Admin webmdave Posted June 16, 2007 Admin Share Posted June 16, 2007 By Nicholas B The first time I ever "faked it," I was in jail, and a pastor was walking around the chapel laying hands on the mens' foreheads, praying for our deliverance from drugs, alcohol, and a myriad of other evils we were guilty of or addicted to. When he came to me, I expected to feel something…anything, but when I didn't, I became embarrassed, flushed, anxious. Nothing was happening. "What should I do now," I thought. I fell back and laid on the floor assuming the "slain in the spirit" position, while the pastor went on and on and on praying, all along thinking that I had been touched by Spirit of Gawd. Another time, we were all sitting around the chapel. The pastor asked the "congregation" if any one in the audience wanted an extra measure of faith. I was nervous. I knew he was going to try and see us receive the "gift of tongues." I was paranoid. "Please, NO, don't come over here," my mind screamed. "This shit is FAKE," but then I felt guilty, because I loved the Lord, and if the gifts were real, then I wanted to please him. Another pastor told the congregation that although we might be saved, unless we received the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit," we would never walk in the power of the spirit, something that would keep us strong in the faith and out of prison after our release. I never forgot those experiences, and they haunted me throughout my Christian walk, but I would read 1 Corinthians and remind myself that Love was the greatest gift of all, and would try and comfort myself with the knowledge that I had the gift of love. I tried to believe in the other gifts. They were biblical weren’t they? God wanted all of us to have them, didn't he? There must be something wrong with me, I thought. Obviously, I didn't have enough faith. It must be some sin that was hindering me. But deep down, I knew better. I knew that my faith was sincere. I knew that I wanted the things of God more than anything. I knew that to please Him was my first priority. So, why wasn't the Spirit manifesting in me? Why was He playing favorites with the others around me? Again, I knew better. I knew in my gut that it was all a show. I knew in my gut that I was the only one being sincere. I didn't have the "fake it, till you make it" mentality required of "faith." Either the gifts of the spirit were real, or they weren't. Either God was going to prove him self, or the Bible was full of shit. I fasted, I prayed, I believed. I studied the Word and surrounded myself with concordances. Waiting ... nope still no babbling brook of inane commentary flowed from my mouth, no prophetic utterances, no virtue of healing power dripped from my finger tips. God was failing to prove himself to me. My faith was waning. Slowly, the chips began to fall. The "gifts of the Spirit" was only one confusing doctrine in a line of many that would eventually seal my religious fate. After years of trying to justify one contradiction after another, I walked away for good, but I can't help but to think about this one particular belief of the Christian faith and wonder how many of you out there experienced a similar experience with the "charismatic" denominations. Anyone willing to admit that they "faked it" too? To monitor comments posted to this topic, use .http://exchristian.net/testimonies/2007/06...and-awhile.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 I faked it too. I did fall a couple of times because I didn't want to look like unholy. But after that I decided I will never fall again, unless "God's power" overtakes me and force me down... and the funny thing I never fell after that. So I realized that most of the "falling under God's power" was just a mind trick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirangel Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 hahaha My friend used to tell me stories of how her mother turned very religious all of a sudden, and they were in a room and everyone started talking in tongues. My friend said she felt strange and her mother was giving her this quizzical look because she wasn't talking in tongues as well, so my friend joined in. That's almost as bad as peer pressure. I never ran into anything like that in the catholic church, so it was really a foreign concept to me...making yourself talk in tongues... I spent a long time looking for the Christian God, they should have told me sooner that all you had to do was start uttering strange things and then God would be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Kir, here's the funny thing, I talked in tongues (which is a "gift from the Holy Spirit)... and I can now, even after my de-conversion and total rejection of religion, still talk in tongues! And I know others on this site do the same. It's so totally in the mind and nothing else. A while back I went back to my family in Sweden, and they don't know I'm not a Christian anymore, and of certain reasons I'm not interested in letting them know yet, so I faked it again. I prayed with them, and even talked in tongues... and what's strange, the Holy Spirit didn't reveal to anyone of them that I was a fake! They were "blessed" etc and felt God was there, yada yada. That was an extremely telling situation for me. They consider themselves very religious and connected with God (half of my family are fundamentalists) and God decided not to let them know??