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Not Part Of "god's Plan"


WCrystal
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I could go into detail, but since I've been awake from 5:00am to now (12:30am), I'll keep it short.

 

When growing up, my family wasn't a religious family, but more of a spiritual family. Whenever they would talk about god(s) I would become confused. The only person in my house with a "solid faith" was my grandma who was a buddhist. Our family had its ups and downs with alcoholism and drug use (with the exception of my grandparents). My mom and dad battled their problems by themselves without a church and won.

I suppose it was about age 12 when I got into mahayana buddhism and started abusing alcohol and drugs; I believed in the ideas for a while and practiced, until I realized things were NOT getting better. Then a friend came up to me around age 17 and said "Just believe in god and life will get easier for you, things will be better." So I did the christianity stint for a while. Things never got "better" for me during that time.

Went to college to study religion, thought it was intriguing. Still doing the christian thing, attending church regularly, participating in communion, etc. I prayed and prayed for things to get better, but they didn't. The more I studied religion, the more absurd and foolish any religion I would come across seemed to me. To see X amount of people die in the name of god boggled my mind. If god was benevolent, omnipresent, and omnipotent, why would he allow so many wars and such violence to occur in "his name"? (see: Spanish Inquisition, Crusades) If god was this good guy who had such power and was always there, why would he let people suffer at all?

Also, when I was a member of the christian church, I attended services every sunday and wednesday. Whenever I would ask a "challenging" question about the system of beliefs, tradition, writings, prayers, or anything else, they would say "god told X to write X book of the bible in his words." Or they wouldn't have an answer for me at all. I was told I was being sinful and blasphemous. The christian church had restrictions that didn't include personal responsibility, for example, no sex before marriage. And whenever I was told that it was a sin to have sex before marriage, I would say "But Adam and Eve weren't married, and they must have had sex to have Cain and Abel". They would say I was challenging the book of god. I never understood that part either. Whenever I asked about god being all loving yet creating a place such as hell, they would give me no answer.

I never understood it all. I don't think I ever will. I stopped believing due to my own reasioning and logical thinking, examining systems of beliefs. I refused to be another brainwashed drone sipping out of the tainted bucket of religion.

I became sober by myself, without the help of any deity. The local church denied an AA group to have meetings in the church, and that further caused me to say "screw this, I'm going to think for myself from now on".

 

My attitude isn't part of "gods plan" and neither is my ability to think for myself. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Welcome! :wave:

 

I assume you are no longer studying Buddhism? If so, it's ironic that in choosing to question and think for yourself instead of let Xian fanatics think for you, you are doing what any good Buddhist would do ;)

 

But either way, it's the same sad story. Some Xian zealot will tell you that all you need to do is trust and believe, and your problems will be magically solved. But when you can't even make yourself swallow an ounce of the self-contradictory bullshit that Xian myth and philosophy are riddled with and when you see that nothing in life changes without humans or other natural forces acting upon them, the only thing that magically disappears is faith in the Xian god. When it is made clear that Jebus is not looking out for anyone and cannot even possibly exist, then the path to clarity becomes a little easier to walk.

 

I hope you enjoy your stay here and that your journey away from the Xian mind virus is a pleasant and positive one :)

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I assume you are no longer studying Buddhism? If so, it's ironic that in choosing to question and think for yourself instead of let Xian fanatics think for you, you are doing what any good Buddhist would do ;)

 

But either way, it's the same sad story. Some Xian zealot will tell you that all you need to do is trust and believe, and your problems will be magically solved.

 

 

Why, thank you!

 

That's the exact reason why I stopped believing and practicing buddhism in the first place. None of my problems were solved; instead I saw myself running away from them.

 

And yeah, my four short years as a non believer has been pleasant and happy!

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Your post is inspiring, WCrystal...

It's a grand feeling to take charge of your own life, to be the captain of your own ship, albiet that you hit yourself with the challenge to be the best you can be and strive to fulfil you own potential.

 

Enjoy the journey of life, and may it be the best it can be.

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