Oldjew Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 What do you say to theist who come knocking at your door? I have been home minding my own business with a sign on my door that says "No soliciting" yet the theist ignore it and come a knocking. I often ask them if they can read and when they reply they can I ask them what does the sign say on my door? When they read it back to me I ask them what does it mean? After they tell me what it means I reply "that means you." But you think they would leave at this point, but you would be wrong as they proclaim they have come to tell me some "good news about Jesus." I try to tell them I am not interested but they don't give up that easy, so I sometimes have to say "get off my property now and don't come back or I'll call the cops and have you arrested for trespassing!" Other times if I am in the right mood I say "Oh its not pronounced gee-says, its pronounce hess-sues. I already know him as I had him arrested last week for trying to break in my house and you can tell him if he comes back I'll get a restraining order against him and sue his ass." So can anyone suggest a better come back or what do you do when a theist comes knocking on your door?
Light_of_Reason Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 I usually just take a couple of seconds to get the 3.5 foot piece of sharp and shiny toledo steel off the wall. Brandishing that typically clears yard of all unwanted visitors.
Thurisaz Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 In my area no one tries to go from door to door. The only ones who sometimes do that over here in my part of Germany seem to be the jehoover's witlesses, and the local coven of them knows exactly 1. where I live and 2. what I think about their cult. In other words, they don't dare to bother me And if they tried... well, such unsolicited visits are just as illegal as "cold calls" on the phone here, so I don't think that I'd bother personally. Probably I'd just say "time until I call the cops to have you removed from this piece of land, 10, 9, 8..."
Astreja Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 They usually don't last long at my door, as I usually take the lead and tell them to GTF off my property and never come back. I do notice that I've had substantially fewer visitors since I installed a 25-foot-long blue concrete dragon on my lawn. Failing that, there's always my Dark Legion of cats. ("Frey! Ludwig! Shed!")
R. S. Martin Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 Normally I welcome anyone who wants to talk theology. It's when they are out to get me at any cost that I can't handle. JWs are a breeze, so much so that they never come my way. They can't answer my questions.
godlessgrrl Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 A recent interaction at our front door: JW's: <knock on door> Spouse: <opens door> Yes? Can I help you? JW's: Hi there sir, we'd like to tell you about Jesus... Spouse: He's dead. <shuts door> Me: I knew I married the right guy this time.
Amethyst Posted September 22, 2007 Posted September 22, 2007 My apartment building has a locked main entry way and a no soliciting policy. I'm also very careful who I open my door to, but I haven't had to worry about proselytizing here.
LithaB Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 I just tell them politely that I don't believe in any gods or religion. They usually ask why and I tell them, again politely. My reasons are the sort that most "believers" can't answer and don't like to deal with so they leave quietly. None have come back so far.
מה טבו Posted September 23, 2007 Posted September 23, 2007 In 9 years of living in this area of Atlanta, I've only had evangelists knock at my door once, and I just didn't open it. They probably knew I was at home, but I didn't answer the door, and after a few minutes of knocking, they left. (My apartment manager had been nice enough to warn me in advance that they had been coming around, so I knew to expect them.) OldJew, you have an advantage: you speak Yiddish and Navajo. If you open the door to one who doesn't know you, just talk to them in Yiddish or Navajo for a second. Let them think you don't speak English. Worst case scenario, you get to laugh your ass off watching them try delivering the schpiel in pantomime.
Oldjew Posted September 23, 2007 Author Posted September 23, 2007 I never learned Yiddish but I know a few words in Navajo but a friend once told me he could speak Japanese so I told him start speaking and he replies "Toyota Suzuki Subaru Datsun...." So perhaps when they come to my door again I can say "Only speak Japanese, Toyota Suzuki Subaru Datsun Nissan Camry Celica..." If they don't leave then I could start naming as many cities in Japan I know between bowing at the waist between words. "Ah so!"
מה טבו Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I actually heard an xtian say one time that when he was out door to door, someone went to close the door on him, and he jammed his foot in the door so that the person couldn't close it. The fact that he came back unbloodied and not covered in Mace means he dealt with someone much nicer than I.
Astreja Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Wow. If someone tried to force their way into my house they'd be lucky if I stopped after the first punch. WTF was he thinking?
Thurisaz Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Wow. If someone tried to force their way into my house they'd be lucky if I stopped after the first punch. WTF was he thinking? Thinking?! Remember what we're talking about...
Luke Wolf Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 A theist like myself, I wouldn't mind, as we could engage in an intellectual conversation, get stoned, and go harass a church. A christian however, I have many ways to make them panicky and feel abit uneasy. Sometimes when they tell me they have news of Jesus, if it's a hot day I'll say "Oh really? You know, it's awefully hot out here, would you like an ice cold beer to quench your thirst? I would offer water, but I just ran out of bottles and as you may know the tap water here is not safe for drinking (which it really isn't as it is over treated with chemicals). Or maybe it will be something like "Cool.....you wanna smoke a few bowls of some really good weed that came all the way from Canada? You'll feel ready to talk to god after you smoke a few bowls." If I let them in, the first thing they see is a big ass Baphomet pentagram wall scroll proudly displayed on the wall. Sometimes I will tell them about the similarities that previous religious icons had with Jesus, and are centuries older. Sometimes I'll play mean with a blood thirsty Satanist gimmick; "You know, I have sacrificed your kind before. My Master especially loves the blood of a Christian, as it is a credit to his victory on earth. And rest assured that while you God has claimed he has already won, but the future is not set in stone. To do so would imply pre-destination, which means if I am going to go to heaven, I'll get there anyways, but if I'm going to burn in hell, why bother living as a pussy fuck christian? So unless you believe in that, I would cower in fear for your god made us all as him, and we have his most powerful of angels on our side. We also have numbers ranging millions more than you, so when Armageddon comes, none of your kind will remain standing."
Eccles Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 The last time any Jehovah's Witlesses dared to call on me, I handed them a note printed in quadruplicate stating that if any members of their organization set foot on my property I would take further action. A legal friend of mine said that was very good and could imply legal action. I have lived in peace ever since. I see them walk right past my place now.
Guest Inch Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 I think the trick with JWs is to try not to be too confident. The only two times I had a chance to talk to them I was still a christian and I told them so and they left quite quickly. I'm sure if I acted more passively and not too sure of my beliefs they would have stayed longer. I hope I get more practice, I like discussions I'm just useless.
Robbobrob Posted September 24, 2007 Posted September 24, 2007 Have not had any in a long time. One apartment seemed to be a haven for attempted conversions. Answering in a semi-open robe seems to help shorten the conversation. I bought a house a few years ago from an elderly lady. She never turned anyone away....which became obvious because of all the nutjobs who visited the house. Drove me crazy on my days off. I finally started hiding, got tired of talking to them.
South2003 Posted October 1, 2007 Posted October 1, 2007 JW's: <knock on door>Spouse: <opens door> Yes? Can I help you? JW's: Hi there sir, we'd like to tell you about Jesus... Spouse: He's dead. <shuts door>
Monk Posted October 5, 2007 Posted October 5, 2007 When I was a kid and I saw them coming, I'd make sure they saw me...then I'd go grab an axe and pretend like I was trying to hide behind the bushes in the yard (like I was lying in wait). Our driveway was just long enough to allow it all to play out. That was most amusing...'course I was a kid then, so I could get away with stuff like that.
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