1 And 1/2 Years Ago I Renounced My Christianity

[mick]

I have been going through a long anger phase. I drink more than I should. (didn't drink as a Christian) I am working on that. I have gained some weight. Also, my blood pressure has gone up.

 

I am an ex-christian and I'm still mad. Lately I have been feeling like my approach is no longer practical. Should I move out of the anger phase? Can I even just choose to do so? I want to redirect my energies. I have been blogging on MySpace for over a year, writing the beginnings of book after book about the falseness of Christianity. However, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired? I wish I had no anger? I wish that I was not sooo mad at obstinate Christians and Christianity. Have others managed to move on to something else? Any thoughts?

[smellincoffee]

Is there anything in specific that's making you angry? The only problems I had with anger came from being forced to attend services at my Pentecostal parents' church after I told them I was no longer religious.

[Llwellyn]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have had a great deal of anger during the past two years after my deconversion. I have resented all the anxieties that my parents built into me -- the sexual fear, the ideas of hell and God's curses. I have put dents into my walls from kicking them, I have damaged my cell phone. I have insulted my parents, torn up Bibles, etc. etc. I know about the anger and frustration of deconversion.

 

But I am getting over my anger. Part of how I do that is to adopt a positive "worldview," or "mindset." After leaving Christianity, I adopted Platonism, which is an extremely optimistic way of thinking. It takes time to change your mind, but at least now I know where I am going and how to get there. I'm sure the anger will remain and return, but it will slowly be substituted with something else.

[mick]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have had a great deal of anger during the past two years after my deconversion. I have resented all the anxieties that my parents built into me -- the sexual fear, the ideas of hell and God's curses. I have put dents into my walls from kicking them, I have damaged my cell phone. I have insulted my parents, torn up Bibles, etc. etc. I know about the anger and frustration of deconversion.

 

But I am getting over my anger. Part of how I do that is to adopt a positive "worldview," or "mindset." After leaving Christianity, I adopted Platonism, which is an extremely optimistic way of thinking. It takes time to change your mind, but at least now I know where I am going and how to get there. I'm sure the anger will remain and return, but it will slowly be substituted with something else.

 

Thanks. I have found that positive thinking can help. Also, I have a decent career and I think about making money sometimes. For some reason that is a good distraction. I am married to a fundamentalist "Name It, Claim It" Word-Faith Benny Hinn loving Christian, which makes it tougher though.

 

Thanks Llwellyn. :-)

[mick]

Is there anything in specific that's making you angry? The only problems I had with anger came from being forced to attend services at my Pentecostal parents' church after I told them I was no longer religious.

 

It's kind of everything ya know? I don't go to church any more tho. But my wife does and is an extreme fundy.

[Taphophilia]

Mick,

 

I live in Fundy Florida where Dale Earnhardt and Jesus are worshipped in that order. I feel very isolated and alone due to the fact that I don't know anyone who I can even relate to. What complicates matters is that if I at least pretended to see the Emperor's clothes and attend any church, I wouldn't be in my situation. I would have a support and network system in my life. I have yet to find an atheist like myself here in the land of the Jesus cult where I must say most of the minds that I have met are filled with not only the brainwashing of Christianity, which I can barely tolerate, but the ridiculous urban legends propogated by those who refuse to think. I do understand your situation and why you are depressed. Isolation is the cruelest form of human punishment and it is our Ex-Christianity, and being true to ourselves, that has made us isolated.

 

Taph

[Deva]

I think that everyone that leaves Christianity goes through a period of anger. It all depends how much you had invested in it in the first place. If there was nothing at all positive about it for you, you would never have bought into it in the first place. Only you can see what that was. I would say try to see what were the benefits for you and understand that in the long run it was not worth the price paid by you. Also, maybe you can take what was positive for you and maybe translate, re-interpret, or understand it in a different way.

 

Having a fundamentalist spouse makes it much harder for you, because it is "in your face", and you have to live with it every day, you can't get away from it.

