Mikefight Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Last night my wife asked me what we were doing for Easter. I said we could hide eggs in the backyard for the kids and do the Easter baskets and whatever she wants. She seemed to be surprised. I have read the history of Easter and I know it all stems from pagan rituals. So it does not bother me one bit. In fact, I think it is kind of funny. On Easter she is going to church with the kids, and I was going to go to a gathering of atheist. Church is from 10-12. My meet up is 11-2. I did not think it was a big deal. Last night she goes off on how she thinks I am not being considerate of the family and she think I am making a bad decision. I don't see anything wrong with going to this meet up and then doing the Easter egg hunt that afternoon. I think she is upset because the atheist meet up is on Easter period. She thinks we are somehow disrespecting religion. She does not say this, but I get that vibe. Should I give in and not go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vixentrox Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Perhaps she needs an education on what Easter is and how her fucked up religion is, how it's early leader killed and tortured people into beliving yet this element of Paganism still exists. The easy way out is to just go to church. But where does it stop? Maybe if you explain how it isnt being true to yourself, to what you belive but I wouldnt hold my breath. If she is heavily brainwashed, you're the spawn of Satan to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbie Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Well, maybe she is just upset because she wants to be able more of the day with you, as the meeting goes on until almost mid-afternoon. Perhaps you should ask her why she has a problem with it, and if it is because she thinks it is disrespectful to her religion, explain to her why you feel it is important for you to go. If it because she wants to spend more of the day with you, then you could discuss this and perhaps come to an agreement that you will still be able to spend most of the day as a family. Perhaps she needs an education on what Easter is and how her fucked up religion is, how it's early leader killed and tortured people into beliving yet this element of Paganism still exists. The easy way out is to just go to church. But where does it stop? Maybe if you explain how it isnt being true to yourself, to what you belive but I wouldnt hold my breath. If she is heavily brainwashed, you're the spawn of Satan to her. I would hesistate to take such a dim view of any person, religious or not. We're all humanists at heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Well, maybe she is just upset because she wants to be able more of the day with you, as the meeting goes on until almost mid-afternoon. Perhaps you should ask her why she has a problem with it, and if it is because she thinks it is disrespectful to her religion, explain to her why you feel it is important for you to go. If it because she wants to spend more of the day with you, then you could discuss this and perhaps come to an agreement that you will still be able to spend most of the day as a family. Perhaps she needs an education on what Easter is and how her fucked up religion is, how it's early leader killed and tortured people into beliving yet this element of Paganism still exists. The easy way out is to just go to church. But where does it stop? Maybe if you explain how it isnt being true to yourself, to what you belive but I wouldnt hold my breath. If she is heavily brainwashed, you're the spawn of Satan to her. I would hesistate to take such a dim view of any person, religious or not. We're all humanists at heart. I kind of have to agree here. If my DH told me he was going to be gone until 2 in the afternoon on what I saw as family time I'd be a little anoyed, um or I'd be very ticked. If I was you Mike I'd make absolutely sure her apprehension with this doesn't have anything to do with how long you'll be gone, and if that is why she's upset, I wouldn't look at it as giving in, but I also wouldn't go to church. Make other plans that will have you home at the same time as her and the kids or before, hec sleep in. I gotta say after being wife to a childrens Pastor at a church that did sunrise services, sleeping in was wonderful! Maybe you could voulunteer to stuff plastic eggs and hide them while they are all at church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Should I give in and not go? I think the key to a good marriage is compromise, along with communication. Maybe, just this one time, you could miss your meeting and help set up the egg hunt or something. Also make it known that she owes you something (reasonable) in return. Maybe a favorite meal or something. Pick your battles and listening to her feelings this time might make her feel better and anytime she feels better, you'll feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbie Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Also make it known that she owes you something (reasonable) in return. May I suggest the entrails of a first-born goat? It is a Christian holiday after all, we wouldn't want to forget its Christian heritage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pactuul Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 The problem isn't that you aren't going to church, its that you aren't going AND going to an atheist gathering (which is obviously in spite of Easter). It's one thing to be anti-Christian, but by doing this you are in essence being what you dislike ( a fundie asshole). I don't blame you, as I think most people go through this stage from a recent deconversion where they do everything the complete opposite of what they did before when they were christians. I say it goes a long way to be respectful to your wife and children and go for those few