Why Christianity Rang Of Oppression For Me

[Guest Tree of Life]

My deliverance from Christianity came when I began finding myself and my cultural history. I was a born-again Christian since 4 years old, speaking in tongues since 7, and a prayer warrior since birth. I was always asked to pray for others, in church and at my christian school, because of my "intercessory gifts." I read the Bible alot, my mother and I had private Bible study together, even going through the book of Proverbs when I turned 13 so God would guide me through puberty and high school. I graduated from my Christian school in 8th grade after being voted "Godliest character". My mother and I switched churches to a mega-church which was somewhat non-denominational, but had more of a pentacostal edge to it. It was culturally diverse which I loved. I became active in the high school church leadership program my 9th grade year and continued until my 11th grade year.

 

However, I started to realize that my "culturally diverse" church wasn't that. Being a minority, I began noticing differing treatment. All the other minorities that sat in the back of the service were denigrated and called trouble makers and harrassed by church staff in our youth meetings. They only recieved negative attention. I knew some of these kids, and I begged the leadership staff to take initiative to get to know them and sit next to them instead of hovering over them all service. I knew that these kids did not relate the same ways and most were from predominantly Black churches and were not used to the new ways that the church worshipped and the activities that we did. They couldn't relate; I knew because I had a little problem adjusting myself in the beginning. They paid no attention to my admonitions. When I convinced a fellow leadership student to sit with me with the students in the back, we were properly chastened for not sitting in the first two rows like proper leadership kids. Soon after that at the summer banquet, while my other friends recieved awards like "future evangelist", "meek spirit award", I was the only one to receive the funny award: "Ghetto Fabulous award." I happened to be the only Black student on the leadership team also. This time, I didn't find it to be a coincidence. I was deeply hurt. After the summer banquet was the mission trip to Tijuana where the leadership students had a problem with the youth staff. We decided to confront them in love (as the Bible states), and we prayed and asked God for wisdom and guidance. We all confronted them gently; when I spoke, the youth pastor told me to "Shut up." All the students were shocked. I was deeply wounded. I did not understand why I should continuously be singled out. I told my mom I was through with the leadership team and with the youth group, and I was. I reasoned with God that if His people acted like that, I didn't want anything to do with Him.

 

At the core of my anger was the fact that I felt that God endorsed my feelings of inferiority because of my race and ethnicity. I felt that God himself had ordained it. I had heard my mother and grandmother say that they were thankful for slavery because Black people may have never known God otherwise. The Christmas cards of a blond, blue-eyed Jesus confounded me. Why can't Jesus be Mexican, Korean, Pacific Islander? Where was my place in God, or Christianity? Why does my cultural degradation have to be apart of God's divine plan? Why was my church and the church people I knew silent when peoples of "third world" countries suffered? Why was the tsunami God's judgement on the pagan worshipers? Why was Katrina God's way of clearing out people's debauched lifestyles? Why was AIDS in Africa and in America God's divine judgement? Why are the women in the Bible stoned for adultery and not the men? Where is the woman's place in God? Why does being submissive to my husband mean that I must lose my identity and goals?

 

Those questions I could not answer when I could never see my full beauty in the eyes of a blue-eyed savior. How could I confront the evil violation of human rights worldwide when I was still doomed under the Hamitic curse? Instead of rejecting myself and my culture, I rejected the lies I had been told, and thankfully I saved my sanity. I can see the divinity and beauty of ALL peoples, cultures, traditions, and spiritual concepts because I can see the beauty in my own. Jesus didn't save me. I saved myself.

 

I think one of the biggest fallacies of Christianity and Christians is that there is ONE way to experience God. The "Bible or the bullet" form of conversion throughout history has decimated both lives and cultural truths and knowledge. It has destroyed histories and self-esteems. In many cases, it has perpetuated the belief in racial heirarchies. (God's son is a stunning rendition of Matthew McConaughey, lol). Those oppressed by Christianity and racial heirarchies alike must deconstruct the false notions they have about themselves which are deeply intertwined in their relationship and ideals about God. It is very problematic to envision a European savior in a world where you are taught that you are worse and less than the European and the descendants of Europeans. I couldn't believe that God truly cared about me; how could he? He didn't know what it was like to experience life from my perspective. I couldn't even guarantee that he even cared. I think every people have the right to envision a God that understands them--their culture and position in society. God cannot be one image forced upon anyone.

