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How Do You Deal With Evangelists?


Markkasan
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I ran into a creepy fellow when I was out looking for a CD for my girlfriend. I was standing there, scanning the racks at the music store, and this guy resembling Ted Haggard just sidled out to me and started talking about how the music industry affects young people. How it makes 'em promiscuous and the like. That's when my fundie-warning light went off.

 

I glanced over and saw that he was kind of young-looking, maybe thirty or so. Switchfoot T-shirt. Stapled on grin. Sandals. Like a grad student on spring break. I don't feel threatened. I shrugged and said something to the regards of, "If people will pay for it, they will sell it." I wanted to walk away, but I stayed to see where it would go. Regrettably, he asks if I'm Christian. I respond that I'm not religious. That gets him started. He starts saying how Satan is trying to trick me into thinking there is no God, about how I'm bound for spiritual death, and the like. I'm a little confused because I haven't been evangelized to since my deconversion. I kind of just stare at him. Then he really bugs me by saying how even young people like me or him could die at any moment. "Like in a car wreck," he says, in his most reasonable, semi-somnulent voice.

 

Now a few months ago someone I knew died in a car crash. He was more of an acquaintance than a friend, but I was still shook up by that because he was a decent kid. I felt my temper rise. I felt like striking the smarmy looking son of a bitch with the backhand of justice. But I decided to use my wits, which is always better in the long run. I try to organize my thoughts, but they're all screwed up. I don't know what to say. The guy asks something (i don't remember what, I think it was something about going to a church) and I just stand there like an idiot. After a few uncomfortable moments I finally spit out, "No, thanks. I was a Christian once, but not anymore." I turn to walk away, feeling a little embarrassed for my lack of conviction in my voice. He calls after me "Hey, hold on!" but i keep walking out the store.

 

 

I really hate myself for not coming back with something stronger. I should have put that prick in his place, but I didn't.

 

How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you? How do you deal with their tactics? How do you keep them from getting in your head and fucking with it?

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Don't feel bad my first encounter, I lied and said I was a Christian just to make a lady shut up. You at least said something back but the more battles you face it is a lot easier. My suggestion look over these threads there is basically a counter attack for every argument. Good luck it does get a lot easier the more you do it, the first one is always the hardest. I am great at arguing and proving Christianity is bull shit now because I just practice, the more you do the easier it will become...trust me.

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I just tell them I don't believe in a god, and they give me crazy looks.

then I tell them again, and they give me crazier looks.

Then I give them crazy looks and they walk away.

 

But that is just how I do it. Everyone has a different way, but as long as it works, it is good.

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How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you?

I don't deal with them. Depending on the circumstances I either tell them to shove it or if propriety is called for, I let them know that I am not interested and it is none of their business.

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I really get where you're coming from. When it's happened to me I just get angry and start shaking, and my thoughts go all scattered - like I've got a million different ways to put this person in their place but I just can't think of any right now.

 

If I had my wits about me, I think I'd probably laugh right in their face. And point. And say something like "You believe WHAT? That some invisible man impregnated a Palestinian girl 2000 years ago so that he could have a son, who also happens to be himself, so he could grow up and sacrifice himself to himself to appease himself? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

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Seldom an issue for me. In the street, they avoid eye contact with me and at my home I tell them to get off my land before they find out if their god protects them from evil... Having said that, there are times when the phrase 'social control' is a meaningless jumble of symbols to me. I learned early that Zealots don't understand manners.

 

If one approaches you again in a record store try shouting 'stop touching my ass I don't know you!'

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ROFL..."stop touching my ass..." Almost spit my fried rice out of my moth with the laughter.

It worked for me in Tower Records in Dublin... :)

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I don't deal with them, prety much ever. I don't feel I have to, and I do not like talking to strangers in person. In the above situation, I would have looked at said man, looked nervous and walked away, grabbing one of the kids protectively if they were with me, yes even the 19 year old. I do that, they don't follow. At home, I answer the door and say "no", and shut the door. Once, and only once, I was heading out the door, the DH was still home, our kids, and a few neighbor kids were in our frount lawn playing, some JWs walked up, and I don't remember the exact exchange anymore, they made some evangelical opening comment, I said I was a satanist and said they had better not pervert the minds of my children away from Lord Satan, they asked which were my kids, I said all of them and got in my car they left nervously. :: shrug ::

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Seldom an issue for me. In the street, they avoid eye contact with me and at my home I tell them to get off my land before they find out if their god protects them from evil... Having said that, there are times when the phrase 'social control' is a meaningless jumble of symbols to me. I learned early that Zealots don't understand manners.

