I Posted This In A Suicide Prevention Group

[Ahh!]

Thoughts?

 

"I don't get the point of continuing to live. I wouldn't say I'm actively suicidal (though I did find myself wondering today if people would miss me if I jumped off a bridge I was crossing this morning) but I don't really want to live either. I have a lot of dreams but I don't see anyway they could ever come true, no matter how hard I work towards them. I don't have any money. My parents control the money and they want me to get a normal business degree (which I don't really want) and enter a corporate job. I don't want to do that because I know it's a dead end. It's a ticket to the same life my dad's lived and he's miserable. I want to get a PhD and become a professor of one of the humanities (sociology, anthropology, psychology, perhaps theology) but I don't see any way that's going to be possible without their money and they're not cooperating when I tell them I don't want to live the same miserable life my father's had, which he complains about everyday!

 

I never get to do anything fun. The most fun I've had in a month was getting to go to the library for an hour last week. I know as I get older, I won't even have time for that. It's just going to be more work and more work, until I die, having spent my life chasing something I don't even want! My parents tell me I'm just lazy and they think that I'm going to turn out like this kid who is the son of my mom's friend who is 30 and lives with his parents.

 

At school, I talk with this other kid who has a lot of my same attitudes. We're both "gifted" and we're both going to a community college that is mainly supposed to be a commuter school. We are both grossly unstimulated by the education we're getting and rely on each other for intellectual outlet. We both try to sneak intellectual stimulation into our pointless community college classes that are just review classes of one's that we took in high school. He reads Freud, I write depressing stories based on my life's lack of meaning. When one of us isn't there, the day gets far worse because the other is left with no one who operates at our level to rant to. It's the "lonliness of geniuses" that I've read often occurs among individuals with high IQs and no way of using them.

 

My job is Hell. I signed up for a 20 hour a week stocking job and they gave me a 40 hour a week job as a cashier. I have poor social skills and often when I have a mean customer (which is not rare at all because I am dealing mostly with the elderly, who I have learned are often short tempered) I am tempted to quit on the spot. I'm afraid to quit because there aren't many jobs around and I'm afraid I won't be able to get another one. I need a job that is more stimulating and I know I will never get it because I will do this dead end job until I have enough experience to do another dead end job which I'll do until I have enough education to do another dead end hellish job. 90% of Americans hate their jobs and I have a pretty strong impression I'll be doomed to fall into that statistical reality.

 

Everything I do seems to lack meaning. I try to help people and then I realize they're going to die someday anyway so it doesn't matter if I helped them or not or how miserable they are. I do my job but I know I could be replaced by anyone, even a machine- my labor has no real value. I try to make friends but I have no people skills for building lasting relationships- I don't even try to make friends or have a girlfriend. It's all just a waste of time and I wish someone would hit the off button and let me die."

[Mongo]

You sound like you live in the back woods of Arkansas.

 

You also sound like your sense of control rests with your mom and dad.

 

Why live if you are only a suggarate for your mom and dad?

 

On the other hand changing that is in **your** hands. You can become in charge of your life. (Maybe you need to finish school first)

 

Seems to me that once school is over, you need to get out from under your parents feet and discover the world.

 

Another angle is to agree to some of your parents ideas but insist on going to a college that is at least 1000 miles away. The first year of college is almost universal. You can decide what to do at the end of that year or even quit and wash cars in L.A or sing on street corners.

 

You're smart, you'll be OK.

 

Mongo

[Ouroboros]

Ahh,

 

You're still young, and when you turn 18 you will have more options. You can also play along with your parents to get the degree for now, and then you have a long life when you can start working on yor dreams. I have dreams too that I never got to fulfill but I got a chance now to work on. Don't look at it short term, but that you have something to work for. I also know that the dreams and visions we have of the future is what drives and motivates us to work for it. If you did have all the things you wanted you actually feel less happy with life. You need to have hopes for the future and what you can strive for. Besides, being as young as it sounds like you are (correct me if I'm wrong), you will go through a rollercoaster of emotions for a while, it's normal. Just promise to not do anything stupid, okay? We're here and we like your company. (((hugs))) (And you have no clue how many Hell-jobs I've been through. And in that area I'm still trying to figure out what I really, really want.)

[ShackledNoMore]

I wish I wasn't hurrying off to work at the moment left to hammer out a hasty post, but I think you have tons to offer yourself and others. I daresay you've been a positive influence here who have benefited others as much as you've benefited. Your crappy job will not last forever. I had a crappy job when I was 18, too. You'll go WAAAAAAY further than the limiting community college you find yourself in at the moment. You have it in you.

