I'm Annoyed

[PoeticLicence]

It was time to say Goodbye to God. I wrote this only days before the journey really got started for me and only days after my friend Cindy's brother Bill shot himself in the head with a revolver. Their "baby" brother, a Vietnam Vet, had died a week before that. I chose the word "annoyed" only for its absurdity. Annoyed? That doesn't even touch what I was feeling. In fact, it's a joke.

 

I'd love feedback.

[SWIM]

It was time to say Goodbye to God. I wrote this only days before the journey really got started for me and only days after my friend Cindy's brother Bill shot himself in the head with a revolver. Their "baby" brother, a Vietnam Vet, had died a week before that. I chose the word "annoyed" only for its absurdity. Annoyed? That doesn't even touch what I was feeling. In fact, it's a joke.

 

I'd love feedback.

 

 

No offense, but I am annoyed too.

 

Posting your post as a .doc file instead of *just posting it* like everyone else here is VERY annoying.

 

[PoeticLicence]

HERE THEN:

 

I’m annoyed by my age spots and the dimples on my ass and Hell and the constant nagging question about why God didn’t intervene when Bill had a gun in his hand. My thoughts are scattered today it seems.

 

I’m annoyed that it’s been preached and taught that we humans have a freedom to choose. Heaven or hell, God or ourselves or even the devil. I wonder if Bill thought he was making his choice when his finger gained the courage to pull.

 

I’m annoyed that we Christians seem to think this “freedom of choice†is such a wonderful thing. Imagine if we were instead offered the freedom to choose between a vanilla ice cream cone or one filled with dog shit. How many of us would say, “I’ll take the dog shit, please.†How many of us would have the courage to say, “Aren’t there more than two flavors?†I wonder what Bill thought he was choosing.

 

I’m annoyed that we’re still waiting. Waiting patiently in an impatient world for Christ to return and “save†us from the very thing he thrust us into. This world. This life. This daily face-off with eternity. I wonder if Bill simply lost his patience to wait.

 

I’m annoyed that I’ve believed in this God for so long that writing-over my programmed mind is starting to feel a little bit like the very hell I’m supposedly saved from. The hell I’m rejecting. The hell I’m narrowly escaping or perhaps being ushered into. The one that hangs over my head every day as I slip further away from its creator. I wonder if Bill is with Him now or if Bill exists in any form other than a memory.

 

I’m annoyed that my questions and doubts and anger mark me as recalcitrant. And if I go by scripture, then I’ve become a witch for, “rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft.†I wonder if an incantation would bring Bill back.

 

I’m annoyed that all this inner ranting and simmering anger toward God isn’t stirring a response from heaven. Just one visitation would likely cure my ill but all is silent around me save the cars on Meadow Church Road and the crackle in my fireplace. Did Bill get a visitation before he blew the scalp off his skull?

 

I’m annoyed that I’ve asked for reassurance for a mere 27 years but when I play bible roulette, I get shot in the head every time. “It’s a shame for women to speak… stone the breaker of the Sabbath…pluck out your eye…hate your mother, but HEY…come follow me. Don’t I sound fun?†I wonder when Bill last had fun.

 

I’m annoyed with being annoyed. I’m tired. I’m scared. I’m alone. And with no heavenly eternity to look forward to, I’m sad. There’ll be no reunion after death. Not with Gramps or Moose or my children when they go. And Cindy won’t see Bill.

 

She wouldn’t want me to be right. Not right now. Not when she can still feel Bill, his essence --- his life --- in her kitchen.

 

I wonder what Bill is doing now.

[SWIM]

Ah yes.

 

Don't feel alone. This is a common theme among many newly de-converted. It's healthy I think, it means that you are thinking rationally. Religion is a sad thing, imo it has always done more harm then good when you examine the global big picture.

 

Here is something I think you will take great joy in reading at this point in your life.

 

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/

 

The skeptics annotated bible. Great stuff in there to help you break the brainwashing that *is* christianity.

 

I sense the deep grieving you are going through. You are not alone.

 

Welcome BTW. Didn't mean to fire a shot at you in my first post, I should have worded it differently. Apologies.

[pitchu]

I hope you're journaling your way through this process, PL. You're a good writer.

[Fweethawt]

I hope you're journaling your way through this process, PL. You're a good writer.

I was thinking the same thing. After one gets about half-way through, you tend to get annoyed with the word, 'annoyed' before you realize the writer feels much much more than just being annoyed.

 

Very good piece.

[PoeticLicence]

Ah yes.

 

Don't feel alone. This is a common theme among many newly de-converted. It's healthy I think, it means that you are thinking rationally. Religion is a sad thing, imo it has always done more harm then good when you examine the global big picture.

 

Here is something I think you will take great joy in reading at this point in your life.

 

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/

 

The skeptics annotated bible. Great stuff in there to help you break the brainwashing that *is* christianity.