 

 

I hope this makes sense to someone. I know my journey may be a little diferent, but I am glad to be among others who have emerged on the other side of this religion, for varying reasons. I just wanted to share my experiences with Christianity from the perspective of an African-American woman.

[Deva]

Tree of Life: Welcome to Ex-Christian. I thought your testimony was beautifully written and yes, it makes sense to me. It is tough being raised in this religion, and hard to see the truth and free yourself. As you said, "Jesus didn't save me, I saved myself" Yes, you saved yourself from this oppressive, racist, judgmental thought trap that is Christianity.

 

It is quite freeing to explore the way other cultures have experinced God. As I am sure you have seen, you start thinking about human beings as citizens of the world who are due respect just for being here, not because they have your own religion or way of thinking. Christianity is like putting your mind in a box.

[Dhampir]

So it was the racial disconnect from blacks of christianity that caused you to begin doubting? Awesome. I wish I had been able to see it that way when I was younger, but then, I never frequented many white, or for that matter moderately diverse churches. It wasn't till after I deconverted that I really saw just how stupid it was to believe in the religion forced upon slaves by their masters-- not that those ideas weren't all around me most of the time. I just couldn't see it; I was too busy working out why the sinner's prayer never caused any noticeable change in my heart, and why I couldn't get "swept up in the spirit" like all the others during praise & worship.

 

Those questions I could not answer when I could never see my full beauty in the eyes of a blue-eyed savior. How could I confront the evil violation of human rights worldwide when I was still doomed under the Hamitic curse? Instead of rejecting myself and my culture, I rejected the lies I had been told, and thankfully I saved my sanity. I can see the divinity and beauty of ALL peoples, cultures, traditions, and spiritual concepts because I can see the beauty in my own. Jesus didn't save me. I saved myself.

I just love it when black people deconvert. Probably because I almost never see it happen, and I don't think I know one personally, besides me.

 

Might I add that your writing style and storytelling ability are exceptional?

[texmex2003]

Beautifully and eloquently written. It amazes how the "blind" use atrocities as justifiment of "god's work". The creator did not use slavery in order of evangalize a race of people. By that rational, Allah could be using this same means to turn Northern Africa into Muslim nations. Sickening.

 

I do understand the problems with the "youth ministry" of your story. My neices have been going through a lot of the same treatment that you have received. In fact, she was told by her youth minister's wife that "she needed to find another church, she was not welcome anymore." Her crime, she is not one of the well-to-do kids. Just like the so-called secular society, these day in the church, money talks.

[מה טבו]

Your story does make sense, and it is beautifully written.

 

"Ghetto Fabulous Award" though? Oh hell no.

 

I wish that I and so many others had had your intelligence when we were young. I started to notice that I liked girls around the time I was 14. Far from thinking of Christianity as oppressive though, I thought of myself as an abomination - a pervert doomed to walk the streets in a trench coat and sunglasses. Christianity couldn't be wrong - it had to be me. I really believed that everyone in society saw gay people as evil - that I'd never get a job or have a family - that I'd get killed if anyone found out.

 

Even after I left Christianity, the image of lesbian as freak show horror stayed with me. It took quite a few years to be able to see myself as a human being.

 

So many people who are denigrated by Christianity simply choose self-loathing over questioning. You chose the latter, which is a sign of great intellectual courage - and a wonderful thing.

[Kirangel]

I just wanted to say that I completely agree with the others here when they say that your testimony was beautifully written. It's not something that I can relate to but it must have been horrible to be treated like that, and to see others treated like that.

 

 

"So many people who are denigrated by Christianity simply choose self-loathing over questioning. You chose the latter, which is a sign of great intellectual courage - and a wonderful thing."

 

I second that. It is a wonderful thing.

