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Absurdly Appropriate Church Names


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I was thinking of church names tonight that I'd like to see that emphasize the absurdity of some of the things that the devout worship. I thought of couple I'd like to see like, "Savior's Wounds, Catholic Fellowship", or "River of Blood, Pentecostal Assembly". What other church names would seem good candidates to you for the churches in your area?

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"Reformed Scarecrow Church" Yep, I live near a Reform church and the experience of it I don't wanna repeat.

"Jehovah's Door Knocker Church" For obvious reasons.

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Our Lady of Perpetual Bitching

 

Bubba Baptist Church

 

John Wesley Harding Methodical Deer Hunters Assembly

 

Elite Raspberry Presbytery

 

Homo No Mo' Temple of Radical Fellationism

 

Reformed Jewish "We Don't Go The Whole Hog" Temple

 

Pew-Jumping Bible-Thumping Rednecks Who Will Kick Your Ass If You Don't Love Jesus Assembly Of God And Thrift Shop

 

-----------------------

 

Edited to add my three Actual Churches:

Rock & Roll Church of All Nations, North America (RRCANNA)

Church Of My Opinion (COMO)

Church Of the Eleven Dementians (COED)

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"River of Blood, Pentecostal Assembly"

 

Sure to draw in the vampire types. :wicked:

 

Good topic...wish that I were creative enough to come up with something. :-(

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Years ago, when the church I was attending was debating accountability and sheparding kind of things, I wrote a spoof church newsletter for 'The Church of the Massive Oversight'.

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A few more:

 

- Stammering Lips Holy Ghost Church

 

- Mary's Milk Catholic Church

 

- Church of God in Christ in the Holy Ghost in You in Your Church Church

 

- Judgement of God Fellowship

 

- Lake of Fire Salvation Church

 

- Burnt Offerings Evangelical

 

- HOLY CHRIST! Gospel Temple

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- Blessings in Disguise Christian Fellowship

 

- Seven-Eyed Lamb of God Holiness Church

 

- Great Whore of Babylon Opposition Church

 

- One Lord, One Faith Denominational Church

 

- Windows of Heaven Tithing Community Church

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Oh i don't know... it could be a trend, here are some emerging ones:

 

 

Assembly of Assembled Ex-Cs trying their utmost to prove that there's no God assembly

 

Assembly of Arrogant Ex-Cs

 

Ex-Cs Unite, No Matter What

 

United Nation of Appropriate Ex-Cs

 

eXtra Xtreme eX Xtians (XXXX)

 

We Of No God

 

No Prayers Needed Please (NPNP)

 

Life Just Is Cult

 

Leave Us Alone Sect

 

House of One Lord, Many Lords, No Lords

 

Do As You Like SisBrohood

 

 

Can We Come Back but Don't Know How To Fellowship

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Oh i don't know... it could be a trend, here are some emerging ones:

 

 

Assembly of Assembled Ex-Cs trying their utmost to prove that there's no God assembly

 

Assembly of Arrogant Ex-Cs

 

Ex-Cs Unite, No Matter What

 

United Nation of Appropriate Ex-Cs

 

eXtra Xtreme eX Xtians (XXXX)

 

We Of No God

 

No Prayers Needed Please (NPNP)

 

Life Just Is Cult

 

Leave Us Alone Sect

 

House of One Lord, Many Lords, No Lords

 

Do As You Like SisBrohood

 

 

Can We Come Back but Don't Know How To Fellowship

hmm, pug, do I detect a trace of bitterness in these titles?

 

Mind you, I do like "We Of No God"

 

These are apparantly real church names:

Delta United Methodist Church

Brown Swamp United Methodist Church

Bourbon United Pentecostal Church

Homer United Methodist Church

Croom-A-Coochee Baptist

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I found a (genuine) xian website that says:

One of the toughest parts of planting a church is coming up with a good name. So, in an effort to help young church planters find the perfect name for their church I have composed the simple chart below. It follows the marketing "Rule of Three" which states that for something to be truly memorable it must have three parts. Therefore, all a young church planter needs to do is choose one word from each list to arrive at just the perfect church name.

