DarthOkkata Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 I've developed an interest in the subject of Jesus-isms. Small nonsensical things Christians say, that really bug you. Just little catch phrases that christans make, that actually make no sense, but are expected to be 'understood'. Things like: 'We all have to follow in his footsteps' usually followed by a sigh. [And they wonder why homosexuality is such a problem in their church.] I believe this started with a poem called 'footsteps' it's about walking with Jesus on an imaginary beach. It lead to teaching you should imagine yourself doing so as a spiritual activity. Yes, they told you to go on an imaginary date with Jesus. 'Praise the Lord for this food!' that was paid for with money they earned at work, by a kitchen staff. Where's the love man? [i work at a restaurant] If you're going through the trouble to thank God for it all, why not mention everyone else involved? Is it really that much of an inconvenience? 'I just thank God no one was hurt!' by my stupidity. That shopping cart that dinged my fender might have been a puppy! 'We must all bear his [our own] cross!' Why? Isn't that the entire point of him doing it? So we wouldn't have too? If I'm carrying one, I would assume the end of the line wouldn't be pleasant. From very credible sources no less. I'd rather get there and tell them I forgot my cross, so I guess they can't nail me to it. Gosh darn it. Snide comments aren't required, but a brief explination of why you find a particular phrase irritating would be nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 The pitying 'I'll pray for you'... Gee thanks. Money for treatment would be better. Maybe a hand with the house work. Cook me a meal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 "Keep the faith." Just got in an e-mail from someone who I had contacted about my job search because she's been useful in the past. I knew she was Christian, but I didn't think she was a fundy. Perhaps I should tell her I'm atheist and have been for quite some time, but then I may not get the help I need on my job search. I think I will just not rely on her in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotBlinded Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 The most irritating for me is the thanking of God for their blessings. That so rubs me the wrong way! What gives me a little relief from it though is that they are completely ignorant of what is implied by saying that. They have no idea that their thanking of God for their blessings just rubs the dirt in the open wounds of the faithful that are starving and burying their families. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 "Keep the faith." A good response would be: "No, You keep it. I don't want it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xandermac Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 "The Lord will provide", "Let go and let god", "God works in mysterious ways", "Smile jesus loves you" and a million more. I also work in a restaurant and believe me the lawd ain't providing its me working my ass off to provide, I don't give a shit about the lilies of the field and all that bible bullshit. If I could be holding Benny Hinn over a cliff then... I'd let go and let god! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 "Keep the faith" - I've found it on the lips of non-believers as well as believers. Doesn't make her a fundy. Just my call on that. "The Lord will provide", "Let go and let god", "God works in mysterious ways", "Smile jesus loves you" and a million more. I also work in a restaurant and believe me the lawd ain't providing its me working my ass off to provide, I don't give a shit about the lilies of the field and all that bible bullshit. If I could be holding Benny Hinn over a cliff then... I'd let go and let god! I always liked John Paul I's comment, back when he was the Patriarch of Venice 'Man may not live by bread alone, but the Gospels don't but enough food on the table to feed a family of 13' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Thompson Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 "The Lord will provide" Yeah, who needs work, and money, and food... "Let go and let god" Like expecting to win the lottery without playing. "God works in mysterious ways" Often said to the guy that was just in a car accident where he was blinded, disfigured and all his limbs were severed. Christianity has all the answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 "Keep the faith." A good response would be: "No, You keep it. I don't want it." The problem is that the lady is a close friend of my stepmom, so I can't just be rude to her, as much as I may wish I could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 "Keep the faith" - I've found it on the lips of non-believers as well as believers. Doesn't make her a fundy. Just my call on that. Yeah, but you also haven't met her. She's definietly Christian. More annoying phrases: The whole stupid "it's all in god's plan" thing. Seriously, if god had a plan, why didn't he bother to tell the pope? Or put it in the bible? There's no justification for the billions of deaths on this planet that have supposedly occured all for god's plan. None. A truly powerful being could do whatever he wished without killing people, and most of the deaths that people use "god's plan" to explain happen in horrible ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Thinking on it... I've used 'Keep the faith!'