Guest alice51 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 god is good all the time . . . And all the time god is good You have to die to self god will never command you/him to do that which is wrong, repeated 15 to 20 times in 45 min whenever teaching from the old testiment. translation . . . you know that god is good so whatever he or did or told others to do has to be right, who are you to question good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkenmoon Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 God will never give you more then you can handle Translation: if you are feeling overwhelmed either you are outside God's will or you are an idiot trying to do it on your own instead of relying on God. I'm waiting for God's best for me for a mate and then I will court them or some reasonable facsimile thereof. Translation: I'm too fucking scared to go find a mate and I don't trust my own judgement and self control. So if I just wait for god to plop one in my lap... then all will be good. Of course I won't believe it's god's will for me unless he looks like Brad Pitt or she looks like Angelina Jolie etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Dunno if this one has been posted yet Jesus the Rock that doesn't roll I'm sure there are others,I must have blocked them out though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Broke Free Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Jesus will love you until you can love yourself. You would be amazed at how little comfort this statement brought to me as a depressed adolescent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 God is my Co-Pilot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JP1283 Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Everything happens for a reason! Translation: Something really shitty just happened to you and you can't accept the fact that shitty things happen for no particular reason, such as stubbing your toe really hard, so you think that it must have happened because God is going to use it in his divine plan for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Rhino Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Everything happens for a reason! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> They also use this one at funerals PR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrtruth Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 This is a very obscure one, but it was said/prayed ALL THE TIME in my lutheran churches growing up: "Lord, please grant travelling mercies to blah blah blah...." I HATED that one.....why not just say 'safe travel' and be done with it? They had to make it all churchy and say 'travelling mercies'..... sheesh I'm OK now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeathWorship Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 "I'm the christian Satan warned you about!" translation: there is none, this one is just fucking DUMB "Next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water" translation: you are a worthless piece of insect dung compared to theoretical (sp?) SuperChrist, also bumper sticker retardation "3 nails + 1 cross = 4given" translation: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 God will never give you more then you can handle Translation: if you are feeling overwhelmed either you are outside God's will or you are an idiot trying to do it on your own instead of relying on God. I forgot about that one to. It runs right next to "God is testing you/me/us." Just another way to christianize life's ordinary problems and make christian's feel special and separated when in fact they suffer the same trials and tribs as everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 [Translation: I'm too fucking scared to go find a mate and I don't trust my own judgement and self control. So if I just wait for god to plop one in my lap... then all will be good. Of course I won't believe it's god's will for me unless he looks like Brad Pitt or she looks like Angelina Jolie etc. Oh yeah. The one I got was "Why settle for a hamburger now when you can have a steak if you wait a while?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Dunno if this one has been posted yet Jesus the Rock that doesn't roll I'm sure there are others,I must have blocked them out though. Did you guys ever sing that song "Jesus is the rock that rolls my blues away. Bop duwop, bop duwop." So cheesy. I will go hang my head in shame now for ever participating in that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Jesus will love you until you can love yourself. That one could have come in HANDY if you know what I mean. Pun intended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XCrispyKFC Posted June 30, 2005 Author Share Posted June 30, 2005 Did you guys ever sing that song "Jesus is the rock that rolls my blues away. Bop duwop, bop duwop." So cheesy. I will go hang my head in shame now for ever participating in that. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I vaguely remember that song actually....were there hand motions too? I think there was.... How about this one..I HATED this one...and this one had hand motions: "Oh Pharaoh, pharaoh! Oooh baby, let my people go! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I vaguely remember that song actually....were there hand motions too? I think there was.... How about this one..I HATED this one...and this one had hand motions: "Oh Pharaoh, pharaoh! Oooh baby, let my people go! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Seems familiar, but I'm not quite sure we sang that one. Does this ring a bell: I got down on my knees - Oh Yeah! Said my very first prayer - Amen! Seems familiar, but I'm not quite sure we sang that one. Does this ring a bell: Went up to meet the lord - Uh hu! Said my very first prayer - Amen! I got down on my knees - Oh Yeah! Yah know the holy ghost, he met me there - uh! Uh! UH! We did that one in a wild raucous in a tent city with 3000 Americans down in Mexicali Mexico on a teen mission project. The funny thing is many of the kids had t-shirts with some of the annoying sayings in this thread printed on them. I actually have pretty good memories of that experience though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 I'm waiting for God's best for me for a mate and then I will court themor some reasonable facsimile thereof. I just remembered another one: "She's my rib." As in I've found my Eve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 This thread is bringing back so many flashbacks, some funny, some not so funny: I think I ran with the same crowd as you also Madam. And I agree with your assessment. Some funny, some not so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bdp Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 When I was in bible college guys would brush off a girl with 'I love you with the love of the Lord,' which was supposed to sound spiritual and holy but all it was was 'you're fat' or 'you're ugly.' Also one or more of the places I used to go would talk about getting 'a check in the Spirit' which was supposed to be a warning sign from god about someone/something. It seemed to me to be a way of legitimizing inactivity. bdp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thurisaz Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 You know folks, after reading all those mantras you had to suffer from, I wonder if there are any death cultists who are at least sufficiently honest to hurl around "Ora et labora!"... ??? Are there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted June 30, 2005 Share Posted June 30, 2005 Real men read the Bible or Real men read the manual with a picture of a man and a Bible And we all know, that real men never read the instructions or manuals, and most guys never read the Bible... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bdp Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 "...maybe The Lord is trying to tell you something..." I heard this one when my diabetes developed five years ago, the inference being that I was getting to be too 'out there' and 'god' was trying to get my attention and haul me back in. Oh, and a pet peeve of mine was people who used 'just now' in their vocal prayers: "Just now. Lord, we'd like to ask..." Meaningless. bdp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bdp Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 And when certain Xtians argue against same-sex marriage and think they're so awfully clever when they say 'God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.' bdp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 "...maybe The Lord is trying to tell you something..." I heard this one when my diabetes developed five years ago, the inference being that I was getting to be too 'out there' and 'god' was trying to get my attention and haul me back in. That one would piss me off. So I wonder what Billy Graham's problem is now that god has put water on his brain? Yet more proof that christianity is just an excuse for not thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
necrosmith Posted July 1, 2005 Share Posted July 1, 2005 God said it. I believe it. That settles it. Even though I have a brain, I don't need to think. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I loathe this one. It's like an arrogant little brat putting their fingers in their ears and going lalalalalalalaalla I am not listening to you lalalalalala! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brutal Brian Posted July 2, 2005 Share Posted July 2, 2005 And when certain Xtians argue against same-sex marriage and think they're so awfully clever when they say 'God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.' bdp <{POST_SNAPBACK}> That fucking quote makes fundies sound absolutely fucking pathetic. So does this one, which I don't believe there has been posted yet: If there's No God, You'd better be right. Translation: We, the brainwashed, cannot be convinced to think that you have any valid opinions if you are not one of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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