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God's Annoying Little Ads


XtianChris
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"I think you're the most beautiful person in the world. Okay, so I'm biased."

Try telling this to the millions of people you created with deformities.

 

"When you're weary, feeling small. When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all."

Try telling this to the parents of the little girl who you let get brutally raped and killed.

 

"Earthlings, don't treat me like an alien."

Then why did you perform experiments on Job with your buddy Satan?

 

"If you think the Mona Lisa is stunning, you should look at my masterpiece. In the mirror."

"If you miss the sunrise I made for you today, never mind. I'll make you another one tomorrow."

Try telling these things to the innocent little girl that you created blind from birth.

 

"What do I have to do to get your attention? Take out an ad in the paper?"

Try asking this of the child who will never get an education, but instead will starve to death on your watch.

 

"Don't forget your umbrella, I might water the plants today."

Don't forget your sunscreen either, I might try to give you skin cancer today.

 

"Could you imagine the price of air if it were brought to you by another supplier?"

God, could you imagine the price of my thoughts if I stopped believing in you?

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Ooooh! May I try?

 

We need to talk.

-God

 

No, YOU need to talk. I talk all the time, and I used to talk to you. Never heard a whisper in response.

 

One nation, under me.

-God

 

My, aren't we special? Shouldn't you be capitalizing the pronoun the way your sheepish followers do?

 

Don't make me come down there.

-God

 

Well, come on, big guy. You remember what happened last time, don't you?

 

 

This is fun!

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I came across lots of signs here in NZ but can't seem to remember one. I can pour out the Tui beer ads though :D

But here are some ones I got from this site

 

* If you pause to think-- You'll have cause to thank!

-I paused and thought, now I am thankful he doesn't exist.

* As sure as God puts his children in the furnace, He will be in the furnace with them.

-Thats great! He needs to be tanned like me.

* God won't be looking for your medals, degrees or diplomas--, He'll be looking for your scars.

-Why? Is he planning on opening them again?

* Give God what's right--, not what's left!

-Like 10% left or 90% right? I'm confused

* Trade God your pieces for His peace.

-And in that peaceful state annoy the living shit out of everybody with your proselytizing.

* When you get tired talking to your friend about God--, talk to God about your friend.

-Ask him not to be an aloof prick and get HIM to talk to your friend.

* It's hard to stumble when you're on your knees.

-When you're on your knees, you've already stumbled.

* "Will the road you're on get you to my place?"....God

-Yep, you've got a lot to answer to.

* 'Pray' is a four letter word that you can say anywhere (except in a public school).

-English is not taught in public schools anymore?

* Make your eternal reservations now--- 'smoking' or 'non-smoking'?

-I would like fries with that you sardonic cuss.

* Jesus built us a bridge, with 2 boards and 3 nails.

-A bridge to happy ever after fairy tale land.

* Count your blessings! Recounts are OK---

-I'm so thankful God didn't put me in Africa to a starving family. Thank you kind and just God. *spew*

* Don't be God's weakest link!

-Be the hammer that breaks that link!

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Me too!

 

"What Part of 'Thou Shalt Not . . .' Didn't You Understand?" -- God

 

Well I don't know there, God, which version of your commandments? I think I understand not to boil a goat in it's mother's milk, but I can't say I understand why. Even your other, more reasonable set has me a little confused as to whether emergency medical workers should let their patients die on Sunday.

 

"Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer" -- God

 

Now how gullible am I!? I always thought it was due to population growth, school being in session, and accidents. Come to think of it, my fellow commuters must say "God Damn" a lot more during school and on days before auto accidents.

 

"Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place?" -- God

"Follow Me." -- God

"Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available." -- God

 

Now where exactly are you, anyway?

 

"Big Bang Theory, You've Got To Be Kidding." -- God

 

Genesis creation account, You've Got To Be Kidding.

 

"Need Directions?" -- God

 

No thank you, I don't think I need someone to tell me to stone my neighbor for blasphemy, apostasy, adultery, working on Sunday, or not being a virgin on their wedding night.

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"When you're weary, feeling small. When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all."

 

Isn't this the first line from "Bridge Over Troubled Water"? God must be plagiarizing...

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"When you're weary, feeling small. When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all."

 

Isn't this the first line from "Bridge Over Troubled Water"? God must be plagiarizing...

 

Well, he did use up all of his brainpower during the six days of creation. The fact that men have nipples is evidence that he was exhausted and couldn't think straight toward the end. It's not surprising that he can't think of anything original and has to steal other people's stuff.

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