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My Life Is Going Nowhere Because I've Fallen Away From God


evergreen
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I'll be 23 in August. I have more than half an English degree completed, but decided not to finish it.

Right now, I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. I've been thinking things through, but I'm still not sure.

Apparantly, I'd have it all figured out if I went to church more.

My parents don't know that I'm an ex-Christian. They do know I almost never go to church, and they know my views are fairly liberal (ex: I don't have a problem with homosexuals, I don't think euthanasia is evil... ). My mother is always saying that I need to get back into going to church, and she seems to think I don't pray (true).

Anyway... she thinks the reason that I'm having trouble figuring out what to do with my life is that I'm not as close to god as I should be.

If I was more into church and seeking god, he's show me his will for my life!

 

 

Uuuuuuuuggghhhhhhhhhh.................

 

*sigh*

 

Anyway...

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I had no clue what I wanted to do at 23 either. I thought I wanted to be a commercial artist when I graduated from high school. I took a year and a half of college as an art major. Then I stopped. I wasn't sure that's what I wanted to do. I did nothing for a while and then ended up in the Navy for four years. I got out of the military when I was 25, worked as a printer, loss prevention specialist and a shelter monitor before I decided to go back to school for psychology. I finally figured out what I wanted to do by then - I was 27. Interestingly, that is around the same time I concluded on atheism.

 

Conversely I know many people who attend church every Sunday and love them some Jesus - they are completely lost and are going absolutely nowhere fast.

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*sings*

 

I keep asking God what I'm for,

He tells me "Gee, I'm not sure. Sweep that floor, kid."

 

God never has gotten back to me on his "will" for me either and I'll be 30 in two weeks. Hey! Mortal down here!

 

Oh well, I rather like not having a "purpose." Less stress and more time for margaritas!

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So why exactly are you supposed to have your life all figured out by the time you're 23?

 

God doesn't have the answers for your life. Neither does your mother. You have to figure them out for yourself, and really, there's no timeline for that. There isn't anything wrong with you if you haven't gotten it all planned out yet. It took me until I was close to 30 to figure out what I wanted to do, and I'm well aware even approaching 35 that I probably won't do the same thing for the rest of my life. Most of my friends haven't established their careers or families until their 30's, either.

 

I think there's this idea from my parents' generation that what a Decent Hardworking Kid™ is supposed to do with their life is finish high school with good grades, get into a good college, earn a degree doing Something Useful™, immediately go out upon graduation and find a great job doing what they learned in school, get married and have kids in their 20's, and have their life all wrapped up by the time they're 25 or 30. Which is just bullshit, life doesn't work that way. (I bought into the bullshit for a long time, though, and have the divorce papers to prove it.)

 

So I dunno if it helps or not, but your mom doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. It's your life, not hers; it's yours to figure out, and her unsolicited advice is basically her solution for a problem you don't actually have (as well as being a sign of her own angst about your apparent lack of success in life). It's just fine to bum around in your 20's and try stuff out. Lots of people do it. More people should do it.

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I second what Glenmead said. A lot of people don't know what they really

want to do with their lives when they're young. A lot of them don't really

know themselves that well, or (like me) they're dealing with all the trauma

that their parents wreaked on them when they were children. I'd say that

most people really don't know what they want to do with themselves until

they get to their early to mid 30's.

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So why exactly are you supposed to have your life all figured out by the time you're 23?

 

God doesn't have the answers for your life. Neither does your mother. You have to figure them out for yourself, and really, there's no timeline for that. There isn't anything wrong with you if you haven't gotten it all planned out yet. It took me until I was close to 30 to figure out what I wanted to do, and I'm well aware even approaching 35 that I probably won't do the same thing for the rest of my life. Most of my friends haven't established their careers or families until their 30's, either.

 

I think there's this idea from my parents' generation that what a Decent Hardworking Kid is supposed to do with their life is finish high school with good grades, get into a good college, earn a degree doing Something Useful, immediately go out upon graduation and find a great job doing what they learned in school, get married and have kids in their 20's, and have their life all wrapped up by the time they're 25 or 30. Which is just bullshit, life doesn't work that way. (I bought into the bullshit for a long time, though, and have the divorce papers to prove it.)

 

So I dunno if it helps or not, but your mom doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. It's your life, not hers; it's yours to figure out, and her unsolicited advice is basically her solution for a problem you don't actually have (as well as being a sign of her own angst about your apparent lack of success in life). It's just fine to bum around in your 20's and try stuff out. Lots of people do it. More people should do it.

 

 

Thank you so much for saying that. I find myself buying into that idealized version of young adulthood once in a while, and it gets me depressed. But it's harder for me because many of my friends are pulling in over 100K a year already...

 

Anyway, thanks. It was like a virtual hug... I needed to hear it.

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Anyway... she thinks the reason that I'm having trouble figuring out what to do with my life is that I'm not as close to god as I should be.

If I was more into church and seeking god, he's show me his will for my life!

 

Riiiiiight she is - you definitely should embrace the cult and engage in some Good Christian Hatred™ at least twice a day. Hey, beat up a homosexual and bomb an abortion clinic regularly and suuuuuuurely your life will get back on track. :Hmm:

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Anyway... she thinks the reason that I'm having trouble figuring out what to do with my life is that I'm not as close to god as I should be.

If I was more into church and seeking god, he's show me his will for my life!

 

 

Some of my friends think that way about me too. It's okay though, I've learned to brush what they say off my shoulder. She still has the blinders on. It's okay, you can't change her, but you can change the way you think about what she says and thinks about you.

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I'll be 23 in August. I have more than half an English degree completed, but decided not to finish it.

Right now, I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. I've been thinking things through, but I'm still not sure.

Apparantly, I'd have it all figured out if I went to church more.

