Breaking Up Because He's An Xtian And I'm Not Anymore

[PandaPirate]

As many of you know, my bf went to a Christian recovery (drug addiction) program. He just got home yesterday. He's acting cold and distant because the counselors over there told him that I had to get involved in a Christian based program in order for us to be together. He's trying to say that his program is better than mine (AA). That without Christ...yadda yadda fucking YADDA.

 

ARRRGHHHH. I am so pissed. The man I once knew and loved (albeit a shell of a man...I loved what he was inside, not the mistakes and behavior of an addict.) is GONE. The dictatorship has taken over. His mind is set. There's no hope for us.

 

I am leaving Friday to go live in Colorado. I have to get as far away from this man as I possibly can. I can't possibly tell him what has happened to me while he was gone. It will end up in a three hour long lecture on the Bible and frankly it wouldn't change my mind anyway.

 

I am sad and I am angry. I know I'll get over him in time. Oh, and did I mention that now he's celibate? That's great. Fucking great.

 

I hate this. I know I have to move on but it still HURTS like hell. I have more resentment toward Christianity than ever.

 

Please help. I need support from people who've been there.

[SWIM]

As many of you know, my bf went to a Christian recovery (drug addiction) program. He just got home yesterday. He's acting cold and distant because the counselors over there told him that I had to get involved in a Christian based program in order for us to be together. He's trying to say that his program is better than mine (AA). That without Christ...yadda yadda fucking YADDA.

 

ARRRGHHHH. I am so pissed. The man I once knew and loved (albeit a shell of a man...I loved what he was inside, not the mistakes and behavior of an addict.) is GONE. The dictatorship has taken over. His mind is set. There's no hope for us.

 

I am leaving Friday to go live in Colorado. I have to get as far away from this man as I possibly can. I can't possibly tell him what has happened to me while he was gone. It will end up in a three hour long lecture on the Bible and frankly it wouldn't change my mind anyway.

 

I am sad and I am angry. I know I'll get over him in time. Oh, and did I mention that now he's celibate? That's great. Fucking great.

 

I hate this. I know I have to move on but it still HURTS like hell. I have more resentment toward Christianity than ever.

 

Please help. I need support from people who've been there.

 

Well, I am kinda there right now. My wife does not sleep in our bedroom, she has been using our guest room for quite a while. Today, she is going to "bible study" for the first time in 25 years of marrage. (groan)

 

However, she does run "hot and cold" she made up with me the other day, and we had a heart to heart long religious talk. She *claims* to see my side and understands, even slept with me that night. Now today I hear this "going to buybull study" garbage, and makes me think the whole talk was lip service, and that she is only *trying* so she can re-convert me... roflmao good luck with that!

 

That left me feeling hollow, like I was lied too. I can't help but think my marrage is approaching it's end, in fact, money, health insurance, things like that, are the ONLY reason she has not left yet.

 

So don't feel too alone, it's not that rare a thing.

 

Next birdie I go after will be an ex-c like me. (wink wink, flirt flirt). LOL

 

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

[RIPw4]

I am also in recovery.. The narcotics fellowship All I can tell you is that relationships are difficult no matter which way you cut them.

 

Good luck and remember that there are millions and millions of fish in the sea.. bait up your hook and catch one!

[PandaPirate]

As many of you know, my bf went to a Christian recovery (drug addiction) program. He just got home yesterday. He's acting cold and distant because the counselors over there told him that I had to get involved in a Christian based program in order for us to be together. He's trying to say that his program is better than mine (AA). That without Christ...yadda yadda fucking YADDA.

 

ARRRGHHHH. I am so pissed. The man I once knew and loved (albeit a shell of a man...I loved what he was inside, not the mistakes and behavior of an addict.) is GONE. The dictatorship has taken over. His mind is set. There's no hope for us.

