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I'm Going Insane.


Llwellyn
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I don't know how to shake the idea that there is a scheme of retribution at work in the world enforced by God that matches human evil with curses. I really wish I could get rid of the idea of "God's wrath" from my mind. It is very horrible and very debilitating. For 25 years, I was so submersed and saturated by the "Christian Worldview," that I deeply brainwashed myself to think under this assumption.

 

Sex. A big focus of these thoughts is in the area of sex. I'm quite timid around women because I am afraid of the "consequences" if I conduct myself as a sexual being. What if I flirt with them or ask them on a date or look at their bodies in a sexual way? I am rusted immobile for fear of God's vengeance for sexual conduct.

 

How do I get rid of the thoughts?

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First of all... breathe deep.

 

Can you say, with certainty that in the however many years you've been on the planet you've seen anyone get everything they 'deserve' in terms of 'God's just revenge'? And you could be absolutely certain that it was God doing it and not just some random chance, or the fact they just crossed someone (wholly human) badder than them?

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"God's Wrath" is a control mechanism used by xianity.

 

You've pegged it that what you're experiencing is the fall out from your years of brainwashing.

 

I think knowing that "God's Wrath" was made up and that no pissed off omnipotent being is offended if you are a sexual being helps.

 

The brainwashing may tell you different, but when we reason it out, we all know what the consequences of being a sexual being can be: passion, intimacy, enjoyment, fun, children, if that's what you want, fulfillment of natural urges we were all born with.

 

When we reason it out we know that all life are sexual beings, that it's the order of things.

 

Remind yourself of what your reason tells you--a lot.

 

Part II: Even so, there are those awful patterns of behavior that remain. That's tough. Try making it a project to learn new patterns of behavior. I think it really is learned, just like, chess, dancing, cooking, or math. Start from where you are and go from there. Smile at a woman you find interesting. Strike up a conversation. Keep trying. Their reactions will improve as you become more comfortable in interacting in ways you're not accustomed to now.

 

If you flirt with them, they'll notice, or ignore you, or flirt back, or blow you off, or it could take off from there for further interaction. If you flirt with them, and you are neither a jerk nor risk-takingly brazen (safe to say, I think) then an uncomfortable outcome is very unlikely.

 

If you ask them on a date, they'll most likely either accept, or try to let you down easy in some form or another (possibly saying no without actually saying no). Or they may indicate they're not interested a bit more directly. But they won't abuse or belittle you for asking.

 

If you look at their bodies in a sexual way, they'll flirt, not notice, pretend to not notice, appreciate it, be mildly annoyed, or react in some way appropriate to the type of relationship you have. If you don't openly leer and drool and freak them out, nothing dramatic is likely to happen.

 

If you flirt, ask them on a date, or look at their bodies in a sexual way you will be acting as a sexual being, the way we're designed by nature, and you'll be casting aside the artificial control mechanism imposed by xianity.

 

Give yourself permission to be a sexual being. Nurture your nascent post-deconversion sexuality. Deliberately give yourself permission, knowing the the concept of god's opposition to it really is just brainwashing.

 

I don't know whether there is a faster or easier way, but fostering this sort of mindset helped me.

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Here are some more unconventional ways to deal with latent beliefs about xtianity that worked pretty well for me.

 

1. Take the blasphemy challenge. Create a video where you deny the existence of the holy spirit and post it on youtube. Do it with flair! Heck I did it by re-reading the apostles creed updated with my current beliefs (I do NOT believe in god the father... etc). Since the bible says that this is the only unforgivable sin, once I posted my video, I felt a sense of relief. It was the final nail in the coffin of my belief in any god.

 

2. Do some other things that were forbidden when you were a xtian. Maybe get a tatoo, maybe go get drunk, do something that you would never have considered doing when you were a believer... you know, have fun! Live! Enjoy the fact that you are free from the enslavement of bronze-age thinking!

 

Laugh, play, and have fun.

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There's no evidence that there's a god, much less a wrathful, angry god who is obsessively watching everyone have sex and then sending lightning bolts down on those who seem to be having too much fun.

 

But assuming there were an all-knowing god, is this really the crux of his existence? He is god and he can do anything, yet the most important thing he can think of to do with his time is sit around all day and watch his creations fight the sexual urges that he supposedly gave us, then get pissed off when they can't? And not just pissed off, but so completely enraged that it triggers him to go on a violent and brutal murder spree, taking out all animals, babies and children for miles around, like he did with sodom and gomorrah or the flood? And all the while knowing in advance that we're going to outrage him before he's outraged? If so, it sounds like 'god' needs to get a grip, relax and work on lowering his blood pressure before he blows a gasket :HaHa:

 

Anyway I guess the point I am trying to make is that the idea of an invisible insane psychopath flying aorund in the sky watching our every move so he can "get us" for pissing him off is just too ridiculous to even consider. Unless there's some evidence that supports this, why bother worrying about it?

