Dear Abby

[par4dcourse]

So I ask the wife (common law, 10 years) last night for some advice on how to console my fundie mother over her brother's recent suicide without exposing my dark secret. The xtians consider suicide a sin and I wanted to help calm fears of eternal damnation. He had cancer and had always been a man's man so I think he considered the options and made his choice.

Much to my surprise, my otherwise intelligent spouse gave me a "sit down and shut up" lecture about my beliefs, saying I had been much too vocal in recent months.

She calls herself xtian but hasn't been to a church in ages, and certainly doesn't preach, but tthe tirade caught me by surprise. She' s intelligent, and I thought my comments on stupid stuff fundies had done were an inside joke. Apparently not.

But now it occurs to me. Other than this forum and an few like it, I don't get to speak out at all, and it pisses me that I can't express my opinion in my own home. I'm disabled and don't have to worry about job ramifications, just the local bible-thu mpers.

Is it worth the effort, or should I "sit down and shut up" for the sake of peace.

[Dave]

So I ask the wife (common law, 10 years) last night for some advice on how to console my fundie mother over her brother's recent suicide without exposing my dark secret. The xtians consider suicide a sin and I wanted to help calm fears of eternal damnation. He had cancer and had always been a man's man so I think he considered the options and made his choice.

I would make the same choice.

 

Much to my surprise, my otherwise intelligent spouse gave me a "sit down and shut up" lecture about my beliefs, saying I had been much too vocal in recent months.

She calls herself xtian but hasn't been to a church in ages, and certainly doesn't preach, but tthe tirade caught me by surprise. She' s intelligent, and I thought my comments on stupid stuff fundies had done were an inside joke. Apparently not.

But now it occurs to me. Other than this forum and an few like it, I don't get to speak out at all, and it pisses me that I can't express my opinion in my own home. I'm disabled and don't have to worry about job ramifications, just the local bible-thu mpers.

Is it worth the effort, or should I "sit down and shut up" for the sake of peace.

You don't want my advice. It would probably lead to a divorce. I wouldn't sit down and shut up. I'd stand up and say what is my right to say.

[SWIM]

So I ask the wife (common law, 10 years) last night for some advice on how to console my fundie mother over her brother's recent suicide without exposing my dark secret. The xtians consider suicide a sin and I wanted to help calm fears of eternal damnation. He had cancer and had always been a man's man so I think he considered the options and made his choice.

Much to my surprise, my otherwise intelligent spouse gave me a "sit down and shut up" lecture about my beliefs, saying I had been much too vocal in recent months.

She calls herself xtian but hasn't been to a church in ages, and certainly doesn't preach, but tthe tirade caught me by surprise. She' s intelligent, and I thought my comments on stupid stuff fundies had done were an inside joke. Apparently not.

But now it occurs to me. Other than this forum and an few like it, I don't get to speak out at all, and it pisses me that I can't express my opinion in my own home. I'm disabled and don't have to worry about job ramifications, just the local bible-thu mpers.

Is it worth the effort, or should I "sit down and shut up" for the sake of peace.

 

Sounds like you are living my life lol

[mwc]

But now it occurs to me. Other than this forum and an few like it, I don't get to speak out at all, and it pisses me that I can't express my opinion in my own home. I'm disabled and don't have to worry about job ramifications, just the local bible-thu mpers.

Is it worth the effort, or should I "sit down and shut up" for the sake of peace.

My drunken father-in-laws advice to me, and not his daughter of course, was "just shut the fuck up" (so we no longer speak). I've no helpful advice otherwise I'd give it to myself (and not take it since I obviously don't know what I'm talking about...just look at the mess I'm in ).

 

Welcome to the club my friend...

 

mwc

[R. S. Martin]

I'm glad I'm single.

I'm glad I broke free from my family.

I can't tell another person what to do.

 

The emotional costs are horrendous. You gotta want it more than life itself. The price can go up after you sign the contract, or make the commitment, when you're past the point of no return. You may want to think about it for a year or two and exhaust all other options before making any drastic changes. Then again, you may not want to. Your case may not be as extreme as mine was.

 

Other items to consider. Are you financially secure? Do you have a place to live? Etc.

 

I'm not Abby so I don't really know what questions to ask or what advice to give.

[Japedo]

So I ask the wife (common law, 10 years) last night for some advice on how to console my fundie mother over her brother's recent suicide without exposing my dark secret. The xtians consider suicide a sin and I wanted to help calm fears of eternal damnation. He had cancer and had always been a man's man so I think he considered the options and made his choice.