 

I am leaving Friday to go live in Colorado. I have to get as far away from this man as I possibly can. I can't possibly tell him what has happened to me while he was gone. It will end up in a three hour long lecture on the Bible and frankly it wouldn't change my mind anyway.

 

I am sad and I am angry. I know I'll get over him in time. Oh, and did I mention that now he's celibate? That's great. Fucking great.

 

I hate this. I know I have to move on but it still HURTS like hell. I have more resentment toward Christianity than ever.

 

Please help. I need support from people who've been there.

 

Well, I am kinda there right now. My wife does not sleep in our bedroom, she has been using our guest room for quite a while. Today, she is going to "bible study" for the first time in 25 years of marrage. (groan)

 

However, she does run "hot and cold" she made up with me the other day, and we had a heart to heart long religious talk. She *claims* to see my side and understands, even slept with me that night. Now today I hear this "going to buybull study" garbage, and makes me think the whole talk was lip service, and that she is only *trying* so she can re-convert me... roflmao good luck with that!

 

That left me feeling hollow, like I was lied too. I can't help but think my marrage is approaching it's end, in fact, money, health insurance, things like that, are the ONLY reason she has not left yet.

 

So don't feel too alone, it's not that rare a thing.

 

Next birdie I go after will be an ex-c like me. (wink wink, flirt flirt). LOL

 

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

 

Wow, that must be hard. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Last week before he came home he said he was being told not to have anything to do with me. I began to think he wouldn't even talk to me when he got home. But I called last night and he said hello, he was tired and we'd talk later. So this morning he was all chipper and his usual talkative self. (dominating the conversation as usual with his opinion and why I should think the same way) After two minutes I realized, I CAN"T STAND THIS MAN. I thought we didn't get along because of all the drugs. I realize we don't get along because he's controlling. At first I wanted to have a heart to heart with him and now I realize that's not gonna happen. I'm meeting him tomorrow at one and I'm going to tell him that I am not in a place to discuss "us" or my program of recovery. That I forgive him but that I need my space and time to figure out who I am. He may come to his senses about xtianity. He's questioned before and been open to other ideas, but now he's REALLY had a dose of it and he is WACKO. Maybe he'll snap out of it. Maybe he won't. I'm not going to place expectations on the future for us. I gotta let this one ride.

[Grandpa Harley]

Irony is, if it was any other cult people would be running deprogramming programs...

[SWIM]

I CAN"T STAND THIS MAN. I thought we didn't get along because of all the drugs. I realize we don't get along because he's controlling.

 

 

Funny, when my wife was really bad into alcohol, we got along fantasic for the most part. Since she stopped, went through AA, then, even though no longer in AA (and she occasionally, but rarely falls off the wagon), she was still easier to deal with "as a drunk".

 

Strange, the soberer she is, and the deeper into xtainity she allows herself to fall, the bigger an asshole she is.

 

Sometimes too, I think people just grow away from each other as well. 25 years is a long time to be with the same person. I know I am a different person today then I was 25 years ago, and she certainly is.

 

You appear a lot closer to the "end" of it then me. I pretty much need to wait for her to end it, if it's her idea I probably won't loose so much of my stuff. When she left her first husband she didn't take ANYTHING from him as a divorce settlement. I get the feeling she won't try to rape me in court if it's her idea. I guess that's why I put it with it.

 

I just got back from fishing with my brother in law, the damned bilge pump broke and had to cut the trip short. One of the reasons too that I still hang with her, is there are quite a few in-laws I like. Like my brother in law, we get along great, he's even gonna try to get a gator permit with me next spring and help me bag a gator. Even though we might remain friends after the breakup, I dont see us being very close if that happens. I also like her sister. Not in a romantic way, but as a friend she is nice. I would hate to loose all those people along with my wife and half my stuff, so I guess I am sorta stuck... Sucks I know.

 

Never had an affair either, but have been become more open to the idea if the opp presents itself.

