R. S. Martin Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Thou shalt have no other Gods before me. I don't. I have no god. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Ruby, I love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 woohoo! Right on, Ruby! You are kickin butt on that first commandment. I'm doing okay on that one, too! Just for the hell of it, I thought I'd bettter check my status on the rest of em: 1. I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. NO PROBLEMO! AFOREMENTIONED AFFIRMATIVE CONFORMANCE! 2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: SUWEEET! I HAVEN'T MADE A GRAVEN IMAGE AND WORSHIPPED IT IN WEEKS! 3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. GODDAMMIT! A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE. 4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. OH, I DON'T THINK SO. THAT'S SATURDAY. ENOUGH SAID. 5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. HEY - ANOTHER ONE I'M DOING OKAY ON. 6. Thou shalt not kill. NO SWEAT. I CAN'T EVEN SHOOT A JACKRABBIT. 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. ANOTHER SUCCESS. I ALWAYS GET DIVORCED FIRST. 8. Thou shalt not steal. WELL, IF YOU DON'T COUNT THE PENS I TAKE HOME FROM WORK.... 9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. NO SWEAT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NEIGHBOR'S NAME. WHY WOULD I TELL LIES ABOUT THE DUDE? 10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's. WELL, I DO HAVE TO ADMIT THAT MY NEIGHBOR HAS A NICE ASS (and I'm not even gay). HEY! 6 out of 10! That's gotta at least get me to purgatory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Thou shalt have no other Gods before me. Crap. I alphabetize my gods. mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Ah, man - MWC. The only god that doesn't come before Yahweh is Zeus. You're screwed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Ah, man - MWC. The only god that doesn't come before Yahweh is Zeus. You're screwed. That's what I'm saying... Maybe I can re-order by hair color or height (I'm definitely not going by IQ...that would put me in a real pickle). mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 You need to re-sort by which god is the meanest and most vindictive. Yahweh's at least gotta be in the top 10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 woohoo! Right on, Ruby! You are kickin butt on that first commandment. I'm doing okay on that one, too! Just for the hell of it, I thought I'd bettter check my status on the rest of em: 1. I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. NO PROBLEMO! AFOREMENTIONED AFFIRMATIVE CONFORMANCE! 2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: SUWEEET! I HAVEN'T MADE A GRAVEN IMAGE AND WORSHIPPED IT IN WEEKS! 3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. GODDAMMIT! A LITTLE PROBLEM WITH THIS ONE. 4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. OH, I DON'T THINK SO. THAT'S SATURDAY. ENOUGH SAID. 5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. HEY - ANOTHER ONE I'M DOING OKAY ON. 6. Thou shalt not kill. NO SWEAT. I CAN'T EVEN SHOOT A JACKRABBIT. 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery. ANOTHER SUCCESS. I ALWAYS GET DIVORCED FIRST. 8. Thou shalt not steal. WELL, IF YOU DON'T COUNT THE PENS I TAKE HOME FROM WORK.... 9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. NO SWEAT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NEIGHBOR'S NAME. WHY WOULD I TELL LIES ABOUT THE DUDE? 10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's. WELL, I DO HAVE TO ADMIT THAT MY NEIGHBOR HAS A NICE ASS (and I'm not even gay). HEY! 6 out of 10! That's gotta at least get me to purgatory. Let me help you, Mythra. I think we can jack your grade up just a little bit. I'm looking at No. 3. You say you don't have a god. So how can you "take the name of the LORD thy God in vain"? (emphasis added). Obviously, he's not YOUR god. So it's not YOUR god whose name you are taking in vain. So that raises your score to 7 out of ten. Not bad--not bad at all! But your neighbour's ass. Your neighbour's ass. You're really hung up on your neighbour's ass. I'm sure they were talking about a four-legged beast of burden. Does your neighbour have that kind of ass? Anyway, liking is not the same as coveting. You can have the liking so long as you don't covet--covet means you really very much want to own it. Is that what you want to do? Because that could be a problem.