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Now That You're Not A Christian How Do You Make Big Decisions?


Kelli
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Yeah, so I'm facing a big decision in life. Big decision. Present company offered me a nice raise and some other perks to stay. New company can only offer me part time right now but promises a better future and my foot in the door in an industry that is up and coming, not dying. New company really wants me to come work for them, but there's a few problems and I'm faced with a damned dilemma.

 

Present company gives me a company vehicle to drive. Now that we're in the city, we have to drive the kids to the old school. If I go part time we'll be short a vehicle and we really don't have the $ to buy another at the moment. Present company is giving me a nice raise to entice me to stay, but longterm (years) it'll be the same as it always has been in this industry. It's a dying industry and I don't see going very far in the longterm and we're about at lower middle class income.

 

New company can only offer part time for now, but promise full time in the near future (not sure how long that is, but if I had to guess I'd say within a few months). If I go part time at present company and part time at new, I'll lose all my benefits, including the company vehicle. My pay will also be held back a pay period at present company if I switch from full time to part. Can't really afford that right now.

 

New company we're looking at making 2X more than at present company within a few years in that industry.

 

So bottom line is, we'd really be in a world of hurt short-term if I make the leap, but much better off long-term. If I stay where I'm at, we'll do OK but not where I'd like to be. And I'm getting older and a bit tired of being "on call" so much.

 

I've been wrestling with this for days. Present company's offer is nice, and it's nice to feel wanted, but damn if I don't know what to do.

 

Susie says make the leap. I just don't know. I don't know if we can make it through the next few months if I do. I know praying won't do a damned thing. So what do or would you all do in this situation? Roll dice? Flip a coin? Call a psychic? (LOL, said that because there is a psychic on TV right now).

 

HELP!

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The only thing that I can even think of to say is to follow what you think will make you and your family the most happy (even putting money aside). :shrug: I wish you all the best.

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Whatever you decide, you're at the advantage of choosing with your eyes open, rather than trying to figure out what the big guy wants. If praying about stuff like this when you were a xian helped clarify Celt Cat's leanings, so can the pondering you're doing now, only it's more honest, not having to pawn it off on god.

 

I'd probably be making the decision much the same way you are: weighing the pros and cons, consulting with my wife, etc. If it was easy, the pros and cons would be less balanced, but for tough decisions, it's good to list out all the all the benefits/advantages/potential and drawbacks/disadvantages/risks of each, consider your feelings, and Susie's, about the choice, pick as best you can with the information available at the time, and keep looking forward once you've set out on one path or the other.

 

Good luck!

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I would agree with the others that the one thing you did not figure into the equation is your personal preferences and feelings about it. And those of you wife and family. I'm not saying you didn't figure these in but they are not part of the pros and cons you list. I don't know about others, but when I prayed and depended on God for guidance, it was my feelings that guided me. I went by what feelings I thought God was giving me. I suspect these were nothing else than my own intuitions. Perhaps prayer worked much the same for you. That's about all I know to suggest.

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"Bimm, bimm, salimin, ummmmm, umm, omnibus, taxicab, BOINK!"*

 

Lets see Celtmeister..

 

Working for a dead horse industry, one where you are replaced with kids fresh out of tech school, those kids who will work for peanuts 'cause they have to pay for education loans...

 

Or..

 

Rope a ride on something that might not pay off at end of ride.. Or might be the bitchin'st career change to make?

 

Eat ramen and bargain basement peanut butter if you gotta man.. Save the better cuts of the hamburger for the kids, and prepare to loose a few dozen pounds when you take the inital cut in pay.

 

Get bills taken care of, make sure kids are housed and fed, prepare to make ends meet by scraping by..

 

TAKE THE CHANCE..

 

You and Susie will punt your ass for rest of your life if you don't rope this pony and see where it takes you and yours..

 

kL

 

*shamelessly stolen from God_as_Carlin

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Looking at the title again. Big decisions. Hmmm. I am in the middle of something that might not be so big for a lot of folk but it's sure big for me and I keep wanting to beg Big Sky Brother (aka Jesus) to just come and rescue me. Just taking things one step at time, making the best decisions I know, getting advice from more knowledgeable persons--all of these help. I feel like I am making just as good progress in working through this issue as I did when I was still praying. And I get to get the credit for it rather than having to hand it all over to the One I imagine is doing the hard work for me. The thing is, I am not sure that my level of anxiety would be any lower if I were praying. I think it's just a mental habit for which we have trained ourselves. I suspect this is the most difficult part of the prayer syndrome, if that is an appropriate term. I think with time we can retrain our thought processes. A time of major decisions/difficulties may or may not be the best time to do it. I think the goal is to eventually have peace around whatever decision you end up making.

 

That's just my late night rambling. I trust you will eventually know what decision to make and find a way to live with it.

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I think it's always scary when you jump into the unknown. But I think you are headed in the right direction in making that decision.

 

Even when I was a Chrisitian I never just sat back, prayed and waited, I would reason things out in my head and go with what I thought was best, not just for the short term but also in the long term. Have I been wrong, sure but I've never been making a life or death decision either and I don't think in this particular case it's a life or death decision. In your case, it could very well work out well in the long run and if it doesn't you look for another job. I realize that looking for another job may not be easy at least it wouldn't be for me as what I do isn't something where there is a demand for employees but if need be I would take a job doing just about anything until I could find a job that is similar to what I love to do.

