My Old Church Family Is Finding Out!

[Thunder 34]

(This is a long story written by someone who cant write well!)

 

Well, I knew this would happen at some point. It seems that some people in my old church family is starting to find out about my unbelief. I've still been going to my Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) church this entire time because, I know I should but, I haven't told anyone except a friend of mine about my unbelief. But she doesnt give a crap about religion. She only goes because her parents force her.

 

It isn't a large church and almost everyone at least knows each other, so talk about things can go around quickly.

 

The reason that some people are finding out is because I've been going to a Unitarian Universalist (UU) every Sunday. (The SDA church has services every Saturday) And a friend, whom I'll call Mike, called and ask me where

I was in the middle of a service at the church. I didnt know what to say so I told him the truth. (Mike is the "jolly old man" of the church whom everyone likes and gets along with and me and him have been knowing each other ever since I started going to the church, a year ago.)

 

I told him that I was "just visiting" and I think he bought it at the time because he knows that I've always been interested in religions and denominations. But he later on found out that I've been going to the UU church every Sunday ever since the time he called, which was my first visit to the church. After one service at the SDA church he started asking me about why I've been going every Sunday, but a deacon came and said he needed to talk to Mike ASAP, so I was saved from that!

 

But the worst thing yet is that I skipped this past Saturday's service to go to a humanit and freethought class at the UU church and, to make a long story a little bit shorter, Mike and the Sabbath school leader/deacon (Gary) found out. Gary knows that I want to leave the church. (Gary is the friend of mine's father and she accidently slipped out where I was at the time, while talking to Mike and Gary.) I do not know if Mike knows.

 

The reason I havent told anyone at church is because, of course, I didnt want them to be hurt. And to know that the 13 year old boy whom they baptized and has been going faithfully going to church ever since last year, is now a Atheist Unitarian Universalist. (I am now 14 I was baptized a year ago but turned 14 in January and have been going ever since March 2006)

 

Now I know that they will question me this Saturday and start to cause a debate, but I am not experienced in debating and wish not to. I know that I cant keep up this lie much longer but I am frighten of telling the pastor and my friends in the church that I want my membership removed and my lack of faith.

 

Sorry that this is long and unorderly. I just feel much better when I ask help from people that have gone through similar things.

[Thunder 34]

Is there a way to edit it? I dont see an edit button anywhere.

[4truth]

Leaving isn't easy and I don't think there is a way to do it without some people being hurt. I wish there was. That is the part I hate the most about leaving Christianity, but it's more important to be true to yourself than to worry about hurting someone's feelings. The longer I'm out though the more I realize how judgmental the attitudes are of people in the church. Unless you believe the same way they do, you are not okay in their minds. The UU church has been a lifesaver for me. I can't believe that there is a church that is so accepting. I love that they actually encourage people to think for themselves. I'm glad you have found that. Talk to some of the people there; they can help support you as you make the transition. This is a great place for support too.

 

I withdrew my membership from the church because then they have no right to try to talk to you about anything. I don't see any point in arguing. You don't have to prove anything to them. Just stand your ground and say you don't want to discuss it. Their only goal is to get you back. There is no benefit to you at all to talking to them.

 

Read to help you understand all of the ways you have been misled. Right now I am reading The End of Faith by Sam Harris. So far it is really good. I just finished reading Atheist Universe. It was a good basic rebuttal to all of the crazy things Christians say to try to rationalize their position. The more I read, the more convinced I am that Christianity is so very wrong and harmful to people who believe it. There are a lot of helpful books out there. There are some good suggestions on this website.

 

I am so impressed that you have figured out so much at 14 years old. It took me WAY longer than that to see that I had bought into a belief system that makes no sense at all if you step back from it and look at it logically. Don't apologize for your writing; you express yourself very well. You are obviously more intelligent than most of the adults around you. "Faith" is just an excuse for believing something that is so clearly unbelievable.

[Jack]

You get an edit button at 25 posts.

 

I'm not one to go to for encouragement or support as I'm simply not good at expressing those things, but I can say (same thing I decided for myself) that, frankly, if someone doesn't like your/my choices it's their own damn problem and you/I don't need to worry about it.

As far as anyone being hurt because of it, I doubt that's anything to worry about, either. The most emphatic response I ever got was "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that; I'll be praying for you." Trust me, your friends aren't going to have nervous breakdowns because you aren't a Christian anymore.

[Taphophilia]

It's been my experience with SDAers that they are very nice people, weird cultish people, but nice people none-the-less who happen to be vegetarians. Could you please explain the vegetarian thing?

 

Your religious beliefs are nobody's business. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone you don't want to. It's more than perfectly acceptable to politely imply the none-of-your-business code to people you would rather not share with.

[RIPw4]

There is a weird line between freedom of expressing ones religious beliefs or non beliefs and being under the rule of ones parents.

At 14 years old your parents have the right to make decisions of that nature for you.

While I disagree with the notion of being forced to go to church I also believe in respecting ones parents.

So the question is...What do your parents think of this?

[pandora]

It sounds to me like your parents are not involved in this church. If they give you that freedom, then I say take it and use it wisely, which you have done quite well already. Since you're young, the people at your former church may hound you more than they would a normal adult making the same decision. Stay strong, and don't be afraid to tell them in your own words what you think. Your words might not be debate-worthy, but you seem eloquent enough (especially at 4) to me, and it's good to get that kind of practice. They can't make you come to church. Don't be afraid of them.

 

I think you write well for a 14 year old. Don't be so down on yourself, you are obviously quite intelligent to be able to see through the lies of religion at such a young age. Congrats and welcome aboard!

[♦ nivek ♦]

Is there a way to edit it? I dont see an edit button anywhere.

 

 

Make your corrections, repost, and I'll take care of placement.

 

kFL

[angel.white]

This is why kids shouldn't have cell phones!

 

kidding, but 4truth seemed to hit it pretty much on the head.

 

You get an edit button at 25 posts.

hihihihihihihihiihi

 

...j/k, but yeah, that will be nice, I've just been reading my posts over like 5x before posting, I'm not used to being this careful O.o

 

There is a weird line between freedom of expressing ones religious beliefs or non beliefs and being under the rule of ones parents.

At 14 years old your parents have the right to make decisions of that nature for you.

While I disagree with the notion of being forced to go to church I also believe in respecting ones parents.

So the question is...What do your parents think of this?

I don't think that his parents have the right to determine his religious beliefs. At any age. Now, he does have to live with them, and I expect they buy him shit like food and clothes, so he'll have to find some common ground, but kicking a 14 year old out onto the streets for not believing in your god is child abuse so blatant that even the state could acknowledge it.

[Caretaker]

I think you are underselling yourself. For a 14-yo, you write well, even knowing when to break into a new paragraph. There are others who may have good grammar and spelling otherwise, but if I see that their entire post is a page-long paragraph (or longer), I just move on.

[perianwalsh]

Since you're young, the people at your former church may hound you more than they would a normal adult making the same decision

yes,and you have eto be firm about your current standing.

 

Leaving isn't easy and I don't think there is a way to do it without some people being hurt.

it wasnt easy.People are might even angry .when you trying to tell them,they might be argue with you(thinking that you didnt think before you leave,think you misguided) . i remember telling the church owner about my leave.he was displeased(or hurt i dunno)-but he must be convinced thati willl be coming back,even though chances are small-maybe he think that everything is possible.

 

 

i dont think you will make it entirely understandable to your relatives and friends,but just try and make they respect you,and tolding them you owe them no illl will.

and hey you are younger than me!

[Thunder 34]

You get an edit button at 25 posts.

Really? I hope so, because I just reread it feeling like an idiot because I could of made it a lot shorter and didnt need to tell the big long story that I did.

[Thunder 34]

It's been my experience with SDAers that they are very nice people, weird cultish people, but nice people none-the-less who happen to be vegetarians. Could you please explain the vegetarian thing?

 

Your religious beliefs are nobody's business. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone you don't want to. It's more than perfectly acceptable to politely imply the none-of-your-business code to people you would rather not share with.

Well, not all SDA's are vegetarians. It is promoted, but you dont have to be. The SDA church has a big health message. They also believe in following the laws of what to eat and what not to eat in the OT. They advocate vegentarianism because it is considered healthier and some parts in the Bible that may seem to advocate it.

 

To you and everyone saying that it is my business, I know it is. I know I can just say that I dont want to tell them why I am leaving, but I just will find it hard to say something like, "I am leaving. Dont want to talk about it. Bye!"

[Thunder 34]

There is a weird line between freedom of expressing ones religious beliefs or non beliefs and being under the rule of ones parents.

At 14 years old your parents have the right to make decisions of that nature for you.

While I disagree with the notion of being forced to go to church I also believe in respecting ones parents.

So the question is...What do your parents think of this?

Well, my father doesn't give a hell about religion at all and I've never talked to him about it. My mother is a pentecostal and has never been a SDA.

 

I found the church when I was nearing 13 years old and just got interested in religion. I did their Bible studies, I believed it to be true, I attended the church, and later on became baptized. My mom does not like that fact that I am no longer Christian and I am wanting to join the UU church, but it seems that she is slowly started to accept it.

 

She is awesome though letting me go to this church and that church and whatever! I really am thankful.

 

It sounds to me like your parents are not involved in this church. If they give you that freedom, then I say take it and use it wisely, which you have done quite well already. Since you're young, the people at your former church may hound you more than they would a normal adult making the same decision. Stay strong, and don't be afraid to tell them in your own words what you think. Your words might not be debate-worthy, but you seem eloquent enough (especially at 4) to me, and it's good to get that kind of practice. They can't make you come to church. Don't be afraid of them.

 

I think you write well for a 14 year old. Don't be so down on yourself, you are obviously quite intelligent to be able to see through the lies of religion at such a young age. Congrats and welcome aboard!

Thank you.

 

That is the thing that is making me extra worried. That I came to them so enthusiastic at a young age, but at a year after my baptism, I want to leave.

[pandora]

I would be cautious joining new groups and/or religions or non-religions if I were you, but that's good advice for anyone. Take everything with a grain of salt and focus on being a teenager, you don't need to have the world figured out yet. In fact, you never will... so get used to that fact now.

[Robbobrob]

You come across as a really smart kid, and willing to learn and experiment with your beliefs. I would call myself the shy version of you...meaning I never joined in with others, but read all I could on all things religious growing up. I think I was just finishing up with Witchcraft (as opposed to Wicca or other pagan beliefs) around your age.

 

I am biased toward UU (first church I have ever fully belonged to). I like the open atmosphere there that allows you to seek your own path through life, with their support if you need it. Helps keep me an Apatheist, while my wife explores her feelings around Jesus and other issues.

[NearlyInsane]

If it was me, I'd simply stop going. You don't need to talk to these people ever again. If someone from there calls who you consider to be a friend, then try being honest with them. If they freak out on you, they aren't really your friend & you don't need to talk to them anymore. But that's just me... well, me & my lifetime of experience in trying to communicate w/ crazy people. These days I don't bother; I know my odds from the outset & they aren't encouraging.

 

My experience with UU is kinda funny. It was the ONLY church I ever went to that I didn't hate. I actually felt calm there, & even enjoyed the people & the services. I was 19 at the time. When my mom found out about it she freaked out so bad that I stopped going. I figured if she was happier with me going to NO church, then I just wouldn't attend any church. Was easier than getting up early on Sunday mornings anyway, & the UU church was a helluva drive. By then I was taking philosophy & psychology classes (among others) in college & my need to learn was being filled well enough.