hours. If anything you want to teach your kids that its ok to disagree with others, and that participation in their weird activities isn't going to turn them. That's how you get respect in life: being nice when you clearly don't have to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Why can't you compromise and do something else later on the day? Like a special dinner and movie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodsmoke Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Forewarning: I don't really know why, but this just seriously fuckin' pisses me off. The problem isn't that you aren't going to church, its that you aren't going AND going to an atheist gathering (which is obviously in spite of Easter). It's one thing to be anti-Christian, but by doing this you are in essence being what you dislike ( a fundie asshole). I don't blame you, as I think most people go through this stage from a recent deconversion where they do everything the complete opposite of what they did before when they were christians. (emphasis added) The problem isn't that he's going to an atheist meeting instead of going to church, it's that you're projecting a totally uncalled-for judgment--especially the part I italicized. I call bullshit. Going to an atheist/freethinker meeting on a cultural Christian holiday has roughly dick-all to do with spite. It has to do with getting the fuck away from holier-than-thou cock-gobblers who see it as their sacred duty to make your day a living hell for daring to kick the shepherd in the nuts rather than stand docilely while he fleeces you. It's one thing to do as the others have and try to find out more details, maybe advise against it until he knows exactly why his wife's all bent out of shape about it, but Jesus Christ... It's this kind of "respectful" kow-towing bullshit that allows Christians to walk all over us like they do. Personally, Mike, I think you should go. Relationships require compromise, sure, but it has to involve both parties. If you two can work out something that actually works to your mutual advantage, by all means, go for it. However, her getting to go to church and get her Jesus fix while you have to stay home alone is not fucking compromise, it's you being used as a doormat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xrayman7040 Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Mike, It really doesn't sound like your situation is going to be workable in the long term if your wife doesn't give a little. She seems to resent you for your non belief. I am so fortunate that my rather tepid Christian wife doesn't give a shit that I am an atheist. But all things considered I would skip the atheist meeting for that day and try to get along for that special day for your kids sake. I love the logos. Are those your creations? That is some good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikefight Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 I love the logos. Are those your creations? That is some good stuff. Yes I made all of those. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fallenleaf Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Last year I was planning on attending a UU event on Easter. But, in the end, I was too lazy to go out and just stayed home. This year my cousin, a Baptist preacher, and his wife will be staying at our house for Easter weekend. Like usual, I will not be going to church. It is not even a point they ask about anymore. I don't argue or debate... I just decline and refuse to consider it. I don't have advice, per say, but don't give in and end up in church. Don't take a step back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikefight Posted March 31, 2007 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 We came to a compromise. I asked her if she was upset because it was an atheist meeting or because of the time. She said it was just the time. (I think it was partial because it was an atheist meeting too). So I asked if I could come home a little eariler. She was fine with that. Thanks for all the advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Mike, It really doesn't sound like your situation is going to be workable in the long term if your wife doesn't give a little. She seems to resent you for your non belief. I am so fortunate that my rather tepid Christian wife doesn't give a shit that I am an atheist. But all things considered I would skip the atheist meeting for that day and try to get along for that special day for your kids sake. I love the logos. Are those your creations? That is some good stuff. I agree. I think you are wrong in this case. Go to church with the family to preserve peace. What you believe in your heart is your business. Be well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I agree. I think you are wrong in this case. Go to church with the family to preserve peace. What you believe in your heart is your business. Be well. What peace? Her peace? If there's any day of the year to AVOID church it's on the freakin' high holy day of easter sunday. It's the day that, along with xmas, that is known for many of the "backsliders" and the like to make their appearances. It's the day, in addition to xmas, that gives hope to that pitiful religion since people actually show up and lend it some credence. If anything stay in the car, listen to some tunes and pick your nose. It will be far more enjoyable and probably more productive. It will also NOT add your body count (nor your passive attendance for those onlookers who might get ideas to attend) to the whole affair. Shit, his wife is already taking the kids along with her. It doesn't sound like they go to the evil old "atheist" meetings. To me it sounds like there's been plenty of compromise already and the time change he's agreed to sounded like it was on good terms so I'd say leave it at that. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts