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I Want To Go Home


Ahh!
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Church was a place I could go and just feel surrounded by love. I could meet people there and there were so many fun things to do. I just want to go somewhere and feel love again and love people back without them putting up barriers.

 

Church is full of squares. i'm pretty square. I want to be around people who I'm not intimidated by socially.

 

I had a knack for theology too. Now that's useless. My own genius freed me but it's a freedom that locks me out of where I used to go to feel at home.

 

I should of shut up and took the blue pill. This is a world for stupidity and hate and by moving beyond that I've ruined myself.

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I should of shut up and took the blue pill. This is a world for stupidity and hate and by moving beyond that I've ruined myself.

 

Well, maybe not ruined yourself somuch as discovered that you are just different. Either way it's not easy. Years later I can still empathize with what you are saying and find myself much in the same boat in many respects.

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I had a knack for theology too. Now that's useless. My own genius freed me but it's a freedom that locks me out of where I used to go to feel at home.

 

This is sad. I have a feeling, though, that if you had held back the genuis part of yourself, you would have felt stifled and/or oppressed for no obvious reason. They say grief is part of the journey out of religion. Eventually you might find a freethinker or humanist group in your area, or some other social community where you can feel love.

 

I want to comment on your knack for theology. I would not say it's useless. I love theology, too, and it is helping me better understand why people do what they do. I think there are other fields of thought that use the same part of the brain as theology does. Philosophy is one. Psychology might be close, too. Or some other social science. All of these disciplines are means by which to understand human behaviour.

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I had a knack for theology too. Now that's useless. My own genius freed me but it's a freedom that locks me out of where I used to go to feel at home.

I want to comment on your knack for theology. I would not say it's useless. I love theology, too, and it is helping me better understand why people do what they do. I think there are other fields of thought that use the same part of the brain as theology does. Philosophy is one. Psychology might be close, too. Or some other social science. All of these disciplines are means by which to understand human behaviour.

I couldn't agree more with what she says here. My father once said to me, "There's nothing you've done in life that you won’t use somewhere else". I've learned that's very true. You're knowledge of theology will give you an edge no matter what you do. I am a graduate of a Bible College, and my knowledge of religion only serves me well in many ways, despite my not being a "believer". In fact it serves me far better now that I'm not. I suspect you'll find that true for yourself as well.

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Guest socalobjectivist
Church was a place I could go and just feel surrounded by love. I could meet people there and there were so many fun things to do. I just want to go somewhere and feel love again and love people back without them putting up barriers.

 

Church is full of squares. i'm pretty square. I want to be around people who I'm not intimidated by socially.

 

I often feel the same way too. I think my square-ness is part of what sucked me in in the first place. I was tired of the bar scene and enjoyed the good clean fun. I wish there were other groups of nice young adults to go camping with and build bonfires with, but instead everyone goes out to bars and clubs and gets wasted or they stay in with a significant other. The thing is, I thought what I was getting at church was love, but it isn't really because they like you. Sure, some of it is genuine, but they love everyone because Jesus commands them to. There is no way to tell if they would've been your friend otherwise. That's one thing I really appreciate about my friendships with non-Christians is that I know they are hanging out with me because they appreciate me and not because they'd think God would look down on them for not being my friend.

 

Good luck my friend.

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I know how you feel, Ahh!

 

Have you tried a Unitarian Universalist church? It gives you all the benefits of church without all the religious bullshit.

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I too loved theology. It is funny. I constantly hear about how people who loved to study the Bible reject the faith, and how the drones are usually bored by Bible Study, sermons, etc. They just want to sing worship songs.

 

I understand what you are saying though. I have been an ex-christian 2 years and have never felt more alone. However, I feel happier usually though. I love the fact that my brain could not stay Christian! LOL It literally could not do it. It is almost like your brain KNEW it was behind bars, and it was plotting its escape. AND it knows what's best for you! It busted out! LOL

 

Church was a place I could go and just feel surrounded by love. I could meet people there and there were so many fun things to do. I just want to go somewhere and feel love again and love people back without them putting up barriers.

 

Church is full of squares. i'm pretty square. I want to be around people who I'm not intimidated by socially.

 

I had a knack for theology too. Now that's useless. My own genius freed me but it's a freedom that locks me out of where I used to go to feel at home.

 

I should of shut up and took the blue pill. This is a world for stupidity and hate and by moving beyond that I've ruined myself.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest socalobjectivist

I feel like I have the blue pill in my hand right now...

 

I'm so bored and lonely! I go days without talking to anyone besides my friendly Starbucks barista. I'm feeling like fake friends and a fake God would be better than this deprivation of human interaction. I don't know where else to go besides church. HELP!

 

...and they are even having a young adult bonfire tomorrow!

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Ahh! and Socialobjectivist -

 

I know how you're feeling and I also sometimes find myself missing the social aspects of church. The need for human connection and intimacy is still strong in us and that's as it should be. We've given up organized religion, but we haven't given up on our need to be social beings. As an earlier poster suggested the Unitarian Universalist church is a place where many people have found a sense of spiritual community without being thumped on the head by religion. Taking an adult education course in something that interests you may also help to fill the void. I've seen classes in all sorts of topics: pottery, photography, calligraphy, sign language, cooking, scuba diving - the list goes on and on. Looking in the community events sections of your local papers can also help get you started on seeing if there are any groups that might interest you. Finally as someone who used to work at a non-profit organization, consider volunteering at an organization that needs your talents, as there are many (hospitals, Boys and Girls Clubs, the SPCA, etc.).

 

Try to look for that one thing that you always said you were going to learn or do one day and never got around to and then go for it full throttle. Soon you'll find that you are making time to do things that interest you and very likely meeting some interesting people along the way. Hope this helps!

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Church was a place I could go and just feel surrounded by love.

Why on earth would you want to go back to a place where the "love" you were surrounded by came with strings attached? Conditional love isn't love. It's manipulation.

 

If those people had truly loved you, they still would whether you believe or not. I'm not trying to belittle your feelings or sound harsh, but I think it's better to have honest relationships with people, even if there's pain involved, than be surrounded by false emotion.

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I too love theology. It was practically my second major in college. I read (bought) every book I could get my hands on, about every religion in the world.

 

I still love it. The stories, the tales of the hero discovered, the magic and the awe. But I no longer need for any of it to be real, any more than I need sci-fi or fantasy fiction to be real to enjoy and get something out of it.

 

I wanted to believe, each religion I turned to, I wanted it to be true. But now I don't. I'm glad they are not true. Gives me hope that my life, my story has a chance. And I don't have to struggle against God or gods and goddeses (in reality, I was struggling with myself).

 

Be gentle with yourself. You are the only you you've got, you know?

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It's so tempting to go back, isn't it? - to a place which is safe and easy and friendly (except it isn't true friendliness, as people have pointed out).

 

But going back is such a bad thing - I've done it twice and it has just caused worse problems, because once you've 'lost it' you can't undo that feeling, and you're just lying to yourself.

 

I think it's a hard place to be, when you've lost your church social life but haven't got a new one yet. You've just got to stay positive, make plans and go forward.

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