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Guest CrazyDiamond

I Am Agnostic Now.

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Guest CrazyDiamond

I would not believe if someone would say me year ago that I’m going to end up being ex-Christian. This progress has been really fast. I have always been sceptic, but I thought that was the thing that made me so strong believer. I always asked all the questions that there was and looked all sides of the things. And that was the reason I finally started to doubt. I’m very thirsty when it comes to knowledge and information. And step-by-step I was finding such of facts that made me really reconsider my reasons to believe. Biggest ones came from psychology and the top one was book named “Consciousness explained” by Daniel C. Dennett. That book-started chain reaction in my self cogitates. Earlier I find answers that fit in Christian view and I was really good in it. Except, there was one perspective in human behaviour that I didn’t understand. What are mental illnesses? How could man who are not even conscious of himself believe in Christ and be saved, and what exactly would be saved then? Maybe that was one of those questions that made me think humanity much more deeply. All that thinking took floor out of believing.

 

We are just animals, quite intelligence ones thought, but nothing more. We have needs that drive us towards. First those needs were hunger, thirst and surviving but later there came needs like explaining our purpose, social needs and others. And what comes to all the spiritual experiences, its only psychological. If doctors can make feeling of soul detachment simply by stimulating right parts of brain, then why there should be reason of believing real soul detachment? And so on. There would be many other samples. Point was that my faith was explained and shown to be nothing more than imagination. I didn’t lost my faith in that point. It made me watch life of Christian believers from a side and analyse everything I saw and felt. And in the end, it wasn’t really so different than life of other religions. There weren’t any real miracles. No evidence of God. Only group of people, who’s believe made it all real for them. But not anymore to me and I saw it all like it was. First time all the pieces fits in the puzzle. I was free and I was happy, but also sad, because I knew I would be lonely for a while. And there I am now, still part of a Pentecostal church and surrounded by Christian friends who doesn’t know my situation. They don’t know because I don’t want to mix their lives. I have always been the one who has helped others when they had hard time in believing. I was the one who listened every ones troubles and made them see the light sides, made them trust in almighty God. How could I now turn my back to them? What should I do? Move away?

 

Someone here already wrote how he still wants to believe. Yes, it would be easier. But I cant, even that it would give me purpose driven life. There is very much good stuff in Christanity. All those advices of loving, thinking others before yourself are true in some level. But couldn’t I live unselfish and complete life without believing in Jesus? Why couldn’t I? It sounds weird to say that I don’t need God (because I learned it to be bad thing) but I really don’t need. There is still things that made this life worth of living. In fact, it is exiting to find all those things. Thanks for reading this and giving me feeling that I’m not alone.

 

(I hadn’t much time to write this, but I hope someone gets something from it. btw. my mother language isn’t English so sorry about all the mistakes)

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Hello Crazy Diamond and welcome to the forums.

 

Despite the fact that English is not your first language, I thought your post was well written.

 

I agree with you that it can be lonely at first, right after you realize that you can no longer believe the way your friends and family do. But there are plenty of people here who share your experiences. I hope you will join us long enough to let us get to know you.

 

Shine on you, Crazy Diamond.

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Welcome Crazy Diamond.

If I could write in another language as well as you write in English I would be a happy, happy person. Remember that you aren't turning your back on your friends; you are redefining your own spirituality not theirs. If your friends decide to accept the changes you are making in your life then that's great, but if they don't then all you can do is move on and find people who will accept you the way to want to be. There are lots of great people in this forum to talk to so welcome and hope to hear more from you soon.

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btw. my mother language isn't English so sorry about all the mistakes)

 

Thanks for that bit of info. Your post sounds like someone for whom English is not a first language. I was really trying to figure out what was going on. I checked to see where you're from and you don't say. And that is okay. There are certain kinds of mistakes people make when English is not a first language, and these mistakes are very different from sloppy English. English is not my first language, either, but it's the only language I can write in. I have successfully communicated in written German but it's at least as broken as your English, I'm sure. I speak a German dialect but it is not a written language. All my education and writing has been in English so it's basically a first language but it's not what I talk when I'm with my family.

 

I know what you mean about not being able to believe just because you want to. Nobody ever wanted to believe Christianity more than I did, but it has to make sense to my brain and it doesn't. Thus, I cannot say "I believe that I am saved by the shed blood of Christ," or the like. It makes no sense to my brain. People are inherently good. We make mistakes but we are not depraved at our most basic level. We just don't know everything and we can't do everything but that does not make us flawed or bad.

 

There will always be people who can do things I can't. There will always be lots and lots of other creature that can do things I can't, such as flying off the ground on their own power or living under water. But I can do things others can't. We are all unique and we're all the same. I think it's lots more noble to be honest about not believing in gods than in professing to believe when all the evidence indicates otherwise. Congratulations for finding your own self and for standing up for your beliefs.

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Shine on you, Crazy Diamond.

Damn Legion, you said it first!

 

 

 

Welcome, CD! Hope to be reading more of your well written posts in the future.

 

:beer:

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Guest CrazyDiamond

Thanks for all the warmly welcomes!

 

I try to shine (Hope I don’t end up being like Syd Barrett ). I wasn’t going to write anything in here, that’s why I didn’t but any information of myself. I’m from Finland and I’m 20+ (not telling too much details so friends cant find out this way that I lost my faith. OK maybe I am little bit of paranoid with all this internet stuff?). Anyway, I would be happy to find here someone else from Finland, so I could talk without of the limits that foreign language makes. If I have time I try to take part in other discussions. Thanks again taking me in ex-cristians. I’m truly happy that such of place exist.

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I'll be in Helsinki over the weekend this week. If you have time to share a beer, just PM me. I don't speak Suomi though, sorry.

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