 

Even if we may all die in 20, 40, 60 years, there's a lot of life in between now and then. It is common for people struggle with depression and lack of meaning, a person doesn't have to stay there. Should it become a serious matter, a good counselor (secular, of course) can be a great help--a lot of people probably under utilize such resources.

 

There is plenty of time for your PhD. I have no doubts about your ability to attain that. As the next years unfold, you can and will find opportunities for financial aid, working your way through, etc. Promising people like you tend to have pretty high rates of managing stuff like that.

[mwc]

It's hard to write a reply that just doesn't sound like one of those glib "Hey, it'll get better" posts but there's not much I can do about that.

 

When I was young I had a job where I literally raked algae out of a lake (they didn't want to use chemicals to treat it). Day after day. Round and around I went. I couldn't swim and I was terrified I would fall in. It paid less than minimum wage since I was under 18 and I had to travel ~30 minutes each way. That job truly sucked.

 

Okay. So now that the little comparison is over you should keep your job and save your money. Apply for financial aid as well. Both of these things will help you break the control your parents have over you right now. But don't be too eager. You're in junior college. You don't really have a major, much less anything near a PhD, to worry about so let them pay for the general ed. while you save your money. This is your time to take classes and plan ahead. This is really works to your benefit right now believe it or not. So take lots of general classes, on your parents dime, and save your money. Look for colleges with your major for transfer and research financial aid (grants, etc.) now.

 

As for doing "fun" things. You're wrong. You will be able to do fun things when you get older. I had a 10 year stretch where I never took a vacation. That sucked. I never really took vacations as a kid (we took the same vacation over and over again when we did do something) but now I'm starting to do more things than ever. I could have, and should have, went on more "adventures" when I was younger but the xian in me got in the way (I wanted to go to Spring Break and let loose, for example, but couldn't bring myself to do it...now I'd be the "dirty old man"...sometimes it's just a matter of taking the few hundred bucks you've got and just going...where I am a last minute trip to Vegas is fun compared to a full blown vacation..."Just do it."). I made myself miserable by holding myself back and that's a major regret for me. I thought it was the "right" thing to do but in hindsight I was holding out for a "reward" that just ain't coming. You're smarter than me in that respect. One of my nephew's is 17 and just caught a shark at midnight with some of his friends. I would have never done something like that. I envy him a bit. He doesn't do things like that all the time but in this case he just went for it. Sometimes you have to. I'm not saying go catch a shark but go have fun.

 

I can't tell you how to give your life meaning. I think you'll need to discover that on your own. I think part of your problem stems from the idea that you're being forced down a path you don't want to go down. So don't go that way. The problem is you'll have to trade the financial security your parents provide if you choose this option. You'll likely be on your own if your parents truly use their money to assert control over you. Do you already know this and this is what is really bothering you? Plenty of people do manage just fine on their own. You seem smart enough to be one of them.

 

mwc

[Alice]

Save up and buy a rucksack and a round-the-world in a year ticket. One of the deals aimed at gap year students. Take 12 months to experience life in different parts of the world, stay a while in some locations and work and figure out what kind of life you'd like to have. Just see and be in others.

 

Listen to your own good advice and don't get stuck in a furrow you've no desire to tred.

 

And maybe stop trying to finding meaning in there being no meaning. It could just as well mean happiness as despair and just as well something as not.

[R. S. Martin]

Ahh!, want a "when I was a kid" story? Nah, they suck. Doesn't change your situation at all. I don't know anything about the education and financial systems of the US but people have given suggestions. Getting out from under your parents' control seems to be key if you want to get anything from life. I can speak about risk-taking. And I mean risk-taking on the level of survival. But if one is desperate enough to find meaning in life one will take that kind of risk if necessary. But one doesn't jump into it overnight. You do a lot of research and a lot of thinking and a lot of drudgery to pay your way until you're in a position to take the plunge. I guess that's basically what everybody else has been saying. But by all means DON'T settle for business if your heart is in the arts and humanities or social sciences. If you want theology go for theology. Wouldn't I be tickled to have another nonChristian in theology.

 

Aim for one of the better schools--not some fundy Baptist theological seminary. There's lots of liberal theology schools where they don't eat you alive for believing differently from traditional Christianity. There you can learn the inner workings of the Christian religion (hush but if you understand how it works--the better to demise it with) without adhering and swearing allegeance to it. I will be happy to discuss this further via pm if you're interested.