[ShackledNoMore]

This reminds me of a conversation I had within a year of my deconversion.

 

I was still trying to be the apologist. I was having a conversation with a black woman raising some of the same observations/questions as you. She also asked, "Why couldn't jesus be black?" At the time, I told her that jesus could have come from ANY racial background, it was arbitrary. Talk about double-think, huh? Of course there's a good reason why jesus wasn't black or Korean or Mexican, and it ain't purty. xianity reeks of tribalism. Of course the "savior" had to be born out of a tribe appointed by those spreading the religion as "god's chosen people." xianity has long been used as a front for racism and it's abominable.

[Lycorth]

Instead of rejecting myself and my culture, I rejected the lies I had been told, and thankfully I saved my sanity. I can see the divinity and beauty of ALL peoples, cultures, traditions, and spiritual concepts because I can see the beauty in my own. Jesus didn't save me. I saved myself.

 

Nothing to add, here

 

It wasn't till after I deconverted that I really saw just how stupid it was to believe in the religion forced upon slaves by their masters...

 

And given the fact that most people were either scared into it or forced on pain of death to convert, virtually all our ancestors were forced into Xianity, regardless of race. We were all following a slavecult.

 

I just love it when black people deconvert. Probably because I almost never see it happen...

 

Ditto that. Though I love it when anyone leaves Xianity, it is heartening to see people of other races kick Jesus to the curb. The Black peoples of the world don't need Jesus anymore than the White peoples do - or anyone else.

[oladotun]

I hope this makes sense to someone. I know my journey may be a little diferent, but I am glad to be among others who have emerged on the other side of this religion, for varying reasons. I just wanted to share my experiences with Christianity from the perspective of an African-American woman.

 

Your "testimony" makes perfect sense to me for several reasons. I am an an African-American man who has gone through a similar experience, not as harsh but similar. I also used to attend a mega-church (that was predominantly white with some "minority" presence) that I thought was culturally diverse and accepting of my different views on things. But slowly, I started to realize that what the church really wanted was for me to assimilate into its culture and not be myself. I had a falling out recently with one of the leaders of the church because I was pointing out some of the things that I felt were not only loopholes in the Bible, but also the ways that religion (including Christianity) is used to oppress people's minds especially when they are suffering. Example: Christians claim that every perfect and good gift comes from "God", quoting the Bible, and also claim that if you are obedient, God will bless you and that if you suffer it is because you are sinful, but there is no rational explanation for this, because through out life I have seen good people (some religious, some not) who have suffered (lose of a loved one, sickness, natural disasters etc) ...how do you explain that? If God is so good, what is the rational behind this, why would he allow even "his people" who have "accepted Christ as Lord and Savior" to suffer? Of course, Christians, always have an easy explanation for things, for instance, they will say, well, it was His perfect will..That's all hogwash...I say this because Christians love to put themselves on a moral pedestal, but in reality they are not obeying the Bible any more than a pig is a human, they simply use the Bible as a tool for control, cherry-picking Scripture to justify their agenda..Religion always puts the burden of suffering on the person who suffers.

 

The final straw for me in the mega-church I attended was when I confronted this leader (who I thought was my friend) about his "secret" His secret was that he is a gay man who is trying to surpress his "gayness" for lack of a better term. But this is the kicker, he is married and a Reverend in the church. I asked him why he decided to marry when he knew he was gay? He told me that he felt that God would not approve of his gay lifestyle, meanwhile he still watches gay porn online and still secretly craves being with men...He told me about his struggles because he felt that he needed someone to confess to (and also because I believe he was coming on to me, even though I told him that while his lifestyle is not my business or my concern, I am not gay). When he saw that I could see through all the hogwash that he was telling me and his lack of authenticity, he decided to break off "fellowship" with me, even though he claimed that he had forgiven me for hurting his feelings..So let me get this straight, he breaks off our friendship because I have the nerve to tell him the truth. I feel for him, because religion has poisoned his mind and he knows it...

