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I Feel Like I Haven't Lived A Real Life


Guest Dan
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So I was Christian until I was just turned 18. The problem is that all my life I've been leading this pathetic existence where I did nothing and was a perfect little kid. Now I've broken free (I've been away from Christianity for about 6 months now). I live in Minnesota currently, the rest of my family is back in Colorado.

 

I feel intimidated by people at it's retarded, I know they aren't evil or bad or anything but I've been brainwashed my whole life to be scared of any non-Christians. It's dumb. I also missed out on all the fun most people have in high school. It just feels like a big junk of my life is missing, a very important chunk. I'm sorta shy so that doesn't help me make new friends or whatever.

 

I dunno, I'm thinking I'm gonna move back to Colorado and start college this next fall. I'll be close to my family, but I won't be living with them. It's not like I can't stand them (they're good people and I love them), I just can't live with them. And no, there's no chance they'll brainwash me back into Christianity, only my dad knows I deconverted and I've shut him up pretty fast every time he's tried to argue with me.

 

Thanks for reading my awesome rant.

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I know where you're coming from. I'm also from Minnesota, and was raised Lutheran. I'm also introverted and it's hard for me to get to know people. I would definitely encourage you to go to college if that's what you want to do. Life does get easier after high school.

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Well Dan, I don't know if you're here in the Twin Cities, but I think if any place is more progressive in thinking it would be here, rather than Colorado. One good thing for you is being able to talk with like-minded people here on this site. It's not always easy to find people in the real world who understand the sorts of questions or anger of religion you may have, but that what we're all about here. Feel free to pick our brains, vent your feeling, ask how we've dealt with simialr things with the religious in our lives, etc. Check out some of the Colleges too. Minnesota is a pretty cool place all in all.

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I can empathize, I feel as if I was cheated out of part of my childhood and all of my teenage years by Christianity.

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Yes, life does improve vastly after high school. If you do go on to college, you'll find that college itself is far easier to deal with than high school. But life itself has many improvements after you get your GED.

 

Hang in there, dude - it really does get better the further along you go.

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Hey Dan,

I can relate too, to how you are feeling. But you are still young and just starting out on life. You can make your life how you want it. Be wise, and use common sense.

 

I didn't really begin to start living life till my mid to late twenties, and really at 30 now I finally feel free to be myself and not be fearful of the world around me. So if you are 18/19 you are doing great... College was overwhelming for me as I had been sheltered but it was awesome too.... I wish I could do my early twenties over again... but really I could care less about my teen years.

 

Live life in the now.. it is good to plan for the future and learn from the past however. Just try to live life with as little regrets as possible from now on. Looking back and agonzing over the past will really do you no good.

 

Life is good, and remember you have the power to make the changes that you want to happen in your life.

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I was a perfect little kid, too.

 

I missed out of a lot of stuff during high school, too, and some stuff (not as much) after. In the grand scheme of things, if I have any regrets over things I missed, stuff from high school is pretty low on the list.

 

I was shy too. I'm still an introvert. That's there after you deconvert as much as before. You can make the effort to develop more socially, I think many introverts do that. Me, I've come to enjoy being an introvert, and rather like that part of me.

 

You can't change that fact you were brainwashed when you were a kid or what you missed in high school. That's nothing more than past history. I've found that what we do and how we live now, and where we go from where we are now is a lot more important than anything from our past. I suspect you'll come to value your college memories more than your ones from high school.

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Do not waste your time worrying about your past and the things you may have missed out on. Rather, use that as your strength to build yourself into the person you wish to become. Use it as fuel for your inner fire. Always move forward, leaving the past in the past. Worry more about your future self...like the 40 year old you, the 60 year old you; because the you in the past no longer exists.

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High school constitutes the worst years of your life, xtian or not, unless you're the captain of the football team or the head cheerleader. Your real life is still in front of you, and you've escaped far earlier than I did. This isn't an end, it's where it starts to get good!

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At the risk of sounding condescending (which isn't my intention, btw, but it'll probably just sound that way anyway): you're only 18.

 

Seriously. 18 is still young. Very young. Or 19, or 20, or wherever you are at the moment. So don't sweat how much time you have left, if that makes sense - your life is just beginning. You have a lot of time to sort out and figure out whatever you need to figure out in order to have a good life.

 

That said, though, I hear your sense of having wasted your time. It's very perceptive of you to wake up to the sense that religion has shackled your life so far, and perceptive of you to be aware of how it's affected you (in your ability to relate to non-Xians, for instance). It's good to understand things like that, so that in future you can consciously combat what you've learned that you want to "unlearn", so to speak.

 

Dude. And highschool isn't all it's cracked up to be. College is WAY more fun. You can make up for lost time there easily. It's frustrating to realize that religion steals your life, but you know it now, and you've got plenty of time to find another way.

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I can relate as well. I won't go into details on this thread, but suffice it to say that christianity really fucked my life up in quite a number of ways, and I will be recovering from it probably for the rest of my life.

 

Some day I'll write my complete story. Maybe in a book, I dunno.

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The overwhelming feeling I struggle with as I read this thread is jealousy. YOU GOT TO GO TO HIGHSCHOOL. I didn't.

 

"Everybody" reads Shakespeare. I have not had the opportunity. Why? Because people read him in highschool. I could probably find a book in a library and read it but that's not the same as reading it under the supervision and structure of an English teacher. There's other stuff people learn in highschool. Sometimes I think no matter how much education I get, so long as I don't have a highschool diploma I will not feel like I have a full education. All of this to say: Be thankful you had the opportunity to get a highschool education. And yeah, like everybody is saying, 18 is young. Still lots of time to remake your life.

 

You get to shut your father up??? Wow! I tried that kind of thing once. I got punished pretty severely. Never again. Needless to say, I listened to my parents until I was forty years old. I didn't really get out until just now. I'm fifty now. I know, all of this sounds trite when you're 18. It's just old people talking who forget what it was like being 18. You did, after all, make sacrifices because of religion that you now realize were not necessary and that sucks.

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Well reading some of your replies has made me feel lucky. I suppose I could have continued to be sheltered for a lot longer than I was. Thanks for the advice everyone.

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