 

If one approaches you again in a record store try shouting 'stop touching my ass I don't know you!'

 

I usually go for the Roxbury version of this. It's much funnier to watch them react.

 

"Did you grab my ass?" say it really loud. If they persist, and they usually won't, continue with...

 

"Did you grab my ass? Somebody grabbed my ass!" Looking around at others near by helps keep the bait hooked.

 

No christian yet has stayed beyond stage 3.

 

"Did you just grab my ass? I mean, it's okay if you did, I understand, but sombody just grabbed my ass!"

 

 

Usually, I just tell them I think they are delusional, and that their neurological disorder is harmful to society and others. After which I'll start quoting bible verses at them. Only the fun ones, like the rules of rape, stoning disobedient children to death, the book of Job, Lot and his Daughters [in the city, and the aftermath after his wife died].

 

If that doesn't work, I short out their brains by explaining that one flood could not cause every layer of sediment, ask them how someone can survive in a fish stomach for three days, and question if they really believe in Unicorns, Talking Donkeys, talking snakes, and Giants.

 

If they still persist, I'll offer to sell them some magic beans, or tell them if they leave the tooth I'm about to knock out of their mouth if they don't leave me alone under their pillow, the fairy they obviously believe in will leave a dime for them there.

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If evangelists approach me in a public place I do the Epicurus agrument and then walk off. Or you could always say "No thanks, I'm quite happy being a pagan." Or you could say "I want to go to hell with Scarlet Johansen."

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Turn the tables, ask them questions they aren't prepared for, nothing is better then tossing a fundy off their game. Prove to them you know the buybull better then they do with the questions. You'll leave them red-faced and they will sheepishly slink away. Because if I have learned anything, I know most Christians don't know Jack about their buybull. They are trained to witness using certain tactics that appeal to emotion and fear. (Such as death, hell and so forth) They are armed for a typical response, an emotional one. Take control from the unsuspecting Xtin using questions and hand them their ass with a smile. You might even start them on a road of deconversion when they start looking for answers to your questions.

 

Depending on how the convo goes of course as to what questions you'll use.

 

For example in an endless line of possible questions:

 

:scratch: Wasn't the chosen Messiah suppose to be from the house of David? Well according to your word, Jesus didn't derive from the house of David, Joseph was from the house of David, Mary has zero connections to the House of David. Blood lines are extremely important in the buybull which is why bloodlines are given in such vast detail. If God had out of marriage sex and fornicated with a virgin then the seed is not from the house of David. How do you explain this..........?

 

 

Another Question,

 

Really? Music is Evil? who created evil? Who takes great pride in saying they created evil? Isaiah 45:7

 

Is he the bringer of Peace or the bringer of the sword? He claims to do both...... Is it often your god has contradicting messages? I do believe it is.. and you can continue to list more.

 

 

Good luck!

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How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you? How do you deal with their tactics? How do you keep them from getting in your head and fucking with it?

 

I too used to be stuck for words, but having been accosted by these missionary types so often, I've developed some well rehersed responses. However, a word of warning, NEVER engage in a scripture based argument since the bible only means whatever that particular Christian wants it to mean (remember that they even can't agree among themselves as to what the scriptures mean). Further, once you start quoting scriptures back at them, you're playing their game. Yet if you avoid scriptures & stick to reasoned arguments, you are forcing them to enter unfamiliar territory (remember, these people believe what they do because they don't think for themselves, getting them to think critically about what they believe is unfamiliar & uncomfortable for them).

 

Xians rely on their bible as the sourse of truth & assume you will acknowledge the authority of its pronouncements as the final world. I usually ask the xian, "if a Muslim quoted the Koran to you as proof of his faith, would you accept the authority of the Koran as being equal with the Bible?" Invariably they say no, to which I responsd, "& yet you want me to accept the authority of the bible when I view it in the same way as you view the Koran?"