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Ah, man - MWC. The only god that doesn't come before Yahweh is Zeus. You're screwed. That's what I'm saying... Maybe I can re-order by hair color or height (I'm definitely not going by IQ...that would put me in a real pickle). mwc No you're not screwed. Who said the alphabet has to be said frontwards and not backwards? Z, Y, X, W, V,U, T, S, R, Q, P, O, N, M, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A. Now you can put Zion first and Yahweh right after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Let me help you, Mythra. I think we can jack your grade up just a little bit. I'm looking at No. 3. You say you don't have a god. So how can you "take the name of the LORD thy God in vain"? (emphasis added). Obviously, he's not YOUR god. So it's not YOUR god whose name you are taking in vain. So that raises your score to 7 out of ten. Not bad--not bad at all! Oh Ruby - you are too cool. I could NEVER have reasoned it out like that. SEVEN freakin commandments! But your neighbour's ass. Your neighbour's ass. You're really hung up on your neighbour's ass. I'm sure they were talking about a four-legged beast of burden. Does your neighbour have that kind of ass? Anyway, liking is not the same as coveting. You can have the liking so long as you don't covet--covet means you really very much want to own it. Is that what you want to do? Because that could be a problem.... OH SHIT! You mean - like a donkey? Hell - my neighbor doesn't even have a donkey. I'll be goddamned. I'M UP TO EIGHT! Anyone know where to find the Sainthood applications? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Anyone know where to find the Sainthood applications? Check this out, Mythra. I think it's exactly what you're looking for. Tongue in cheek: Proceed at your own risk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwc Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Now you can put Zion first and Yahweh right after. Yeah...maybe reverse-alphabetical would work. But then does YHWH, jesus and HS count as three or one? This is just way too complicated. Maybe I'll just go without any gods like you? (but they look so cute all lined up waiting for their offerings...I try to resist but I offer to them anyway and, wouldn't you know it, more appear). mwc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 You know, there are a pretty good batch of gods to choose from. Here is the short list. A Abhijit Abhijnaraja Adapa Adibuddha Aditi Aditya Adlivun Adonis Agathos Daimon Agni Ahriman Ahura Ahura Mazdah Aksobhya Armati Ameretat Amesha Spentas Amida Amitabha Ammut Amoghapasa Amoghasiddhi Amor Amphion Amphitrite Amum Amun Amunet An Anat Angekkok Angra Mainya Aningan Ansar Anu Anubis Aphrodite Apis Apollo Ares Artemis Aryaman Asclepius Aserah Asha Vahishta Ashur Asiaq Asklepios Aspalis Asratum Astamatara Astaroth Astarte Astoreth Athena Athirat Atlas Attis Aton Atum Avalokitesvara B Baal Bacchus Balarama Bali Bastet Bel Baus Bhaga Bhima Bodhisattva Brahma Brahman Brujo Buddhi C Caelestis Camunda Ceres Chaos Chaya Children of the Sun Consus Corn Mother Coyote Cronus (or Kronos) Cupid Curanderos Cyclopes D Daeva Daksa Damgalnuna Damkina Danu Daphne Day and night Daya Decima Demeter Devaki Devasena Devi Dhanistha Dhara Dharani Dharma Dharmapala Dharmapratisamvit Dharmavasita Dhrtarastra Dhruva Dhumavati Dhyanibuddha Dhyanibuddhashakti Diablero Diana Diksa Dionysus Disa Disciplina Discordia Diti Doris Durga Dyaus Pitar E Ea Eileithyia Edusa Egeria Eirene Ekajata El Emes Enmesarra Enbilulu Endursaga Enki Enkimdu Enlil Epimetheus Erinys Erebos Ereskigal Eris Eros Erra Eskimo Esmun F Faunus Fides