upstarter Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Okay, I'm probably posting too much, but I feel like I've finally found my people and I have a million things I want to talk to all of you about. I was just reading someone's story in the testimony forum and it made me think. Every denomination has some crazy thing (or many crazy things) that they teach as the truth. So, what is the craziest thing that you were taught to believe? A few years ago my mother was upset because her friend had a plastic owl on her roof to scare away pidgeons. My mother said her minister had preached that "creatures of the night" were used by Satan and that no one should have images of them. No owls, bats, racoons? I don't really know what the list was. I tried to ask my mother how something that was supposedly created by God could be a symbol of Satan. Of course she didn't have an answer, it was just what she had been told. That ranks right up there with the craziest thing I've heard a minister preach. Share your crazy thing!
R. S. Martin Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Another Canadian. Welcome, upstarter. As for crazy things I was taught to believe...where would I stop or start? Wasn't it all crazy?
garrisonjj Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Okay, I'm probably posting too much, but I feel like I've finally found my people and Being taught that you are a sinner. Evaluating the sins as either mortal or venial. Then running off to tell a priest in a box your sins, receiving forgiveness and then going out and comitting the same fuckin sins again and, whats worse, doing this practice for over 40 years! Talk about mind control!
Purple Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Craziest?? I'm not sure there is so much LOL If not THE craziet it's at least in the top ten. That by being submissive to your husbnad, and silent in church women were being respected and were equal to men. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure we were.
Deva Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Hands down the craziest thing was the rapture. Suddenly millions of people (all the Christians) were going to disappear in the blink of an eye. I did believe it, being a child. I was convinced my parents were going to disappear and I would be left behind because, after all, how did you ever really know if you were saved?
lemon Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 God would make horrible things happen to you if you walk away from him. There was a guy at my first church who left, ended up in a horrible accident and is will be in a wheel chair for the remainder of his life. I actually believed the nonsense that god "got him" for leaving. The confusing part was the church was filled with hypocrites who experienced no problems at all. So the moral of the story is, you can do whatever you like as long as you continue to go to church, LOL.
Deva Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 God would make horrible things happen to you if you walk away from him. Yes, I was taught this also. Things would always go well for you as long as you believed. This idea made it terribly confusing when the pastor of our church was killed in an auto accident when I was about 12 years old. He hadn't "walked away" from God, yet he was suddenly dead. It was the first funeral I ever went to. Everyone tried to be all cheerful that he was in heaven. It was just macabre. Maybe that was when I really began to doubt the whole setup.
par4dcourse Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 There's some obscure scripture about "the church of god" being holy or some such, in a generic sense. My bunch named their denomination "the church of god" (2000 years later) and told us "see, even the bible says we're right!" Talk about cart before the horse!
Naughtyhamster Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I had to "be happy for Jeebus" no matter what. Emotions such as sadness and anger are seen as sins in my xtian family circle. As a kid I wasn't allowed to even sound pissed off or cranky(even for a good reason as my sperm donor hitting me) as my grandmother would scold me and make me say whatever I said in a cranky or mad tone of voice in a cheerful or neutral voice. No wonder high blood pressure, depression, and other stress related illnesses run in my family as we bottle everything up inside to get Gawd's approval. I was also told that if I felt or expressed anger bad things could happen to whoever I was angry at, or Gawd could make bad things happen to those I love if I got angry. No wonder I came down with depression and borderline anorexia as a teenager as I wasn't allowed to express any negative emotion. Right now as I'm living with my grandmother my blood pressure is at it's highest it's ever been, though as an adult I can call up a friend and rant and bitch about stuff. A few days ago I was in pain from the flu and crying and she told me not to worry "let go and let gawd" as I told her I'm concerned about missing an exam as I cannot risk getting a bad grade as I'm transferring next year to a university.
Thackerie Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 The craziest thing? You mean other than that a holy spook impregnated a virgin who gave birth to a kid who grew up to become a flying zombie and somehow that absolves believers from guilt for an ancient rib-woman taking the advice of a talking snake and eating a magic fruit? OK, here's one - that when we go to heaven we won't feel sad for our loved ones being tortured in hell because god will wipe them from our memories. Lobotomies for Jesus, yay!
upstarter Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 The craziest thing? You mean other than that a holy spook impregnated a virgin who gave birth to a kid who grew up to become a flying zombie and somehow that absolves believers from guilt for an ancient rib-woman taking the advice of a talking snake and eating a magic fruit? OMG! That is the most succinct and hilarious description of xtianity I have ever read! Is that original? Can I quote you?
Thackerie Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 The craziest thing? You mean other than that a holy spook impregnated a virgin who gave birth to a kid who grew up to become a flying zombie and somehow that absolves believers from guilt for an ancient rib-woman taking the advice of a talking snake and eating a magic fruit? OMG! That is the most succinct and hilarious description of xtianity I have ever read! Is that original? Can I quote you? Be my guest; blasphemy is meant to be shared. (It's original in that it's my own edited version cut way down from a longer description I've seen on various websites where heathens congregate. I am an editor IRL)
Skiergirl24 Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Loads of nutty things! That the Pope was infallible. Riiighhhhht. That sex before marriage was a sin. That Noah filled an ark with all of the animals on the earth. Hmmm...what did he do with all that shit? Animals shit a lot. The shit alone would have sunken the boat! Plus, wouldn't the dinosaurs eat the lambs?! haaaaaaaa
Thurisaz Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Plus, what would the woodpeckers have done to the ship in an entire year?
