Oldjew Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I was raised by a Jewish Christian mother and a Jewish father that said he believed the Devil was in charge and that God sat around in the back ground watching and doing nothing. My mother was a Methodist, but my father's parents were German Jews who came over here (US) from Germany in the late nineteenth century. My mother's parents came from Germany also and were Lutheran Jews. For years I believed in God, Jesus, Satan, angels and demons, but about twenty years ago I begun to question my belief as I was also gay and Christians condemned gays and I know I did not have a choice. Because both of my parents expected me to marry I married a Lesbian friend of mine who was also Jewish and a Christian for whose family also expected her to get married. So neither of our families knew we were both gay and it worked out pretty well. Anyway my wife confessed she too never chose to be gay and I had been attracted to my own sex from the age five and my wife said she was attracted to her own sex from age four. Anyway at those ages we did not understand choices any way. Then I heard some one say one day that scientist had discovered that a homosexual's brains were different than heterosexual's brains and that there were gay animals as well. So I begin to wonder why God would create some one gay and then condemn them? A friend of my wife's was an atheist and loaned me a book called "The Bible Handbook" published by American Atheist. I read the book and it convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that the bible was fiction and there was no god. So I renounced my faith and declared myself an atheist. My wife in the mean while had fallen in love with a woman and wanted to marry her, so we got a divorce and she and her lover moved overseas to the Netherlands where they were able to get married and they stayed there. I am now alone but free of that terrible yoke I carried called "guilt" of having feelings for my own sex which I believed was a terrible "sin" and I was going to "hell" and I could not change no matter how hard I prayed or tried. Several of my other Jewish friends in which some were gay, some straight also renounced their faith and became atheist because of how the bible and the Talmud had condemned homosexuality after they too were convinced their two "holy books" were fiction as well as the notion of a god existing. But during the years I was a Christian I fell for it so deeply that even as I begin to believe it was fiction I still felt there was a god and it was hard for me to completely give up God. But now I go to church with a friend who is still a Christian and a Methodist as they don't condemn gays. I no longer believe in the bible or God but I only go to church because of my friend whom I like very much and he is adamant that there is a god and the bible is true. I have tried to convince him it is a work of pure fiction and since I ended up having the Bible Handbook given me and loaned it to him he says it was taken out of context which is a cop out for saying "I am blinded by faith." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robbobrob Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Welcome, and thank you for sharing your story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobbyCole Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 I understand the position your in. Many of us were there. But we are sometimes blinded when we are trying to please or keep peace with someone we like and or love. I have hurt many peoples feelings by staying true to my beliefs. If you sincerely feel the way you do and are going to church to please someone else, that's living a lie, even a small one. You will not be happy about that choice as time goes on.. I will site a perfect example...Hopefully you read my previous posts and know a little bit about my story. My Mom pushed me into Catholic school at the age of 6 and I did 12 years Catholic education, fighting and screaming the whole time. She didn't show too much emotion about how I felt. My mother never went to church at any time of her life till..... Many years after my dad died, she met a very nice catholic man somewhere areound 1982. She's been widowed 15 at this point. His name was Lou and he was an avid Church goer. Because my mother has such a bad marraige the first time around, she was very grateful to have met a real nice non-drinking, non-smoking, quiet man. She found some peace in her life, and that was good... Lou was all about Church, so my mother to not offend, hurt and start any trouble to a man that gave her everything, went along and talked herself into believing that she is a good catholic church going woman. I saw right threw it. Often when Lou was not around, I would call her out and we would get into some good arguments and no matter how many times I told her, you don't believe in this crap, why are you going. Just tell Lou you don't believe in going to church. But her dumb answer was...Lou is such a good man, he gives me everything. I would say...that's not a good answer. So she danced around the issue and many times when I was there, she would roll her eyes because she had to get ready for church. Times when Lou was sick, she was so thrilled that she didn't have to go. I would bust her chops and say, you can still go without him. She gave me a stare knowing that everything I said for years was right but she wouldn't admit to anything. Now it's 2001.. Lou dies in July...Not to hurt my Mom and it was a very painful to lose her 2nd husband.. I said to her after the funeral and wasn't being mean or disrespectful, you'll never step foot in church again until the next wedding or funeral. Well it's August 2007 and I was right again. She hasn't gone near church and when I ask her every other week, if shes going to church on Sunday, her answer again is, I'll be going back soon.. She's 86.. The next time she's in church be will at her own funeral... She's lived a lie much of her life and it is not healthy. I found out the hard way on a lot of issues in life, you must be true to yourself at all times. Sorry I got carried away with the story but different things I read bring out so much baggage of what I went through. I mentioned in my first post that I am so pissed off still that I plan on speaking publicly about the evils of religion. I expect people to give me grief but I don't care. I'm comfortable with who I am and I know how wrong organized religion is... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Danny Tuason Posted August 23, 2007 Share Posted August 23, 2007 Welcome to this site, Oldjew! Like yourself, I am also new to this site (although it's been a month since I first visited this wonderful site). Almost my entire life I have always wondered why homosexuality is an abomination in the Bible. I couldn't accept it because it's not logical. I couldn't make myself think that it's a sin to be gay. I can't find the crime because there isn't one. The bible is just a book of fiction...made by primitive people. That's it. End of story. Welcome again! Danny Tuason Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oldjew Posted August 24, 2007 Author Share Posted August 24, 2007 Oh I know it is a lie but that is not the reason I go. I go because I met this guy some 27 years younger than me whom I like and the church is about the mildest kind of Xian church there is and although all of the things they preach is like belonging to a fiction readers club listening to fairy tales and seeing all of these people actually believing in this swell and I am saying to my self "What a bunch of insecure brainwashed people to believe in this crazy stuff." My friend knows I don't believe in it and questions why I go to church and I tell him to be with him. He shakes his head because he is straight and I told him I was only interested in a platonic relationship anyway and living in such a small town it is not easy to find many friends. (In fact this town has one church for every 500 persons.) But it is like "In God we trust" on money or all of the theocracy laws in this country, it is something you just have to live with and although the US is basically a theocracy like the Middle East I am stuck here until change comes some day, but at my age I doubt I will ever see it because in a few short years I'll be one hundred if I even live that long. Rome fell and I suspect one day the USA will fall too and the theocracy will come to an end. There are not too many countries on earth that are not run by religion. Anyway I can't say going to church is going to hurt anything even though I do not believe in God any longer or the bible or that there is a creator. I look at it as going and watching a Harry Potter movie; it isn't real, its entertainment and going to church is entertainment and it helps me get from place to place because I no longer have a car and there is no public transportation in this small town. I figure since the Xians use people I'll use them while being with my friend every Sunday at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 Damn, this is the newbies-greeting-newbies thread Welcome to you all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michie_s Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 Hi Oldjew, welcome! Overcoming the buybull's condemnation of gays and truly living as who you are must have been tough. Hope that you can find friends here as well..maybe someone might even live close to you. I can't imagine what its' like to live in a small (minded) town as a gay man. All the best to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted August 24, 2007 Share Posted August 24, 2007 That's awesome that your marriage works out for you! Welcome to the forum. You're in good company. I have a good friend who goes to church for his family. He sees it much the same way you do... he says he pretends he's a sociologist. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you are honest with everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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