[fallenleaf]

Frankly, you are very lucky to have such understanding and open parents. At 27 I still hesitate to go to a UU service because my mother would freak out if she learned of it. I'll go to a bar, a poker room, and a dozen other places she will strongly disapprove of... but the UU service would be crossing the line. Not that I live with her... but I would have to put up with her for months afterwards. Besides, I am not that interesting in going that I would go through all the trouble. I am pretty content with my Sunday lineup at the moment.

 

Until I got to the point where you mentioned your age, I assumed you were a young adult. Not that 14 isn't a young adult but I was thinking 19-25. Your writing does not reveal your age. Many people much older don't manage to come across as well. Anyway, on top of that... you are dealing with very adult issues. Leaving church membership because you have moved beyond it... well, that is not an easy task. I am likely still on the membership lists for a couple churches I don't want any association with.

 

I do have to agree that you don't want or need to get deep into your reasons for leaving. They won't hear them anyway. Just be direct and clear. If you want to answer a question, answer exactly as much of it as you want and then be done with it. And, relax... just relax. It will all calm down in the end and you have your parents mostly on your side.

[Internet Jesus]

Frankly, you are very lucky to have such understanding and open parents. At 27 I still hesitate to go to a UU service because my mother would freak out if she learned of it. I'll go to a bar, a poker room, and a dozen other places she will strongly disapprove of... but the UU service would be crossing the line. Not that I live with her... but I would have to put up with her for months afterwards. Besides, I am not that interesting in going that I would go through all the trouble. I am pretty content with my Sunday lineup at the moment.

 

Until I got to the point where you mentioned your age, I assumed you were a young adult. Not that 14 isn't a young adult but I was thinking 19-25. Your writing does not reveal your age. Many people much older don't manage to come across as well. Anyway, on top of that... you are dealing with very adult issues. Leaving church membership because you have moved beyond it... well, that is not an easy task. I am likely still on the membership lists for a couple churches I don't want any association with.

 

I do have to agree that you don't want or need to get deep into your reasons for leaving. They won't hear them anyway. Just be direct and clear. If you want to answer a question, answer exactly as much of it as you want and then be done with it. And, relax... just relax. It will all calm down in the end and you have your parents mostly on your side.

 

 

Man I was in your position.

The SDA church isn't the most friendly when you talk about their fallacies.

Don't give em an inch!

[Guest Marty]

That is the thing that is making me extra worried. That I came to them so enthusiastic at a young age, but at a year after my baptism, I want to leave.

 

Don't be worried, your enthusisam can work to your benifit.

 

As a kid, I was very much into religion. My parents were popular in my church, and my dad was on their finance commitee. I did great in Sunday school and religion classes, usually getting 100's on my tests. All my religion teachers would tell my parents that I should be a pastor when I grew up, cause I had such a grasp on my bible stories, and understood the morals behind them. When I got to middle school, I would do reports on Hinduism and Buddhism, and even studied Marx for a bit in 8th grade. (I was starting to deconvert during this period, but I wasn't aware of it yet. I think these school reports were a way of examining other beliefs with my elders approval). My folks were very proud of me and used to brag to friends that I was an "expert on comparative religions".

 

When I announced my de-conversion, my mother cried and told me she was "worried about my salvation". We went out onto the patio to talk, and she said to me, "I don't understand this Marty, you were always reading your bible, you did so well in school. You could have been a pastor!"

 

To which I replied: "Yes mom, you are right. But I hope you can understand that is exactly why I cannot believe anymore. I studied the message of religion so throughly that I see it now for what it really is, and it is impossible for me to take it seriously anymore. Because you know how much and how long I have studied religion, including faiths that are not mine, you know that I did not make this decision rashly. I have thought this out over many years."

 

Ya know what? She has never brought up my salvation again.