 

Isn't xtainity wonderful? Really drives such a major riff into peoples lives like you and me, funny how it is *supposed* to be a good thing, better morals and all, but all you end up with is hurt and empty promises, from both god and your spouse...

[godlessgrrl]

I got missionary dated by a guy who pulled similar bullshit. The relationship wasn't as long, but he gave me the same self-righteous superiority crap, and ditched me when his fundie Xian buddies told him to "get rid of [me] so that the Lord can find you a godly woman."

 

It's one thing for people to grow apart and find that their values have changed. That happens. Sucks, but it happens.

 

It's entirely another thing for someone to go on a fucking power trip and decide that they're better than the person they're with because they have some magical stamp of approval directly from god and you don't.

 

FundieBoy ex was more interested in making me be what he wanted to be, and in making sure I was doctrinally sound, and in making sure that he had the approval of his churchie friends and his deity, than he was with actually loving and caring about me as an individual human being. Legalism trumped love for him, and his ego was more important to him than I was. My only regret is that I didn't realize sooner what a fucking piece of shit asshole he was, and cut him loose myself: he dumped me instead. His excuse? I wasn't Xian enough and never would be.

 

Fucking assholes. I deserved better, and found it. You deserve better too. This guy hasn't done anything but trade one addiction for another. Cutting him out of your life is probably the healthiest and best thing you could do for yourself.

 

I'm sorry, though. I'm sorry people can be such assholes, and use religion as an excuse for that. And I'm sorry he's being a dick to you about it. You really do deserve better. I hope you find it.

[PandaPirate]

The fucked up thing about all of this is that we have a 2 and a half year old daughter. I'm bound to this man for the rest of my life in some form or another. So, I, being the enlightened one, have decided to accept him for who he is, allow him to follow his path until he wakes the fuck up (and I think he will, because he was moving away from xtianity when I met him but his controlling mommy would only pay for him to go to a CHRISTIAN rehab.) I'm not putting expectations on the future. I hope he will snap out of it and I will pray for it. I am still a very spiritual person and I hate to see him this way...with his head up his ass, but he's too smart to buy this bullshit for very long. At least I think he is. I believe it will wear off after awhile. Until them, I'm OUTTA HERE. If he never comes around, that's okay too. I'll live with it. I'll accept it. Because I expect other people to tolerate my beliefs, I choose to tolerate his, even if it has the logical sense of putting a fish on a bicycle.

 

For our daughter's sake, I'm going to choose to be humble and let go of my need to be right or to prove anything to him. I'm at peace with my decision to leave. At least I'm not crying every fifteen minutes anymore.

[junkpoet]

The fucked up thing about all of this is that we have a 2 and a half year old daughter. I'm bound to this man for the rest of my life in some form or another. So, I, being the enlightened one, have decided to accept him for who he is, allow him to follow his path until he wakes the fuck up (and I think he will, because he was moving away from xtianity when I met him but his controlling mommy would only pay for him to go to a CHRISTIAN rehab.) I'm not putting expectations on the future. I hope he will snap out of it and I will pray for it. I am still a very spiritual person and I hate to see him this way...with his head up his ass, but he's too smart to buy this bullshit for very long. At least I think he is. I believe it will wear off after awhile. Until them, I'm OUTTA HERE. If he never comes around, that's okay too. I'll live with it. I'll accept it. Because I expect other people to tolerate my beliefs, I choose to tolerate his, even if it has the logical sense of putting a fish on a bicycle.

 

For our daughter's sake, I'm going to choose to be humble and let go of my need to be right or to prove anything to him. I'm at peace with my decision to leave. At least I'm not crying every fifteen minutes anymore.

with kids involved it is a tuff decision. i know it is hard for me to decide what to do. my wife is a xian, im x, and we cant seem to connect anymore. it isnt dramatic fights really, more just silence and lack of any communication. without the drama, i feel almost silly to be considering leaving, but i am. im just worried about our kids.