 

Life is often hard, and I think that this fundie mindset is what (in their minds) helps these people to cope. In my case, my parents are fundie. I am sure it helps them to cope with life in many ways, but it personally drives me crazy. I can only say that understanding and compassion, with yourself and with others, goes a long way. It is very hard at first, and I do sympathize with your position.

[mick]

Mick,

 

I live in Fundy Florida where Dale Earnhardt and Jesus are worshipped in that order. I feel very isolated and alone due to the fact that I don't know anyone who I can even relate to. What complicates matters is that if I at least pretended to see the Emperor's clothes and attend any church, I wouldn't be in my situation. I would have a support and network system in my life. I have yet to find an atheist like myself here in the land of the Jesus cult where I must say most of the minds that I have met are filled with not only the brainwashing of Christianity, which I can barely tolerate, but the ridiculous urban legends propogated by those who refuse to think. I do understand your situation and why you are depressed. Isolation is the cruelest form of human punishment and it is our Ex-Christianity, and being true to ourselves, that has made us isolated.

 

Taph

 

Thanks Taph,

 

It's funny, because I almost immediately feel very connected with another Ex-Christian when they communicate with me. Ironic! I have 2 friends that were Born Again, and are now ex-christian. The bond we have developed is incredible. Any time you need to talk let me know. What part of Florida do live in? At least one other person on this board is from Florida. I think she was from the Sarasota area. I have wanted to move there for years now.

 

The other tough thing for me is that my wife is an extreme fundamentalist. I was just sitting on the deck with her, and I was talking about how beautiful the back yard and trees lok. She said "I don't want to be too tied up or impressed with the temporary things of this world". I walked away. I felt like saying well "I am one of the temporary things of this world now".

[mick]

I think that everyone that leaves Christianity goes through a period of anger. It all depends how much you had invested in it in the first place. If there was nothing at all positive about it for you, you would never have bought into it in the first place. Only you can see what that was. I would say try to see what were the benefits for you and understand that in the long run it was not worth the price paid by you. Also, maybe you can take what was positive for you and maybe translate, re-interpret, or understand it in a different way.

 

Having a fundamentalist spouse makes it much harder for you, because it is "in your face", and you have to live with it every day, you can't get away from it.

 

Life is often hard, and I think that this fundie mindset is what (in their minds) helps these people to cope. In my case, my parents are fundie. I am sure it helps them to cope with life in many ways, but it personally drives me crazy. I can only say that understanding and compassion, with yourself and with others, goes a long way. It is very hard at first, and I do sympathize with your position.

 

Thanks Pat.

 

It is in my face very much, every single day. (SOngs in the Kitchen, Daystar network on the TV.) It is awful.

[OnceConvinced]

I guess I'm in that stage at the moment, just being pissed at having spent my life trying to please a God that doesn't really give a shit. I question God and say if you are real, why did you allow me to waste so much time and effort on something futile? I feel I have missed out on a lot of fun in my life because I was so concerned with keeping God happy. That irks me. But I just figure it's something I have to get through and that at least now I can let my hair down and not worry about having to keep a silent deity (and other Chistians) happy.

[mick]

I guess I'm in that stage at the moment, just being pissed at having spent my life trying to please a God that doesn't really give a shit. I question God and say if you are real, why did you allow me to waste so much time and effort on something futile? I feel I have missed out on a lot of fun in my life because I was so concerned with keeping God happy. That irks me. But I just figure it's something I have to get through and that at least now I can let my hair down and not worry about having to keep a silent deity (and other Chistians) happy.

 

I definatley hear you on that one! If you don't mind me asking how old are you? Are you married? These 2 answers can make a world of difference. How long were you a Christian?

[OnceConvinced]

I'm 39. Been brought up in a Christian family (so thus Christian by default). Pretty much been active ever since the age of about 16, where I used to attend kids camps as a leader. I've taught chilcren's church, did outreach for street kids, led cell groups. I was married for about 11 years and have two kids. One 11 and the other 13.

 

I just see more and more good arguments now to reject the bible and Christianity. It will take some pretty amazing miracle to bring me back and especially to pull the wool back over my eyes again.