Naughtyhamster Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 That Noah filled an ark with all of the animals on the earth. Hmmm...what did he do with all that shit? Animals shit a lot. The shit alone would have sunken the boat! Plus, wouldn't the dinosaurs eat the lambs?! haaaaaaaa I always wondered after seeing Jurassic Park as a teenager how did Noah and his crew (humans and animals) deal with the veloceraptors and other carnivorous dinosaurs. I guessed then that they probably had to settle for gruel or something other than a nice juicy elephant or human. Unless the animals had to eat their own shit to survive just like people who have survived shipwrecks or other disasters.
SWIM Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 That god somehow, had to *die* for my sins as a human. And that he "takes away the sins of the world" yet sinning abounds. Also, something I found down right goulish was "You have to drink his blood and eat his body", in a ritual that looked straight out of wicca... I guess I was lucky that my early years were with RCC, since their bullshit was far more easily saw through then other sects....
evergreen Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 The rapture. I was terrified of waking up some morning, to find that my parents and brother would be gone to Glory Land. That masturbation was a sin. Would they rather I touched myself, or slept around to get off? That nonChristians would burn in Hell forever, and that Satan was running around trying to steal your soul. That drinking alcohol or smoking or swearing or dancing would send you to hell... Really though, nearly everything about that religion is crazy fucked up.
Toxic Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Noah's Ark's already been mentioned; also the Tower of Babel, rivers turning to blood, sticks turning into snakes, people being blinded by rays of light, Angels appearing to Shepherds, kings following stars, that I have to indulge in some bastardised pagan cannibalistic ritual, people flying around in fiery chariots, people deserve to die from a slow lingering illness just because of thier sexual orientation, etc etc...
texmex2003 Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Loads of nutty things! That the Pope was infallible. Riiighhhhht. That sex before marriage was a sin. That Noah filled an ark with all of the animals on the earth. Hmmm...what did he do with all that shit? Animals shit a lot. The shit alone would have sunken the boat! Plus, wouldn't the dinosaurs eat the lambs?! haaaaaaaa As I was coming out of the cult, this little bible study of mine really helped my loss of faith along. We were taught in all seriousness, that all creatures prior to the flood were omnivours. The T-rexs serrated teeth were to, get this, strip the leaves off the trees so they could have a vegetarian diet. I wonder how they will explain away the fossilized bones found in the fossilized dung of the t-rex. Oh yeah, can't forget "LEFT BEHIND"
texmex2003 Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Oh yeah, some Old Testament reference were if the dead touched the bones of Elisha(if I am correct) miracuously came back to life. Sure didn't help Elisha.
Guest Muna Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I think the thing that drove me nuts the most was the Christian attitude toward sex. Sex is only ok in a monogamous, man-woman marriage. Even within that marriage, some things are considered wrong, like oral and anal sex. But if you’re not married, don’t even think about sex, because if you think about sex, it’s lust and it’s bad. Heaven help you if you masturbate! I used to actually take my cross necklace off before masturbating because I felt guilty. To this day, my mom tells people I slept around as a teen because I had sex at 18 to the man I later married. I still deal with issues of body shame and self-esteem because I was taught that sex is dirty and wrong.
PoeticLicence Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 Ok... here's a stupid: I learned this at The Christian Broadcasting Network when i worked there 25 years ago although it came from a guest speaker and is doubtful that good ole Pat would teach this. But then again... who knows? Anyway... here goes: When a man and a woman get married, they have sex for the first time. She bleeds. Blood gets all over Mr. Winkie. He's symbolically purified and in this act have mirrored Christ's sacrifice. Here's the breakdown: It's symbolic of how when we give ourselves wholly to Christ and accept his blood sacrifice, we are cleansed. In the same way, the wife gives (submits) herself wholly to her husband in the act of sex (who is symbolically her "head") and in so doing, there is shed blood and therefore, cleansing ... supposing of course, that she was a virgin. This makes Mr. Winkie holy... i guess. Or not. Dunno what happens if she wasn't a virgin and I certainly don't know how Mr. Winkie STAYS clean in the wake of all the wild monkey sex that follows newlyweds ... especially since follow up sex doesn't typically involve virginal bleeding. And for whatever reason, HIS virginity doesn't enter in (no pun intended). This one tops my list of stupid garbage.
Amethyst Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 That magic exists and is evil, even if it is in movies like Harry Potter and video games. The way I figure it, Christians just can't stand people reading fantasy and science fiction novels because those types of books encourage actual thinking.
Mongo Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 ...reading fantasy and science fiction novels because those types of books encourage actual thinking. I never thought of it that way but I was never a fiction fan. Certainly I can't think of a dumb person who likes science fiction. Mongo
Kalidasa Posted October 23, 2007 Posted October 23, 2007 I was told by a fair few people that I mustn't be so presumptuous as to make plans for my future, because Jebus could come back at any time. Guess they didn't listen too hard to that themselves when they forced us to decide on our future careers and pick subjects for our last 2 years of high school at fifteen...
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