Knock Knock! Christians At Your Door?

[leftofpunk]

Hey everyone. I'm wanting to write a script for something of an instructional video for atheists and ex-christians. I'd like it to center on how to properly handle yourself when someone comes knocking at your door, if someone approaches you in a parking lot or someone strikes up that conversation at a social gathering about how evolution is bullshit or when asked "so what church do you attend?" when you're at that same social gathering.

 

What I'd like from you guys is to chime in with situations you've found yourself in and what the details were. It's been a while since I've had someone at my door plus I want a wide variety of situations. Generally I just avoid them (except the knockers). I remember one time at a work party for my GF's job there were two guys talking about some video series they saw that totally debunks evolution. I wanted to say something but held my tongue as it was appropriate in that particular situation but I think I might have done the same in a better place. Whenever I go to social gatherings I'm always nervous to be asked what church I go to or have someone make an assumption about my beliefs.

 

I also would like for this to be counter-apologetics. How to respond to Christians, Mormons and so on where you're not avoiding the issue to get em off your porch and you're not being mean. Aggressive and outspoken yes, but I don't think we should be viewed as being mean. Like almost canned answers. When they say this, counter with that.

 

So let's hear it Ex-C, What situations have you been in, how did you handle them and what could you have done differently?

[Sceadugenga]

Well I'm a 'believer' and I can't stand it when this happens either so it's not just you. Belief (of any sort) is a private and personal matter and people should be sticking their nose into other people's personal business.

 

As for how I handle it - one of three ways:

 

Polite way - "my beliefs are a personal and private matter and I don't wish to discuss them with you."

 

Pissed off way - "my beliefs are a personal and private matter much like your love life, and I don't go around asking you if you what kinda of fuck your wife is do I?"

 

Playfull way - "Sure I'd love to discuss the Bible and faith with you. What translation and do you want references in Greek and Latin as well as commentary from Early Christian theologians as well?" (the PhD can be fun sometimes... I like to 'break' some of the annoying evangelists).

[Beowulf]

...or you could do what my former roommate did. Greet them at the door wearing nothing but an African tribal mask.

[quicksand]

I usually hit them with their most absurd beliefs.

 

You believe in talking snakes.

 

Puts them on the defensive. Last time my door was knocked on, I hit them with that and had them sputtering. One lady tried to claim that it was ventriloquism and I insisted that she support with chapter and verse in Genesis how that was possible.

 

I was greeted with the sound of silence on that one. They made a note not to return to my house after they paid me the usuall insults that I need to read the bible and I was lost.

 

Yawn.

[Kirangel]

It's never really been a problem for me. My freshman year in college I got handed a bible, they didn't really say anything though, just sort of threw it at me when I was walking by. When I was young and still a Catholic, Mormons came to our door. My Mom just pretty much said 'I'm Catholic' and they just walked away quietly. Maybe all of her religious pictures that cover the walls scared them away.

 

I like the African tribal mask method, throw on some appropriate music, start dancing around and tell them that you're trying to summon a few spirits.

[leftofpunk]

Thanks to most who replied but please....everyone has had people approach them or got into a debate in various situations and instead of sticking your head in the sand you've fought for your position. All I'm asking is for those details......please share!

[Japedo]

I also would like for this to be counter-apologetics. How to respond to Christians, Mormons and so on where you're not avoiding the issue to get em off your porch and you're not being mean. Aggressive and outspoken yes, but I don't think we should be viewed as being mean. Like almost canned answers. When they say this, counter with that.

 

When they cite gods love and other buybull verses they Cherry pick... Smile and ask them to explain Luke 14:26. Ask them also beings those these are words attributed to Christ himself why they don't have his words at the forefront in their witnessing.

 

Luke 14:26

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple

[Kirangel]

I also would like for this to be counter-apologetics. How to respond to Christians, Mormons and so on where you're not avoiding the issue to get em off your porch and you're not being mean. Aggressive and outspoken yes, but I don't think we should be viewed as being mean. Like almost canned answers. When they say this, counter with that.

 

When they cite gods love and other buybull verses they Cherry pick... Smile and ask them to explain Luke 14:26. Ask them also beings those these are words attributed to Christ himself why they don't have his words at the forefront in their witnessing.