... I mean to keep believing in yourself and talents... Maybe you're being a little sensitive... and when I had a crisis of confidence, my old pal Father Richard (episcopal priest and connoisseur of fine ales, and most definitely Christian, but I forgive him for it ), used it to me... and he meant it like I mean it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panther Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 How about "god is so complex and we are basically so (stupid) that we could never understand why he does what he does" And as was posted above, the blessings. I hate when someone says "i am so blessed." As if the rest of us aren't or we just ain't so lucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necrosmith Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven. Should read: Christians aren't perfect, just assholes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted April 26, 2007 Share Posted April 26, 2007 I like the 9-11 survivors who claimed god saved them. I personally would say it was FDNY chaps, and that God really hated the people he let be above the impact spot Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds, —and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of—wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there, I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air.... Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace Where never lark nor even eagle flew— And, while with silent lifting mind I’ve trod The high untrespassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand, and touched the face of God. Yeah... right... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthOkkata Posted April 26, 2007 Author Share Posted April 26, 2007 Here's another sort. These are the four spiritual laws, with translations following. 1. God has a plan for you. 2. You, and every human, is a sinner. 3. Jesus is the only provision for man's sin. 4. Everyone must receive Jesus, [as Saviour.] Think of them as brainwashing upkeep activities. They translate into reality-speak like this. 1. You belong to the church. 2. You are naughty, and dirty. 3. You'll burn forever without us. 4. Listen to everything we say, and aquire new members. Little laws and things like that can be irritating as well. Any small easy to remember christian ideas meant to stick to simplistic minds will work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 "You're just blinded by saaataaan!!!" Translation: "I know I've lost the debate but can't admit to it for the life of mine, so I'll close with this idiotic meaningless phrase". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Everything happens for a reason... God works in mysterious ways... Offered as consolation to me when life got tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 The pitying 'I'll pray for you'... Gee thanks. Money for treatment would be better. Maybe a hand with the house work. Cook me a meal? Exactly how old are you, Grandpa? You sound like you've led a very interesting life from what I gather in your posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Everything happens for a reason... God works in mysterious ways... Offered as consolation to me when life got tough. How about since god created me and knows everything, he certainly knows I'll burn in hell! What fun to torture for eternity, one of your creations! Give glory to god!,,,,,,,FUCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Or all the athletes and actors who, after busting their own humps and working hard, say "I want to first thank God...." after winning a big game or an award. Not to mention their fellow teammates/cast members, coaches, directors, etc who made it all happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbie Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Being 'saved'. As in 'I was saved at 5.30pm on Tuesday 22nd May 1997!' or the dreaded 'Are you saved?' It's always so smug, not to mention trivialising the whole human experience by claiming its pivotal moment could be accepting a dead Palestinian carpenter 'into your heart', whatever that means. It's creepy and cultish. And it creates an 'us and them' situation where you're either in or you're out, in which case you're wrong, evil, corrupted, stupid and you're going to burn for eternity. They might as well walk around like zombies chanting 'join us...join us....JOIN US!!!' Christianity, it seems, is like a cancer of the mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xandermac Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I thought of another that always got me...God said he wouldn't put more on us than we could bear! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 "Keep the faith." "Where? The litterbox is already full." *just goofing, I know you can't say this to this particular person..... but for others.... and you know there will be others* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 We're ALL such terrible sinners. We ALL do all these horrible things all the time. I'm thinking like, first: Please speak only for yourself. Second: If you really think you are so horrible you should change. I actually tried the latter on one of my sisters some time ago. She grunted, squirmed a bit, and came up with some smart retort. Others: God is mystery. We weren't meant to understand. Faith isn't rational. Life isn't fair. All of these and many more have been used regularly to put me down for asking questions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toxic Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 "Thank God for Jesus!" (car sticker) "relationship with God" "When I met Jesus..." "God told me to..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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