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Remembering Who Jesus Is


Brother Jeff
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I think it is vitally important this holiday season to remember who Jesus is and what He did for us. In light of that fact, let's review the facts. The bottom line is this - Jesus came down from the Sky Kingdom to sacrifice Himself to Himself to save us from the wrath of the Sky Him. He was born of a virgin named Mary who somehow magically remained a virgin after she was fucked by the Holy Spook. Jesus was born in a manger and grew up and impressed the hell out of folks by the age of 12. We know nothing of His life until he reaches the age of about 30, but then He began preaching after being baptized by Brother John. During His baptism, the Holy Farter spoke from the sky, and the Holy Spook flew down and landed on Jesus' shoulder in the form of a dove. Anyway, Jesus went about the countryside preaching and teaching. He had an encounter with the Talking Snake as recorded in Matthew 4. When the right time came, He Croaked in the Spook on the big giant stick, sacrificing Himself to Himself in order to appease the anger of the Sky Him toward us for doing shit that pissed Him off. Three days later, He Magically Undeadened Himself, appeared to His disciples and some other folks, and then blasted off for a return trip to the Sky Kingdom to live with the Holy Farter and sit by His side until the time comes for Him to fly down on His Sky Horse and kick the Talking Snake's ass once and for all.

 

If you'll believe the above religious bullshit with all of your heart, you can make this holiday season special by accepting Kryasst as your Lard and Slaver. Say this prayer like you really mean it, and Kryasst will slave you:

 

O Magic Sky Farter, I know that I have broken your laws and the shit I have done that pisses you off has separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from that shit and stop doing shit that pisses you off. Please forgive me, and help me avoid pissing you off again. I believe that your son who is also somehow magically you, Jesus Kryasst, died for the shit I did that pissed you off, was magically undeadened, is alive and living in the sky, and hears me talking to myself. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my farts from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spook to help me do shit that pleases You, and to do Your kind of shit for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I talk to myself, Amen. Glory!

If you have put your trust in Kryasst today and believed in who He is and what He has done for you, please email me and let me know! I'll glory in your newfound Sky Joy with you! Glory!

 

If you have accepted Kryasst, you need more information about who He is so you can know Him better. Please review this glorious tract, and let me know if you have any questions:

 

http://www.religionisbullshit.org/whoisjesus.pdf

 

Glory!

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You know, Jeff, it looks like your post is pretty much theologically accurate. Although you do have a rather unique way of putting things. I think this is the first time I've actually understood the concept of the trinity. :HaHa:

 

You forgot one thing, though.

 

"And, when you let us know of your decision, please include any help you can to keep us on the air. Without your assistance, we will not be able to continue reaching the world for Kryasst."

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where did you think of "Kryasst" from? Seems a bit of an odd alternative to "Christ" I think Crust sounds a better name to put in place instead of Christ.

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where did you think of "Kryasst" from? Seems a bit of an odd alternative to "Christ" I think Crust sounds a better name to put in place instead of Christ.

I love "Kryasst" myself. I picked the spelling up from the QJV Bible. You can find it on Amazon.com.

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You know, Jeff, it looks like your post is pretty much theologically accurate. Although you do have a rather unique way of putting things. I think this is the first time I've actually understood the concept of the trinity. :HaHa:

 

You forgot one thing, though.

 

"And, when you let us know of your decision, please include any help you can to keep us on the air. Without your assistance, we will not be able to continue reaching the world for Kryasst."

Yeah, you're right Mythra, gotta remember to ask for money at every opportunity! Glory!

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