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My Cousin, The Holy Roller


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I grew up as an only child in a very dysfunctional and abusive home with parents who were not in the least bit religious. My grandmother, however, was religious, fanatically so. She attended a Church of Jesus Christ who were holy rollers, tongue talkers, and looked for demons in every corner and under every rock. My grandmother had adopted my cousin, Molly, and raised her. My cousin being raised in such a fanatical home turned out just like my grandmother. As fanatical as that home was I often find myself looking back at the good times I had there as a child all because my own home life was so horrible. I remember the holiday dinners where the entire extended family would come together and eat grandma's good home cooked meals. I remember some of the times when I ran away and ended up staying with my grandmother and Molly. But I also remember the constant brow beating and bible thumping I got because I wore pants, wore make up, cut my hair, got raped (and somehow it was my fault)...


As an adult my cousin became just as bad as out grandmother. Even though she and I lived hundreds of miles away she would send me letters trying to "save my soul" because I was an adulterous whore for being married and divorced twice. She even helped my biological mother make a video tape and sent it to me and my children in it my mother stated she was going to come and see "her babies." My mother sexually abused me and allowed other men she cheated on my father with to sexually abuse me as well... and my Molly knew all this... and yet she helped my mother make that tape... all in hopes of me "turning the other cheek" and leanring "some forgiveness." I eventually cut her out of my life altogether.


After a few years of moving around from state to state... becoming antisocial... not trusting anyone because of so called friends betraying me time and time again... I began to miss that "sisterhood" that me and Molly used to have as children and as teens. Then I found her on MySpace.com. I asked to be on her friend's list and she accepted. We barely conversed at first. I occassionally left comments about her blog entries. Pretty soon tensions rose... the same things happened all over again. Religious issues... family issues... I stated my feelings... she has now shut down her MySpace page.


She's 2 years older than me... I thought that now we are older and I had hoped wiser that we could finally understand that we are never going to agree on certain issues but still we are family and we should love eachother in spite of all of that and try to make a go of our relationship in spite of all that. Was I asking too much of her... of myself? Can two people who are so totally opposite in every single way ever be friends with the fact that they are family as the common thread?

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