Finally Found A Reason...

[trashy]

Up until recently my idea of an atheist was Madilyn Murray O'Hair - someone who seemed to be angry and bitter.

 

Now that I am one, I still see some who are pretty pissed off at Christians but I, myself, have never particularly hated my Christian upbringing. Lots of good memories, and you can't pick your parents so hey - you live, you learn.

 

But the other day it occurred to me that some of the choices I made in life, specifically regarding my first wife and kids and later divorce, were *directly* influenced by my fundy beliefs! First, the concept of a 'perfect mate' destined by God. Second, the concept of celibacy being preferred, but marriage being allowed since otherwise you would just burn with lust. Combine those two and as soon as you start getting closer and closer to having sex the more you start thinking "Well, we'd better get married. Hey, maybe she's God's will for me and Satan is just trying to screw it up! Yeah, that's it." Next thing ya know you're married and getting laid and happy. Unfortunately, since you're a Christian you never 'played the field' so you really have no fucking clue what type of woman or man is truly compatible with you.

 

So now you're married, and you're young because there's no way you can last for long with a girlfriend without fucking, so........now you run into a problem. As a fundy, not only is abortion wrong, but even most forms of contraception are technically killing an embryo and potentially sending a soul to eternity, so........you try different forms of 'natural' birth control but eventually she's pregnant. Before you know it you're 25 years old with three kids. So what about your youth? What about the time you should have been exploring the world, sorting out who you are and what you want out of life? Well, most of that time you either had your head in the Bible or you were busy giving baths and changing diapers and trying to keep a job while feeling rather frustrated that you had to quit school halfway through just to pay the bills while the wife took care of the kids. About this time your incompatibilities kick in and she reverts to her childhood training and deals with issues by yelling, ranting and provoking physical conflict. You revert to YOUR childhood training and deal with issues by trying to talk things through. When that doesn't work, you just run away. First for an hour or two, then an evening, then two weeks. Etc., etc.

 

Any way, the whole part about getting married and having kids and birth control - that was *directly* influenced by my fundy religious upbringing. It has occurred to me that it wasn't necessarily all my fault.

 

OK, hey - they call it a RANT for a reason. It doesn't have to be coherent, does it?

[Kelli]

OMG! Trashy, I'd swear I had written what you just wrote. I was married at 19 for the very reasons you mentioned. And I had three kids by age 23 and was divorced by 25. All because it was wrong to have sex before marriage (or even think about sex!)

 

I am so glad I am not bound by that way of thinking any longer. I regularly enjoy guilt-free sex with my girlfriend and neither of us have any intention of getting married any time soon. She was married to a controlling guy for nearly 18 years, from age 18. Thankfully we cannot have any children together, so we could fuck 24/7 if we had the time and not have to worry about that. Between the two of us we have 9, I think that's enough, LOL.

[R. S. Martin]

Trashy, that must feel so good having all that off your chest.

[Grandpa Harley]

Experience in interacting with the world is vital to perception. For instance, kittens raised without visual experience or deprived of normal visual experience do not perceive the world accurately. In one experiment, researchers reared kittens in total darkness, except that for five hours a day the kittens were placed in an environment with only vertical lines. When the animals were later exposed to horizontal lines and forms, they had trouble perceiving these forms.

 

Welcome to the world of horizontal lines

[Vigile]

And you're just now coming around to catching on to this Trashy? Ha ha.

 

Yeah, in a lot of ways I can relate to what you are saying. I to had a pretty much wonderful upbringing. My parents and family, though all xian except my father's father, are/were wonderful people. I even have good memories growing up in church. I had a lot of fun and a lot of friends there.

 

Fortunately I narrowly escaped the early marriage and kids trap. That doesn't mean that the church didn't totally fuck my head over sex. It also caused me to live my youth in fear due to the hell doctrine.

 

I don't feel singled out though. Everyone has their challenges in life. I was indoctrined about hell and some of the friends I grew up with had to come home to parents that physically and emotionally abused them on a daily basis. I choose my burdon over their's hands down. I'm still mad at xianity and the church in general, but I have no beef with xians themselves. Like me, they can't help that they were dragged into the cult. Why should I hate anyone for that?

[LosingMyReligion]

I loved my upbringing too, I won't lie. Yeah, Christianity is a farce but my mother was wonderful. I loved Christmas and thanksgiving time at our house.

Honestly, I hate Christianity but I love my mother. That is how I see it. She didn't know any better. All she taught me is what she was taught. I just happen to be the one member of my family who just sees it all as bullshit. I still pretend to believe in god, for her sake, but otherwise I could careless.

[Alice]

Isn't this a case of how things turn out ... one of the few things I feel grateful to christianity for is that during the rocky times in my marriage, divorce was such an anathema I didn't ever consider anything other than resolving the row ... I'm grateful that I had my kids early because they are reaching independence now and hubs and I are free to have more fun whilst we are still young enough to make the most of it (whilst many of my other friends of the same age are now tied down with young children. Running around after small children was pretty easy in my twenties ... I'd not really want to be doing it these days!)

 

Maybe I'd feel different if I hadn't bumped into my soul mate at 19yrs! I did go through a phase a couple of years ago when I played 'what if' and combined with a spot of 'Friends reunited' was tempted to risk it all.

 

I do have moments of anger at christianity when I think about how guilty I felt about the fact we didn't 'wait' until we were married. My hubs, despite converting to christianity never adopted that approach. I guess you have to be raised in it to think like that? He was always of the opinion -'we're in love and no one is going to tell me its wrong for us to express our love - even God!'

[Grandpa Harley]

I know that feeling.

 

I met my wife when I was 19... we didn't get married for a long time due to career, and neither of us think we have much need to breed (which is the great thing about not buying the bullshit about breeding...) we had a good time when we were young, and we're still having a good time now... and when it's all over, the fat lady has cleared up and gone home, and all our chattels are being sold by someone who never knew our name, we can still say 'je ne regrette rien'

 

There again... she was a staunch atheist at 19, and I was an ex-Christian since I was 6...