Guest lilj Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I should have waited to post this because I really don't have a lot of time to do this properly. In short, I have slowly but surely left the Christian faith over the past several months. I considered myself Christian for a little over 3 years (20 to 23), and now feel like I can't even trust my own judgment. I can't believe I could lie to myself that well! If I could get myself to believe all of that, and so many other people do as well, how can we trust ourselves at all? Looking back, I became a believer because I was a lonely college girl who wanted to stay with her believing quasi-boyfriend. Even after we broke up, I kept my newfound beliefs. I began to separate people into 2 groups: Christians and non-Christians. It depressed me so much to think like that. I tried to find ways around it, but the whole "be not unequally yoked to non-believers" thing always stuck out. I also tried to find ways around the disgustingly sexist portions of the bible. I cannot tell you how much I hate (both then and now) the "man is the head of the household" mentality that is rampant in most religions and even outside of religion. I can't believe I limited myself so much! There is a large group of people (family included) who still think I'm Christian...and I don't know how to change this without making people wonder what's going on with me. I should properly introduce myself later. I really think I need some support from like-minded people, which I don't find too many of here in Texas.
GraphicsGuy Posted October 22, 2007 Posted October 22, 2007 I think we've all gone through the "don't know what to trust" stage. Whether it be yourself or other things you can't trust I believe the feelings associated with that are the same. Welcome to the forum. It's a great place to work out what you are feeling, what's real and what isn't.
Guest lilj Posted October 26, 2007 Posted October 26, 2007 Thanks for your reply! It's comforting to know that I am not the only person who's reached these conclusions. This topic often seems like my dirty little secret, i.e. few around me would ever guess that I'm not a good little Christian girl. It doesn't help that so many people going into allied health careers (as I am) are good little Christians! They can't imagine "apostates" like me actually wanting to help others... Unfortunately, grad school might make it difficult for me to post routinely. I'll certainly try, though, to read what others have to say around here.
R. S. Martin Posted October 28, 2007 Posted October 28, 2007 There's times when all you can do is trust that some deep part of you knew what was right even if it doesn't add up logically. I was at that place for a long time. Going back was out of the question. My new identity was extremely uncomfortable in light of what I had been taught. I had to block a lot of stuff out of my mind and simply focus on my studies, on getting from my place of residence to my school. It was about ten miles and I had no car. That was a challenge to occupy some thought in and of itself.
Mythra Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 You think you don't trust your judgment anymore? I voted for George W. Bush - TWICE. Welcome to Ex-C, lilj.
R. S. Martin Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 You think you don't trust your judgment anymore? I voted for George W. Bush - TWICE. I know an honest man when I see one. Honorable mention: Mythra the Honest.
Dirac Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 You think you don't trust your judgment anymore? I voted for George W. Bush - TWICE. Welcome to Ex-C, lilj. Some things should be left unconfessed, you terrible man ;D
Dirac Posted October 29, 2007 Posted October 29, 2007 I can't believe I could lie to myself that well! If I could get myself to believe all of that, and so many other people do as well, how can we trust ourselves at all? Looking back, I became a believer because I was a lonely college girl who wanted to stay with her believing quasi-boyfriend. Even after we broke up, I kept my newfound beliefs. I began to separate people into 2 groups: Christians and non-Christians. It depressed me so much to think like that. I tried to find ways around it, but the whole "be not unequally yoked to non-believers" thing always stuck out. Join the club! Welcome aboard! My only advice is to read some philosophy. A good start is Bertrand Russell's History of Western Philosophy. Snippets from that book have kept me sane through dark times. Your question about trusting yourself, being honest with yourself, is a brilliant one. The only way I know is to READ LOTS and SUBJECT MY VIEWS TO CRITICISM and HAVE THE HUMILITY TO ADJUST THEM ACCORDINGLY IF NECESSARY. If I can be honest with you lilj, the fact that you are here, not still going along to church, is a GOOD SIGN!!! You should be proud that you've had the courage to leave, and try not to be hard on yourself. Christianity sucks you in, and there's always the faithful to keep prodding back onto the straight and narrow while you are at church. The fact that you were still able to see through all the bullshit and arrive where you're at is, admittedly, only the starting point of recovery, but you can be proud of yourself for getting there!!! You got out much quicker than I could mange
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