 

I took his chart and modified it to suit this thread. Ladies and gentlemen I give you the Ex-C Church Name Generator

 

Column1

Revival

Glory

Believers

Life Changers

Victorious

Shekinah

Holy Ghost

Spirit Filled

Champions

Miracle

Spiritual

Triumphant

Hallelujah

 

Column2

Hypocritical

Mind Fuck

Death Cult

Crutch

Delusional

Desert Golblin

Twisted

Fundy

Warped

FairyTale

Vacant

Sky Fairy

Bronze Age

 

Column3

Church

Fellowship

Temple

Headquarters

Tabernacle

Campus

Chapel

Community

Congregation

Family

Center

Home

Compound

 

I like "Victorious Death Cult Congregation"

and "Miracle Fundy Family"

 

ps feel free to improve the generator and format it in a nice table.

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The Fear of God Church -- We put the fear of god into every member, whether they like it or not.

The Church Of Immaculate Perfection -- We expect you to be perfect, whether or not you really are.

The Church Of Illogical Thought

The Church of Creation UnScientists

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Oh i don't know... it could be a trend, here are some emerging ones:

 

 

Assembly of Assembled Ex-Cs trying their utmost to prove that there's no God assembly

 

Assembly of Arrogant Ex-Cs

 

Ex-Cs Unite, No Matter What

 

United Nation of Appropriate Ex-Cs

 

eXtra Xtreme eX Xtians (XXXX)

 

We Of No God

 

No Prayers Needed Please (NPNP)

 

Life Just Is Cult

 

Leave Us Alone Sect

 

House of One Lord, Many Lords, No Lords

 

Do As You Like SisBrohood

 

 

Can We Come Back but Don't Know How To Fellowship

Oh Pug... you try. I'll give you that. Since you raise the idea of us having church names, let me try a few:

 

- Congregation of the Sighted

 

- Assembly of the Reasonable

 

- Fellowship of the Tolerant

 

- Rationality Hall

 

- Church of the Balanced Mind

 

Should I go on with a few more that come to mind this morning?

 

- Human Dignity Fellowship

 

- Church of the Sincere

 

- Community Church of Knowledge

 

- Brotherhood of Humanity Church

 

- Enligtenment Hall

 

- Congregation of the Living Mind

 

I'll stop there for now as I have some coffee to make for myself this fine morning... :coffee: (You really need to present more of a challenge here :grin: )

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Not feeling particularly creative today, so I will foward on the two that I have heard and found amusing:

 

 

Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle (Spy Hard)

 

 

Church of God The Utterly Indifferent (Sirens of Titan)

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You know pug may be on to something. I think it'd be beneficial to have a place we could go to and hear a good speaker. They could say, this is what you were taught, but this is how someone from an ex-C point of view see it.

 

Kind of like all the questions you asked, that you didn't get anwers too.

 

I can think of a number of folks on this board that I wouldn't mind listening too for a couple hours.

 

This would most definately include this theads author.

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You know pug may be on to something. I think it'd be beneficial to have a place we could go to and hear a good speaker. They could say, this is what you were taught, but this is how someone from an ex-C point of view see it.

 

Kind of like all the questions you asked, that you didn't get anwers too.

 

I can think of a number of folks on this board that I wouldn't mind listening too for a couple hours.

 

This would most definately include this theads author.

Well thank you kindly. It's ironic how in many ways now that I'm an atheist, I actually find I'm doing much more than I ever did when I was studying to be a minister, without really trying to be something other that just a human. The major difference is in being true to myself. :grin: I think I was just wearing the wrong damned shoes! They were way too tight. Too small of a box to jam the universe into. No room to think. The world isn't small, but a fundi needs it to be. Let's think of another church name for ExC: (something simple): First Universal Church of Free Thought.

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