 

I think one of the reasons I remained in the faith for so long is I had little to do with non-christians. My friends have just about always been Christians themselves and I very rarely ever got involved with nonbelievers in discussions. It's easy to remain in your own little bubble when it's not being challenged.

[R. S. Martin]

I think that everyone that leaves Christianity goes through a period of anger. It all depends how much you had invested in it in the first place. If there was nothing at all positive about it for you, you would never have bought into it in the first place.

 

You talk like a convert. Some of us are born into it and have to oppose all the family traditions of countless generations to NOT become Christian. Whether or not to accept the religion can be a matter of life and death. So it's not like we "bought into" it. I personally have from childhood known that there was something not right about religion but I was in no position to debate the matter. By the time I was a biological adult I was so deeply entangled emotionally that getting out was not an option. It took decades to build up the strength required to leave. Even then, we're talking about major, BIG TIME identity crisis. Most of the time, the only way I can deal with the rage is not to think about it. I am finding that as I work through issues on here it diminishes. But yeah, it's still there.

 

Mick, my advise to you would be to GET OUT as fast as you can. Physically and emotionally remove yourself from the presence of any and all fundies who claim any right to you and your life. I know you don't want to end your marriage so that won't work. I don't really know what else to suggest. Maybe posting on here will help, too.

 

Taph, I am touched by your post. I don't know what is possible for you but I am feeling very optimistic because I found a humanist group in my area. I had no idea where to start looking so I googled for words like freethinker and humanist. First I made a list of keywords and then I started searching. Skeptic would be another term. Keep your eyes peeled for what people call themselves on here, then look to see if there is a group near you.

 

The way these kinds of websites are set up is that there is a main homepage for the organization. Then you can narrow it down from there. Look for a link to local groups. Depending how large an organization it is, you might have to keep narrowing it down through a number of stages. For example, from global to national, to state/provincial, to county or city.

 

When you find the name of a place close to you, look for a contact--email or telephone number. Some websites don't provide the contact info outright, but they have a "contact us" section. Go in there and look in all crannies and corners. The email may give you only the name of the organization but use it anyway. Some people, including myself, don't want to post their real names on the internet. After one or two exchanges, they might say, "Sent your reply here (and give the preferred address). This is my regular email. I don't look at that one every day."

 

Eventually I found myself talking to a real live human voice on the telephone. We talked for at least an hour. The person suggested we get together the following week with two other members and chat. We did that. They talked exactly like people do on here. The stories are the same. For some reason or other we end up religious. For some reason or other we deconvert. And here we are. You're among friends.

 

There has been absolutely no attempt at proselyzing me. I had to keep after them and explicitly tell them that I want formal membership. Does it ever feel good being part of something I believe in!

[michie_s]

What part of Florida do live in? At least one other person on this board is from Florida.... The other tough thing for me is that my wife is an extreme fundamentalist.

 

Hey Mick,

 

Welcome to the board. I'm new to and a very recent de-convert. I live in Fort Lauderdale, FLA so I'm in one of those bible states as well. I'm not married, but my ex-husband is a christian, pastor, and son of a minister. I'm currently living with my fundie parents after a recent move to the US, so I can relate to the constant "god talk", christian music and TV coming at you all the time...why is it that they have to listen to everything so loud? Maybe it's hoping that we heathens will hear something that will make us change our mind and turn back.

 

Anyway, like you and Onceconvinced I am still very angry at the 14yrs wasted in pentecostalism and all that I gave up and sacrificed for the faith. Not to mention the effects that it's had on my son. I'm still dealing with a lot of the fallout, such as learning to think for myself, overcoming fear and guilt and waiting for the lightening to strike. It will take time to let go of all the indoctrination and I'm glad to be here amongst people who understand what we're going through.

 

Michie

[R. S. Martin]

What would happen if you asked them to turn down the volume? Or if you requested your fair share of time watching/listening to your choice programs? That's not part of my inherited culture so I'm not sure how that kind of thing plays out in families.