 

THis experience has led me to see religion for what it really is, one of the most insiduous tools for mind control that has ever plagued the world and human history. It is not about the love and grace that professed born again Christians talk about ...My cognitive dissonace that started with my mega church experience has led me to the road to freedom that I am on now. I now love reading the works of people like Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens....

[sithprincess]

So it was the racial disconnect from blacks of christianity that caused you to begin doubting? Awesome. I wish I had been able to see it that way when I was younger, but then, I never frequented many white, or for that matter moderately diverse churches. It wasn't till after I deconverted that I really saw just how stupid it was to believe in the religion forced upon slaves by their masters-- not that those ideas weren't all around me most of the time. I just couldn't see it; I was too busy working out why the sinner's prayer never caused any noticeable change in my heart, and why I couldn't get "swept up in the spirit" like all the others during praise & worship.

 

This is something interesting that I've never really realized. I know the Bible approves of slavery and says nothing against it, and I know that Christians used it to vigorously defend slavery during the Civil War era, but it never really sunk in that Christianity has been, for hundreds of years, forced upon slaves of other faiths.

 

I'm an animal rights activist, and not too long ago I came across a website filled with arguments FOR slavery from the Civil War era. At the time, I was comparing the arguments to the arguments people now use to defend animal abuse, and didn't even think of the religious aspect of it, but there were arguments for keeping slaves so that they could be taught Christianity, which of course, would then make them respectable members of society.

 

This coming from people who worshipped a God who commanded countless atrocities. I wonder, who should teach HIM about being a respectable member of society? What a load of bull. Argh, the scores of people that have been oppressed in God's name...

 

Now I'm all pissed off at this damn religion again thinking about this stuff. When does the anger phase end?!!

[oladotun]

This is something interesting that I've never really realized. I know the Bible approves of slavery and says nothing against it, and I know that Christians used it to vigorously defend slavery during the Civil War era, but it never really sunk in that Christianity has been, for hundreds of years, forced upon slaves of other faiths.

 

I'm an animal rights activist, and not too long ago I came across a website filled with arguments FOR slavery from the Civil War era. At the time, I was comparing the arguments to the arguments people now use to defend animal abuse, and didn't even think of the religious aspect of it, but there were arguments for keeping slaves so that they could be taught Christianity, which of course, would then make them respectable members of society.

 

This coming from people who worshipped a God who commanded countless atrocities. I wonder, who should teach HIM about being a respectable member of society? What a load of bull. Argh, the scores of people that have been oppressed in God's name...

 

Now I'm all pissed off at this damn religion again thinking about this stuff. When does the anger phase end?!!

 

I can tell you that I definitely relate to your anger..When I started reading into American history and read about how many white Christians not only justified slavery but also used the Bible to say that whites were superior to blacks (using the so-called Curse of Ham's children that Noah put on them as told in the book of Genesis: their reasoning goes that blacks are the children of Ham that were curses - Canaanites). A an older gentleman tried to even convince me of the validity of this theory just a few years ago in the year 2000. No wonder it too almost 200 years after our independence to get to the point of reasonable Civil Rights for all in thise country. And they (these Christians) love to brag about how we need to return to the glory days of America when we stuck to Judeo-Christian principles. Give me a fucking break. This is why Religion at its very core is extremely poisonous. It is one thing for me to say that you are a sub-par human being, it is another to say that not only aren't you really human, but God sanctioned your cursed condition. THis is the insiduous nature of Religion and how it destroys lives..When I started reading for myself and stopped taking everything ministers were telling me in "faith" I started to realize what bullshit religion reeally is...

[lemon]

My deliverance from Christianity came when I began finding myself and my cultural history. I was a born-again Christian since 4 years old, speaking in tongues since 7, and a prayer warrior since birth. I was always asked to pray for others, in church and at my christian school, because of my "intercessory gifts." I read the Bible alot, my mother and I had private Bible study together, even going through the book of Proverbs when I turned 13 so God would guide me through puberty and high school. I graduated from my Christian school in 8th grade after being voted "Godliest character". My mother and I switched churches to a mega-church which was somewhat non-denominational, but had more of a pentacostal edge to it. It was culturally diverse which I loved. I became active in the high school church leadership program my 9th grade year and continued until my 11th grade year.

