Guest rick2 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Greetings, I'm new to exchristian.net and have a delima, I am an exchristian as well as a former minister. I found out that I could be kind, compassionate and considerate without the bible and threats of damnation. I do have a religion, it's called “kindness”. The story begins.. I have a chronic illness, in July I was admitted to the hospital at deaths door. My aunt whom is my only surviving family member has been pressuring me to go to church for a long time, i just avoid the subject, shes and elderly lady and recently re-discovered fellowship in the church. and I would never ever do anything to hurt her, but she is worried about my soul, I am not I'm at peace with myself for the first time in my life. So her pastor finds out through her that I'm in the hospital and of course he comes to visit me, I didn't mind this at all, although I do feel pastors and their fold prey on the sick, ill, and dying. I enjoy the conversation although I usually steer the conversation away from religion. The pastor is a highly educated man, who holds legitimate non-theological based degrees. Now that I'm doing better, I find the pastor coming to my home for visits, yes they are announced visits, and he is a very nice man. He just suffers from a disease worse than mine. Southern Baptism, even when I was involved in religion I even shyed away from baptist, I didn't agree with them then, I definitely do not agree with them now, I refuse to accept that if there is indeed a GOD he will send everyone to hell that is not of the baptist faith, that seems to be the synopsis of that sect. Anyway my delima is that I do not want to hurt my aunt, she gets rather upset when I pontificate on how religion is a destructive force. I love her very much, she's been my mother since my mother has passed, but I can not go on with this facade that I'm remotely interested in becoming a bible thumping drone again. I'm sure you nice people have heard similar stories over and over. I just need some input and ideals to deal with this issue. Even how some of you guys would deal with this. Thanks in advanced ! Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 What denomination were you a pastor in? What does your aunt think of you no longer being one? Are you no longer one because of health? I bet it would be hard for her to accept knowing that you were once a part of the ministry. I don't have much advice to give... sounds definitely like a tough situation. Perhaps you could dispel some of her frustration by explaining why you aren't attracted to Southern Baptist churches (tactfully of course) and that you're in a no-man's land at the moment. If she's reasonable, she'll leave you alone, if she's not, she may try even harder to get you to go to church. Some here would advocate more extreme approaches, but if you live with her, it's different. I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for sharing your story. Welcome to the site, you'll find lots of friends here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rick2 Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 What denomination were you a pastor in? What does your aunt think of you no longer being one? Are you no longer one because of health? I bet it would be hard for her to accept knowing that you were once a part of the ministry. I don't have much advice to give... sounds definitely like a tough situation. Perhaps you could dispel some of her frustration by explaining why you aren't attracted to Southern Baptist churches (tactfully of course) and that you're in a no-man's land at the moment. If she's reasonable, she'll leave you alone, if she's not, she may try even harder to get you to go to church. Some here would advocate more extreme approaches, but if you live with her, it's different. I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for sharing your story. Welcome to the site, you'll find lots of friends here! I was a pastor in the church of Christ. My aunt is of the opinion of all fundamentalist that I'm sending my soul to hell, that is why shes so adamant that I reutrn. My health had little to nothing to do with my separation, which was slow over a number of years, then one day I awoke to realize that all religion regardless of the theological aspects is simply a control mechanism, nothing more nothing less. All convey the same messages in the end once you analylize the parables and scriptures, take out the traditions and the idiocracy and you have "be a good person, help your fellow men/women, and treat others how you wish to be treated" the inbetween I just just consider the rantings of mad men drunk on religion. Why I am least attracted to the baptist denomination. After fellowshipping and visiting many different church denominations, and a majority of my family being catholic and the others baptist, (yes dinner was always interesting). I always found that the baptist are the first to judge anyone, and not by merit, all it takes is someone to be 'different' and a grand majority of this sect damns them to hell, "unless they change their ways", is always added, this is a common reply from many baptist I have had discussions with. When I was in college I met a really good friend she happened to be from India, when I told a family member of this, they didn't ask her name, or anything about her, they they asked if she was Christian, when i said no she's Hindu they replied "their idol worshipers and shes going to hell", truth be known thats when I started questioning, quite frankly it made me