 

There is another weakness in the xian armour that can easily be exploited, & that is the cross cultural comparison. When we consider that xianity is not the only religion (nor the most common) in the world, how do we choose which is the "true" religion to follow & how might one detect the "false" religions? Xians don't accept that their religious affiliation is more a product of geography than choice (one can imagine them as being equally devout Muslims if they had been born in Iran) & assume that their faith is the only true one. Yet the reality is that there are only three possibilities;

1) All religions are true (this cannot be true since they have contradictory teachings)

2) One (or some) religions are true & the rest false (which brings me back to the original question as to what objective test can we use to weed the "true" faiths from the "false" ones - & no such test exists or can exist).

3) All religions are false (no argument there).

 

I suggest you think about the common lines xians use & consider the vast assumptions they entail. I will pull xians up about these assumptions & point out that I don't share them & that if they want me to accept these assumptions as true, they will have to provide some hard evidence. Usually, when xians discover that I was a xian once too, say "so why did you change?". My response is to ask them why they changed, after all, we are all born without any notions of religion or god or heaven or hell, so in acquiring religion we are in fact abandoning our natural born atheism - we haven't changed, they have.

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I really hate myself for not coming back with something stronger. I should have put that prick in his place, but I didn't.

 

How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you? How do you deal with their tactics? How do you keep them from getting in your head and fucking with it?

 

Just scream, "RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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I really hate myself for not coming back with something stronger. I should have put that prick in his place, but I didn't.

 

How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you? How do you deal with their tactics? How do you keep them from getting in your head and fucking with it?

 

Just scream, "RAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

That, I like!

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If only they would stick with discussion I could handle it. But when they start making evaluations of my intellectual capacities and emotional motivations (all of which are about as far from the truth as the north pole is from the south pole) I tend to lose it. The thing that hits me hardest is when they say, "Well if you just don't want to believe there is nothing I can say that will make you understand."

 

BELIEF IS NOT A CHOICE. But it seems for them it is. For me it is not. I don't know a single way under the sun to convince them of it. Okay, I'm talking about family here. It seems that they fully expect me to be cowed by their discussion of their beliefs. I know they believe that apostates feel a deep shame for their "sin" of apostating. I found out that they will never accept the actual reason for leaving; they make one up that better fits their world view. And their world view dictates that leaving their church is done for no other reason than for pride.

 

Thus, if a family leaves because they want Sunday school for their kids, the Old Order Mennonites will say, "Oh, they just couldn't content themselves with our simple way of life." Or, "They just took it into their heads that they can't get the 'light' here with us. Too big-shot for our simple way of life and belief." One person said to me in a letter, "We are disappointed that you chose to forsake godly teachings to follow your own lusts and desires." More than one person said something to me along the lines of: Well, you can understand that we were disappointed.

 

Most of that was Christians talking to me as a Christian. The one situation where I felt victorious was JWs long before my deconversion. I engaged them in conversation and had so many questions for them about Jesus and his role in salvation that they could not answer--these were honest questions. Finally they took that excuse as a way out of the situation. They said something about having to do more study and return when they had more answers. I never saw them again. Nor any other JWs for that matter.

 

The way I find works best with my family is like Purple said: Just don't deal with it. Throw out letters and hang up on phone calls. Let them think what they will because I can't do a thing about it anyway. At least I will keep my temper and sanity. In a face to face situation it will probably be best if I just listen till the person has run out of things to say and then more on. Have an appointment I'm running late for, or have something on the stove that is just about to burn, or just an urgent glance at my watch and indicate that I absolutely have to go.

 

Now if it happens to be a seatmate on a long trip, some other trick will be needed. Maybe a lengthy trip to the washroom, observation of what other passengers are doing so you have a good story to tell when you return. Or perhaps be in need of a nap. Or pull out a good book after they've "talked themselves out." I find that simply changing topic does not always work, esp. with the determined type. They will remember that I changed topic and failed to answer their questions. And somehow they do feel entitled to answers.

 

Here's something I might try now that I've thought of it:

 

Me: I'm sure God will notify me when and if he has anything to say to me.

Them: So you do believe in God?

Me: I never said that.

Them: Then what did you say?

Me: I said I am sure that God will notify me when and if he has anything to say to me.