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirangel Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Obviously the devil must have been there as well. He does things like that to try to convince people that God doesn't exist. I still can't imagine people talking in tongues I've never seen it done...the idea just seems so strange to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Really!? You never seen it!? O-boy, you missed some show there. This is what I've seen (and done): People dancing in the spirit Singing in the spirit, in tongues (pretty cool actually) Playing music in the spirit I also seen people bringing huge horns (like the ones they use in the alps, long stem and deep, loud, noise), and doing THAT in the spirit. Screaming in the spirit. Laughing in the spirit. Oh, I can't remember it all... I've seen enough to last a lifetime, and I'm doing my best to forget! Basically people go crazy, and think it's a good thing, and that it pleases God... and now I know it is exactly the same as the tribes, in the wilderness, dancing around the camp fire to please the gods before the hunt, going crazy and in a trance. The only difference is that they had hemp or something else to throw on the fire to help to get into the feeling, while in our churches today, they can only rely on dancing, music, drumbeats and going on for hours until your mind go nuts. The longest "session" I've been to was probably 3 hours or more. I did participate in day long prayers a few times, but they usually weren't that wild. I also helped in the prayer group that prayed during the meetings. So we started before the meeting and kept on going for the full 2-2.5 hour. Oh, man, so much time wasted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirangel Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Sounds more tribal then Christian. (lol, I wrote that before moving on to the rest of your post, I stopped after the smilie) Interesting, it helps you to see the integration among belief systems. If I walked in on that I would probably be very curious and wondering what tribe they were from and what the purpose of the ritual was. I had no idea anything like that was done in Christianity, at least not in the present time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 I was Lutheran, and the Lutheran church is more conservative, so I didn't have to fake anything but a belief in god for a while. That was annoying enough for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Sounds more tribal then Christian. It sure does, but no one saw it that way "inside". Interesting, it helps you to see the integration among belief systems. Most definitely, but I had to get out before I started to realize the commonality between different religious behaviors. If I walked in on that I would probably be very curious and wondering what tribe they were from and what the purpose of the ritual was. I had no idea anything like that was done in Christianity, at least not in the present time. It was part of what was (is) known as the Faith Movement, or Word of Faith. Kenneth Hagin, Kennet Copeland, and many others. They try to interpret the Bible as literally as possible. (Can you imagine having members of my family like that? Like one of my brothers threw out once, that gravity is only working because God is actively doing it, or something of the sorts. God's power blah blah... Doesn't he know gravity is the effect of the gravity pixies that fly between objects and pull them together? ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirangel Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 It was part of what was (is) known as the Faith Movement, or Word of Faith. Kenneth Hagin, Kennet Copeland, and many others. They try to interpret the Bible as literally as possible. (Can you imagine having members of my family like that? Like one of my brothers threw out once, that gravity is only working because God is actively doing it, or something of the sorts. God's power blah blah... Doesn't he know gravity is the effect of the gravity pixies that fly between objects and pull them together? ) I can't imagine having family like that. Are they against the concept of the trinity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eccles Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 It proves how much BULLSHIT is in religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Wolf Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 Ever since I have moved out of my parents house, I have not faked it once. Not to the door-to-door religion salesmen, my christian room mate who is annoying as all fucking hells, neighbors, strangers, my parents, or anyone else in any situation. I have to much pride to fake it. I absolutly refuse to let ANYONE think I am Christian. Fuck faking it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 I can't imagine having family like that. Are they against the concept of the trinity? Oh no. Most definitely not. They believe in the trinity, and they believe a person consist of three parts, body, soul and spirit. And the non-believer has a body, soul and a dead spirit, and when you get born again you get a new, fresh spirit from God. Something like that. My understanding can be a bit wrong now, since it has been quite a few years since I went there. They believe in that faith comes from hearing, and if you don't get a prayer answer it is because you don't have enough faith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Euthyphro's Thorn Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 They believe in that faith comes from hearing, and if you don't get a prayer answer it is because you don't have enough faith. I can picture them preaching to you until they're blue in the face, trying to talk some faith into you. Fundies do prefer faith over sense after all, do they not? I can't say I've ever faked it. In fact, if someone asks, I'll tell them, "No, are/do you?" Accompanying this verbal response might be an expression on my face or a chuckle, either of which to say, "What would make you think THAT?" If they respond to my "are/do you" with a yes, I might jokingly reply, "Well, I just hope you're not one of those people who take the whole book literally, because there's some downright nasty stuff in there." I take the question as an opportunity to start a dialog about it and (hopefully) make them question what they've been told to believe. I don't normally bring up the topic myself -- otherwise I'd be just as annoying as the evangelists -- but I have made comments on a couple of occasions in response to something I see or hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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