[SWIM]

Ever watch the movie "Office Space"? I relate to the star in that show who's only goal in life was to do *nothing*. I worked hard at various jobs, commercial fishing, construction, cooking, even truck driving for a while. I learned computers entirely self taught, started managing servers, then designed websites, did some consulting etc etc. Then I learned the stock market as well. After working hard and saving, investing etc etc, I am now retired at 46. At 18 I was broke, high school dropout, and was hitchhiking wherever I went with only the clothes on my back as things I could call my own.

 

My Dad died of liver failure, my Mom has COPD and is barely able to get around. Got married when I was poor too.

 

You see, at 18 you tend to think you can *see* the future, but you *really* cannot. I had ZERO idea I would be where I am at today back when I was 18, and I seriously doubt that no matter how *smart* you *think* you are that you can accurately see the future.

 

Most of your pondering sound negative. That is how my brother thought/thinks. I call him "Oh, what's the use." and it fits. Still lives in a shack, still is poor, because he gave up early, convinced he could see the future like you, and resigned to just simply taking what life dished out without trying to make any changes.

 

YOU don't know your future. You might think you do, but you don't. No degree of self aggrandizement proclaiming "it's lonely being a genius" is going to "show you the future". They tried to convince my Mom early in life that "I" was a genius based on test results... Yeah... So friggin smart I dropped out and put myself through hell the first part of my life. Common sense has proved to me I ain't as smart as they said I was, and I have no doubt you will find the same. It's not really "lonely at the top", rather more like "it's lonely when you *think* you are at the top".

 

You will not be the same person when you are 40+ years old as you are now. In fact, it's my guess you will look back to these early years and laugh and wonder how you could have ever thought you could see the future. You might even look back on your 18 year old self and think "geeze what a moron I was". I am not calling *you* a moron, it's just that I went through similar feelings, and *I* look back on my teens and realize I was pretty dim-witted compared to who I am today.

 

Hey you want a goal? You can borrow my goal if you like, I don't mind. My goal is to "Do nothing" just like office space, and doing nothing has become my specialty and I am quite good at it.

 

I wish I had the Internet back then, there were no cell phones, no Internet, no message boards nada, zip... Try making websites, or other things that might give you a foothold on forging your own life. Self employment is the way to go. Start small, start with what you can afford and work from there.

 

Above all don't give up. There is a 40+ year old guy out there in your future that is holding his breath hoping you won't do anything stupid like ending your life. You would be murdering that person without giving him a chance. If 18 year old "Michael" decided to try and kill me back then I am here to tell you right now that I am glad he failed.

[Vigile]

There is a 40+ year old guy out there in your future that is holding his breath hoping you won't do anything stupid like ending your life.

 

Now that was a damn fine post Michael.

[CelloChick]

If you want to become a professor... become one. If your parents won't pay for it: Grants, scholarships, and of course, debt. You can do what you want with your life. Please don't end it before it begins.

 

Have you known anyone who committed suicide? I have. Too many people in my life have chosen that exit, and you know what? It leaves everyone around them with a wound that never heals. I'm still grieving Brad, my friend who shot himself when I was a junior in high school, 20 years ago. My friend Doris' teenage son Mark hung himself 15 years ago. Have I noticed! Hell yes.

 

A year ago, my friend Raphael shot himself in the face with a .44 and blew his head off his shoulders. Have I noticed? HELL YES! I've noticed. I've noticed Brad, Stuart, Mark, Raphael, Wade... the list goes on and on and on.

 

Suicide causes wide shockwaves of hurt. Do people notice? Yes. And it sucks for all of us left behind wondering, "HOW COME HE DIDN'T CALL ME!?!" for the rest of our lives. "What if I did..." "If only I said..." "How come I forgot to..."

 

Please don't do anything you cannot undo. Please don't hurt the people around you.

 

I speak publicly about suicide prevention, about the abyss, about how it calls. I don't know if you've read my posts before, but I'm terminally ill. I know the abyss. I have looked over that edge and turned around. I choose life. It's a choice I make and it's not always easy.

 

I'm encouraging you right now to make a choice. Turn around and choose life anyway. Even if it means screaming. Even if choosing life means getting a baseball bat and beating the shit out of dead trees in the woods. If choosing life means exchanging phone numbers via email and then calling me at 4 AM, call me. Choose life. Just take suicide off the list of options, because it isn't an option for you. Too many smart, talented people have committed suicide.

 

You wouldn't want the future populated by the clueless and untalented, would you?

