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No More Pedestals


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Until a few years ago, I used to put my girlfirends (and my first wife, and women in general) on pedestals. I used to raise them in status above me, making them seem better than me, giving them power over me, seeking to please them at all costs to myself and my welbeing. I made them Goddesses. And I payed a heavy price mentally and even physically for this. And they, because they were not gods, hurt me time and again. Finally, after many years and a failed marriage, I finally realized that much of my problem centered on given them power over me, instead of treating them as normal human beings.

 

This past month, since joining this site, I have been on a similar journey dealing with the divine. I have always loved stories about gods, both from religious books and from fantasy fiction. I would escape into them, and believe they were real...for a while. This site, and my new searches online that this site has prompted, have left me in a similar position as I felt after my first wife and I separated, and I battled through a "year of Hell", emotionally, socially, and financially as I regained a sense of self and removed the relationship belief system that had led me to put women on pedestals. It was not a pretty process, it hurt a lot, but I came out better for it. Because of the work I did then, I was ready when my current wife entered my life, and we have been very happy and healthy in our relationship. Though she is not placed on a pedestal by me, she knows how much I love her and how much better my life is with her in it.

 

For the past week I have been very depressed. Others have noticed, both at work and home. I could not put my finger on it until this morning. Even though I had been debunking my belief in God, gods, whatever, I was still placing the idea of them on a pedestal. I was still venerating, placing above myself the concept. And it was destroying me all week. The two incompatible theories, one of a naturallyu caused universe, and one controled by a "higher power" had been eating away at me.

 

But, today, I am taking a sledge hammer to the pedestal bases of the gods. Picture the classic Greek or Roman statue. I am taking out the support for the idea, destroying whatever it was that made me think that the idea of god was more important than the idea of me. As the plaster and marble fly, I feel better. Not great yet, it is a process, not a sit-com (over in 30 minutes) kind of revelation.

 

Anyway, that is where I am today.

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Rob, do I ever know what you're talking about re pedestals. It's especially hard not to keep people on pedestals when they insist that this is their rightful place in my life. It takes a lot of heart-hardening when they complain and condemn as they crawl out from under the rubble of fallen pedestals. I can imagine them foaming at the mouth as they rebel at the gulf that separates and protects me from them.

 

Rob, I congratulate you on breaking free. Chopping down those pedestals is dirty work and not easy. But you are already reaping the benefits. I am happy for you.

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