 

However, I started to realize that my "culturally diverse" church wasn't that. Being a minority, I began noticing differing treatment. All the other minorities that sat in the back of the service were denigrated and called trouble makers and harrassed by church staff in our youth meetings. They only recieved negative attention. I knew some of these kids, and I begged the leadership staff to take initiative to get to know them and sit next to them instead of hovering over them all service. I knew that these kids did not relate the same ways and most were from predominantly Black churches and were not used to the new ways that the church worshipped and the activities that we did. They couldn't relate; I knew because I had a little problem adjusting myself in the beginning. They paid no attention to my admonitions. When I convinced a fellow leadership student to sit with me with the students in the back, we were properly chastened for not sitting in the first two rows like proper leadership kids. Soon after that at the summer banquet, while my other friends recieved awards like "future evangelist", "meek spirit award", I was the only one to receive the funny award: "Ghetto Fabulous award." I happened to be the only Black student on the leadership team also. This time, I didn't find it to be a coincidence. I was deeply hurt. After the summer banquet was the mission trip to Tijuana where the leadership students had a problem with the youth staff. We decided to confront them in love (as the Bible states), and we prayed and asked God for wisdom and guidance. We all confronted them gently; when I spoke, the youth pastor told me to "Shut up." All the students were shocked. I was deeply wounded. I did not understand why I should continuously be singled out. I told my mom I was through with the leadership team and with the youth group, and I was. I reasoned with God that if His people acted like that, I didn't want anything to do with Him.

 

At the core of my anger was the fact that I felt that God endorsed my feelings of inferiority because of my race and ethnicity. I felt that God himself had ordained it. I had heard my mother and grandmother say that they were thankful for slavery because Black people may have never known God otherwise. The Christmas cards of a blond, blue-eyed Jesus confounded me. Why can't Jesus be Mexican, Korean, Pacific Islander? Where was my place in God, or Christianity? Why does my cultural degradation have to be apart of God's divine plan? Why was my church and the church people I knew silent when peoples of "third world" countries suffered? Why was the tsunami God's judgement on the pagan worshipers? Why was Katrina God's way of clearing out people's debauched lifestyles? Why was AIDS in Africa and in America God's divine judgement? Why are the women in the Bible stoned for adultery and not the men? Where is the woman's place in God? Why does being submissive to my husband mean that I must lose my identity and goals?

 

Those questions I could not answer when I could never see my full beauty in the eyes of a blue-eyed savior. How could I confront the evil violation of human rights worldwide when I was still doomed under the Hamitic curse? Instead of rejecting myself and my culture, I rejected the lies I had been told, and thankfully I saved my sanity. I can see the divinity and beauty of ALL peoples, cultures, traditions, and spiritual concepts because I can see the beauty in my own. Jesus didn't save me. I saved myself.

 

I think one of the biggest fallacies of Christianity and Christians is that there is ONE way to experience God. The "Bible or the bullet" form of conversion throughout history has decimated both lives and cultural truths and knowledge. It has destroyed histories and self-esteems. In many cases, it has perpetuated the belief in racial heirarchies. (God's son is a stunning rendition of Matthew McConaughey, lol). Those oppressed by Christianity and racial heirarchies alike must deconstruct the false notions they have about themselves which are deeply intertwined in their relationship and ideals about God. It is very problematic to envision a European savior in a world where you are taught that you are worse and less than the European and the descendants of Europeans. I couldn't believe that God truly cared about me; how could he? He didn't know what it was like to experience life from my perspective. I couldn't even guarantee that he even cared. I think every people have the right to envision a God that understands them--their culture and position in society. God cannot be one image forced upon anyone.

 

 

I hope this makes sense to someone. I know my journey may be a little diferent, but I am glad to be among others who have emerged on the other side of this religion, for varying reasons. I just wanted to share my experiences with Christianity from the perspective of an African-American woman.

 

Hello,

 

I am also an African-American woman in a situation somewhat similar to yours. Your post touched me and I will share my testimony later in another thread.