 

Dream big, friend. Do it your way. Don't be like Brad who ended his life before it even got started.

When I got engaged, I thought of Brad's suicide. When I got married, I thought of Brad's suicide. When I became a mom, I thought of Brad. When Nelson Mandela was released, when Princess Diana died, on 9/11/2001 when the towers fell, I thought of Brad. Brad never surfed a website. He never wrote an email. He never owned a cellphone. He missed DVD's and Playstation 1, 2 & 3. He'll never be someone's boyfriend. Husband. Dad. Brad missed everything life has to offer because of one moment when he was 17. He pulled out a gun and shot himself. And have I noticed? YOU BET. Brad is dead. And I wish he was still here!

 

You are still here. Dig in. Yes, it hurts now. Pain is as much a part of life as laughing. You hurt now. You will laugh again. And you will be a teacher if that's what you want. Future teacher, learn from Brad! Don't repeat his mistakes. Choose life.

 

If you need me at 4 AM. I'm here.

CelloChick

[מה טבו]

Go ahead and take the core classes. Take the business classes too if you have to. You're getting core credit that you can apply toward any other degree. Once you're 25, you're old enough to file for financial aid based on your own income. You can get scholarships from there, and take whatever classes you want (although you will have to work to support yourself - but you'll have a degree, so you'll get a much better job). You'll already have all of your core credits and some other credits that can transfer, so you'll be taking nothing but classes devoted to your major. You have a couple of crappy years, but then the years after that are a lot of fun. The boring courses you take now just make it easier to get your "real" degree later on.

 

Getting a degree while you work and live on your own - it can be done. It's harder, but far from impossible.

 

Have you heard of Bernie Marcus and Arthur Blank?

 

When they were young (your age, maybe?), they worked as grunts in a hardware store with this horrible old man who eventually fired them both. They had trouble finding other work, and one eventually became suicidal (I think it was Bernie - don't quote me though). He didn't kill himself though - the two of them eventually partnered and created their own hardware store.

 

That hardware store was the first Home Depot. Those guys are now fucking rich, to put it mildly. Wouldn't have happened if Bernie had just thrown in the towel. At the time, he thought he'd never get a good job - that things would never get better. He obviously thought wrong.

 

The moral is that you never know how things are going to turn out. You never know what small endeavor could be huge - what chance encounter could mean love or friendship - what good (and bad) things await. When you're suicidal, you're making an assumption that things are bad, and they're always going to be bad. In reality, it doesn't happen that way. Real life has ups and downs.

 

If it's any consolation, misery has company. Part of being in your early 20's is shit jobs and boring college courses and struggles with your parents. Ask anyone here over 25 - we've all got stories. It's like how zits and social awkwardness are part of your teens, and farting and general crankiness are part of your seventies.

 

The years in between - they're not so bad. And what you do in your 20's (so long as it doesn't involve suicide, hard drugs, or felonies) doesn't actually control all of how it turns out.

 

You'd be surprised. Stick with life and you will be.

[SWIM]

There is a 40+ year old guy out there in your future that is holding his breath hoping you won't do anything stupid like ending your life.

 

Now that was a damn fine post Michael.

 

 

Thanks

 

I love your smokin jesus avatar too, one of the most humorous I have seen in a while!

 

[Brother Jeff]

I'm sorry you are feeling so bad and so hopeless right now. I can relate very much to how you are feeling. I don't have time right now to write a lengthy reply, but please hang in there and know that life WILL get better.

 

You may know that I suffer from bipolar disorder. I have struggled for many years with bouts of deep depression, the likes of which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy for even one second - not even the Talking Snake! I tried to commit suicide twice in 1998 and once in 2001. All three times I was damn near successful. If I had killed myself back then, I would have missed out on a lot that's happened since then and the comparatively great life that I have now.

 

Michael is right that you cannot know what your future actually holds. The possibilities in life are endless!

 

My friend Donny committed suicide in 1985. That was 22 years ago now, and I still miss him. He was a great guy and he deserved to have a great life, but during a period of depression he made a bad decision and destroyed himself and hurt a lot of people who loved him and cared about him. I remember the great times that he and his girlfriend Lisa and I had when I was a teenager, and I remember his prized petrified dinosaur shit, but that's all I have left of him - memories, and there could have been many more. Please don't make the same mistake that Donny did.

 

Damn, I'm out of time. I'll post more of my thoughts later... but you've got many friends here who care about you and I know your family does too. Hang in there!