 

Luke 14:26

If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple

 

 

Yeah, it might work. But many apologists are prepared with some sort of response and if they aren't prepared for it then fine, just make sure you research any possible responses you might receive first leftofpunk. I imagine that in the case with Luke 14:26, if anything you'd probably get the 'that's not the intended meaning of the word' sort of argument, or the 'we have to be willing to part with everything for Christ' sort of response. At least that's what I've seen used. And do not label me a Christian apologist for this, if you're going to argue with them then you should at least be prepared for some of the responses you might get in return that are anything other than the classic, 'We couldn't possibly understand everything about the ways of God' retort.

[Luke Wolf]

My personal favorite approaches;

 

At home:

 

Me: Good day. Would you like to come in and speak?

Them: Sure.

(We make our way inside)

Me: Would you like a beer? Or maybe a shot of schnaps or jager?

 

*Said after the "bible says* sales line is said*

Me: But the Bible is just a book, penned by man, translated several times, and each translation moving further and further away from the original meaning. You're King James Bible was even printed in an edition once that said "Thou Shalt Commit Adultry." Given one typo has occured, it is very likly that many, many more typos have occured throughout it's history.

Them: But the Bible is God's word, and wrote by men that God worked through.

Me: According to whom?

Them: It's cleary stated that in the Bible.....

Me: Of course the Bible will back itself up. The authors knew people weren't stupid. They had to cover up as many loop holes as possible.

Them: But the Bible had many authors, and took many centuries to write.

Me: Again, I ask you, in regards to this information, according to whom? Saying "because the bible says so" is actually no different than saying when the stars are aligned just right, the Great Old Ones will return to remlaim the earth.

*From here, you can expect this to become a debate over the validity of the Bible, until they get so pissed off that they leave*

 

Other random lines I like to use;

No, I don't want to accept a man as a god to go to church to eat him.

Your god needs to smoke some weed so he's not allways in a pissy mood.

Do you know Zues will cast you into the pit of Tartarus for not following him? or the other gods of the Greek pantheon?

You admit you have done wrong. Do you know your heart and soul will be eaten when Anubis brings you before the scale and judges?

If I even accepted the Bible to be true, I would rather be a Luciferian than Christian.

 

My personal favorites when I want to piss off the christians:

THE POWER OF OZZY COMPELS ME!!!!

I worship Satan, you think I want to trade sides? I mean come on? I can't smoke weed, fuck all the bitches I want, drink, swear, sleep in on Sundays, and have fun. Sure, I'll go whack my balls off and put on a suit to go to appease your pissed of jealous god.

Your god is not a real god. Rather, it is a thoughtform that has been created throughout the ages of people giving power an idea, and which the idea materailised, created what is known to Occultist as a thoughtform. This also means, your god can be destroyed by mortal men, And OH YES!!! IT CAN BE DONE!!!

My religious crede? Sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll.

Yup, I'm on the Highway to Hell and ringing Hell's Bells at every rest stop.

Ya know what? Fuck you, fuck your Bible, fuck your God, fuck your Jesus, fuck your holy ghost, fuck your religion, fuck your church, fuck you hymms, fuck your pastor, fuck your choir, fuck your holy/baptism water, and if I missed anything else, FUCK IT TO! Oh, the bible says the only unforgivable sin is blashpemy of the holy ghost, so just to get them all right *look straight up* FUCK YOU JESUS!!! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING HOLY SPOOK!!! *Flip off the sky why you do this* SAVE THIS IF YOU CAN YOU FUCKING FUCKS!!!

[xandermac]

I had Jehova's witness's come to my door and I told them I was a non-believer. Of course they wanted to know why and I just ask did they have proof that didn't come from the bible. The man said he did have proof, so I said I'd love to see proof. Then we would talk. A couple weeks later they dropped off a book that had some articles written by some scientist that was also a christian that said a lot of crap and of course more bible shit and I chunked it in the garbage. Thats been months ago and they never returned.