My parents don't know that I'm an ex-Christian. They do know I almost never go to church, and they know my views are fairly liberal (ex: I don't have a problem with homosexuals, I don't think euthanasia is evil... ). My mother is always saying that I need to get back into going to church, and she seems to think I don't pray (true).

Anyway... she thinks the reason that I'm having trouble figuring out what to do with my life is that I'm not as close to god as I should be.

If I was more into church and seeking god, he's show me his will for my life!

 

 

Uuuuuuuuggghhhhhhhhhh.................

 

*sigh*

 

Anyway...

 

Aw geeeeeeezus!! Your mother sounds like my fundy pastor father who I no longer have any contact with (along with my entire biological family)! These people have their heads so far up the arse of fundi-ism, they wouldn't know what reality was if it hit them in the kisser! LOL!

 

Now that DEFINITELY doesn't qualify them for telling you - or anybody - how to live their life.

 

What you want to do with your life is YOUR choice! It's got nothing to do with anybody else but YOU!

 

I've battled a few things in life and my father's response was never to ask how I was, but to bark "GET BACK INTO CHURCH! GET YOUR LIFE RIGHT WITH GOD!" at me. There was no love there, and there was no love or compassion in the church either.

 

I'm not sure if your mum is quite as cold though.

 

Either way, life is what you make it and you can do what you like! :) Christians forfeit their right to choose and make decisions, but they sure as hell don't have a right to force you to do or think anything.

 

Feel free to PM me anytime for some support and encouragement! I've been there - and I'm outta it! :)

 

AJ :)

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Thank you so much, everyone, for the replies and the support. :)

 

My folks aren't that bad really, we actually get along quite well most of the time.

 

Was just having a bad day yesterday and ended up having a bit of a row with mom. She's great, it just bugs me when she blames what she thinks are my problems on the fact that I don't go to church.

 

I wonder what she'd have to say if I said, "Hey, Mom, I'm no longer a Christian... AND I'm an atheist, too!!" Haha. Not gonna happen yet for a few years. if ever.

Oh well, at least I live away from home and she and dad can't wake me up on Sunday mornings for church...

 

 

And, thanks, gwenmead, for saying it. I know that I'm really young and there's lots of time to figure things out, but sometimes it's scary to feel like I'm going nowhere... But it'll be ok eventually. :)

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Wear sunscreen...

 

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
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It's normal not to know what you want to do at 23. Heck, I'm 31 and still don't really know what I want to do. I do know that I don't want to have a job that makes me bored and miserable, but it's hard finding jobs that don't.

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I'm 50 and I still hear that all my problems are caused by...could it be ...SATAN? I have a son in college and thank gawd he's the one that finally opened my eyes after alll these years that its all bullshit. Don't blame your mother. She really believes that shit so she thinks she's helping you. I did the same thing to my son until last year some discussions we had made things start clicking in my brain, and I was raised in the COG and ass of god denominations. I was really worried about my son because he is a guitar player and into really heavy death metal. He pretends to be a Satanist just to get attention and piss people off. It's all a joke to him and now to me. His self rightous stepmother saw his myspace and complained about him being demonic, so last night he made his demonic myspace into a christian one. It's hilarious! He took his head and put in on Benny Hinn's body! Go look if you want..myspace.com/jessethedestroyer

Just love your mom and live your own life.

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I'm going to be 30 this year. Trust me, don't listen to that "God has a plan for your life" bullshit. All you will end up doing is wasting your life and dropping out of college more times than you can count. I spent so much of my 20's wandering around hoping that God would just drop something out of the sky for me. It wasn't until I gave up the concept of God altogether that I got my act together and graduated college...

 

Now that I've graduated(with an English degree)I don't know precisely what I want to do with it. But that is okay, as long as I can take care of myself and work the rest will fall into place. I think I could have had more structure and discipline about direction in my life had religion not been force fed to me. But, I can only go from here and I love where my life is going even though I don't precisely know which direction. I think the beauty is in not knowing...

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You're welcome, Bobo and Evergreen. Glad to know I said something helpful. :)

 

Most of the measures of success in American culture are material. Money is the big one. Gotta make a lot, have a lot, spend a lot; and if yer not doing all of the above by the time you're 30, you're A Failure™.

 

Well shit, a failure at what? Accumulating a lot of crap that you can't take with you when you die?

 

Money is just a tool that enables human beings to get things we need and want, or think we want. Being an atheist, y'know what counts more for me than money these days? Time. Because my time will run out sometime between now and the next 50 or so years, and that's it. End of story - when I die, that's the end. So I guess I figure that I'd better enjoy myself while I live. Money might be a tool that helps me do that sometimes, but frankly, there are a lot of things out there that money really honestly can't buy. Time is one of them.

 

I guess when I reach the end of my life, my question of whether or not I had a "successful" life is going to depend on whether or not I enjoyed myself - how much fun I had, did I live up to my own standards of integrity, did I make some good friend and enjoy their company, did I see some interesting things while I was alive, things like that. I won't be asking myself "did I have my life in order by the time I was 25" or "did I make a million by the time I was 30", or "did I turn control of my life over to a big giant skydaddy like a good little girl is supposed to".

 

More food for thought, anyhoo.

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Our parents try to hide it, but truth is, they never "figured it out" either. College degrees, careers, familys, none of it ensures that you've "figured" anything out. I know it's supposed to work that way, especially if you're Christian, but it doesn't. There are still divorces, moves, job changes, bills to pay, kids to raise, and so on and so forth to contend with. That's not "figuring it out" that's just more responsibility. That's what our parents contended with.

 

So, don't worry too much about where your life is "going." Eventually you'll think of something you want and go for it. I'm almost 30 with no marriage, degrees, kids, career, or "direction" and it's really not a bad way to live.

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