[Jedah]

Ive always lived by the rule "the meaning of life is life itself". Without life, their would be nothing to comprehend what the idea of having a purpose was in the first place.

 

In other words: Who cares about the fact that it ends ? Its your life. If you end it, its over, and youve lost any meaning you could of had.

 

From your side of the story it seems like your parents are fucktards, but I havent heard their side. But Im reluctant to see any kind of parents who would try to force their children into

a life choice they obviously hate in a negative light. If thats the case, fuck the fucktards.

 

My parents were similar in a sense. The only differance is that they were willing to let me go into any industry I wanted, but they wanted me to do it "for jeebuz" and live a life of being

a churchgoer and a "good active christian". So what did I do ? I went to college 500 miles away. They dont know Ive completely kicked their ideal of the lifestyle I should be living way off to the curb out here. They dont need to know. And quite frankly I dont feel the least bit bad about it.

 

Thats pretty much what you should do. Go to a college way out of their grasp, and study the core classes like theirs no tommorow. And have you parents said anything against secondary majors ? If not, you got some weasel room to wiggle with, because college is largely what you put into it. Even if your taking less classes you can still focus more on your secondary outside of class time, and in turn you will be more profficient in it then your primary.

 

At the very least, try to get into a state university or public college. Like said before, if you focus on your core classes its easy to go back to college after graduation and get another degree since after the first one you will only have to take classes relevent to your degree.

[R. S. Martin]

I've got a huge problem with the stuff some people are saying to Ahh! in this thread. It's simply not true! The part about feeling really crappy right now--as though it will go away in a bit--with a "bit" meaning perhaps a few months or years. It doesn't work that way for me. Even a few decades doesn't do it for me. I don't like being lied to. And I feel like a lot of lies are being said. I very much prefer having people acknowledge the difficulty, and then working together on finding a solution. There are ways to deal with long-term depression that make it possible to live a rewarding life. However, pep talks like the ones in this thread are not it. They simply increase the problem by underscoring how utterly hopeless my situation is in that I cannot possibly ever hope to have what people are promising. The last thing anyone on here needs is one more impossible unrealistic promise. Religion is full of those and we have left religion behind with its empty promises.

[SWIM]

I've got a huge problem with the stuff some people are saying to Ahh! in this thread. It's simply not true! The part about feeling really crappy right now--as though it will go away in a bit--with a "bit" meaning perhaps a few months or years. It doesn't work that way for me. Even a few decades doesn't do it for me. I don't like being lied to. And I feel like a lot of lies are being said. I very much prefer having people acknowledge the difficulty, and then working together on finding a solution. There are ways to deal with long-term depression that make it possible to live a rewarding life. However, pep talks like the ones in this thread are not it. They simply increase the problem by underscoring how utterly hopeless my situation is in that I cannot possibly ever hope to have what people are promising. The last thing anyone on here needs is one more impossible unrealistic promise. Religion is full of those and we have left religion behind with its empty promises.

 

Yeah? Nobody here *promised* him anything. We were trying to point out in each our own way, that suicide is *not* the answer, we each have our reasons, and differing methods to help try to convince him otherwise. What's your suggestion? Hand him a gun?

 

sheesh...

 

[Vigile]

I must have missed the lies. Here's some truth.

 

Life gives you what you put into it. The decisions you make now have consequences in the future. There are variables that we can't control, but it is the variables that we can control that most often make life good or bad.

 

Self-defeating beliefs will almost always give you a defeated life; unless you win the lottery; and even then a self-defeater will find ways to fuck that up.

 

You don't have to walk around like a grinning idiot with a Pollyannish outlook to have a good life, but if all you can do is look at the negatives and embrace nihilism, your brain will be quick to agree and will offer up to you what you ask from it.

 

I can relate to Ahh!'s youthful angst. I had a hard time trying to find myself at his age and my emotions did a number on me. When I turned 30 my emotions started to even out a bit as the highs became less high and the lows less low.

 

Here's a secret I've found to my own happiness. Pick a really compelling goal and work hard toward it. When you accomplish it, pick another goal. When I'm not doing this I spend my time in worry and/or boredom. It's the process of acheivment that gives me happiness. The ultimate acheivment is just the icing on the cake.

 

Ahh! If you want a PhD, then get a PhD. The idea that you can't do it on your own is self-defeating and as I mentioned already, you will be sure to prove yourself right if you don't adjust this now. Adopt the belief that you can accomplish anything you set out to do and then don't let up until you accomplish it or replace it with something better.