 

Good luck.

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There are times when it's a good idea to take a risk and try to make something good out of something new. You have kids, your financial situation does not seem to me to be entirely stable. I say you are not in a position to gamble right now. You need to rebuild and get your savings built up and get yourself on squarer ground by grinding it out where you are at right now. Your present employer has offered you this opportunity to do so. Once you are in a better position to make decisions like this, then reassess your desires and go for it. For the sake of the present stability of your wife and kids, I think it would be unwise to turn down your current employer's offer. It may seem as if there will never be another opportunity if you don't go for it now. Bullshit. There are always opportunities if you make them happen. Perhaps something a lot sweeter.

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Thanks for all your input. It's really appreciated. Still wrestling with it at the moment. I have approximately 3 hours to make up my mind. Susie and I talked more last night and she started leaning more toward staying put. And this whole thing started her talking about missing having a belief in a deity and wanting to go back to church. Yikes! At least she wasn't talking about going back to fundyism. She was asking about buddhist or similar churches. But still, it was a weird conversation.

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...what do or would you all do in this situation? Roll dice? Flip a coin? Call a psychic? (LOL, said that because there is a psychic on TV right now).

 

Phase one: Ask the God of wisdom residing between my ears. ;)

 

Phase two (only if 1 fails utterly): I may just roll a die indeed, or I may use my runic staves. At worst it's just as random as rolling a die... at best it's somewhat more guided than that. ;)

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I just look at the problem, consider anything relevant that I'm aware of, and try to make the best decision I can.

 

I used to look for answers from God, but one day just gave up asking for things I never got. I realized that every answers I ever "received" was merely a conclusion my own brain came to, so I just cut the crap and stopped talking to myself and calling it "prayer."

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Celtic,

 

Sorry I missed the deadline but this post still holds...

 

I am suprised at the thought that you feel rather naked in making decisions without god. I can only conclude you have lingering doubts about your deconversion. This may be the angle your wife is poking at.

 

I find it impossible to look back and interpret my former *xtian* decision making methods as anything but silly. Yet... you seem to long for that mindless blessing for a random decision. (Well... isn't that what it really is?)

 

No matter what I do, I know that I am making a better decision as a heathen than I formerly did as an xtian because it was a decision not wracked with foolish guilt over unachievable moral standards. Nor am I disturbed with the silly concept of god's (fickle and ambivalent) will that seems to change depending on who you talk to.

 

If you are truly free of god, then you feel more confident in the knowledge that you are better able to make decisions.

 

Yet, you have a greater fear that without god you will make a worse decision that you would as an xtian. Hmmm...

 

My point is this Celtic... understand who you are and where you are in your deconversion. Whatever direction you take is yours to chose but don't be ignorant or in denial of where you are at.

 

Are you simply longing for absolution from the responsibility of making a bad decision or are you really afraid that god will punish you or what? What is your real fear?

 

Another important point Celtic is this: You are now free to make mistakes! Make them so that you can finally learn. Without mistakes there is no visceral learning. To avoid mistakes (at all cost) is to shun enlightenment.

 

I trust you are young. Don't put off doing dumb things. Do them now when you have time to recover from them.

 

I don't advocate foolishness - I sence you are very responsible. Too much so perhaps? If your heart is in the right spot and you are considering the feelings of others and being honest with yourself and others, then you should go forward in confidence.

 

Mongo

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You should have asked Pug and he could pray for you.

 

Look, in my experience, the worst decisions I ever made were those "directed by God". By now you've probably made the decision already. Best of luck with it all.

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Well, I'm staying where I'm at. Yeah, we need stability right now. We're also looking at buying the house we're in, even though it's in the city. The landlord has offered it to us at the price he owes on it (42k) and he'll hold the mortgage for a couple of years under contract.

 

We'll be able to save a lot of money, possibly pay the house off within 5-6 years, and in the meantime put some money into it. Then we can sell it and move out into the country where we'd like to be, and pay off the remainder of our debt at that point.

 

Mongo: I'm not truly free of god. Free of christianity, yes, but not necessarily free of god. I'm still an agnostic with some pagan-like beliefs, but at times I question whether a god exists at all. I really don't know. All I know is that I used to pray and usually felt as if prayer was answered in one way or another, but now I realize it isn't as simple as that. If god or a creator exists, I don't feel this god has much to do with what goes on in this world, deism so to speak.

 

Anyway, I'm happy with my decision, but a part of me wonders what I'll miss out on. As Vigile pointed out, there will be other opportunities when the time is right.

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You should have asked Pug and he could pray for you.

 

Look, in my experience, the worst decisions I ever made were those "directed by God". By now you've probably made the decision already. Best of luck with it all.

 

So I should have prayed to the monkey god?

 

Yeah, you're right. I've made some damned bad decisions based on what I thought "god" wanted. I hope the days of really bad decision making are over. The things I've had going for me are that I'm strong-willed, hard-working, and I'm relatively intelligent (when not blinded by religious dogma) LOL.

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Two questions:

 

1. Which job would you enjoy more?

 

2. All things being equal (no money or other issues), would you be happier in your current job or this other job?

 

 

If the answer is the riskier job, then it's worth the risk.

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As far as who to look to for guidance. Look to those you respect, those with wisdom. And really, all praying/looking to a high power is is looking inside yourself for the answers. So you can still take some quiet time to ask yourself these questions and get an answer from your inner voice.

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