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He Doesn't Know Me Very Well, Do He?


Tyson
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My wife goes through her moments where every few years or so she rededicates "her life to god." This usually comes on the heels of some marital spat we're having usually as a result of some dire financial stress we're under as we are right now.

 

Anyway, she has now started to go to some Seventh-Day type church on Saturdays and dragging our kids along. I do not try to stop her and even utter any thoughts I have about it because for on thing, my kids bring back some jokes that brings water to my eyes as they show me imitations of what the people do there and my wife generally calms down for a while to psyche herself up that she is now following the will of god. Also, an added bonus is that I have peace of mind on Saturday at least while they're gone.

 

This past Saturday she set me up with a blind side. She asked me to come and get the kids from church because after 5 hours of holy crap revival, she wanted to hang around for more abuse. When I get there she tells me to come inside because she wants me to meet sister so and so. I adamantly refused, but she kept insisting so I went in partly to round up the kids and get the hell out of there. As I walk inside, she beckons the pastor (who I did not know) and he comes walking over and asks us to come to his office. Inside his office he starts telling me how god is doing great things in the life of my wife and blah blah blah and the family that prays together stays together and blah blah blah and god can do a great work in our lives and blah blah blah and god "ALWAYS" rewards those who dedicate their lives to him and blah blah blah.

 

Folks, if I had the time, he would have ran me out of his office because he is completely unaware that I am the consummate apostate, one who knows Christianity inside and out, the scriptures up and down even down to the boring chapters an verses, one who lived the Christian life in deep seriousness for well over 15 years of my life. I was not your sit and listen Christian. I had mountains and mountains of books and tapes on just about anything to do with apologetics. I know ALL of the arguments, the cliches, the objections and so forth. I know what a Christian will say on any subject. I can tell him before he replies. I, like I am sure many of you, is the guy on the other team who knows all the other team's plays and knows them very well. I'm John Gruden now with the Tampa Bay Bucs beating up on my former team, the Raiders, because I used to coach them and know their plays and habits.

 

So he wants to talk to me. I can see that smirk on his face, the confidence as if to say he is going to be bringing news to me, something I've never heard or considered. I can't wait! LOL!!! You see, I am from the Caribbean and so is he. The church he pastors is filled with folks from the Caribbean, mostly Jamaica (I'm a Virgin Islander, however). Our version of Christianity, like black churches here, are not churches based to much on stressing the intellect. Ours is far more emotional. It's about feelings and lots of hoopla so we are generally not the ones you can sit down with and discuss the finer things of Christian beliefs and theology. We operate under the "god said, I believe it and that settles it" argument. As long as we can go to church and jump around to a heavy bass line and call that "feeling the spirit" that's all we need to convince us.

 

Anyway, stay tuned because I really can't wait to exasperate this guy just like I have done to the Jehovah's Witnesses who have come to my door. Please be my witnesses that I did not pick this fight.

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When do you get to talk to the pastor again? I can't wait to read your play by play descriptions of the discussion! :woohoo: Good luck!

 

 

I guess he will tell me when, Japedo. I'm sure I'm going to get that, "can we invite you to come to church" question sooner or later, however, I generally work on Saturdays.

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I'm interested as well. I relish every opportunity I get to be harrassed by proselytes. I love shooting them down.

 

 

I do too. You see, I do not go and bother anyone with my unbelief in my daily life. I save that for forums where people KNOW what they are getting into, however, in my line of work (DSL installer for Bellsouth/AT&T), I meet people from all walks of life here in South Florida and many times I meet Christians. They hand me small New Testaments, try to preach to me, invite me to church, hand me tracts and one of them recently handed me a piece of paper and told me Jesus is coming back in 2017 (which reminds me I need to go look over that slop as fodder for a thread on here). When I try to be nice and leave some insist on trying to convert me or at least get me interested. One guy regretted ever trying because after he heard my argument, he was dumbfounded and could only tell me, "...er...I will pray for you." Ughhh!

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Congratulations, Tyson. You saw the setup, read the con, and now you're ready.

 

 

LOL!!!

 

Like I said, I played for their team for most of my life (if you include the fact I grew up in a "Christian home.") I used to sell that bag of goods for years so he is in for very big surprise. The kicker is going to be when I start handing him concordances and lexicons so he can look up words.

 

 

I really can't wait. This is going to be so much fun. I also forgot to add that one of his members actually rents a room at my house and she has tried her hand for about 5 minutes when she first came here and after I asked her a few questions she could not answer she ceased and has not bothered me since. lol

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