I wrote in here about my episode with the jesus guy at walmart parking lot. I'm afraid I was having a hot flash that day cause I got really ugly. He was putting flyers on cars and I chased him down telling him to quit putting garbage on peoples cars. He proceeded to tell me that god got him off drugs and I actually said duh, you poor brainwashed bastard! Now I'm a rather large gray haired 50 y/o woman and I must have looked like Madeline Murray O'hare, although I doubt he knew her. I still laugh thinking about his testimony at church, staring down satan at walmart. I'm not really satan, just a menopausal freethinking old bitch.

[Japedo]

Yeah, it might work. But many apologists are prepared with some sort of response and if they aren't prepared for it then fine, just make sure you research any possible responses you might receive first leftofpunk. I imagine that in the case with Luke 14:26, if anything you'd probably get the 'that's not the intended meaning of the word' sort of argument, or the 'we have to be willing to part with everything for Christ' sort of response. At least that's what I've seen used. And do not label me a Christian apologist for this, if you're going to argue with them then you should at least be prepared for some of the responses you might get in return that are anything other than the classic, 'We couldn't possibly understand everything about the ways of God' retort.

 

Kir is it your intention to derail every thread? It say's you must Hate to be a follower in simple words for all to see,In almost every translation. It doesn't say love me more then.It doesn't say hate their sin,.. it say's Hate them. If Hate doesn't mean hate then love doesn't mean love sorry it's a no fly you can't have it both ways. I know this is inconvenient for your cherry pickers who believe the buybull say's what you want it to say. All the while trying to convince, we must be misreading it when the words are to barbaric for you to defend in good conscious. It is also attributed to coming out of Christ's mouth. Defend your gods word and stop trying to put words in his mouth.

[Kirangel]

Yeah, it might work. But many apologists are prepared with some sort of response and if they aren't prepared for it then fine, just make sure you research any possible responses you might receive first leftofpunk. I imagine that in the case with Luke 14:26, if anything you'd probably get the 'that's not the intended meaning of the word' sort of argument, or the 'we have to be willing to part with everything for Christ' sort of response. At least that's what I've seen used. And do not label me a Christian apologist for this, if you're going to argue with them then you should at least be prepared for some of the responses you might get in return that are anything other than the classic, 'We couldn't possibly understand everything about the ways of God' retort.

 

Kir is it your intention to derail every thread? It say's you must Hate to be a follower in simple words for all to see,In almost every translation. It doesn't say love me more then.It doesn't say hate their sin,.. it say's Hate them. If Hate doesn't mean hate then love doesn't mean love sorry it's a no fly you can't have it both ways. I know this is inconvenient for your cherry pickers who believe the buybull say's what you want it to say. All the while trying to convince, we must be misreading it when the words are to barbaric for you to defend in good conscious. It is also attributed to coming out of Christ's mouth. Defend your gods word and stop trying to put words in his mouth.

 

I never said anything about misreading it, I never said I agreed with the above response all I'm suggesting is that leftofpunk considers the possible retorts of Christians, it's better to be prepared then not. Do you disagree with that?

 

I'm not derailing this thread, I thought the passage you chose was a good one it should completely throw off the christians who aren't prepared for it, and for the ones who are if you can guess what their response might be ahead of time you'll be better off.

[Euthyphro's Thorn]

To be fair, I've actually heard that bullshit excuse before, except it was more to the effect of, "It's not really telling you to hate your family. What it's saying is that you have to love Jesus so much that your feelings for your family would be closer to hate in comparison," or some shit like that, and they might start or end that response with an accusation of taking it out of context. As for the "I come with a sword" quote attributed to Jesus, the bullshit excuse for that one is that he doesn't want to cause war, but that resistance is inevitable when you try to bring people to The Truth^TM.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how xians will twist shit around to squeeze it into their little box and then say we're the ones taking shit out of context. Kirangel makes a good point that we should expect these types of responses, even if our own response to them is to laugh our asses off.

[Luke Wolf]

I still laugh thinking about his testimony at church, staring down satan at walmart. I'm not really satan, just a menopausal freethinking old bitch.

 

Allthough, not even there God has the power to get me off drugs. That poor, weakminded, brainwashed bastard. lol

[Amethyst]

Well, you could debate with them, or you could do what I do and live in a secure apartment building. The main door is locked, so solicitors can't get in.