Flora Freeing of the Spirit, The G Gaea (or Gaia) Ganesa Ganga Gayomart, The myth of Geb Ghost Dance, The Guaymi cosmology Gula H Hansa Hanuman Hara Harakhte Hardual Hare Hari Hari-hara Hariti Harmakhis Haroeris Harpokrates Harsiese Harsomtus Hasta Hathor Haurvatat Hayagriva Hebe Hecate Heh Hehet Hekate Heliopolitan Theological System Helios Hephaestus Hera Hercules (or Heracles) Hermes Hermopolitan Theological System Hesat Hestia Himavan Horus Horus Behdety Hours Hu Huacas Hyacinthus Hygieia Hyperion Hypmenaios Hypnos Hypsistos I Il Inanna Inca Divine Origins Indian deluge myths Indra Infinity Inuit Shaman, The Irdlirvirisissong Isa Isara Ishtar Isimud Iskur Isis J Janus Jason Jesus Juno Jupiter K Kalanemi Kali Kali Ma Karttikeya Karttiki Kasyapa Kaumari Kek Keket Khsathra Vairya Ki Kisar Klotho Kore Kotar Krishna Kybele L Laksmi Land of Day Legend of the Peyote Leto Leukothea Liber Pater Locana M Maat Madhukara Mafdet Magna Dea Mahes Mahabala Mahacinatara Mahadeva Maha-Ganapati Maha-Nile-Sarasvati Mahavidyas Mamaki Manco Capac Mandulis Manabozho Manibozho Manu Marduk Marici Mars Mata Matara Matarisvan Medicine of Telisforo Mehen Mehet-Weret Melqart Mellonia Mena Mercury Meretseger Messor Meter Metis Midewiwin Milkastart Min Minerva Mithra Mithras Mitra Molech Montu Moon-god, The Mors Morta Mot Mother of the Caribous Mother of the Walruses Mut N Nabu Naksatras Namasangiti Nammu Namtar Nanna Nanse Napaeae Narkissos Nara Narasinha Narasinhi Narayana Nartsuk Naunet Navadurgas Navashaktis Neith Nephthys Neptunus Nereides Nereus Nergal Nike Ningal Ningikuga Ninhursaga Ninkurra Ninlil Ninmah Ninsikil Ninsubur Ninsun(a) Nintu Ninurta Nona Nun Nut Nyx O Ohrrmazd Okeanides Okeanos Old Woman under the sea Olympus Osiris P Padmapani Palaemon Pales Pan Pandara Paramasva Paris Pariskaravasita Parvati Perse Persephone Phanes Phorkys Phosphoros Peyote religion Phul Mata Pinga Pitari Piyusaharana Plutos Polydeukes Pontos Poseidon Posis Das Prabhasa Pracanda Prajapa Pranidhanaparamita Pranidhanavasita Prasuti Pratisamvit Prometheus Prthivi Prthu Psyche Ptah Pusan Q Quanah Parker R Rashnu Ratnaparamita Ratnasambhava Ratnolka Ratnosnisa Raven Re Rhea Rohini Rsabha Rudra Rudracantra Rudracarcika Rudrani S akyamuni Sani Sanjna Santana Saptamatara Sarasvati Sati Saturn Say Sedna Sefkhet-Abwy Selene Sepset Seshat Seth Sezmu Shakti Shiva Sia Sibu Siddhi Sila Silvanus Skanda Soma Spenta Mainyu Spider Sraosh Styx Su Sukias Sun Dance, The Surya Surya T Tanit Tasmetu(m) Tefnut Tent earth, The Tethys Thanatos Thea Theseus Thetis Thoth Thraetona, The myth of Tiahuanaco Time and the Zurvan myth Tobacco Tornarsuk Torngarsoak Totem Trickster Tulungusaq (Crow) Tungrangayak Tyche Tvastar U Ugar Uma Underworld, The Uranus (or Ouranus) Uras Usnisa Utu V Vac Vairocana Vajradaka Vajradhatvisvari Valli Varuna Vasita Vasudeva Vasus Vasyu Vata Vaya Venus Vesta Victoria Vishnu Visvakarman Vohu Manah Vrtra Vulcan W Wadj Wer Wakan Tanka X No entry Y Yahweh Yama Yazatas Z Zagreus Zarpanitu(m) Zeus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
South2003 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 What about the other 10 commadments? I especially love #10: Exodus 34: 10: 10. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk. Lovely! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
South2003 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 First Tables of Stone (Exodus 20)("which Moses didst break") and the Second Tables of Stone (Exodus 34) ("the words that were on the first") Note: God re-wrote but forgot what was on the first Tables of Stone which Moses didst break. 1. I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me. 1. Thou shalt worship no other god (For the Lord is a jealous god). 2. You shall not make for yourself a graven image. You shall not bow down to them or serve them. 2. Thou shalt make thee no molten gods. 3. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. 3. The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep in the month when the ear is on the corn. 4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. 