 

I sense the deep grieving you are going through. You are not alone.

 

Welcome BTW. Didn't mean to fire a shot at you in my first post, I should have worded it differently. Apologies.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I'll check out the link you've posted. Thanks also, for your apology. While unnecessary, it is appreciated.

[PoeticLicence]

I hope you're journaling your way through this process, PL. You're a good writer.

 

 

Thank you for your kind words. Oddly enough, I've tried and tried to journal this journey. I've been unsuccessful AND I LOVE TO JOURNAL. Go figure. Wish I could figure out why the words fight me when I try to pin them to paper. Usually journaling comes easily to me. Hmmm......

[pitchu]

I hope you're journaling your way through this process, PL. You're a good writer.

 

 

Thank you for your kind words. Oddly enough, I've tried and tried to journal this journey. I've been unsuccessful AND I LOVE TO JOURNAL. Go figure. Wish I could figure out why the words fight me when I try to pin them to paper. Usually journaling comes easily to me. Hmmm......

Have you tried writing with the hand you don't normally write with? It's a trick, but one that often works to break through the blockage.

[PoeticLicence]

I hope you're journaling your way through this process, PL. You're a good writer.

 

 

Thank you for your kind words. Oddly enough, I've tried and tried to journal this journey. I've been unsuccessful AND I LOVE TO JOURNAL. Go figure. Wish I could figure out why the words fight me when I try to pin them to paper. Usually journaling comes easily to me. Hmmm......

Have you tried writing with the hand you don't normally write with? It's a trick, but one that often works to break through the blockage.

 

 

Whatta whacky, wonderful idea! Never heard of that! I'm gonna do it and see how it feels!

[PoeticLicence]

Ah yes.

 

Don't feel alone. This is a common theme among many newly de-converted. It's healthy I think, it means that you are thinking rationally. Religion is a sad thing, imo it has always done more harm then good when you examine the global big picture.

 

Here is something I think you will take great joy in reading at this point in your life.

 

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/

 

The skeptics annotated bible. Great stuff in there to help you break the brainwashing that *is* christianity.

 

I sense the deep grieving you are going through. You are not alone.

 

Welcome BTW. Didn't mean to fire a shot at you in my first post, I should have worded it differently. Apologies.

 

 

I just checked out the link above. How every interesting this site is. I book marked it for further investigation... thanks for telling me about it.

[Guest Eylisha]

It was time to say Goodbye to God. I wrote this only days before the journey really got started for me and only days after my friend Cindy's brother Bill shot himself in the head with a revolver. Their "baby" brother, a Vietnam Vet, had died a week before that. I chose the word "annoyed" only for its absurdity. Annoyed? That doesn't even touch what I was feeling. In fact, it's a joke.

 

I'd love feedback.

I really liked your writing and I could see so much of my own frustrations in the things you say. As for my thoughts on suicide ( which is a very close subject to me as I attempted suicide last year) I suppose the most compelling thing to me was that even though I was a christian I was obviously living a life I couldn't bear which just goes to show that the bibles promises are a load of bull. And if there is a god who would condemn somebody for making the decision to ease their suffering then he is not at all loving. As a matter of fact there is not a person who has or does live that I would see in erternal punishment and I do not believe in justice but correction I suppose this makes me infinetly more loving than the christian 'god' I get the feeling from the compassion that you have for your friend in your writing that you too are a loving person and perhaps that is one reason it has become apparent to you that christianity is flawed. I don't know if this comment has been helpful or not but I thought that expressing my feelings about your friends death might help to resolve some of your questions.

[PoeticLicence]

It was time to say Goodbye to God. I wrote this only days before the journey really got started for me and only days after my friend Cindy's brother Bill shot himself in the head with a revolver. Their "baby" brother, a Vietnam Vet, had died a week before that. I chose the word "annoyed" only for its absurdity. Annoyed? That doesn't even touch what I was feeling. In fact, it's a joke.

 

I'd love feedback.

I really liked your writing and I could see so much of my own frustrations in the things you say. As for my thoughts on suicide ( which is a very close subject to me as I attempted suicide last year) I suppose the most compelling thing to me was that even though I was a christian I was obviously living a life I couldn't bear which just goes to show that the bibles promises are a load of bull. And if there is a god who would condemn somebody for making the decision to ease their suffering then he is not at all loving. As a matter of fact there is not a person who has or does live that I would see in erternal punishment and I do not believe in justice but correction I suppose this makes me infinetly more loving than the christian 'god' I get the feeling from the compassion that you have for your friend in your writing that you too are a loving person and perhaps that is one reason it has become apparent to you that christianity is flawed. I don't know if this comment has been helpful or not but I thought that expressing my feelings about your friends death might help to resolve some of your questions.

 

Thank you .... yes, this was helpful. I agree, for god to punish someone hopeless, or for losing hope and acting on it makes no sense at all. Thank you for your post... I do hope things are better for you now.