Them: So you must believe in God. If you believe God might have something to say to you, you must believe he exists. Otherwise he couldn't have anything to say to you.

Me: If God has anything to say to me, then yes, he exists. But I did not say God has anything to say to me.

Them: Yes you did.

Me: No I didn't.

Them: Then what did you say?

Me: I said IF he has anything to say to me. I don't believe God exists so I don't think he has anything to say to me. But I could be wrong. God could exist but he hasn't talked to me so I have no evidence.

Them: Grunt and walk away befuddled, mumbling something derogatory about my intellect or motives as a parting shot.

 

I'm not acting like an atheist is supposed to act and they can't handle that. They don't even know--and neither do I--if I really am an atheist. The problem is that they are too uneducated to realize that alternatives exist between a full Christian and an atheist. As for me, I'm in transition and will have to wait and see what form my beliefs will harden into. Unlike the evangelical Christians, I don't think my personal beliefs are anyone else's business. I don't have to witness to anyone.

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I don't engage in conversations with evagelists beyond various forms of "I'm not interested." After two years of living in Montgomery, AL, my tolerance for evagelical nonsense is in the negative numbers.

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How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you? How do you deal with their tactics? How do you keep them from getting in your head and fucking with it?

 

Roll your eyes back and summon up the deepest gutteral voice you can, then start talking in some nonsense language whilst occasionally throwing in certain words in dog latin, such as: "satanus", "luciferus", "melgibsonus", "demonus" etc.

 

If they're really as fundy christian as they claim, they will run.

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How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you? How do you deal with their tactics? How do you keep them from getting in your head and fucking with it?

 

Roll your eyes back and summon up the deepest gutteral voice you can, then start talking in some nonsense language whilst occasionally throwing in certain words in dog latin, such as: "satanus", "luciferus", "melgibsonus", "demonus" etc.

 

If they're really as fundy christian as they claim, they will run.

 

Yeah, say anything, even badly in real latin, they run away. Which si funny when you think about it, the chatholics did everything in latin for, well forever, I dunno, I've never been Catholic. Fundies ni the states though, find latin SCARY. Only because of Hollywood though, kind of says a lot doesn't it.

 

Oh I don't speak latin, at all, but my Erus was taught it in school, and has persued it more since as a hobby. Yes, Erus si a latin word, and it's not her name, not gonna tell you want it means though. :P

 

fundy; "Jesus loves you"

me: "Ego amor mea Erus"

fundy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RUN AWAY RUN AWAY....

 

or fundy responce #2: "you need an exorsism, let me get the deliverence pastor."

ah good times good times

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How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you? How do you deal with their tactics? How do you keep them from getting in your head and fucking with it?

 

Roll your eyes back and summon up the deepest gutteral voice you can, then start talking in some nonsense language whilst occasionally throwing in certain words in dog latin, such as: "satanus", "luciferus", "melgibsonus", "demonus" etc.

 

If they're really as fundy christian as they claim, they will run.

 

Yeah, say anything, even badly in real latin, they run away. Which si funny when you think about it, the chatholics did everything in latin for, well forever, I dunno, I've never been Catholic. Fundies ni the states though, find latin SCARY. Only because of Hollywood though, kind of says a lot doesn't it.

 

Oh I don't speak latin, at all, but my Erus was taught it in school, and has persued it more since as a hobby. Yes, Erus is a latin word, and it's not her name, not gonna tell you want it means though. :P

 

fundy; "Jesus loves you"

me: "Ego amor mea Erus"

fundy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RUN AWAY RUN AWAY....

 

or fundy responce #2: "you need an exorsism, let me get the deliverence pastor."

ah good times good times

 

 

Erus = Endorectal ultrasound. A procedure in which a probe that sends out high-energy sound waves is inserted into the rectum

 

Just kidding.

 

Doesn't Erus mean master or owner?

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How do you deal with fundies trying to convert you? How do you deal with their tactics? How do you keep them from getting in your head and fucking with it?

 

Roll your eyes back and summon up the deepest gutteral voice you can, then start talking in some nonsense language whilst occasionally throwing in certain words in dog latin, such as: "satanus", "luciferus", "melgibsonus", "demonus" etc.

 

If they're really as fundy christian as they claim, they will run.