4. All the first-born are mine. 5. Honor your father and your mother. 5. Six days shalt thou work, but on the seventh thou shalt rest. 6. You shall not kill. 6. Thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, even of the first fruits of the wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year's end. 7. You shall not commit adultery. 7. Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leavened bread. 8. You shall not steal. 8. The fat of my feast shall not remain all night until the morning. 9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. 9. The first of the first fruits of thy ground thou shalt bring unto the house of the Lord thy God. 10. You shall not covet. 10. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
South2003 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 The Sainthood Application http://www.themiracleofstjoseph.org/rev8143.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 Things have been happening here since I looked in last. I thought I had it all figured out nice and simple. Now you've all gone and complicated it with looonnnggggggg "short lists" of gods. Mwc wants to keep at least a few gods because they're so cute so he can offer things to them. (Maybe you can find a Nativity Set in a Salvation Army store when it gets closer to Christmas.) And South2003 has questions about seething children in their mom's breast milk--I thought folks got seething mad or seethed with rage; I don't understand seething with milk. It's all terribly complicated if you ask me. Or maybe South is talking about baby goats and some cooking method like I read a long time ago. Such as using the milk of the mother goat to cook the meat of the baby goat. I can see that this might seem rather crude from a goat's perspective. From a cook's perspective it seems like a really tricky thing to cook meat in milk without burning it. Water or fat would be so much simpler. You see, I had a really complex post all written out about how I am so in tune with God and then I deleted it. I'll pull some of it together again. Paul Tillich, a theologian writing in the middle of the 20th century wrote about God as the Ground of All Being. He is famous for his book The Courage to Be, in which he addresses the horror of non-being. Abraham H. Maslow, also writing in the middle of the 20th century, wrote about the self-actualized person in the Psychology of Being. When I stopped trying to be what the church and Bible told me to be, I found myself being what Jesus and Paul described in the NT, and it fitted Maslow and Tillich's descriptions, too. Then there are Christians and others who hold that God is all and all is God. I conclude that having peace with oneself and with humanity and the world is the way God (if god exists) wants us to be, and that this is honouring god as only humans can honour god. Thus, this IS keeping the First Commandment. If I am any judge of human nature, and I think I am pretty good (sometimes I err by giving people too much credit), then I would say the carefree abandon with which people responded to this thread proves that they have peace with themselves and god the the world. ALL OF YOU ARE KEEPING THE FIRST COMMANDMENT. Thus speaks RubySera. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
South2003 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Ruby, Since the topic was about the first commandment, I was inclined to throw in both sets of commandments (See above). Fundies love to throw the first set of commandments in our heathen faces, but to mention the other set...........What other set of commandments! and they'll give you a blank stare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 I know. Maybe someone will read this thread and look it up. Is that wishing for the moon??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk. WHAT? No cheeseburgers? So much for god being all-knowing. Only a complete dumb-ass god would come up with a no cheeseburger rule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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