Went To A Wedding Yesterday.

[The Sage Nabooru]

My cousin's.

 

I really didn't think that much of it. People get married, what else is new?

 

But sitting through the ceremony, which was actually shorter than I expected, I felt sick. Surrounded by all these people, most of the young ones typified by the kind of people I'd expect my cousins to hang out with (that is, fake blond, fake tanned girls whose primary focus of attention and pride is their tits, and boys who date the girls for their tits), all the relatives and families I didn't know or didn't care about, going through this whole marriage ceremony about family and togetherness and "let no man put asunder" (yeah, right, are you serious?), I just thought........Dear God, don't ever let me do this. Not to myself, not to anybody else.

 

I just became so disgusted with this show of love as defined by family. I'm not the kind of person who enjoys social gatherings of huge numbers of people that one attends more out of obligation than desire. I can't describe my feelings quite correctly, I think. I felt suffocated a little bit, uncomfortable. This was not for me, yet I knew that at least to some people, it was expected of me. It's that kind of awkwardness that comes with trying to celebrate somebody else doing something that you could never do. On the one hand, you're thinking "I should be happy for them"......on the other, "When's this shit going to wrap up so I can go home and be myself again?"

 

I managed to sit through part of the reception, eating some of the worst buffet-style food you can think of and some cake. After that, my brother and I left under pretense of having to go home and feed the dogs, but I think for him as well as for me we wanted to get out before anybody asked, then told us, when we were going to find boy/girlfriends and get married. ("I don't think I will" is not an acceptable answer, so they make one up and imagine themselves better judges of your destiny than yourself.)

 

And if you fail to measure up and get married and bear kids, these same people are going to brand you the "Old Maid" (if you're a guy, they'll whisper about how you must be gay inside and just not willing to admit it). No matter how much you insist otherwise, you'll be the person who missed out on so much because you were always so miserably alone. They'll think you're weird, eccentric, probably bitter.

 

I guess weddings are reminders of how we're all expected to conform to the same life: get married, get a job, have kids, retire, die. I don't think the people getting married think so, but perhaps the older relatives do. I don't know how to put it. I'm just glad it's over.

[Ex-COG]

One of the things I hate most about traditional weddings are how they line up all the unmarried women and hurl the bouquet at them. It's like you're on display ("Look, all you unmarried men, here's some available ones!"). I stopped joining the line up when I was in my late twenties, disgusted over seeing some women in their 40's and 50's still desperately clawing for the flowers. Sheeese. If I ever do get married (which I strongly doubt), I'll plan my own ceremony with the hubby-to-be, and it will be according to our tastes, not our families or community.

[R. S. Martin]

Oh Nabooru, I know so well what you are talking about. I get the same feeling all the time. I just don't go to socials anymore and this includes weddings. I feel bad that I skipped that one wedding but it looked totally impossible for me to live through the social stuff. Good people, good food, empty and boring chit-chat. There is nothing that brings on a migraine for me faster than that kind of situation.

 

I realized at the time that I may well be passing up a relationship by not going to the wedding. On the other hand, socials are not for me. Migraines brought on precisely because of a social may be a pretty strong indicator that I am doing something that I am not made to do. I only wish I had realized and understood this thirty years ago and perhaps I could have spared myself the very serious migraines I get regularly, even when not doing social stuff.

 

So even if you decide to attend weddings remind yourself that it is perfectly okay not enjoying them. I think you are so lucky having a sibling who feels the same way so you could get out of the situation before it got totally unbearable.

[gusdafa]

I dont get weddings either. It feels like a 'we have to prove to everybody that we love each other so much' bells and whistles thing. This girl I was interested in talked about a big wedding ceremony for herself that it made me spew in my mouth... tasted like the fruitcake they always serve at weddings though.

[Amethyst]

I don't like weddings either. The whole fakeness of it, the eleborate clothing and food -- things that would never be you, the fakeness of being nice to your annoying relatives -- whatever happened to authenticity? If I ever get married, it'll be a small wedding, in a courthouse or outside. Nothing elaborate, and only close friends and immediate family.

[Taphophilia]

I think they are celebrating because chances are that is the happiest they will ever be with each other in their entire married life.

[Vixentrox]

More people means more presents! But yah, it's annoying sometimes though I must admit, my extended family are in fact pretty fun at this sort of thing. They do know how to party. Weddings I have went to outside my family though....what a bunch of stiffs.

[lothartx]

I think they are celebrating because chances are that is the happiest they will ever be with each other in their entire married life.

 

 

Sad, but true!

 

[Llwellyn]

Did someone say "tits"?