 

Yeah, say anything, even badly in real latin, they run away. Which si funny when you think about it, the chatholics did everything in latin for, well forever, I dunno, I've never been Catholic. Fundies ni the states though, find latin SCARY. Only because of Hollywood though, kind of says a lot doesn't it.

 

Oh I don't speak latin, at all, but my Erus was taught it in school, and has persued it more since as a hobby. Yes, Erus is a latin word, and it's not her name, not gonna tell you want it means though. :P

 

fundy; "Jesus loves you"

me: "Ego amor mea Erus"

fundy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RUN AWAY RUN AWAY....

 

or fundy responce #2: "you need an exorsism, let me get the deliverence pastor."

ah good times good times

 

 

Erus = Endorectal ultrasound. A procedure in which a probe that sends out high-energy sound waves is inserted into the rectum

 

Just kidding.

 

Doesn't Erus mean master or owner?

 

Yea, I think so. My latin's gotten incredibly rusty for the past couple of years... not that I was that well versed in the first place.

 

Purple: Scaring people with dog latin is more effective than scaring people with proper latin. The reason being that a lot of films that feature "latin" spoken by some evil demon (or whatever) are too stupid and/or incapable of processing more than one language so they just lob "-us" at the end of every word. Ahhh, the awe of hollywood.

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Other languages that if you know smatterings of work:

 

Tolkien's "Black Speech". Ash, naz krimpatuluk...

 

Klingon (Sorry, don't have any examples here).

 

Hebrew, just use any old Hebrew food prayer. Baruch ata Adonai elohaynu melech ha-olam boray p'ree hagafan. (Sorry for the poor Hebrew-to-English transliteration, but that's as good as I remember it. Basically, it means "Blessed art thou, Lord our God, King of the Universe, who gives us the fruit of the vine".) Say it with the rolling eyes and shaking limbs, and you're golden.

 

Old Norse (Just search out the Lord's Prayer or other mythologies in Old Norse, and there's plenty that sounds lovely and demonic). Faþer vár es ert í himenríki, verði nafn þitt hæilagt...

 

Irish Gaelic (not very demonic-sounding, but very foreign to many American-English ears). Clannad songs work well... I suggest the chorus to "A Mhuirnin O". A mhuirnín ó an dtiocfaidh tú na bhaile, A mhuirnín ó an dtiocfaidh tú liom...

 

My absolute, and personal favourite way to get rid of evangelists when they try to bother me in public is to politely smile and listen for about 30 seconds, and then let my eyes glass over, get a murderous grin on my face, hug myself and gently rock, while in a child-like sing-song voice saying something random. My preference is for the "La" song (La la laaaa, La la laaaa, La la la la laaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaa). Then let my arms drop, and either resume what I was doing before I was bothered, or calmly walk out of the store and into my car, laughing maniacally as I drive away. It freaks the hell out of anyone in earshot, but as long as it's a store you don't often visit, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

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My absolute, and personal favourite way to get rid of evangelists when they try to bother me in public is to politely smile and listen for about 30 seconds, and then let my eyes glass over, get a murderous grin on my face, hug myself and gently rock, while in a child-like sing-song voice saying something random. My preference is for the "La" song (La la laaaa, La la laaaa, La la la la laaaaaaa laaaaaaaaaaaaa). Then let my arms drop, and either resume what I was doing before I was bothered, or calmly walk out of the store and into my car, laughing maniacally as I drive away. It freaks the hell out of anyone in earshot, but as long as it's a store you don't often visit, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

 

GOLDEN! That one I have to remember.

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Doesn't Erus mean master or owner?

 

Yeppers... then have a xian explain to you why slavery is a sin. THAT'S hilarious, granted I've only had the courage to go there with xians online, but it was still pretty damn funny. Especially since, for part of our relationship, it was celebate, she had some health issues, long story. Xians goes all "lust is a sin" I say "what lust?", and they sputter, funny funny funny.

 

Oh and if you want how I dealt with them online I have a site, I forgot. I used it when I used to help watch and manage a goth chat room on MSN. OMG I am such a uber geek I swear. Anyway, here's a link....

 

4 rules

 

for an example of how the rules works I cut and pasted a conversation, verbatum ....

 

http://groups.msn.com/4Rules/wallofshame.m...552807257808473

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