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Yes - there's no evidence the Abrahamic tyrant exists, so how can his Hell exist?

 

Just keep reminding yourself that it's all horror stories, made up by humans. Bone up again on all the great anti-xian criticism out there. Make yourself re-read all the proofs for the non-existence of the Abrahamic deity, in any of its forms, and always link that to the consequential non-existence of his promised punishments.

 

Bottom line is that you know he's not real. You just have to keep reminding yourself of the facts as to why. I had to do that, and it helped immensely.

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Be STRONG.

As a poster here once said (and it offended me at first, but proved helpful) "Fears and doubts are for the weak".

 

Tell that brainwashin' to kiss your ass.

 

It'll pass. Give it time. The first year is hard. It gets better.

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I am rusted immobile for fear of God's vengeance for sexual conduct.

 

How do I get rid of the thoughts?

I never allowed this kind of brainwashing in to begin with. As soon as adults started to tell me that lust was entirely evil or bad I completely tuned them out. I knew instinctively that they were mistaken.

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I don't know how to shake the idea that there is a scheme of retribution at work in the world enforced by God that matches human evil with curses. I really wish I could get rid of the idea of "God's wrath" from my mind. It is very horrible and very debilitating. For 25 years, I was so submersed and saturated by the "Christian Worldview," that I deeply brainwashed myself to think under this assumption.

 

Sex. A big focus of these thoughts is in the area of sex. I'm quite timid around women because I am afraid of the "consequences" if I conduct myself as a sexual being. What if I flirt with them or ask them on a date or look at their bodies in a sexual way? I am rusted immobile for fear of God's vengeance for sexual conduct.

 

How do I get rid of the thoughts?

 

For a while now I've been thinking about writing a book on this issue. I've met a lot of Atheists who have sexual issues as a result of formally being religious. Some of them have become swingers. There's nothing wrong with being sexual. There's nothing wrong with being in a mutual relationship where you both sleep with other people. Relationships in themselves are not depended on sex. Sex is not intended for pro-creation/reproduction only. If it was we wouldn't feel so much pleasure and gain health wise from having sex.

 

You shouldn't feel bad about yourself. You should rationally think about your own sexuality.

 

Besides, if god made man in his image, then god would have sex. God would have a penis and he would also have the urge to fuck someone or something. If it was such a sin, does that mean god would then have to repent to himself?

 

Just do yourself a favor and try to take out the emotion and think about this issue rationally. I know it's hard, believe me, I'm pregnant and emotions run rampid right now.

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I feel for you.

 

I went through a period of time when my head was really messed up because I kept thinking "what if I'm wrong - what if there really is a hell and God really is as strict as fundies say he is". I nearly lost the plot entirely because of the conflict between what I believed because it made sense to me (therefore not being capable of not believing it) and what I was scared might be true. I had recently lost my mother at the time and i also did a lot of drugs so the paranoia and anxiety may have been catalysed by other things anyway.

 

I've also spent a lifetime of being timid and awkward around women.

 

So I feel for you. Do whatever you've got to do to get into a healthy, positive and strong state of mind.

 

And look at it this way - if God exists (and it's a big if) then he made the universe right? Have you ever studied or witnessed the natural world, what would logically be God's own kingdom? Animals are at it all the time - they have no scruples about casual sex at all. Given the way animals behave when it comes to sex I can't see that any creator God would have anything against it at all - quite the opposite in fact.

 

That always got me through it all - I saw how insane it was not to conclude that the creative force behind the Universe must be very much in favour of sex, all kinds of sex. This was when I was still a theist - I saw God as the force behind nature and so clearly God thinks sex is great!!

 

Now I'm atheist of course so it's even more clear that there's no hell to go to and that sex in all its varieties is simply a response to a natural urge and as long as it's consensual then go for it!

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I went through a period of time when my head was really messed up because I kept thinking "what if I'm wrong - what if there really is a hell and God really is as strict as fundies say he is". I nearly lost the plot entirely because of the conflict between what I believed because it made sense to me (therefore not being capable of not believing it) and what I was scared might be true. I had recently lost my mother at the time and i also did a lot of drugs so the paranoia and anxiety may have been catalysed by other things anyway

Highly agree:nodds

I think a lot of new ex tians experience this.I'm used to being afraid hat god will punish me,and the angels in the heaven sing the song of hell...it almost drives me crazy....like deaddicted.

Ithink it's time for us to upgrade our god to be more loving and peaceful

 

http://ezinearticles.com/?expert_bio=Dennis_Diehl

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