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Deeply Religious


garrisonjj
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For over 40 years I considered myself deeply religious following every tenent of the catholic faith,always with some doubts. Over the past 2 years or so I have taken a 180 degree turn to almost total atheism. Its been relieving, yet scary along the way.

Reading, internet, and support here have solidified my anti god/religious feelings. Have any of you followed a similar pattern?

 

An all knowing god, creating/allowing evil.

 

A bible written by man.

 

No proof of jesus.

 

hell and eternal damnation for creating someone who's path in life was already supposedly known.

 

A lifetime of unanswered prayers.

 

This realization is firming up my deconversion. Comments please? Thanks.

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As a follow up, I am at the point where I deeply regret how much FUCKIN religion has repressed my life. Guilt, always afraid big daddy in the sky watches my every move. Probably marrying poorly because of the "sin" associated with sex and feelings. The huge amount of money wasted on church (much o f it going to silence people concerning fuckin pedophile priests.)

 

Watching how people receive communion on Sunday then literally and figuratevely fuck their "neighbors" over every other day of the week!

Sure christ is alive! Yep, I'm born again! Yepthe holy spirit enlightens my mind! Fuck! What a brainwashing experience!

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You know they say, nothing fails like prayer but for many, that's just the tip of the iceberg. IMO it ought to be, nothing fails like religion. One of the interesting things that really helped me deconvert was being stationed in Europe. Seeing the amaased fortunes in the great cathedrals and churches was an eye opener. How can they ask for money when they have art treasures worth millions? How can they milk thier followers dry and then use the money not for good works? Why is it these people are not in sack-cloth? So many things when viewed objectivly make you want to vomit. It's hard to keep the faith once that happens.

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Christians often say that a person shouldn't judge Christianity by the behavior of Christians. I say, why the fuck not? Many of these same Christians that have said this will turn right around and talk about how they are "in-dwelt" by the Holy Spirit. One man that said that to me received a response of, "Really? Then the Holy Spirit must be a drunk and a cheat." The asshole didn't know that I knew about his drinking problem or his extra-marital affair. Stopped that conversation pretty much cold.

 

Another thing that I share with you garrisonjj is the realization about the Bible. One major factor in my deconversion was reading the Bible from front to back without the "filtering" (aka study guide, bible study groups, etc) that was usually put in place by my church. My determination to do so caused my Pastor to near have an epileptic fit and ultimately caused me to leave that church. I truly do not understand how anyone who has the the Bible in its entirety came remain a believer.

 

Oh, and unanswered prayers. As my faith was dwindling, I said a simple prayer every day, sometimes several times a day, for well over 10 years. Hell, it was such a habit that every once in a while, the blasted thing still pops out of my face. The prayer was entirely Biblical. It was never answered. I don't share what the actual was, but suffice to say if it had worked, I wouldn't be an atheist. Based on that, some people have correctly guessed what that prayer was.

 

Anyway, I babble on. But welcome to shuffling off the old shackles.

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Christians often say that a person shouldn't judge Christianity by

 

Interesting. For years I prayed that god would firm up my belief and faith and that the holy spirit enlighten my mind. Nope, nothing. A priest in confession told me I abandoned my religion and what i was taught. From walking out ofthere, I haven't returned. I guess he was correct..

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I followed a very different pattern. The "pattern" I followed is more in the line of the path of seeking an answer to a single question. When forty years passed and it wasn't answered I concluded that there is no answer.

 

What do Chrisians do? They turn around and suggest one need not know everything.

 

My Answer: I am content not knowing everything but I deserve to understand what I profess to believe, esp. that in which I rest my soul for time and eternity.

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I also came from Catholicism, with a very traditionalist personal understanding of the religion. Fortunately, I am only 17, and I am deeply grateful that dogmatic religion did not taint more of my life than it already has.

 

Personally, my path away from Catholicism began with personal and practical issues rather than theological ones. The other 'Catholics' I assosciated with did not just drink, smoke, take drugs and have sex like everyone else. They seemed to do it more so! I chose to live a normal life just like them, but because my obsessive mind could not unite such normality with my faith, I had to leave practising the faith.

 

After a while of this, I realised I had stopped believing. The first few times I seriously considered the non-existence of god were very scary, but not so any more.

 

It is only now, free from my previous life, that I see the illogical contradictions and abominable evil that existed in my religion..those that you pointed out and more.

 

peace

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