Much to my surprise, my otherwise intelligent spouse gave me a "sit down and shut up" lecture about my beliefs, saying I had been much too vocal in recent months.

She calls herself xtian but hasn't been to a church in ages, and certainly doesn't preach, but tthe tirade caught me by surprise. She' s intelligent, and I thought my comments on stupid stuff fundies had done were an inside joke. Apparently not.

But now it occurs to me. Other than this forum and an few like it, I don't get to speak out at all, and it pisses me that I can't express my opinion in my own home. I'm disabled and don't have to worry about job ramifications, just the local bible-thu mpers.

Is it worth the effort, or should I "sit down and shut up" for the sake of peace.

 

A few things here.

 

1) Don't let anyone stand in your way to talk to your own mother. You don't have to mention lack of belief in God to ease her feelings of the thought of her brother in Hell. Death is a very harsh and difficult thing to deal with in and of itself. *IF* this were my mother, I would attempt every logical argument I could find to ease her mind. Take it from the standpoint of a compassionate, loving god. The point it to calm the fears not throw more stress and dismay at the thought of her son burning too.

 

 

2) I'd never sit down and shut up, and there would be a hell of a battle if someone told me so. I'd never tell my husband that either. Respect needs to go both ways. I use to go on 'rants' about xtians also, but.. my husband used to take offense as he considers himself a Xtian. While I would love to bash the xtain ideology, I must also becareful not to be disrespectful to him personally. Broad brushing is sometimes easy to do, so I have found a fine line so to say. I have this place to say what I really feel and many friends and people who post here who understand how I feel and where I'm coming from. Maybe some day my husband will come around, but I can no more push that issue then he can push me being a Xtain. Religion is already destructive enough without me adding fuel to the fire. Simple truth is, I love my husband more then I detest the cult. He's also careful not to talk about the godless and unsaved, but we've had our battles in the past but working at something long enough, you can come to a compromise and mutual understanding. Good luck!

[par4dcourse]

If you want to stay under cover about your beliefs, you can talk with your mother but say it this way,....ask her "would god punish someone who was not in their right mind?....Would a christian walking with god who did that be in his right mind?....The cancer had perhaps slipped into his mind to the point he was not thinking strait...." Just my little idea...

 

BO, That's one I hadn't thought of. Could work. Mom has eased considerably on her beliefs as the years wear on. She's taking this remarkably well, at least on the surface.

Well, after more negotiations than the UAW and a night to sleep on it, I think the little woman (ha!) and I have settled as follows: I don't try to convert her, she doessn't try to convert me, and we both leave religion (or lack of it) out of the home.

I can live with that, it's just that I thought we were a little closer philosophy-wise. I guess my subtle hints about "damn idiotic fundie assholes" weren't taken in the light spirit I intended!

Ah well, there's always willing souls in the lion's den.

[Amethyst]

That's a huge thing I hated about Chrisitanity. People are supposedly punished eternally for things that are not their fault. Depression is a mental illness and has very physical causes. Yet people are to be tortured eternally for something like that?

 

I've lost both a cousin and a housemate to suicide. I refuse to follow a religion which says that mentally ill people deserve eternal torture. Haven't they already suffered enough? Apparently the kindness and lovingness of the Christian god does not extend to the mentally ill, just like societal prejudices.

[Dave]

That's a huge thing I hated about Chrisitanity. People are supposedly punished eternally for things that are not their fault. Depression is a mental illness and has very physical causes. Yet people are to be tortured eternally for something like that?

 

I've lost both a cousin and a housemate to suicide. I refuse to follow a religion which says that mentally ill people deserve eternal torture. Haven't they already suffered enough? Apparently the kindness and lovingness of the Christian god does not extend to the mentally ill, just like societal prejudices.

Not all that commit suicide are mentally ill. The case brought up in the original post seems to be one of those that are not. He had cancer, that's all we know. To face a few months of pain and living hell or to leave before that happens? In my thinking only the mentally ill would choose to say.... but that's me. They have the same right to say as to leave.

 

Now, for the chronically depressed.... should they be allowed to leave? I've known a person such as that for a long time. She is never happy. Why stick around if you're never happy? Of course everything should be done to help them see that life IS worth living and get them all the help that is available.

 

A god called "love" wouldn't punish anyone for not wanting to suffer months of cancer only to die painfully in a very undignified way. Not to worry though.... we know gods don't exist.