 

I'd be depressed to if I believed I was just at the mercy of my circumstances.

[HuaiDan]

Life's a real bitch at that age. I remember almost daily planning out my suicide but never had the guts to do it myself. I always hoped for some quick and sudden accident.

Most of my 20's I lived a very unique and often contradictory lifestyle as I tried to find myself. 33 years of age finally got up and went. Been having the best time of my life since.

Kinda wonder, if I were one of those people whose lives peaked in high school or their sophomore year in college, I'd be feeling kinda jealous right about now.

Go ahead and ask yourself, "Is this as good as it gets?", cuz it ain't.

[RIPw4]

I have had 3 friends blow their brains out in the last 3 months. It is a crappy feeling to lose a friend like that.

 

I was suicidal for many years. I turned to drugs for my answers.. Instead of having lots of little problems I only had one big problem. A Syringe!

 

I found help through medication, the legal kind, and I can say that today I love my life and suicide is not an option anymore. Seek help through a local Mental Health center.. I promise you that there are solutions to your problems.

[Alexandrian]

Hi Ahh,

 

There's actually a pretty simple solution to the dilemna of you wanting to study the humanities and your parents wanting you to study business- double major. You can satisfy your parents, and study want you want on the side. Especially if it is something like psychology, which would complement a business degree well. Then for graduate school you can generally get grants for that.

 

As far as the friends things go- I didn't have any friends in high school, but did in college. It should get easier for you if you transfer from a community college to a 4 year.

[Amethyst]

There's nothing wrong with getting a degree in what you actually want. However, I'd look into getting a scholarship or loan so you won't be entirely dependent on your parents' money.

[Ahh!]

One month later, I am more miserable than ever.

 

 

I stuck with the job but I'm quitting tommorow. The heavy hours ruined my grades and I had to drop out of math. They gave me really heavy hours for Sunday and Monday this week and I have a test Tuesday that will more or less determine if I fail Biology too.

 

When I quit this job, it will be as though I never had it. Because I only worked there a little over a month and I'm leaving so abruptly, I don't think I'm going to get any references. The job market is hard to get back into here because it's a retirement area and old folks who figured out they don't have enough money to retire have taken almost all the jobs. Goddamn old bastards. We need to stop giving them Social Security; we should be charging them for the burden they put on our society.

 

My mother tells me I am a failure and that life is only going to get harder. I told her to shut up because I am going to try to die soon and then she won't have to deal with me. She told me to cut the dramatics. I told her I tried to kill myself a bunch of times in high school (which is true) and she told me to stop lying and to go away. I wish I had died in high school, then she couldn't accuse me of lying.

 

I am so royally fucked I don't know what to do.

[Unknowing1]

Ahh!

 

You are going through a bad time right now and have had some set backs but you are not a failure. Going to school and working is tough, very tough. I went through it and had some of the same set backs that you have written about and thought too that I was a failure. It took me a while to realize that I wasn't a failure but that I had set some very high expectations for myself that I couldn't hope to achieve based on the situation that I was in. For instance taking a couple of harder classes together AND trying to work full time. I think the same has happened to you.

 

You need help, more than I can give you over the internet so please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. While you may not be suicidal now, you mentioned that you have been in the past and might be planning to do something in the future. They do have people that you can talk to that care and who can help you get through this.

[Ahh!]

Ahh!

 

You are going through a bad time right now and have had some set backs but you are not a failure. Going to school and working is tough, very tough. I went through it and had some of the same set backs that you have written about and thought too that I was a failure. It took me a while to realize that I wasn't a failure but that I had set some very high expectations for myself that I couldn't hope to achieve based on the situation that I was in. For instance taking a couple of harder classes together AND trying to work full time. I think the same has happened to you.

 

You need help, more than I can give you over the internet so please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. While you may not be suicidal now, you mentioned that you have been in the past and might be planning to do something in the future. They do have people that you can talk to that care and who can help you get through this.

 

Yeah, I've been thinking of calling them. It's night and I don't have anywhere to go where I could call without my parents hearing but maybe sometime tommorow. Tommorow and the next week or two doesn't look pretty but I could probably squeeze it in.

[mwc]

You need help, more than I can give you over the internet so please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. While you may not be suicidal now, you mentioned that you have been in the past and might be planning to do something in the future. They do have people that you can talk to that care and who can help you get through this.

Great advice.

 

Ahh! You need much more help than we can offer in a forum. Please call that number or seek out some local help in person. Do what it takes now before the mood hits you again.

 

mwc