sick to my stomach to hear the "going to hell" phrase and still does to this day. Being a amateur student of history, its very clear to me that more atrocities that have been done in the name of religion that we wouldn't have time to discuss. This is another reason I became disgusted. Thank You For Listening, Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Dude, what the hell is it with the Baptist preachers coming over to people's houses unannounced?? Is that like in their training or something?? It may well be that you're fine talking to said preacher sometimes, but around here, we consider an unannounced visit just plain rude at best, and a form of stalking at worst. I'd probably just stop answering the door, and let him know that if he wants to visit, sometimes it's fine (if you're okay with that), but he MUST call first. Otherwise, no go. As for your aunt, well... I don't know. That's a tough one. Some people are just going to take your deconversion as a personal insult or injury, and that's the way it is. Otoh you don't have to rub her nose in it, either, or get pushy about it - some people just don't respond well to that at all. You may be able to come to a place where you and your aunt can just steer away from religion entirely and talk about other things, and meanwhile also let her know how much you love and appreciate her, that your differing beliefs aren't going to change that. Good luck in any case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknowing1 Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 Darn, this is a hard one and I really am not going to be much help but I'll add my two cents anyway. First off welcome! Secondly I hope that your health continues to improve. If it were me, I would gently explain to her that I while I don't begrudge her her beliefs and association with the Baptist church that I don't hold the same beliefs as the baptist's. She would already know that just based on the fact that I was not a baptist minister. I would also tell her that I am comfortable with not going to church and that based on my beliefs my soul will be just fine. I wouldn't tell her exactly what my beliefs were unless she point blank asked. As for the preacher well I don't owe him anything so anything goes. I would thank him for his concern but explain that I have no interest in becoming a Baptist. If necessary I would be quite adamant with him. If he continues to visit and I really don't want him to I would tell him. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted December 16, 2006 Share Posted December 16, 2006 I didn't mind this at all, although I do feel pastors and their fold prey on the sick, ill, and dying. I love a good pun, even if it's unintentional. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric_PK Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 Greetings, I'm new to exchristian.net and have a delima, I am an exchristian as well as a former minister. I found out that I could be kind, compassionate and considerate without the bible and threats of damnation. I do have a religion, it's called “kindness”. The story begins.. I have a chronic illness, in July I was admitted to the hospital at deaths door. My aunt whom is my only surviving family member has been pressuring me to go to church for a long time, i just avoid the subject, shes and elderly lady and recently re-discovered fellowship in the church. and I would never ever do anything to hurt her, but she is worried about my soul, I am not I'm at peace with myself for the first time in my life. So her pastor finds out through her that I'm in the hospital and of course he comes to visit me, I didn't mind this at all, although I do feel pastors and their fold prey on the sick, ill, and dying. I enjoy the conversation although I usually steer the conversation away from religion. The pastor is a highly educated man, who holds legitimate non-theological based degrees. Now that I'm doing better, I find the pastor coming to my home for visits, yes they are announced visits, and he is a very nice man. He just suffers from a disease worse than mine. Southern Baptism, even when I was involved in religion I even shyed away from baptist, I didn't agree with them then, I definitely do not agree with them now, I refuse to accept that if there is indeed a GOD he will send everyone to hell that is not of the baptist faith, that seems to be the synopsis of that sect. Anyway my delima is that I do not want to hurt my aunt, she gets rather upset when I pontificate on how religion is a destructive force. I love her very much, she's been my mother since my mother has passed, but I can not go on with this facade that I'm remotely interested in becoming a bible thumping drone again. I'm sure you nice people have heard similar stories over and over. I just need some input and ideals to deal with this issue. Even how some of you guys would deal with this. Thanks in advanced ! Rick Well, it doesn't seem like you have any good options. You can tolerate what your aunt has been doing, or you can put your foot down and tell her that you are very hurt by her continued atttempts to save you, and can't see her any more if she's going to do that. The pastor seems easier to me - there's no reason that you can't be very sorry that you're unable to spend time talking with him when he comes to your house. After a few times, he will likely get the message. Oh, and it might be nice not to pontificate when your aunt is around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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