part?

 

That being said, he is a guy...so I have to also agree with everyone else too. Don't let your guard down.

 

mwc

 

As someone that used to evangelize door to door and make visits, we went unannounced quite often because some folks would avoid you if they knew you were coming, but would talk to you if you caught them home. It's a tactic that Baptists of the branch I came from use. This pastor may be innocent, but he is making you uncomfortable anyway and so tell him to stop it. If its innocent he'll think you are over reacting and that Satan has put evil thoughts in your mind about him. If its not innocent, then you need him to go away, and its not worth taking a chance.

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When I was still a Christian I had two fellows from the local Baptist church show up at my door at about 8:30 pm unannounced. I attended a different Baptist church at the time, but I confronted them about their stupidity. These young fellows were obviously in the military and so knew that most of the division was gone downrange, and so the wives were home alone. Yet they went out visiting late at night. I told them no woman in her right mind would or should open the door to two young military men while their man was gone, no matter what their intentions were.

 

Basically they were being stupid for Jesus, and I confronted them about it.

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Hi there!

 

I'm new to this site. Well, actually I've been reading other people's posts. I like knowing that I'm not the only one who has decided to return to reality and make my own decisions in life.

 

I don't want to bore everyone so I'll make this as short as possible.

 

I'm a single 29 year old female. I left christianity and started my deconversion process about 6 months ago. I spent about 9 years in church. Actively involved in different groups and even volunteered a few times. I went in search of answers to life and a place to belong. What I found were groups of people who were very judgemental, stuck-up, and thought they were God's gift to the world. When I was diagnosed with depression my family doctor put me on medications and I saw a regular therapist. That's where I was challenged to see reality. I tried prayer, but like others on this site, I never heard God and realized that it was all in my head. Since I stopped going to church I've been so much happier. It's a weight off of my shoulders. No pretending or trying to live up to anyone else's expectations, just be me and do what I want with my life.

 

So getting to the pastor who I just don't understand. He's a pastor at a Baptist church (senior pastor). I think this guy is old enough to be my Dad. This is a married man. Before I was diagnosed with depression I talked to him on occasion. So he's gotten to know me a fair bit over the years. I think he's a nice guy but I just find him to be a little different. For some reason a few months after I stopped going to church he decided to start e-mailing me. He seemed really keen on meeting with me. One night he just showed up at my home. He still wants to meet with me again.

 

I don't know if any of you guys have experienced this or know someone who has. It just has me wondering what does he want? Is he trying to get me to go back to the brainwashing machine? Does he have immoral intentions? I've been wondering about this for a while now.

 

Any of you guys have any ideas?

 

He has immoral intentions.

 

You actually see a fair amount of this among pastors. A lot of churches teach that sexual feelings are wrong, and some people immerse themselves in religion to counter their "urges", and manage to cover them for a while. And then there's the whole power thing.

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In my opinion, change your locks and get yourself an unlisted number. This is insane- no pastor should break the trust of his "flock", even if they have left.

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