Confusion - Can A Hardline Athiest Truly Be Friends With A Bible Thumper?

[neuro]

I recently stumbled upon a question of ethics, and would like to know how other people deal with the situation.

 

I once had a girlfriend who's views on homosexuality really bothered me, and resonates

even beyond sexuality. I believe many christians share her views, that homosexuality is something to overcome,

and that they want to shower you with love and Jesus to turn you straight. From her mouth, summarized:

 

"I think it's wrong, but I have gay friends, and there's nothing wrong with being friends with them, I just think they're on

the wrong track and I pray for them"

 

I consider that logic bigotry, and a message of intolerance and maybe even hate. This goes beyond issues such

as overcoming drugs, addiction, etc. I don't believe homosexuality to be something bad, rather an acceptable state

of nature. Drugs and addiction, however, is something to be worried about and to overcome. Some people

may turn around and comment on the quote above and say "that doesn't imply hate or intolerance"; to each

their own.

 

Here is my quagmire:

 

I find it so intolerable that she can believe such nonsense in Christianity, but

how can I retain my own beliefs, and yet not be such a hypocrite if I want

to be her friend? How can I be friends with someone who preaches intolerance... that is,

bigotry that I perceive she has, as I have an equal bigot response to her beliefs?

[Piprus]

Friends can agree to disagree on a lot of things.

 

What I read in your anecdote is that your friend may have no problem being friends with a gay person, may accept that person, and may not even see that person as doing anything wrong. But she is also a christian, and that means she can't be too supportive of that way of life her so-called good book teaches is sinful. So she's taking the lukewarm position, remaining friends with the sinner but being soft by saying "on the wrong track" instead of "hellbound", and proudly defending her faith by praying for them. That doesn't seem like bigotry to me...more like hypocrisy.

[neuro]

hmm interesting. I am beginning to rethink my stance, that I may have to reclassify what I consider bigotry and hypocrisy.

[Taphophilia]

What if she had said:

 

"I think it's wrong, but I have black friends, and there's nothing wrong with being friends with them, I just think they're on

the wrong track and I pray for them"

 

I don't see any difference in her saying "gay" instead of "black".

[R. S. Martin]

I think hypocrasy is preaching one thing and living another. I think bigotry is saying I'm better than you because my category of humanity is inherently better than yours.

 

I think anti-gay Christians tend to fit both categories. Bigotry: I'm better than you because I'm straight. Hypocrasy: I tell gay people I love them but I keep praying that they will turn away from their evil practices.

 

My logic: I've been the focus of charity but I didn't know it. I thought it was people being really nice and I took it as true friendship. But when I really needed a friend they weren't there. Later I found out that they were just doing their good deeds of the day and I happened to be there so it was me who they were good to. And that is hypocritical from the perspective of the recipient because they appear to love when they don't. It sounds like your friend is treating her gay friends the same way.

 

I think it is bigotry to pray for them for no other reason than that they are gay. Why? It is saying: I am better than they because a straight person is morally better than a gay person.

[R. S. Martin]

One reason a lot of Christians are this way toward homosexual people is that the Bible condemns homosexuality. At least, they think it does. They have to do some cherry picking to make it say that. In other words, there are a lot of commands in the Bible that are just as clear and direct but they never listen to these commands. I don't know why they make such a big fuss over this one.

[neuro]

"I think bigotry is saying I'm better than you because my category of humanity is inherently better than yours. "

 

RubySera, you know what, you hit the nail on the dot when you were describing her personality. I confronted her one time about love, when she was categorically discriminating the roots of my feelings. I said: "What makes you think your love is more valid than mines simply because you believe it is resultant of your god?"

 

She couldn't answer that question. She stumbled, and stopped short of 'judging' me when she realized what predicament I put her in.

 

I feel like I have to betray myself to be her friend, because I don't want to lose her as one.

 

Wow, ok epiphany. She told me one time, "I have to give [my faith] up a lot just to be with you." Now I understand what she meant. Regardless of how callous and bigoted that statement is, I'd rather not be the victim of Christian charity.