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What Is With This Family?


ThinkingForMyself
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Hey guys,

 

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, but you guys are all great at listening. And I could certainly benefit from getting this off of my chest.

 

I don't have the slightest clue as to what is going on with my family. Perhaps I'm living in a cave... I don't know.

 

For the last few months I've been feeling like a third wheel. I'm 29 (female). My brother just turned 34. He has a wife and a 1 year old daughter. My parents are 60. Anyways, my brother and his wife have without warning or giving any reason decided to no longer let me have any pictures of my niece. But they expect me to give her gifts. They're moving in a week. At my nieces' 1st birthday party I found out that they have told my parents and all of their friends of their new address, but not me. And any communication that comes from them, I'm deliberately excluded from.

 

What's worse is that if I call my brothers house (they have call display) and don't leave a message (I hate answering machines). I get a curt e-mail from him about it afterwards.

 

I'm hurt that my own brother would do this to me out of the blue.

 

Have you guys got any suggestions on what would be a rational thing to do in this situation?

 

Thanks so much!

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Send them an email or something, and ask them directly. He is after all your brother, and as a blood relation, can't just up and disown you so easily. He can try, but you have every right to know why.

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Have you guys got any suggestions on what would be a rational thing to do in this situation?

 

Thanks so much!

 

You sure have a legitimate problem. I have no idea why they are treating you like this and can only suggest what has been suggested--that you ask them. Better be prepared for some upleasant feedback because obviously they have something major against you. They may have imagined something you didn't do.

 

I would be inclined to ask a few questions. Since you are posting on an ExChristian forum I assume religion might be part of the situation. Perhaps you have deconverted and they have decided to raise their child to be a fundamentalist Christian. In that case, it makes sense that they don't want any bonding to happen between you and your niece. But that is wild speculation on my part.

 

1. What religion/denomination are all of you?

2. Did anything change or happen between you and your brother and/or sister-in-law just before they cut contact?

3. Do you, or have you in the past, felt jealous that your brother has this other woman in his life who is more important to him than you are?

4. What kind of relationship did you and your brother have growing up?

 

You don't have to answer these questions. I'm not a counselor and no self-respecting counselor would council on a public forum. These are just some things to think about when asking why things are as they are. A family and marriage counselor might be able to help you sort things. That's about all I know to say without more information.

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The only thing I can think of is how right around xmas my parents made a change to their wills that would leave me with more of an inheritance than them, only because I am single and have only one income and they have two incomes. So they wanted to be fair. That's when I noticed that they'll only give pictures of their daughter to my parents but don't want me to have any. They expect gifts but can't be bothered to talk to me. I think they're greedy.

 

I'm an ex-christian now atheist (so happy to be without the lies). Nobody in my family is religious. The only reason why I posted it here is because I have nowhere else to go. Back in the day I would have been on prayer sites asking for prayer. But these days I have better uses of my time than wasting it talking to thin air.

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Without knowing how your family is it's nearly impossible to say what to do. If it were my brother I'd just say something like "I feel like you're blowing me off anymore. What's the deal?" And if he didn't understand I'd say all the stuff you said here. But that's just us. I'd also ask my mom if he'd said anything to her if maybe I did anything to piss him off that maybe I can't think of and for some reason he isn't saying anything about.

 

My wife's family would never, ever, do any of this so if you're like them you're kind of stuck I guess. They operate on a sort of polite formality...but yet in a strange casual way. It's odd. I've opted out and haven't spoken to any of them in nearly two years (except for a funeral).

 

It could be something to do with the new kid and for some reason they see you as a threat? (I saw some TV show about that awhile back so I'm just tossing it out there.)

 

You really need more information.

 

mwc

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I agree that you need to just come out and confront them with it directly. Of course, in doing so you need to be as diplomatic as possible.

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I agree with the others here. I would address it head on....hear them out and then make YOUR decision as to how you would like to handle it.

Remember as well, people only treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. At least by asking or confronting them about this, you are at least letting it be known that you are not comfortable at all with the recent turn of events.

 

Just my humble opinion. :shrug:

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